lovingmny - Tumblr blog

[lovingmny]

i’m debating if i should delete my account

the reason is because i’m literally never active

[lovingmny]

FORGOT

🥝 pairing: lee felix x gn!reader

📗 genre: angst, fluff

🧃 synopsis: you’re struggling a lot with basic things as you have fallen into your bad habits again. thankfully your boyfriend is there to save you.

🫑 wc: 0.3K

🍏 warnings: reader has an ED, crying, mentions of ED, swearing, lmk if i missed any!

🍐 a/n: MORE ANGSTTT!!! i personally love these type of fics so i want to write them myself too! if you are triggered by ED please click-off.

The food in front of you sat, waiting to be eaten. Looking at it made you even more sick than not eating it.

“Baby, open your mouth?“ Your boyfriend asked in a gentle voice. Felix was always there for you. He knew all about your bad habits and helped you overcome them. The eating habits just took over you.

“No“ You sternly said. The look of disappointment from your boyfriends face wasn’t enough to make you consume the pasta on the table.

His sigh was loud. Your eating problems slowly creeped in after graduation because of your classmates. That little voice unfortunately got control of you and you started obeying it. You had a very long history of being insecure, all the way from when you were only 12. Eventually, you had developed an eating disorder that you still battle with till this day.

After a long period of waiting, you finally gave in. The pasta was cold, but it felt rewarding. Felix had a warm smile on his face, shining from proudness. His eyes were loving and you could feel how happy he was.

“I’m so proud of you, good job” Felix cheered.

You couldn’t help the smile building on your own face and for once you were happy. But not long after the guilt started to creep in. Your thoughts were filled with questions, wondering why did you eat that, was it even necessary? The smile was wiped off your face as you sobbed in your shared bed, staining the sheets in your tears.

“Hard times?” He asked. Felix stood at the doors entrance, leaning onto it. He gently eyed your figure that was crying in a ball.

You managed to mutter out a small “yeah”, as you felt the bed dip. Suddenly his fingers brushed through your hair, relaxing you instantly. Felix lifted you from the bed, ignoring your complaints while maintaining a bright smile on his face. He waddled to the mirror and started pointing at you while mouthing the word perfect.

He really was the perfect one.

💚 a/n: HELPPP I haven’t written in SO long so this might be trash but I found this halfway done in my drafts so I just finished it 🤗🤗 Anyways hope you enjoyed <33

[lovingmny]

UPDATE FROM GAZA

edit: 22/11/23

The official death toll has now reached 14,128

5,840 of which are children

6,000 people are still missing

which leads to a collective total of over 20,000 gazans lost

still think there shouldn’t be a ceasefire? still think this isn’t genocide? still think this is self defense?

CONTACT YOUR REPRESENTATIVES AND DEMAND A CEASEFIRE

[lovingmny]

Okay seriously. Reblog if you're OLDER than 11.

[lovingmny]

This has been sitting in the drafts for a trillion years 😁👍👍👍✨

[lovingmny]

STOP IT ! - gn!9th member (platonic)

👻 synopsis. one of your fellow members faint at an event, and typical paparazzis have to capture everything.

🐩 genre. angst, fluff, idol au, skz 9th gn member

🦴 warnings. paparazzis, fainting, nausea, crying, cursing, lmk if i missed any!

🎲 wc. 0.6K

💿 a/n. this was voted by you guys! i don’t do much of 9th members but i really enjoy it so i think i’m gonna do more of it!! comment your thoughts below :) hope you enjoy <3

Paparazzis were like the enemy of every celebrity. They wanted to know everything and would go over limits to know.

Lately, they have been getting more aggressive for no reason, and naturally as the oldest, you need to protect your members. Any harm to them was basically harm for you. You were a family, inseparable.

“Okay guys, we’re going out in 20.” one of the staff reminded. You were invited to a fashion event, more specifically a Versace event, as Hyunjin was a global ambassador.

You advanced around the room checking that everything was okay and shortly after that you returned to your own duties. You had to still pick your outfit so you started on that.

The gems of your jewellery could probably blind a whole town. You picked some custom Versace trousers and a random hoodie from the clothing rack.

“Is everyone ready? The car comes in 5 and we’re leaving in a bit. Staff, make sure everyone is ready.” your manager spoke into the megaphone.

The sound of footsteps filled the room as you were now leaving. A car was patiently waiting for us in the parking lot and the doors slightly parted open.

The car ride was about 15 minutes. All you could think about was how nervous you were. You’d be lying if you said that you aren’t nervous. It was nerve racking. Being the oldest was a big responsibility. Even though there was only a 7 month age gap between you and Chan, it was still very important. One thing you were glad about though was that you weren’t gifted the leader position. Chan had the most leadership as he had most experience in being a trainee.

Your thoughts were interrupted as you felt the car stop. Flashing cameras were heard outside the fancy car as your heart pumped faster. Everything went so fast, you thought.

Staff opened the door and a red carpet was waiting for you. You alongside the other members strode to the carpet as cameras surrounded you.

It all happened so quick. Suddenly one was on the floor leaving the 8 of you stunned. The youngest member, I.N was passed out on the ground. You heard the camera flashes increase as gasps filled the hall.

Four staff members rushed from the car and came to Jeongin’s help. They tested his heartbeat and thankfully he was atleast alive.

Everyone knew he was the most nervous of all, even though he really liked fashion, paparazzis weren’t really something he was fond with, as to why he fainted. It must’ve been all the anxiety.

It felt sickening to think that paparazzis were only trying to take pictures of I.N, passed out on the floor, just to upload it on the internet. Chan was the first one to sprint to his side has he hysterically tried to wake him up as panic rushed over his body aswell.

As the solution, the staff decided to bring I.N back to the car and wait for him to wake up. But what made you more mad was the comments the paparazzi made.

“Don’t drag him out, I need pictures!!”

“Leave him there!”

“Pathetic.”

It was enough. That was literally the last straw. You were like a ticking time bomb, ready to burst at any given moment.

“STOP IT!” you shouted on the top of your lungs. It shushed them all, making you proud. The paparazzi seemed a little bit shocked. You were a person associated with being nice, never yelling, good patience, but in reality, you were only nice. Yes you did yell, and you had terrible patience. Hopefully they know next time.

✉️ a/n. IIK! my first 9th member fic! I wanna do more 😍😍 anyways I hope you enjoyed <3

[lovingmny]

YALLL imma post the 9th member platonic fic earlier (today) because i’m bored 💔💔

[lovingmny]

IM SO NERVOUS TO POST THIS BECAUSE WHAT IF NO ONE VOTES LMAO 😭😭😭

[lovingmny]

so sorry for the lack of updates 😔 i‘ll try to be more active 😜🤗

[lovingmny]

why?

📰 pairing: bangchan x gn!reader

📃 synopsis: you try to confort chan as he works way too much than he should, but he ends up lashing out on you. what happens next?

💿 genre: angst

🧾 wc: 0.5K

🌪 warnings: crying, cursing, no happy ending whatsoever, lmk if i missed any!

🔎 a/n: i enjoy reading angst but i don’t enjoy writing it cause i wanna cry😭 hope u enjoy <3

m.list

Everyone knew that Chan was a workaholic. It was obvious. Every day he spent was infront of an electric device which he did his work on.

However he had gotten worse recently. Spending more and more time doing work. Maybe even 11 hours in a day.

You wanted to stop it. The attention you got was not enough. Barely even a hug before he got on that damn computer again.

Today was the day you were gonna have a talk with him about work. You were nervous. He was an independent man and stuck to what he wanted to do. Of course he also cared about you but not enough. It wasn’t enough for you.

You nervously scrolled through tiktok as you heard keyboard tapping. Chan was usually a nice person, but when he was mad, you and possibly everyone else was scared of him. It’s like a switch went off in him. From caring and sweet to I wanna kill everyone.

With every step you took your heart beated faster. You could hear it in your ears. The floor whined as your breath was shortening. You weren’t nervous or scared around him, but you feared that he‘d get mad and be scary.

You placed a slight tap to shoulder as he took off his headphones and spun in the chair.

The dark circles under his eyes were noticeable. He worked 24/7 with almost no breaks and it needed to stop.

‘Chan, I think you‘re working too much. I made lunch, wanna come and eat and maybe watch a movie?‘

That was all it took. Everything. He was in that state that he wanted to kill everyone and his voice just echoed in your head as you felt a migraine build up behind your eye.

You had been arguing for atleast an hour now, or maybe even more. You had enough and stepped into the bedroom and grabbed a suitcase.

‘Babe what the hell are you doing?‘ He asked, as if he hadn’t done anything.

You let out a slight chuckle as you replied to him;

‘Leaving. I had enough of this shit. All you do is work. I don’t even feel like I‘m loved. You probably love that fucking computer more than me.‘

‘Come on, don‘t be silly. How can I love a computer more than-‘ He tried to save himself but he was cut off by you.

‘I‘ve had enough! I‘m leaving! I don’t care what you say or feel but you are not treating me like I should be treated. You treat me like I‘m a monster, a psycho, a fucking piece of shit, a side chick! This is over. Don’t even bother calling me. Fuck off.‘ You ended as you left the house leaving him in disbelief. You had enough and this was going to be a new era of you.

The raindrops started to fall from the sky as you were freezing from the cold biting weather. You continued walking and sat on a bench next to a river.

You couldn’t control the sobs escaping your mouth as tears blurred your vision.

What if there is not good ending?

🦨 a/n: idk man i tried😭 i use the word you way too much and i try to minimise it so i‘m sorry if it’s a bit messy ! Reblogs and requests are highly appreciated!! Hope you enjoyed <3

[lovingmny]

ENCHANTED ; nakamura kazuha

 idol! nakamura kazuha x fem! non-idol! reader

SYNOPSIS ;  instead of following yunjin's private account, kazuha accidentally follows some random person, someone who went by the name y/n. the idol thought nothing of it, that is until y/n accepted. it's a good thing that y/n was pretty... cool.

TAGS ; idol x non-idol! reader, reader goes to hanlim arts school, wlw, angst, fluff, idol au, strangers to lovers, slow burn

WARNINGS ; strong language, idol industry, film industry, overworking, east asian/south east asian school life, toxic school life, internalized homophobia, nepotism, invasion of privacy (from dispatch)

FEATURING ; le sserafim, newjean's minji, nmixx's bae and sullyoon, uap's jini, enhypen's jungwon, hanlim's jung hana (oc), appearances and mentions of other various idols

STATUS ; IN THE MAKING!

UPDATE TIMES ; tba

PROFILES. #koreasbestperformers #theindustrystandard #other

CHAPTERS.

01. jesse st james

02. fcking idols man

more to come...

taglist (CLOSED)!

@sewiouslyz @ivy-aurora @wbgngrengnwrg @gfriendsapple @sserabey @zhivaxo @forever-in-the-sky2 @perfectsunlight @txtbrainrot @vaeeeel @hopeworld45 @jisooftme @lauxymy4 @nkahydnxo @haeyoui @uzumakioden @hyp3boy @meowrinz @sweet-dhrafts @marimo-anura @limbforalimb @awkwardtoafault @kyaitosz @eggomi @hyukasverse @cine-cult @mits-vi @staryujinnie @nicolecaye @edamboon @bzeus28 @woonie57 @lcv3lies @vvyuqi @dnzsnr @meifeikss @cosettesrants @sofakingwoso @pandafuriosa60 @xxsplatashaxx @cloud-sadness-05 @emphobics @brokeeyedrops123 @444yizhuo @blue4hour @junoswrlld @jihyostolemyheart @isanggayfrog @havex00 @thefirstonetoeverlikemeback

[lovingmny]

REQUESTS FROM OTHER GROUPS MASTERLIST

MAIN m.list

— fluff (F)

loading…

— angst (A)

loading…

— smut (S)

loading…

— underwork (not finished)

experiment - winwin (wayV) S

Please do not copy or translate any of my work.

Reblogs and requests are highly appreciated!!

Hope you enjoy <3.

© lovingmny

[lovingmny]

HEHEEE sneakpeek🤭🤭✨

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everyone… i‘m in my mean girls obsession era

[lovingmny]

9th member reader passing out on stage during tour because theyve been pushing themselves hard for the tour. forgetting to eat sometimes, pushing themselves in the gym, pushing themselves during practice (not in a punishing themselves way just a getting caught up in the work and not realising how harsh theyre being on themselves way). it all just gets too much during a concert and they just drop, maybe one of the boys catch her before she can hit the floor too hard. the boys beating themselves up a bit for not noticing how hard they were pushing themselves.

don't push yourself

stray kids x ninth member!reader (platonic)

genre: angst, fluff

content warnings: reader not taking care of herself

word count: 2.1k

summary: you thought you were doing the right thing for yourself, but it was only a matter of time before your habits became unhealthy, and the boys didn't even notice until it was too late.

Here it is! I hope you enjoy it! :))

Asks are currently shut!

But let me know if you would like to be added to my taglist and reblog if you enjoyed! <3

MAIN MASTERLIST

With an early rise, there was bound to be a fall at some point.

Whether that was into your bed, when you finally returned back to the dorms from a late night practice; on the sofa of Chan's studio; or to the stage floor of the concert you were rehearsing for.

But we'll get to that later.

The boys hadn't noticed at the start what you had been doing to yourself. You were being more strict with your diet, going to the gym every morning with Changbin, and staying longer at practice. They just saw it as you being their fellow determined member who was trying to improve your health.

And yes, you were seeing improvements, quickly, in fact. But it wasn't healthy. Not that you knew that.

"You should have seen her! She lifted 70kg today!" Changbin boasted with pride, arm wrapped around your shoulders as you both returned from the gym.

Han and Hyunjin had been eating breakfast in the kitchen upon your arrival, so it was the perfect audience for Changbin to show you off to. Chan was probably already at the studio.

"70kg?! I think you can lift more than me now... I can't even lift a spoon," Han laughs.

"Our Han is so squishy," Hyunjin said in an over the top voice and started poking his stomach and arms.

"Yah! Yah!" Han laughed loudly as he shoved Hyunjin away, all four of you laughing.

"Come on, Y/Nnie, show us those muscles of yours," Hyunjin made grabby hands towards your arms, so in return you tensed.

"Woah, your muscles are so big now!" Han's eyes widened.

"Yes I'm secretly training to beat you all up," you did your best to tiredly joke.

"Not much of a secret, plus, you could never beat me," Changbin smirked, ruffling your hair as he went to take a shower.

"Wanna test that theory?" you called after him, pretending to march along the same path he took to his room.

It was easier then, to joke around and act like everything was normal, because you were yet to spiral.

"Y/Nnie? What are you doing here?" Jeongin questioned confused as you walked into the apartment he shared with Seungmin, Felix and Lee Know. You must have not only grabbed the wrong key, but walked back from JYP to the wrong apartment.

"Huh? Innie? Oh, I must have gone to the wrong place," you mumble tiredly, putting your bag down nonetheless.

"You look exhausted... it's 1am! What are you doing up?" Jeongin stood up to analyse your tired figure, one that had also changed from you becoming stricter in yourself.

"I just came back from practising... what are you still doing up?" you looked up at the maknae, poking his cheek lazily.

"From practice? At this time? I was just watching some show on TV," he shrugged, tugging you to sit down next to him.

"What's going on?" a sleepy Felix rubbed his eyes as he entered the lounge, jumping back slightly when he noticed you were there.

"I'm not that scary looking am I, Lixie?" you managed to tease, your head rested against Jeongin's shoulder.

"No! No... I was just shocked to see you're here, why aren't you at the other apartment, did you have an argument?" Felix joined you on the sofa, stealing some of the blanket you and Jeongin had.

"She's so tired she came back to the wrong place," Jeongin laughed, rubbing your head.

"Wah! Y/N you're the first to do that out of us all!" Felix giggled.

"Shouldn't have given me a spare key," you yawned as you stretched your arms, wincing when you did so.

"I'm glad we did by the looks of it, did you push yourself?" Felix brushed some hair out of your face after seeing your pained expression.

"No, no, it's nothing like that..." you trailed off.

"Then what is it?" Jeongin began, "if you didn't push yourself then what is it? Did you not get any sleep last night?"

"I guess so..." you complied with his theories in aid of not having to reveal what you had really been doing.

Surely this wasn't a bad thing though? The concern in their voices was beginning to make you feel differently but you know you were only doing this to better yourself.

"Ah you need to be more careful," Felix tsked, pulling the blanket tighter around you.

"You can't burrito me to death," you tried to fight against the Aussie that was currently swaddling you.

"Oh, but I can."

Another night, you were back at your apartment (the right one) and were currently cooking yourself dinner as everyone else had already eaten. With a pyjama vest and shorts on, it was weird to think how you hadn't noticed the bruises that painted your muscles.

"Ah you're awake now, wait, what happened?" Chan entered the kitchen, happy to see you were awake but alarmed at the sight of your arms.

"Huh? What do you mean?" you questioned as you chopped some veggies.

"Your arms, they've got bruises, lots of them, what happened? Did someone do this to you?" Chan interrogated you all of a sudden.

"What?! No!" you glanced down at your arms and sighed, no wonder they ached so much. "I've just been working out a lot more."

"This looks like a hell of a lot more, you sure you're taking it easy? I mean, I know you go to the gym with Changbin now but that doesn't mean you have to try and match him," Chan sighed, unable to take his eyes off of the purple marks on you.

"Hey, my eyes are you here," you laughed, nudging Chan.

"Y/N..." he sighed, not in the mood for joking around when he could see that you were hurt.

"Chan, it's fine. My body just probably isn't used to it yet, but look, I'm sticking to a good plan, I've got veggies and chicken breast in so I'm getting in my gains like a proper gym bro," you laugh.

"Well, I'm glad to see you're at least eating, just, take it easy, yeah?" he smiled then, patting your back as he returned to presumably his room.

You thought your mind was getting stronger, but your body was getting weaker. Practising had taken priority over your eating.

"Let's go one more time," Lee Know instructed everyone, watching the moves of his members with sharp eyes at the mirror as he danced at the front.

And to your disdain, you stumbled.

"Shit," you put a hand to your forehead, feeling disappointed in yourself.

"Our Y/Nnie can't keep on her own two feet," Lee Know teased, but upon seeing that your expression didn't change at his light-hearted joke, he came over to you.

"Hey, it's ok, I was just kidding," he tried to bend slightly to look into your eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, I just, wanna get it right, you know?" you sighed.

"I've seen you perform this dance amazingly multiple times, don't be so harsh on yourself," he nodded at you before returning to the front of the mirror.

But how could you not be harsh on yourself when everything needed to be perfect?

"Woah, I'm impressed, I've never seen you got a note like that!" Seungmin applauded you on one of your duo vlives.

Fans flooded the comments spamming hearts and mentioning how impressed they also were at you, being a rapper of the group, hitting high notes.

"I've been practising," you waved him off, hiding your face shyly

"Yeah, with who? Ailee sunbaenim?!" he tried to peek at your hoodie covered face.

"Woah you can't compare me to Ailee sunbaenim!" you laughed at him.

You continued to sing together, yet at the end you were getting breathless. And so, after the vlive ended, Seungmin couldn't help but bring it up.

"You sounded pretty breathless at the end..."

"I know, I know, I need to do better," you sighed.

"No it's not that! I'm just a bit worried about you..." he brushed off your doubts.

"Why? I'm fine," you shrugged him off.

"Ok, whatever you say, just take care of yourself, yeah?" he allowed you to brush away his doubts the same way he did to yours, as you both left the company.

And so this cycle of constantly trying to go past the boundaries of your limits continued. All the way into your second concert of your Maniac World Tour.

It had all been going so well. Everyone was on an adrenaline rush and loving the crowd's support. Apart from you. Your body was slowly but surely bound to shut down eventually, you just wished it didn't happen with your stays so happy, because you knew as soon as you hit the floor, you would have taken that way.

"Y/Nnie!!!" screamed the fans as your body slumped and didn't get back up.

The members instantly turned to where you had been performing. It hadn't even been a high energy choreo, because this time, you were simply moving around the stage to interact more with the fans.

You would have scolded yourself if you had a single coherent thought in your exhausted state.

"Somebody help!" Chan worriedly waved over some staff from backstage as they lifted you off.

"Please excuse us stays, everything will be ok, we will be back with you in a moment," Lee Know hurriedly tried to calm the crowd of tearful stays before rushing after his fellow members who surrounded you.

"Come on, Y/N, wake up," Hyunjin patted your face, trying to help you come back to reality.

"Hmmm," you groaned, a pounding feeling in your head.

"Oh thank God!" Han sighed in relief, hand on his quickly beating heart.

"What happened?" you mumbled tiredly as you were sat up by two staff members who fanned you and handed you some water with a straw to sip from.

"You just collapsed out there!" Felix said with wide eyes.

"Oh," you simply said, not wanting to confront what could have happened to you.

"Oh? Just, oh? Y/N, what happened out there?" Chan sternly said from next to you, squeezing your hand to offer reassurance despite his strict demeanor.

"I don't know... One second I was talking to the fans and the next..."

"You... you haven't been taking care of yourself have you?" Hyunjin burst out with his question, unable to hold back his words no longer.

"I have, I've been going to the gym, I've been practising hard-" you began, before you were cut off.

"How didn't I realise?" Changbin pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Realise what, hyung?" Seungmin asked curiously.

"Y/N, please tell me you've been eating and not living off of those energy drinks I see you have every morning," Changbin crouched down in front of you, begging that he was wrong in thinking that.

"Yeah, I ate dinner, umm, it was when, ummm," you stumbled on your words, unable to remember the last time you ate a proper meal.

And that is when you felt like you failed. You had been doing so well but you couldn't even stick to your plan.

"You can't even remember when you last ate?" Lee Know looked around at the concerned gazes of his other members.

"I'm sorry I don't know why, I... I just wanted to do better," you bit your lip, trying to hold back your tears.

"There are so many better ways to go about it Y/Nnie," Jeongin sighed, rubbing your knee soothingly.

"I'm sorry we didn't notice," Felix said regretfully.

"No, no, please don't apologise, this is on me," you mentally kicked yourself.

"How long, Y/N?" Chan insisted on your response.

"Maybe... 2 months?" you wondered out loud.

They all gasped and shared different responses at your answer.

"Y/Nnie that's not good for you, no wonder you were seeming more tired..." Hyunjin looked away.

"I'm sorry, I really am, I never wanted to worry you all," you apologised sadly, and that is when some stray tears fell delicately down your cheeks.

"We will always worry, you're part of our team," Seungmin bluntly said, yet you could still see the compassion behind his eyes.

"Don't push yourself so hard next time, yeah? Let us know next time and we can help you figure out a way to do this more healthily, just talk to us next time, yeah?" Chan wiped your tears away as Changbin wrapped you in a hug you didn't realise you needed so badly.

"I promise," you whispered, yet everyone heard it amongst the sounds of the crowd, and if they didn't, they still felt the words hanging in the air, a vow that next time, you would take care of yourself, and that they'd always be there to take care of you too.

tagged: @skz-streamer @han-jiquokka @hannahhbahng @backintomykpopphaseagain @sakufilms @kiraisastay

[lovingmny]

I’m too lazy to finish this and the fact that i have only done chan☠️☠️

[lovingmny]

ʜʏᴜɴᴊɪɴ x ᴛᴏᴍᴍʏ ʜɪʟꜰɪɢᴇʀ (2023)