lovesbooksdoesntread

[lovesbooksdoesntread]

never say with eleven words what you could with ten. do not use nine words where ten words will do. only ever write sentences that are exactly ten words long.

[lovesbooksdoesntread]

you can be both employed & way too online. it’s called “posting on the clock,” and actually, it’s praxis.

[lovesbooksdoesntread]

Ok. What you're gonna want to do is chop up a cucumber and put it in a bowl. Then you're gonna sprinkle a generous portion of salt on top. Then you're gonna drizzle them with a balsamic vinaigrette and gently shake to combine, leaving you with a cool and refreshing summer snack. In 15 seconds dangerous and burly men are going to drag me away to an unknown second location. Remember everything I've taught you. I love you

[lovesbooksdoesntread]

those ads for ai integration on phones are so funny bc it seems like they cant. come up with that many use cases that arent already on a phone? "ask gemini to give you recipes when youre cooking!" "use our AI assistant to find the perfect gift for your girlfriend" yeah or i could just like. google it. you've spent millions on a slightly fancier version of an alexa. good job man.

[lovesbooksdoesntread]

[lovesbooksdoesntread]

So I had to return a book to the library today and I came straight from the horse farm. I went to the front desk because it was an item on loan from another library and I wasn’t sure if it had to be checked in differently. The librarian said no, it could get returned in the normal slot but she could take it and check it in right away.

It was only when I got back to the car that I realized I had walked into the library covered in dirt from head to toe and handed back a book about grave robbing.

[lovesbooksdoesntread]

I know that some British people take umbrage at Americans calling the Great British Bake Off relaxing, but it's just because GBBO is such a different kind of stressful from American baking shows.

American baking shows will be called something like "Cupcake Knife Fight", there's horror movie lighting everywhere and dramatic stings every 5 seconds. All of the contestants are shit talking each other and fist fighting over the one single deep fryer provided by production. It will show the judges all whispering to each other at their super villain table overlooking the whole kitchen, and one will be like, "Oh my god. Everyone look at Brenda right now. She's straight tanking it." And it will cut to Brenda, who is running around covered in flour and crying and also bleeding for some reason. Then you get a clip from an interview with one of the contestants, and they're like, "I really need to win this. Without this award money, I'm gonna need to close my restaurant, sell my dad, and live out of my car. AGAIN." Then the giant digital doomsday clock overhead lets out a horrid klaxon, the judges tell half of them that their cupcakes taste disgusting, and one of them gets eliminated and sent to walk down the dramatically-lit shame hallway never to be seen again.

Meanwhile GBBO is in a lovely, brightly colored tent, there are delightful and friendly hosts/jesters there to keep everyone entertained, and all of the B Roll is of like... a bumblebee going into a flower, or a lamb running in a field. And yes, there will be moments where someone will mess up their timing or something, and they'll be looking at their bake through the oven door like, "oh gosh I don't think this will rise in time!" Then they stand up to find Paul Hollywood directly behind them ominously. His creepy whitewalker eyes will glow white, and he'll say something like "the 12th of June. 2035. Drowning." And his eyes will go back to normal and he'll walk away. Then the baker gives a playful grimace to the camera and says "that didnt sound great, did it?". Cut to a sweet looking older woman sipping tea on a stool and she says "oo I do hope that Prue enjoys the taste of my sugary, sticky baps!". Then, at the end, someone gets a gold star for doing good, and the loser of the episode gets in the middle of a giant group hug. You see all of them at the end of the series at a giant carnival with their families and the post credits informs you that all of the contestants have become a Partridge Family-style traveling band and stayed friends forever.

[lovesbooksdoesntread]

Today a very friendly Golden Retriever came up to me and I said "hey buddy :D" and the owner asked "do you know each other?" like his dog had a social life he didn't know about

[lovesbooksdoesntread]

good news i'm the most fuckable person at this vehicular manslaughter

[lovesbooksdoesntread]

Just a little PSA for all our mental health (and chronic pain*) spoonies out there! A lot of doctors neglect to mention this little side effect, which means a lot of us are suffering extra from the heat without knowing why.

*Many psych meds are used to treat chronic pain as well, if you didn’t know!

[lovesbooksdoesntread]

life is just like you embarrass the shit out of yourself and then you die

[lovesbooksdoesntread]

big fan of stories that, while undoubtedly being about the power of friendship, acknowledge that the power of incredible violence is just as important

the love was there. the love changed everything. the crowbar helped also

[lovesbooksdoesntread]

[lovesbooksdoesntread]

what a beautiful feeling it is to finally get over someone and realize that it was your adoration of them that made them so special. without that, they’re quite basic. just proof that the magic lives in you, not them.

[lovesbooksdoesntread]

i need something beautiful and romantic to happen to me NOW

[lovesbooksdoesntread]

if you make that female character less goth as a sign of her ~healing~ or ~improving her life~ I will kill you

make her MORE gloriously dark and over-the-top. she's growing into herself. she's getting comfortable being who she wants to be. do you see the vision. I am crying and throwing things

[lovesbooksdoesntread]

"this thing is rare and only affects 1% of the population" dude that's 80 million people can you shut up