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lucas242 · 3 days
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lucas242 · 3 days
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I'm just thinking about the Underoath concert coming up on Tuesday and I'm already tearing up and letting them roll. I'm going to be a mess at the concert but it's going to be better than therapy for me. Probably will be the first time I let myself bawl my eyes out and I will have no shame over it.
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lucas242 · 4 days
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Had a pretty meh day today until I was riding home. Stopped at the gas station to fill up. Went to get a drink, the dude in front of me got out of a white Juke with red mirrors. Recognized that car. Adam and I were driving up university one morning when that Juke decided to try to keep up with us. We both passed him doing about 95 through the s bends then turned into work. I was like yo is that your Juke? He said yeah and I told him I normally drive a white brz and he put it together, was asking me about the blue brz too. Had a good conversation with him for a minute. Cool dude. Then I was checking out and an older biker looking dude came in and said who's riding the scooter? I said me and we talked for a minute about bikes and how much he wants to get back on one and ride with his buddies. Offered to sell it to him and he gave me his card and said call me. Cool dude. Hopefully I can sell it to him and get a 690smcr. Left the gas station, pulled up a shitty wheelie for about 3 seconds. Then saw a dude coming the other way on a Harley fully rotating his entire left arm in circles basically telling me to keep it up lmao. Had a cool ride home today and that starts the weekend off in a great way for me!
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lucas242 · 5 days
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lucas242 · 19 days
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Been sad lately again. But I had a really good day, made killer time at work, had a good time with the homies. Jamming to Cosmic on the way home in my brz, came up on this light blue 2nd gen gr86 on 51, dropped 3 gears and blew past him at 100mph, beeped at him, he flashed his beams at me, good experience all around. Passing a jeep as I'm coming under the bridge and see what I thought was a leaf blowing in the currents, but it was a scared squirrel with nowhere to go running between the lanes. I saw him too late to slow down enough and he cut back right as I'm about to go by him, and I got him with my rear tire. Instantly felt like such a piece of shit, turned my music down and drove kinda normally. Fuck man, that shit made me so sad in that moment. Poor squirrel was probably terrified. He would have gotten hit wether by me or not, there was nowhere for him to go, but I still felt like such a piece of shit. Came home and hugged my kitties tight, talked to Jimmy about it and I feel a little better. A normal person would say it was just a squirrel and it was unavoidable. I'm not going to let it ruin my whole day, but it still made me so sad. Poor squirrel.
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lucas242 · 28 days
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Went to a wedding for a good friend of mine over the weekend. It was such a beautiful wedding! A thousand years was playing while everyone walked down the aisle, it was beautiful and I honestly teared up when I saw how happy they were that their day finally came. Then I see a woman sitting a few rows in front of me. She had a similar age and body type to Cortney. From a side view of her face, she looked almost like her. And then it hit me. The happy blissful feeling drifted away and I realized once again that I didn't get to have my day with her, and that day will never come. I tried to put that feeling away and enjoy myself but I honestly felt so alone at this wedding that I couldn't keep her off mind. So to the bar I went. Got absolutely trashed, but for me that means still in control of myself and still aware of what's happening around me. Had to have had half a fifth of jack to myself over the night and I still walked into the field behind my car and set a hammock up. Idk where I'm going with this, but I still feel the soul crushing pain and numbing it isn't as easy as it used to be.
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lucas242 · 1 month
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Having a sad day, deleted June from my life, well she got fired, but deleted her off my social media after I realized how much she didn't care about me, which should be good for my mental health. But I'm still terrified that I'm not going to find anyone who understands me the way Cortney did, that shit just felt like a once in a lifetime situation and I failed her 4 years ago. Had to get that shit off my mind so I hit some nice wheelies on the way home. Popped one up in 2nd on the backstreets, able to ride it through at balance point, shift into 3rd and ride it all the way through the gear. First time I've been able to shift mid wheelie and ride it out. Feels good man.
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lucas242 · 2 months
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Be me, interested in cute sales girl at work, chat her up for a few weeks, ask her out to dinner. She takes 3 days to tell me she doesn't want to date a coworker. I respond with totally understandable and leave her alone.
Her:
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Then she comes up to me after some time saying she feels like she never sees or talks to me anymore while playing with her hair and being flirty. I'm not playing games. I know what it is to be wanted. Don't expect me to simp for you just because you're pretty and bake. Show me you're interested in me and want to be around me and I'll give you the world. Or at least my world.
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lucas242 · 2 months
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lucas242 · 2 months
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She's trying to get my love, best I can do is a trauma bond.
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lucas242 · 3 months
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Just realized and remembered that I had a dream about Kevin Price last night. Ran into him at a gas station, was immediately so happy to see him, but questioned him that I thought he died. He just brushed it off and told me how proud of me he was and how far I've come. I finally got to thank him for giving me a shot and going to bat for me to get me promoted. Fuck i miss that dude, I really wish he could see who I am today and I really owe him so much. Rest easy Kevin.
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lucas242 · 3 months
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Pulled out behind Courtney today, was immediately filled with anxiety, so I started popping some wheelies and the anxiety left me. People don't need anti anxiety meds, they need to pop wheelies.
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lucas242 · 3 months
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I chased a girl that didn't want me for most of my teenage years and let it hold me back for a long time. I find myself falling into some of those same tendencies. Why the fuck would I let myself do that shit again. I'll be single until someone shows me they want me and I'm good with that.
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lucas242 · 3 months
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Had a really bad day at work today, but found out the milfy office lady that's 6' tall is getting divorced, might be almost time to shoot my shot 🤔
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lucas242 · 3 months
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When I don't say much, more than likely it's because you won't like what I have to say.
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lucas242 · 3 months
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I was waiting to turn left while on my bike, looked over at the car in front of me to the right and there was a toddler in a car seat staring at me. I waved, she smiled and waved so I bobbed my head around and she laughed. Light went green and I revved it up for her a bit and she smiled. Made my day! Sometimes I really want kids of my own, but I absolutely refuse to have kids with the wrong person.
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lucas242 · 4 months
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Sometimes I feel like I've been on the verge of a mental breakdown for the past 5 years. Today is one of those days.
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