lunarwisdom

[lunarwisdom]

SIL- Lettuce offsets feet, we know this.

[lunarwisdom]

Brother- I would make a good big titty Colombian woman

[lunarwisdom]

SIL- Don't call me Mr. Homosexual, that's my dad's name. Call me Gay.

[lunarwisdom]

SIL- They fuck their sheep and eat their people. It's all backwards.

[lunarwisdom]

Mom- Just remember that he loves you.

Me- Abraham Lincoln??

Mom- Yes, Abraham Lincoln. Who else would it be?

[lunarwisdom]

Mom- I'm proud of you, and so is Abraham Lincoln.

Me- Thank you Abraham Lincoln?

[lunarwisdom]

Brother- Merry was actually Frozone's cousin

[lunarwisdom]

SIL- There is no toy, only foot.

[lunarwisdom]

Brother- Fake it till you make it doesn't work when it comes to brain damage.

[lunarwisdom]

Brother- How am I supposed to automate my mapping if the rock doesn't work?

[lunarwisdom]

Me- I was going to hit you, but you're lighting a match

[lunarwisdom]

Brother- Yes she's a blow pop, but it's a metaphor for repressed trauma and alcoholism.

[lunarwisdom]

Brother- I'm being threatened!

Me- It's a piece of toast. That's barely a threat.

Brother- A threat is a threat.

[lunarwisdom]

Mom- You made me spit fake meat all over your father!

Brother- It's not my fault you're eating dog food.

[lunarwisdom]

Me: Oma, you must promise that you won't get a Tumblr.

Oma: Why? What's there? Like dirty stuff? I can handle dirty stuff. I like it sometimes.

Me: No, definitely not. You cannot handle it. Please NEVER get a Tumblr

[lunarwisdom]

Oma: *eating Irish Cream cheese cake* Am I going to become an alcoholic?

Mom: Yes, it's your gate way drug.

[lunarwisdom]

Dad *starts wiping glitter from wrapping paper off of his pants*

Mom- Stoooop!! They choose you!

Dad- Then they can find their way back to me.