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I saw one of my fishes lying on the bottom of my tank but then swimming again, it keeps doing it for the past 3 days. I used to hate this specific fish, bad temper and always annoy the other fish, or at least that's what I could think of. Now that I realise maybe I am that fish. I got mistaken so many times, trying so hard not to upset everyone, tired of trying, and just doesn't care about anything. I'm just tired of trying and staying.
In all of these crumbling places, my partner, Leon, who is always being kind and be by my side. I always hate myself, no matter what, to the point I asked him why wouldn't he get tired of me. It feels as though deep down I wanted to push him away because I don't want him to see the bad in me. I'm just a broken human being and I just don't want him to see that I'm not good enough. I will cherish every moments my partner Leon share our daily life. We've been living together for a year now, and god knows he's a good person with a good heart. But all I can do is pushing out people away, but I don't want to be alone. I hate being alone, but when I'm alone I feel like I won't upset anyone, I don't owe anyone anything.
And I'm not good enough.
I'm not good enough at dancing, who knows what happened when my parents support me to be in a dance class but anyway I was a fat kid so I’m not good enough.
I'm not good enough at singing, god forbid me singing in public because they think my voice is cracky as hell. And if I were good, I would have been on that theater club instead of that english club
I'm not pretty enough, maybe that’s why part of me hating my body.
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