lovesicknesssucks

[lovesicknesssucks]

Feeling suicidal as hell

In the end no one will ever understand me

[lovesicknesssucks]

I don't feel seen

I don't feel appreciated

I can't feel anything but I'm hurting

[lovesicknesssucks]

I really do wish to be able to talk to my friends

I wish they see me as their close friends too

I wish to be friends with my friends

This is awful

[lovesicknesssucks]

STOP CUTTING

STOP CUTTING

I'M BEGGING

[lovesicknesssucks]

[lovesicknesssucks]

I'm hiding in my room again

I have an adult but I cannot get a job at all for the way I grew up

I want to run away

[lovesicknesssucks]

Ngl

If and my partner never met I would have died

That's why everything feels crazy, surreal

[lovesicknesssucks]

Haahaaaa I always wanted poeple to like me and wanted to be my friend so bad

But of course I look like a bitch or something and they look don't wanna be friends

Or

I talk about what's going on with me and they all disappear, close friends included.. well ex close frienda

I die with people leave but also

No one deserves me

[lovesicknesssucks]

My partner likes cutting

I wish he had attentions and eyes on me instead, I feel so crazy

I want

So much attention and affection, like a terribly amount

I want to be suffocated in it or else I explode

[lovesicknesssucks]

For the guy I talked here before I'm glad I didn't get what I wanted, for the fact he wasn't a good person at all.

But when you grew up knowing nothing but all the darkest stuff I wanted to believe that when something feels good then maybe it's the day I will be saved.

Now that my friend mentioned it, I think I might be delusional with the way I think and perceive stuff but then again .. I never know when I'm delusional cuz you think the way you always thing and you grew up so bad you create crazy ass scenarios ( I haven't noticed til my friend mentioned it to me and I was in shock).

Sometimes I grip on that hope where what I feel can bring me close to heaven and feeling determined to never let go but damn ... I flew too close to the sun and now I'm falling as hard as Lucifer or something.

But moving aside I'm seeing someone and this is the first time I've been in a relationship.

It's a crazy ass feeling and I feel crazy all the time cuz I love my partner so badly, I am not as obsessive I would get to the other past people I would get attached.. I'm being calmed and he's nice and would listen but then even if everything is good there's always that part of me who feels like a beast, I'm jealous, I am afraid and of course with my disorder . .. .

I am terribly anxious

I wish I was "normal" in the way I knew the basics or whatever, communication, being a normal mature person but of course I have to grew up somewhere bad and hello I am extremely so ill, at least I'm trying (trying so hard) to get better for myself and I don't wanna die anymore

[lovesicknesssucks]

Not diagnosed

I don't think I'm much schizoid but not I'm doubting about borderline traits that I def have and might be more avoidant

Self discovery is hard and I feel exhausted even physically to know what is wrong with me

So apparently I'm schizoid

And everything is shit

And it's hard to deal with me because of how I am so that's why all my friend left??????

[lovesicknesssucks]

WAS IT WEIRD TO SEND AN ASK OUTTA NOWHERE??? °□°

No it's ok

[lovesicknesssucks]

Hayoo!~ u okay??? Im always here if u wanna talk...

Hello!! I'm doing way better rn but still struggling with myself.

Ty for asking!

[lovesicknesssucks]

I want to cut so bad I want to cut so bad

I want someone to obsessed over

I need someone to talk to me

[lovesicknesssucks]

So apparently I'm schizoid

And everything is shit

And it's hard to deal with me because of how I am so that's why all my friend left??????

[lovesicknesssucks]

I am so anxious my whole body is dying

[lovesicknesssucks]

Have I talked about I blocked him, cut ties

In the end he was kind of a narcissist, limiting myself to express and compliment