loz-tearsofahomo
loz-tearsofahomo
Recipe for disaster
16K posts
Any pronouns | dang i really live like this | eat lice fuck america fr!!! | please ask me questions i love having solicited opinions plz | Banner cred: nightwinghater - Instagram | pfp cred velinxi
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loz-tearsofahomo · 14 hours ago
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loz-tearsofahomo · 15 hours ago
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loz-tearsofahomo · 15 hours ago
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the great british bake off is frequently absurdly british, but I think my favourite example so far is in the most recent season when one guy was describing how he worked with americans while he was in the army, and they introduced him to pb&j flavoured snacks, which he was going to use as the inspiration for his bake. and after explaining this, paul hollywood looks at him like 🤨 peanut butter and jam? I don't see how that could ever work, but good luck I suppose
and then he tried it and was like, wow 😮 who could've known they would go so well together
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loz-tearsofahomo · 16 hours ago
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I think that for every episode of bake off that has a foreign country as a theme there should be a special third judge that is just a grandma of that nationality and they should be equipped with an air horn they can toot in paul hollywood’s smug face whenever he confidently says something completely incorrect about a bake’s construction, flavour, texture, etc etc
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loz-tearsofahomo · 17 hours ago
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Friendly reminder that you're not required to publicly take sides in any geopolitical conflict you don't understand.
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loz-tearsofahomo · 17 hours ago
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I know that some British people take umbrage at Americans calling the Great British Bake Off relaxing, but it's just because GBBO is such a different kind of stressful from American baking shows.
American baking shows will be called something like "Cupcake Knife Fight", there's horror movie lighting everywhere and dramatic stings every 5 seconds. All of the contestants are shit talking each other and fist fighting over the one single deep fryer provided by production. It will show the judges all whispering to each other at their super villain table overlooking the whole kitchen, and one will be like, "Oh my god. Everyone look at Brenda right now. She's straight tanking it." And it will cut to Brenda, who is running around covered in flour and crying and also bleeding for some reason. Then you get a clip from an interview with one of the contestants, and they're like, "I really need to win this. Without this award money, I'm gonna need to close my restaurant, sell my dad, and live out of my car. AGAIN." Then the giant digital doomsday clock overhead lets out a horrid klaxon, the judges tell half of them that their cupcakes taste disgusting, and one of them gets eliminated and sent to walk down the dramatically-lit shame hallway never to be seen again.
Meanwhile GBBO is in a lovely, brightly colored tent, there are delightful and friendly hosts/jesters there to keep everyone entertained, and all of the B Roll is of like... a bumblebee going into a flower, or a lamb running in a field. And yes, there will be moments where someone will mess up their timing or something, and they'll be looking at their bake through the oven door like, "oh gosh I don't think this will rise in time!" Then they stand up to find Paul Hollywood directly behind them ominously. His creepy whitewalker eyes will glow white, and he'll say something like "the 12th of June. 2035. Drowning." And his eyes will go back to normal and he'll walk away. Then the baker gives a playful grimace to the camera and says "that didnt sound great, did it?". Cut to a sweet looking older woman sipping tea on a stool and she says "oo I do hope that Prue enjoys the taste of my sugary, sticky baps!". Then, at the end, someone gets a gold star for doing good, and the loser of the episode gets in the middle of a giant group hug. You see all of them at the end of the series at a giant carnival with their families and the post credits informs you that all of the contestants have become a Partridge Family-style traveling band and stayed friends forever.
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loz-tearsofahomo · 17 hours ago
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as a severely mentally ill 14 year old, I remember thinking “the medical system would treat me better if I was physically ill and not mentally ill” and then I coincidentally developed multiple chronic illnesses and found out that actually they dgaf even when you’re essentially bedridden
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loz-tearsofahomo · 18 hours ago
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are you gonna pick those penne noodles out of the boiling water one by one like a man, or are you gonna use a strainer like some kind of democrat?
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loz-tearsofahomo · 18 hours ago
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Girls🥺💞
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loz-tearsofahomo · 19 hours ago
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do you guys wanna see the most perfectest png of my cat
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loz-tearsofahomo · 19 hours ago
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loz-tearsofahomo · 20 hours ago
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Botryoidal Hematite
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loz-tearsofahomo · 20 hours ago
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Screencaps from the leaked voltron episode!
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loz-tearsofahomo · 2 days ago
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loz-tearsofahomo · 2 days ago
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“Hey Elaine I need you to give me a few of Sam’s prized possessions and the deed to your house. Also can we set up a camera in your kitchen?” - Vic Michaelis at some point last year
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loz-tearsofahomo · 2 days ago
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Some fun out of context things from tonight's over an hour long game changer episode
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loz-tearsofahomo · 2 days ago
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Ok you might be wondering, haha it’s funny to be an Animorph, Vic, but why the squid? To which I would reply that this Animorphs cover in particular features, I shit you not, a plot where an Alien ship has trapped the heros aboard while it tries to get them to play games.
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