lucifers-playtoy
I'm just chillin in cedar rapids
9176 posts
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
Last Seen Blogs
ecchi-otaku-girl
:D I love HOT anime
lio8543
广州外围女
thecrowncloset
Untitled
nerdofmanytalents
DINO KISSES RAAAWR
Text
“it was supposed to be us against the world and now it’s me against myself and it fucking hurts to breathe”
— they say it gets better but it’s just getting worse
10K notes
·
View notes
Text
The worst part about vomiting is not actually vomiting, it’s the 30 minutes before vomiting when you know your going to vomit but your body is teasing you with nausea
37K notes
·
View notes
Text
Friend: “Hey, I haven’t seen you in forever! how are you?”
me: “Fine, thanks.”
Lemony Snicket from outta nowhere: “Of course, in this case, ‘fine’ is only meant to reassure. She has never been less fine, nor was she ever fine in the first place. Here, the word ‘fine’ could be defined as ‘I am actually slowly dying on the inside, but don’t wish for anyone to worry’.
278K notes
·
View notes
Text
a hoodie and underwear is all you really need to wear tbh
1M notes
·
View notes
Text
me as a child when i don’t understand something: it rly upsets me when things don’t make sense like????? whats going on!
me as an adult when someone says something completely & utterly nonsensical:
55K notes
·
View notes
Text
“Not All Men” you’re right. Kevin Spacey would never do this
176K notes
·
View notes
Text
everyone’s having their mid-life crises at like 19
2M notes
·
View notes
Text
Me: “How can I help you today, ma'am?”
Client: “Is e-mail internet”?
Me: “I beg your pardon?”
Client: “Is e-mail on the internet? I have no internet, can I still read my e-mail?”
Me: “Well yes, you must be able to get online to view your e-mail.”
Client: “Oh, dear. I can’t see my e-mail.”
Me: “Well, let’s see. Can you open up Internet Explorer for me and tell me what you see?”
Client: “Open what?”
Me: “Your browser, can you open up your browser?”
Client: “My…my…?”
Me: “What you click on when you want to browse the internet?”
Client: “I don’t use anything, I just turn my computer on, and it’s there.”
Me: “Okay. Do you see the little blue ‘e’ icon on your desktop?”
Client: “You mean I have to start writing letters again?”
Me: “I’m…what, I’m sorry?”
Client: “I don’t have any pens at my desk. I just want my e-mail again.”
Me: “No, ma'am, your desktop, on your computer screen. Can you click on the little blue ‘e’ on your computer screen for me?”
Client: “Oh, this is too much work. I’m too upset. Just send me my e-mail. Can’t you send me my e-mail?”
Me: “We…okay, ma'am. Can you tell me what color the lights are on your router right now?”
Client: “My what?”
Me: “The little box with green or possibly a couple of red lights on it right now - it’s most likely near your computer?”
Client: “Lights and boxes, boxes and lights, just get my e-mail for me.
Me: “My test is showing that you should be able to get online right now. Can you tell me what you’re seeing on your computer screen?”
Client: “It’s been the same thing for the last two hours.”
Me: “An error message?”
Client: “No, just stars. It’s black and moving stars.”
Me: “…Do you see your mouse next to your keyboard?”
Client: “Yes.”
Me: “Move it for me.”
Client: “Move it?”
Me: “Yes. Move it.”
Client: “My e-mail!”
438K notes
·
View notes
Text
Why is it that you can hold a pee for 3+ hours but not the 3 seconds it takes to take off your pants?
21K notes
·
View notes
Text
How about if we cuddle and then I make you cum
200K notes
·
View notes