lowlyroach - Tumblr blog

[lowlyroach]

1246) lit with santa

In my restless dream

I vaped huge clouds with santa

Shit was fucking lit

[lowlyroach]

1245) Bug-brain disease disorder syndrome

Bug on the brain

My thoughts squelch

Force your muscles to break

Shoulders start to pout

A hand empty and swollen

Still smells like bleach

The knuckle is finally almost healed

The way your brain

Droops

Weighed down by Spanish moss

Square your shoulders

Clean every corner until it shines

The tile reveals rot

Get rid of it.

Look in the mirror

Think about your friends and smile

Think about her for a little while

[lowlyroach]

1244) Mmm-hmm-hmm

Take shrooms at the

End of March and

Realize how much

I love my friends

Burst into laughter

The words fit my mouth different

Lizard to lisserd

I'm going to survive

The way they mock my rat giggles

Only makes me laugh more

Jacob, you got that dog in you?

Kat tells me to bark

Ruff!

The second i do,

I can't help but laugh at it

I try to squash the laughter

To hold it in my mouth but

I'm humming it out

Mmm-hmm-hmm

I'm serious.

[lowlyroach]

1243) stain-free

i'm smiling while washing dishes

daydreaming about you, again

i scrub the floor free of sushi

sweep the dust

audibly laughing at the amount of

spiders who have moved in

i accidentally injure one

i rid the hardwood of my blood

i clean the porcelain and drywall

i'm done living with the stains

i briefly remember what it felt like

to fall in love with you for the

millionth time

i close my eyes

bathe in the feeling

before it slips away

a second later

i dont know what to say to you, so,

i keep every conversation in my head

how do i respond?

i think about calling but

would you pick up or

tell me to fuck off

i type out a message

erase it three times

save it off to the side

too nervous

maybe ill be ready when i move out

so little time

always looking at your back

is this going to happen again?

do you want me to stay

out of your life?

or just on the outskirts

what would i even say?

machine gun mouth every

thought in my brain?

sorry if i ruined

everything?

i can fuck off if youre

just doing your own thing.

play it cool,

can i take you out

on a date?

i dont want to keep

watching life decay

while youre still five minutes away.

if you want us to stay ghosts

then, i guess,

thanks for the update.

the moon is full again, tonight

i hope you're doing well

all things considered

i think about responding

but i just dont know if youd want to talk

at all

so for now im keeping my mouth shut

my room is clean

i finally got rid of the blood

ill always be right here

no matter what.

goodnight and sweet dreams, Bug.

[lowlyroach]

1242) serious.

staring at profile pictures

i am in tears, laughing

trying so hard, not to laugh

cover my smile with my hand

as if it helps

jacob, what do you think is so funny?

sorry-

im serious!

comes muffled behind my hand

burst of giggles

my laughter

echoes my laughter

it's infectious

wait!

im. serious..

.!

[lowlyroach]

1240) the april fool

giddy with legs so sore

i can barely walk

another dream i've got

super powers

but, somehow,

the best part is that

i'm talking to you

i wake up with

half a month of wool

wrapped around my chrysalis

check my phone to see if

we really talked

like every time i slept

since the first day of april

this prank's gone on long enough

i know i'm foolish.

[lowlyroach]

1239) pretzel

Six legs burrow through the organs

Continue to ignore them

How many memories is it prodding at?

Molting skin getting stuck together

Oh, but the way she cut that pretzel-

It isn't coming back

It isn't coming back

It isn't coming back

My persistent thoughts

In my dreams, she'll call

Just sleep it off.

[lowlyroach]

1238) Heroine

Reduce any hope to dust

Evaporate the vapid expectation

Remind myself it is gone

She will never call

She does not want to talk

A brain springs to flame

Douse it through suffocation

Continue to disbelieve my delusions

There is an aching weight

Pressing into my chest

Until it feels rabid

You are an ocean I cannot drink

There is no desert big enough

To hold all of the sea

Heroine

You obliterate my world with lightning

You alter the fabric of gravity

Continue to wait as the moon

Decides my tide

Look in the mirror

Repeat the mantra

She will not come back

The hope will change nothing

You must believe it is gone

You must believe it to be gone

Gone.

But, what if-?

Oh, persistent mote of light

How do I make you leave?

You are fracturing me

Lift my misfit pieces

Please, I can only beg so much

Quit trying to speak with the dead

All I can do is leave the Oujia board out

Wait for a sign

Resist hope and fantasy

Keep plugging up the holes in my

Squirming brain

Douse the burning oil in my

Daydream heart

You will survive, barely

Just without Butterflies

[lowlyroach]

1237) Jagged

Four white walls

Every splash of color

Comes with jagged edges

We sit outside the restaurant

You sit inside my car

You call

But not for long

Half of me feels missing

The gnawing is still present

I look down and find

Imprints of teeth along my ribs

The nerve endings are dying

I stare at my hands

I wish our hands could touch

I hope you're doing well

[lowlyroach]

1236) Wing Dust

Wake up at 8am

I forget what we did in my sleep

I remember you smiling

Nicotine dry

Five unsmoked cigarettes

Been saving money on liquor

My friend comes over

Takes a shot and then leaves

I choose not to join him

It's weird

Your brain is begging you to take more

It tells you it was fun

But you distinctly remember it not being fun

You won't get me.. rat bastard..

I feel like it's easy for me to

Just - stop

Two Butterflies dance in the backyard

Above the flowers, bone-white

I think of you

A vulture sits atop the light post

Above me while I drive

Looking to see if I flinch

Today is for the piano

I wish I could memorize

The symphonies of your body

To create perfect harmonies

Hum alongside me

Let me feel your heartbeat

Through your fingertips

I want to see every breath

In the rising of your chest

Let me taste your skin

With every kiss

I want to hear the chords

That exist in the space you take

Can I breathe you in wholly

Until I exhale wing dust?

Were there Butterflies in your stomach?

What was your favorite part?

Your voice asks, over the phone

Am I allowed to say - You?

Or is that against the rules?

As usual, you are always

On my mind

It is never easy to

Just - stop

Would you be upset

If I never did?

I truly think I am incapable

[lowlyroach]

1235) Lungs Expand in Wonder

The sky holds its breath

Lingering clouds pause overhead

The moon has a strangle on the iris

The stars cast their net around my arm

Terraform my skin to static

Daydream a blanket of butterflies

The heart grows volcanic

The smoke fades to absence

There's a bedBug in the pillow case

Every dream you speak

-In this one-

A hyena giggles in C major

A lunar somnolence

She needs help eating quiche

I'm guilty for buying a book

Perfume on the palm frond

The worm cares not for the shoe

The bird flew away - alive

The sprinklers put out the gableblo fire

Three dozen deer stare

From beneath a solitary light post

At two colliding semi trucks

Argue over which of the trucks are deer

As they stare star-ward

Melting together

The deer chew on handle caps

The metal scrapes sound like fluttering

Arms like a galaxies

Ridges in the skin

The blanket becomes the focus

Her fingers could split my atoms

Her weak hands move in anticipation

Eagerly, all eyes turn to watch her

Tilt her head

In my periphery she says 'hey'

It is somehow an earth-shattering revelation

A rabbit rhythmically knocks the ground

Then flops over to its stomach

There's a hound at the dump

Pointing south and encircled by spirits

A bear holds you in its mouth

It refuses to bite your head off

The eggs in your brain are hatching

It's an all out war against lightning

Two voices speak in harmony

She reaches up with a clip

Everything breathes in at once

[lowlyroach]

1234) Are you going to disappear?

He spins his index finger

In circles around his temple

I know before he says it

I want to get Loco tonight

So we

Shotgun a four loco

I've only done this once before

I accidentally splash it all over myself

You're going to die one day

You're getting old and you're going to die

Drink this

I'm laughing

At every bit

EJ can't stand the taste

I forgot the reaction my body has

Why did he pick the worst flavor?

He lies in the grass for a while

Gagging as he tries to drink it all

Long after I've finished mine

He picks the grass out of his hair

This goes to show your tolerance is

Unnaturally high

I come in here shit faced and you're

Like a regular person

Listen, I don't know why that's the case

Why do you think I stuck with

Hundred proof so long?

I walk out and he's still laying in the grass

I collapse - laughing

We talk about food so I

Cook them burgers

Wait - they have bogo on a pound of blue crab?

Guys, I don't want to pay for seafood

Crabs are garbage

I stand on my tippy toes

Making eye contact with EJ

Over the top of the freezer door

Jacob, you're going to die one day

If we get crab, you're going to eat some

I'm going to die one day?

Yes.

Alright, then, I'll snack on some crab

Just incase-

You want to say anything else

I keep my phone off silent

Just incase you

Want to call or

Say anything else

I keep it on standby

I'm going to try to get shredded

In the meantime

But - like, I'll always be here

Literally, always, promise

So - whatever.

That's two for flinching

(Either one of them could kick my ass)

You know, I taught Jake how to

Throw a punch two years ago

He's like my son

Throwing 900's at Arcade Monsters

Yeah now I'm coming to take the title

Catch these hands and that's

Four now, for flinching

You're racking up the debt

Make that six

I'll take you both at the same time

That's eight, text your girlfriend you're

Going home in a body bag

(Nobody ever flinches, and it only makes it funnier)

Hand me the bong

No, you hand me the bong

My arms are so short

As soon as I get up to

Hand one of these babies the bong

All the way across the room

Alex decides to pick it up

To ensure I wasted my efforts to help them

I double over laughing

EJ dabs me up as we get ready to

Take a shot

He always holds onto it for too long

Afraid of the hundred proof

Going down unsteady

After we high five

I turn around and

Alex has already downed mine

I'm laughing so hard I collapse

My neck ticks-

Would you please share this laughter with me?

They want to smoke cigarettes

We take the pack out and

Drag one down

Only five left before

I'm done with them

I'll wait for the next time they

Want to smoke

Between UFC fights

Me and EJ are being high energy

Alex has that look in his face that's

Perfectly somewhere between

Disappointed father and

Worried

My knees scrape the carpet as

I gasp for breath

You tryna get pieced up?

Don't you weigh like 60 pounds?

Yeah, it'll be embarrassing when I take you down

I offer my comforter to EJ but he

Denies it and then

Keeps mentioning how comfortable I look

Yeah, this is pretty nice!

Do you want it?

No, it's like.. yours

This guy is fucking ridiculous

I'm so comfortable but

I keep thinking I wish you were

By my side

Sharing a laugh with me or

Holding my hand

Alex takes a hit and

EJ is pestering him while he does it

So he blows the smoke in his face

What are you laughing at?

I answer,

I just love my friends.

My neck tics

Would you share a laugh with me?

They're falling asleep before the main card

I don't even watch UFC

I look at EJ and he's

Side-eyeing me ensuring I don't

Catch him slipping again

Jake, when you get your own place next month

Are we going to ever see you, again?

Are you going to disappear?

I don't know

I do have the biggest table around here.

I drive EJ home

He's shivering immediately

Don't worry bud, I'm going to warm you up!

I blast the heater and

Drop him off

Get back home and

Put back the Roach

He was just hanging out in the background, anyway

[lowlyroach]

1233) Took the Roach for a walk

Crying myself to sleep

Waking up after

Dreaming of us somewhere

Familiar

Five hours under the covers

Had to decide if I should

Stay up or go to bed

I didn't feel horrible

In that way, though

I, tentatively,

Took the Roach for a walk

Instead we

Laughed with our friends

I kept wanting to share it with you

Tomorrow I'll have more time to

Mark another tally and

Eat too much

[lowlyroach]

1232) w(x) up

Chew me into

Pebbles of dust

Spit me out when

I'm stuck in your gums

I'll pull my weight up

Calloused hands

Accentuated

From the ring

My palms are open

Staunch the bleeding

Disinfect the wound

Pull my weight up

That's enough retching

Head cracking the Wyoming earth - wrenching

Enough sore throat mornings

World still spinning

Witnessing the different

Colors of my contents

Clutching for light in the

Shadows of the tar pit I

Steep myself in

Pull my weight up

Frigid under a full moon

Open palm in greeting

Should the stars return

They remain unfettered

To other false bodies

I miss going for walks

Pull my weight up

A box of matted fur

Smile on the spearmint

The passenger seat is empty

It's heavy in my daydreams

The baby drowns in the bathwater

Pull my weight up

Stabilize the stomach

Nourish the veins

Sweat until you're trembling

Knuckles almost healed

Gummies for sunlight

Pull my weight up

The roach is still lingering

You can hear him

Hissing in the walls

Within the confines of my pillow case

A background buzz

Pull our weight up

Tally marks on the calendar

Next to where the sprinklers

Kissed their welcoming

Above untouched strawberry margaritas

Big teeth in a grin

Ink stained skin

Pull my weight up

The gun show is closed

Is there such thing as home?

It's a manic rhythm of speech

Reach for other meanings

Laugh at stupid things

Gasping at memorials

Pull my weight up

Bonfire was canceled

Ashed out on the

Valley of my hands

Painted red with madness

The cat is screaming inside

Should I wait up?

Amber preserved on the outskirts

Stop playing darts

Healthy habits reformed

Heart screaming about the

Agonizing weight

There's a fire hydrant nearby

Is your shoelace untied?

I can still only

Wait up

Bag of laughter

Trapped in a jam jar

The music has you smiling

Still checking the back seat

It's a hollow bellyful

A cracked chrysalis

Made of cheap fabric

Forms whistling wings

Pull my weight up

Fist fight the saboteur

Prod the black eye in the mirror

Exercise my hands

So they won't get tired during

Massages

Pull my weight up

If I see you in my sleep again

Every night for the second week

Will you be there when I

Wake up?

We can take the world for ourselves

Or should I wake up?

I'm healthy again but

If you're only there

Would you ask me not to

Wake up?

Can you remind me not to

Wake up?

Hold me wholly

I won't leave

We can hold hands

While I sleep

I'll keep your weight up

Between then and now

I'll keep pulling my

Weight up

If you want me to read you a story

I'll be there when you

Wake up

I can stick around

I have all the time in the world to

Wait up

[lowlyroach]

1231) you grow with the wool

We're talking on a bed

Of course I have time to

Kiss every inch of your skin

To tell you how much you mean

You can feel free to

Touch the dimples on my shoulders

I'll massage your every muscle

I dreamt of your voice when it smiles

My dad hunts every

Majestic blue Phoenix to extinction

Just because they're blue

He accidentally shoots himself in the leg

He tells me

To keep walking

It's better to die on your feet

So, I continue without him

Walk down the highway

To our destination

The car was on fire

There's some weird ass kobold here with

A plant companion

Listen, I don't know what that was about

A red mustang falls in the water

Over a rickety wooden bridge

I drove it too recklessly

I'm fishing during a storm

I see schools of massive carp in the

Crystal waters right below my feet

I forget why I'm fishing here

Another storm rolls in

The tent is soaked and torn

Everyone is talking about the

Red mustang under the water

None of that's important because I'm

Messaging you

When I wake up with the

Wool still over my eyes

I look at my phone as if you

Texted me back

You didn't, so I

Go back to bed

So I can talk to you again

The next time I wake,

I grab tweezers to

Pull strips of wool from the cornea

Like the handkerchief of a clown

It keeps going for miles

[lowlyroach]

1230) Your voice smiles

There's a man in the mirror

Who skitters his way into the mud

Around the pupil

Planting eggs

Within my ribs

Smoking cigarettes

From dripping palms

I hide him from the

Rays of sun

To give me time

To stop staring at guns

I crack the door

I check the locks

I step outside

Make it halfway down the street

I forget if I locked up

When I approach the door

I hear him still knocking

The sidewalks warm

Feet callous on glass

The sun paints him shadowed

Behind my skin

We wish you'd call

Till every star is gone

I promise I'll pick up

I want to hear the way your voice sounds

When you smile

I'm sure you'd love to

Yell at me, too

[lowlyroach]

1229) fleece

The fleece is burning

The sheep grow horns

Piercing through the pillow

The fates twisted my guts

Cut the strings

For chains of

Iron and blood

Molting my skin

Scarred and torn

Year in passing

The bill is overdue

Yet, why is it when I'm laughing

I always think to

Share it all with you?

No matter where I turn

You're always there

The kiss of moonlight

The first sip of sunshine

The last peep of dusk

I want to forget the smell of rust

That lingers in the stains

Five minutes to a light year

I hold close to the sheep

So you can

Singe me in my sleep

As you

Light up every dream

With floral fragrance

I still believe.

I find I still believe.