lrose718 - Tumblr blog

[lrose718]

How do you know when it’s time to give up on him?

Is it when he’s at another girl’s appartment alone until 4AM for the first time?

The second time?

Or when he calls talking to you boring?

What about the constant ignoring of your texts?

How about when he only wants to get you in bed instead of taking you out?

Is it when he runs and hides to be alone with another girl?

What about when he makes every excuse not to call?

Or if he doesn’t either notice or care if you stop responding?

Is it time to if he spends every waking hour avoinding your messages?

What if he plays video games for secen hours straight daily and uses the excuse “I’m not just going to ditch my friends to talk to you right after we start playing”?

And if your constantly up at night wondering if he even remembers you’re together?

Should you leave when you start questioning everything you do and wondering if it’ll ever be enough for him to stay? Or if he’ll just leave anyway?

Asking for a friend.

[lrose718]

[lrose718]

I’ve been through so much shit that the only thing that scares me now is reality.

[lrose718]

The longer we sit, the longer I lust for your body to consume mine. We are but inches away, breathing the same air, listening to the same words. My skin aches to be overcome by your touch, my lips crave the taste of your innocence. I want you bad; I want you now.

[lrose718]

Demons

My demons have become more powerful than my dreams, so much so that I can no longer separate them. I knew not how to feed my dreams without dropping scraps for my demons to snag. They took what they could get and ran with it. Now it is my dreams that must beg and plead for their share, but unlike my dreams, my demons leave nothing of me behind. They have since passed on and my demons are now in control. No longer hope, but dispair courses through my veins until one day I submit myself fully to the all-too-friendly hands of darkness.

[lrose718]

The Dark Hour

“My best friend put me to bed, turned out the lights, and shut the door on the way out. Within milliseconds, my anxiety kicked in with the darkness. I was barely comfortable with the three nightlights in my own room, but there was something about complete darkness in an unfamiliar bed that pushed me off the edge. The anxiety paired with the alcohol I had consumed over the past few hours put me into a dark place of mind where I was violently shaking, but couldn’t voluntarily move a muscle. By the time you came in to check on me, I was flat with my back against the bed, crying, and in a state of inconsolability. You took my mess and wrapped me in your arms until I finally laid still. Only then did you speak soft words of comfort and reassurance. It was in that moment that I decided to never again let the dark control me. My three nightlights eventually turned into two, and those two gradually turned into only the light from my screen. I may have lost you, but I found myself in the dark. Thank you for being the final straw, the final light in my darkness.”

[lrose718]

Are

You are the love of my life? You were the love of my life? I don’t even know anymore. I still love you, but you’re gone, dead, forever. You were my 2:00AM call, my conscience, my go-to, my everything. I still remember the end: the “I’m tired of you. I have been for a while.” That hit hard. And the fact that you only did it so she would stay with you- that was cold. So I’m left putting together the pieces of your life to try and get some final closure. Just waiting for that miracle of getting one more moment with you.

[lrose718]

Take Everything Differently

I feel guilty. I screwed up and I feel guilty. I can't stop thinking about it. Is that what you want to hear? 'Cause it's true, I swear. But that isn't what you want to hear, is it. You want me to say I enjoyed it and that I don't regret it. That way you at least have grounds for treating me the way you are. Are you being serious? You're not even looking at me let along talking to me. What are we? 12? Grow up. Be a man. Be the guy I know you are and know you can be.

[lrose718]

A letter to my ex-lover turned best friend about my newest ex-lover

What do you expect me to say to him? how my supposed to tell him I give my body to someone else because he doesn't want it? I needed somebody to want it. In the heat of the moment, that's what I wanted and I didn't care how I got it. We said some things to each other, and I just flowed with where the conversation was headed. So I guess now I have a boyfriend who only wants me for my body. Sound familiar? do you remember the first time you said you love me? After homecoming shopping, a friend was dropping me off and you came in for a minute. Things escalated, and when you left, you said you loved me, and I said it back. We both realize that we shouldn't of said it, but it was just heat of the moment. That's what happened-but he wanted it and I didn't. But since I said those things and went along with it, I have to deal with the consequences. So right now I have to just sit back and let him have me because I made that okay, nobody else, only me. So hate me and leave. I know I deserve it. I made some shitty moves but now I can't get out of them. I deserve everything I have coming. I was being selfish thinking of myself, and not the other people they'd affect. So I'm not going to have him sitting on the sideline watching things happen, which is why I told him off. He needs someone who wants to be sympathized by him and all he has to offer: someone who respects and appreciates that. I can't deal with him pitying me all the time-it makes the situation so much worse. So let it go and let me go. I did this to myself. You don't need to be around for it. Let me crash and burn. I don't need to take anyone else down with me. I'm done trying to fix things.

[lrose718]

No matter how long it takes, I'll be here, waiting for the day you walk back in that door like nothing ever changed- like you just went to get a sweatshirt from the other room. Don't take too long. I'll be waiting.

[lrose718]

I've been in and out of different relationships, all ending in disappointment and resentment. But it's not because of the people in them, it's because of the person not in them: you. Nothing will ever live up to what we had- I will never find that intimacy again. Why the hell did you leave without saying goodbye? Did you think that was okay or something? Cause it's not. It's ridiculous and selfish and painful as hell. You're the only one who gave me what I needed and now you can't do anything. You're worthless. I guess that's what you get for dying: you're watching the people you once loved struggle. And who's fault is that? You brought it on yourself, but now we're the ones who have to deal with the consequences.

[lrose718]

I've really been struggling lately with stuff and I can't feel like that anymore. I'm trying to make decisions for me and my happiness 'cause we all know what happened last time things got that bad... I'm sorry if that's not what you want to hear, but that's the only way I'm gonna make it through this

[lrose718]

I'm tired of you telling other people things that you should be telling me. Our intimacies are being shared with others before our feelings are being shared with each other. Come to me. Tell me. I don't want secondhand words. I want to be there as you say it. I want to watch your lips form the words that will change my world. Let the words roll off your tongue like you've been waiting to say them your whole life. Becaue "I love you" should never be underrated.

[lrose718]

You asked for a minute, I gave you an hour. You asked for a penny, I gave you a dollar. You asked for a stream, I gave you an ocean. You asked for love, I gave you a potion. But... When I asked for a garden, You gave me a flower. When I asked for sweet, You gave me sour. I gave you everything Can't you see? I guess you're just not the man for me.

[lrose718]

I feel like the lion from the Wizard of Oz, never any courage to do what I want or say what I feel. I hate it. Why can’t I be the scarecrow with no brain? I wouldn’t ever overthink anything ever again. Why can’t I be the tin man? No heart? Sign me up! Trust me, Tin Man, once you experience that heart that you want so bad break, you’ll wish that heart of yours (and you) never existed in the first place.

[lrose718]

You wake up every morning to fight the same demons that left you so tired the night before, and that, my love, is bravery. We're all in the same game, just different levels. Dealing with the same hell, just different devils.

[lrose718]

Every time I see you it’s as if no time has passed. It’s been almost 10 months since you left and I still cry knowing that you’re not coming back. You try to visit, but you have a new life now. I hope that life makes you as happy as you make me. I miss you. I love you. Please come back.