lukida-c

[lukida-c]

After years spent poring over mysterious and arcane plat sheets and deciphering long-forgotten building codes, city councilmember Mike LaMere unearthed the mysterious City Zoning Amulet Friday.

“Behold!” LaMere said, holding aloft the solid-gold amulet, which is emblazoned with the Ever-Evaluating Eye of Surr-Vey, Lord Of Demarcation, He Who Measures And Assesses. “With this sigil, the power of zoning comes. Through me, the power of zoning flows! All will behold my power, and I shall bow to no man when designating matter-of-right developments for major retail and office spaces to a maximum lot occupancy of 75 percent for residential use!”

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[lukida-c]

my best tip for anyone trying to get back into reading is to remember that you can read books to avoid other responsibilities in ur life and it can become a vice if you play your cards right

[lukida-c]

Listen up. A monkey's paw fucks up your wish because it's designed that way. You can't perfectly phrase a monkey's paw wish. If you did manage to come up with a way for you to get exactly what you want without some horrible ironic consequence you'd probably just also get cancer or something

A genie will grant your wish however they see fit. Your wording doesn't matter. If they like you they'll grant the spirit of your wish. If they don't they'll fuck you up somehow. Depends on if the genie likes you. If you find the genie in the wild and do them a favor it's much more likely to go your way than if you found them imprisoned inside an object, but even then they may be amenable to granting you a nice wish or two depending on their mood and disposition

It's only fairies that fuck with your wording to be quite honest

Moral of the story is a genie is actually your safest bet

[lukida-c]

[lukida-c]

this is like the only time its appropriate to call eyes orbs. those thangs are quite honestly ponderable

[lukida-c]

liking an unpopular ship is like being dehydrated in a desert and liking a popular ship is like being dehydrated in the middle of the pacific ocean. you understand

[lukida-c]

[lukida-c]

pro-tip: don't ever use the sentence "thousands of years" in your worldbuilding unless you really know what a thousand years is like

[lukida-c]

yknow i kind of forget sometimes that like. pregnancy is innately tied to sexual stuff. like "haha hey guess what. gets you pregnant" is actually kind of. a horny thing to say in fact.

[lukida-c]

[lukida-c]

inspired by a friend misspeaking

[lukida-c]

Erarg creates world’s first Happypasta

[lukida-c]

Explained to my niece that the Albuterol inhaler won't work unless she shakes the canister first. She asked why, and I explained that the little droplets are carried into her lungs by tiny bees, who need to be made angry enough to fly a (to them) very large distance. She asked if the bees survived the trip since normal bees die when they sting, and I said that I didn't know. She's now refusing to use the inhaler. I believe I've done a wrong thing today

[lukida-c]

Remembering the one Hades and Persephone fanfic retelling I read where the author had clearly never eaten a pomegranate in their life and just had the character in the Persephone role take a bite out of the side like an apple

[lukida-c]

Creative writing is way closer to engineering than I think a lot of people expect. It takes creativity and imagination to decide what to write about. It takes a lot of honed dedication to craft to really make the word-to-word prose sparkle. But all the stuff in between? Knowing how long an idea should be, what medium it should be, how many characters, and how their motivations need to interact, all that shit is basically engineering.

[lukida-c]

"I still can't get my kids back; with all the money and fame I still don't get to see my children" might be the funniest lyrics of all time lmao

[lukida-c]

Big news from Tartarus I'm just so proud of him