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What a difference a year makes
I’m sitting in the same spot
But I am starting to dispise him
It’s not gonna end well
I’m gonna lose everything I cherish
His wife is out of town
So I am going on a date with him. Is it even a date? What am I doing
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First time for everything
Went to the movies, then to the gym, then had a stroll at the embankment
It was really really nice
We held hands
Like a couple
Except we’re not
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Lost 4 kg on stress and stress alone
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This was a date like no previous had been
I can see his affection clearly
But I still don’t understand what we are doing
So excited for tomorrows hockey game date after the last few days
Just need to remember he might not show up
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So excited for tomorrows hockey game date after the last few days
Just need to remember he might not show up
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I guess it’s just that he doesn’t love her
At least doesn’t love her as much
I don’t understand this
She supports him so much
She seems to love him so fiercely
But he… cheats on her
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I don’t understand this
She supports him so much
She seems to love him so fiercely
But he… cheats on her
#it may not be physical… yet#what doesn’t she give to him#idk if he did this before and I’m not sure I want to know
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I guess this is how new life stages begin sometimes
With a loud crackle, with a mess
With losing people
With everything being turned upside down
You just have to bear with it and it will make you a new person
I guess
#I don’t want to talk to her#I cried my eyes out already#everything is about to change#I didn’t want this to happen like this#I didn’t want this to happen period#but I’m trying to make peace with it#I guess this is how this story goes#okay#accept#inhale exhale#I’m okay
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I’ve been trying to read the same paragraph for like 20 minutes
I keep rereading it because I get distracted
Distracted by thoughts of him
#I get more confused each day passing by#because I cannot rationalize his actions with me and her#but I let it happen because I have no morals and nothing else going on#he’s good#he’s so good#I could fall for him so hard#but I am too guarded for that to happen
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I lost count to out meetings
Getting me from work
Going to the movies
Coffee after work
Walking home after gym
I don’t know why and what I am doing
#it’s the wrong time for me I guess but I let it happen anyway#I am so desperate#sometimes it leaves a bad taste in my mouth
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I don’t know what to do with him
#I cannot understand what he wants from me#the dates#the texts#the song#what does it all mean#or does it mean nothing at all#nothing#I do not understand
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I can feel his breath quicken
His hand finds my skin underneath my shirt
It inches lower
I card my fingers though his hair
His hand squizzes my thigh
I am so calm and a little bit miserable
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What a rush it is to be at a hockey game
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