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[lupuslxna]

— ‘ the hunter’s moon is shining, i’m running with the wolves tonight . . . ’

𓈒　　˙　　⊹　　‧　　☾　　. 　 　 ˚ 　 　 ⁺ 　 𓂂 　 ֗ 　

[lupuslxna]

True face.

[lupuslxna]

"How many scars did you justify because you loved the person who was holding the knife?"

[lupuslxna]

What if I’m unlovable at my core? What if there is something about me that makes people not want to stay?

[lupuslxna]

[lupuslxna]

- Evelyn Waugh, from Brideshead Revisited (1945)

[lupuslxna]

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, But you can start where you are and change the ending.”

— Unknown

[lupuslxna]

[lupuslxna]

You can’t change someone who doesn’t see anything wrong with their actions.

[lupuslxna]

⊰ ☾ ⊱~; It was exactly as they said, reading about a place or looking at the pictures no matter how pristine and sharp they were, could never mimic the grandeur and feeling one obtained when physically there. Everything about this land was vivid and adorned with emerald hue, yet the silence that haunted the sight made it look so eerie, perhaps even ethereal. Derek was mesmerized by the simplicity, and how each breath didn't feel like his ribs and heart were held tightly in a closed-up fist.

His eyes wandered with ease across every steep hill and crack formed by the shivers that shook the ground, wide fields of green swayed playfully in the huffs of wind that pushed and tugged at them- silly or not, a small part of him howled with recognition. Not that Ireland had ever been a stop on his numerous wandering stops, Laura used to joke how eventually from orphans, scorched by fire, they now found homes in every part of land they stepped into. But this was different, it made his skin tingle with a familiar urge to simply shift- and RUN.

"Hm?" Eyebrows furrowed together, making the lycan look more annoyed than curious at what his fellow companion said."How long was it since you were here?"Derek didn't push against the nudge, just followed wherever the redhead was heading; the bright hue of the man's hair really crashed against the rest of the place. Sticking out like a sore thumb really, not that Derek was doing any better as he had decided to still stick with his leather jacket since it was the first thing he grabbed back at home. It made the corners of his mouth twitch into a smile along with the crows-feet which became more apparent since returning to Beacon Hills. They both were two strangers returning 'home'. Lavi quite literally, and the wolf for the bloodline that called out to him from the moment he arrived. Nonetheless, whilst he was having a more intimate experience that brought a sense of peace to his wolf, the lycan couldn't say the same for the other male. The serenity of the land only elevated every stammer and thump of Lavi's heartbeat, if Derek could ever describe it, then saying it sounded like a consistent quiver, creating ripples in this sea that stood silent at night; hoping to hide. The unease was hard to mask, perhaps the storm they had already walked through, merciless as it was, had them both near exhaustion. "Don't hurt yourself, idiot." Reaching out to rest his hand against the exposed skin on Lavi's neck, Derek's eyes followed the gesture before returning back to the lone orb of darker glaucous. It was mesmerizing to watch how it would shift in hue regarding the emotions stirring up inside the redhead, from dull, deep oceanic to electrifying forest green it would always be captivating to witness.

"They will have to be fine on their own, I always said that to Scott....no one knows how long I would be able to be around. I seem to attract the monsters lurking in the dark..." Giving a small pat before pushing past Lavi, he had to stop in his tracks again. This time he was met with a pair of eyes burning like embers, only for them to vanish just as fast and a pair of elders to walk down from the junction to their left, a little group that happily chatted among before spotting them-or better said, spotting Lavi. Cheerfulness slowly morphed into realization, which simmered into irritation and some disgust. Not taking his gaze off the group, Derek muttered with an impressed undertone in his voice, to the subject of their interest- "You didn't tell me, you were a celebrity here. How about... I warm up a bit for the bodyguard job ..." As soon as the words left his lip, the icy blue flickered in a soft glow underneath, and a snarl crawled up his throat slowly. Slowly the peace was becoming less clear, something was waking up beneath their feet, dirt and soil rumbled with a warning that only he could pick as of now, edging him to be alert.

⊰ ☾ ⊱~; As if it were not enough that his ears were already bleeding from the damning screech of the fae, it took seconds before the sky turned into a canvas filled with stripes, like a map underneath your skin with veins showing the path. “Ah f-”, he wanted to curse out loud, but nothing could surpass the rumble of thunder as it struck. Like a roar of a furious beast, it spread across the land, its outcry convulsing deep within your bones as teeth lacked together and taste of iron coated the tongue. Derek honestly could not tell where up and down was for a brief second, first the noise and now the blinding luster from above, the wolf was simply exhausted and- “-too old for this..” Gritting his teeth together he couldn’t tell if his companion was ready or not, to leave the stage before another wave of new faces would appear. Derek mustered the last of his strength, yanking the redhead into the passenger seat, then leaned against his car’s cold but familiar smoothness. One, two, three… pushing away he could finally make out the small dots dancing before his eyes, the old fae were now simply stuck there with eyes and mouths wide open. Staring at him with an emptiness that felt ominous, mute, and not moving from the position. At least it is what he thought, alas the peace shifted to absolute shitshow when their hand shot up just to point in their direction. Targets, that is what they are now. Sliding into the driver’s seat the lycan didn’t even register what his friend was telling him, every sense that he had still left working was paying attention to the surrounding, the screeching of the tires, and the swaying of the trees as he stepped on gas. His heart was beating with a steady rhythm like nothing had happened, but it was his hands and legs that shivered with weariness, still tense with intent to switch defensive if so needed. “You tell me…I have no idea what day it is, how long was I …”, swallowing hard to wash away the ashes sitting deep in the back of his throat, he tried to repeat his question. “-how long was I away? It felt like days…I…like I slept and just woke up.” Yet still he was not ready to look at Lavi, and see the sadness, the pity, and worry reflecting in that radiant emerald hue. All that happened, and is continuing to unravel here, felt more like a year’s worth of experience of hell if nothing else. “We should go low, ditch the Camaro, and travel by foot…we also need food, water…we- "There was a lot they needed to do, but the more he tried to draw out a plan and a list of things, the harder it became to simply focus."We need to rest,” A little bump caused the car to do a slight jump, just enough to get Derek’s eyes to focus back on the road. Fingers wrapped tightly around the leather, every digit covered in scabs and traces of dried blood. If anyone stopped him right now, one would think he just came back from a massacre in the woods. “Hope you’re fine with spending the night with me, here in the car. For now, it’s all we got…I’m sorry. "The last part fell from his lips again, three words embedded like a prayer and plea, an old habit that he thought that he was having under control. "The drive will take a while, you can take a nap if you want.” I will keep you safe- this part he could not claim, since lately it seemed that he was the cause of all bad striking down upon them.

[lupuslxna]

sometimes it feels better not to talk. at all. about anything. to anyone.

[lupuslxna]

TYLER HOECHLIN Teen Wolf: The Movie (2023)

[lupuslxna]

i wonder if you miss me too.

[lupuslxna]

I’m returning home. Looking a little disheveled, but in a sentimental way that embraces that there is movement in my life now. Dedicating myself to love and authenticity after years of starving myself of it— starvation kills. Emerging from the graveyard soil after decades not as a zombie, but as a little flower ready to begin anew. I remind myself: I will inevitably expirence bliss, guilt, disgust, desire, rage, misery, and distress. This time around, even in the soul-ravaging anguish and loathing, I will remember that impermanence is the human expirence.

One day, things will be different.

[lupuslxna]

It cost you nothing to consume all the love I had for you, but it cost me everything.

[lupuslxna]

⊰ ☾ ⊱~; As if it were not enough that his ears were already bleeding from the damning screech of the fae, it took seconds before the sky turned into a canvas filled with stripes, like a map underneath your skin with veins showing the path. "Ah f-", he wanted to curse out loud, but nothing could surpass the rumble of thunder as it struck. Like a roar of a furious beast, it spread across the land, its outcry convulsing deep within your bones as teeth lacked together and taste of iron coated the tongue. Derek honestly could not tell where up and down was for a brief second, first the noise and now the blinding luster from above, the wolf was simply exhausted and- "-too old for this.." Gritting his teeth together he couldn't tell if his companion was ready or not, to leave the stage before another wave of new faces would appear. Derek mustered the last of his strength, yanking the redhead into the passenger seat, then leaned against his car's cold but familiar smoothness. One, two, three... pushing away he could finally make out the small dots dancing before his eyes, the old fae were now simply stuck there with eyes and mouths wide open. Staring at him with an emptiness that felt ominous, mute, and not moving from the position. At least it is what he thought, alas the peace shifted to absolute shitshow when their hand shot up just to point in their direction. Targets, that is what they are now. Sliding into the driver's seat the lycan didn't even register what his friend was telling him, every sense that he had still left working was paying attention to the surrounding, the screeching of the tires, and the swaying of the trees as he stepped on gas. His heart was beating with a steady rhythm like nothing had happened, but it was his hands and legs that shivered with weariness, still tense with intent to switch defensive if so needed. "You tell me...I have no idea what day it is, how long was I ...", swallowing hard to wash away the ashes sitting deep in the back of his throat, he tried to repeat his question. "-how long was I away? It felt like days...I...like I slept and just woke up." Yet still he was not ready to look at Lavi, and see the sadness, the pity, and worry reflecting in that radiant emerald hue. All that happened, and is continuing to unravel here, felt more like a year's worth of experience of hell if nothing else. "We should go low, ditch the Camaro, and travel by foot...we also need food, water...we- "There was a lot they needed to do, but the more he tried to draw out a plan and a list of things, the harder it became to simply focus."We need to rest," A little bump caused the car to do a slight jump, just enough to get Derek's eyes to focus back on the road. Fingers wrapped tightly around the leather, every digit covered in scabs and traces of dried blood. If anyone stopped him right now, one would think he just came back from a massacre in the woods. "Hope you're fine with spending the night with me, here in the car. For now, it's all we got...I'm sorry. "The last part fell from his lips again, three words embedded like a prayer and plea, an old habit that he thought that he was having under control. "The drive will take a while, you can take a nap if you want." I will keep you safe- this part he could not claim, since lately it seemed that he was the cause of all bad striking down upon them.

lupuslxna·:

⊰ ☾ ⊱~; Grabbing the most important items here, honestly there were not that many since the wolf still did not shake off the way of living he upheld all these years now. No personal objects to place around the vast space, always making sure that there were many paths to escape the establishment, windows, doors, all made of wood and cement which he could break come what may. The eerie sight of pleading hands reaching out from the small metal gap still haunted him in the depths of his sleepless nights; trapped underneath the red bleeding moon. “Your and mine….hey Lavi please be ca-!“A sigh followed the already weak call of the redhead’s name. He could only imagine the tiredness that the other male must feel deep inside his very bones when his own body slowly wanted to buckle and shatter underneath this pressure.

    Before he could even take another step, every hair on his body stood alert, the smell and taste of freshly fallen rain washed over him before the under came. Echoing with a loud voice it spoke in a tongue that Derek understood, a cadence that was familiar and close to his heart. Closing his eyes for a brief moment, he listened with his head tipped back as every word hit against his skin like raindrops falling from stormy skies. Lavi’s voice was the thunder that announced the presence of a force no one willingly would want to stand against, blunt and cutting it had no intention of hiding. So unlike Derek who rather stayed back, trying not to provoke anyone right now. "That idiot…” With soft fondness, and a smile on his lips those words were uttered by the lone wolf standing in another ‘home’ he had to abandon.     Getting down on his knees, Derek reached underneath his bed to pull out his bag, swinging it over his right shoulder as he hissed in pain, only proving how fragile this body had become- why wasn’t he healing dammit…- Taking one last look at this place where he had spent his last year, void of pictures, only a small plant in the middle of the table showed that someone actually came by here more often. Its green leaf’s turned almost gray now, whatever had walked in here, sucked the life right out of it; the older male bit back a growl. It was a gift from the pack as he had ‘moved in’, to make it a little bit more 'homie’ as Stiles said it 'not so lonely’. This was exactly why he avoided holding anything special in the same space as himself, it gets torn up, burned, and abused….    Without knowing really, he had moved closer to the table, hand reaching out to touch the leaf, his first instinct was to stop only an inch before doing so. Watching it crumble even before any contact was made, it almost felt as if the connection to the pack also did the same. Had to for now, if he wanted to protect them.     Taking a step back before turning around he walked right outside, to the very flashy scene that his friend had summoned up. Crossing his arms Derek could only stand there and watch how the old female had to fight against the urge to just, leave behind this mortal disguise, and shrivel away into Its hiding place as Lavi got so much closer. Not even twitching as the redhead touched this husk, only for the face- more exactly the face- hollowed out into this ghostly appearance with eyes black and mouth wide agap. Derek had already covered both of his ears now, knowing very well what will follow. “Ah fu-” A high-pitched shriek emitted from the old woman, face pale and body turning thinner with every second passing on, similar loud screams following hers from every side of the town. “LAVI!STOP TOUCHING IT!” As much as the cries were a pain to listen to. and almost made his ears bleed once he uncovered one side so that with his free hand he could grab Lavi by the collar, dragging him away. “C'mon, the car is few streets down and they won’t stop soon, they are like alarms going off! And luck for us, only me and you can hear them !”

To say the sight in front of him shifted into the stuff of horror movies was an understatement. Lavi yelped ( if it was out of terror, surprise or both nobody would ever know ) snatching his hand back and clutching it protectively against his chest. He barely managed to make a mental note about disinfecting it first chance he got when the most annoying, high pitched shriek erupted from the thing’s gaping mouth. It warranted a pained wince from his part ; shoulders tensing up as if they could cover somehow his poor ears, curling his tall body momentarily as to make himself look smaller in the face of imminent danger. For in war, which was where he came from, such loud noises never signaled the best of outcomes.

It pissed him off. His traitorous instincts. The nerve of the creature, triggering him that way. In the battlefield, any sudden alarm sound would imply his position was highly vulnerable. Following Bookmen rules, the next step to take was to silence it by any means. Luckily, Derek’s hand suddenly grabbed at his collar and promptly pulled him away ; the wolf’s good deed of the day, most likely. Because the Exorcist was pretty sure his companion was completely unaware of how efficiently he had just saved his so called neighbour’s life. To keep that fact unsaid was easy ; his rapidly depleting energy put then to the tedious task of getting to the damn car instead. “ Shit ! What is wrong with this town?!”

 Almost crashing into the vehicle, Lavi released another pained groan before blindly opening the passenger door and diving inside like a mad man ; slamming it closed with the stupid hopes of silencing the horrible noise… However, it wouldn’t stop. “ Shut up.” Like sound waves becoming a physical thing, it settled like a heavy weight inside his skull. Glancing at Derek, he could only guess it was even worse on those sensitive ears of his. Better yet, scratch that thought. Was it blood he could see? Fingertips touched carefully that trail of bright crimson running down the lycan’s earlobe, the coppery liquid wasting no time sinking under his own short nails. Say, what’s a Bookman if we take away his ability to… record… “… I’m in Beacon Hills.” Blood of his hands. I have ten little fingers… On the walls. They all belong to me… The former apprentice closed his eyes and the world turned dark. I can make them do things! He could smell the iron and hear that taunting laugh-like-shriek. I can shut them up tight… Weak, he felt weak again. Open them wide. He was sitting – Or make them disappear! “ – In Beacon Hills.” 

With a sharp inhale, he blinked. Once. As if it would quell the roaring in his head. His heart. The Exorcist smiled slightly. It was always like an avalanche when it happened. The inmense crash of white across the sky. The first stampede of thunder a reply to the undergone threat so loud it shook the ground ; the car. Shaking his own teeth like an engine, and for a moment, he couldn’t hear himself laughing obnoxiously along it all. In glee. Armed. Alive. The day split under a silvery axe of lighting like a giant boulder falling from the heavens and then – utter silence. Peace. Merely interrupted by his now soft chuckles. “ Drive now, Derek.” Wiping off the blood on his trousers, he leaned his head back to grin crookedly at the other male. “ They’ll clean yer apartment… Smart lil’ creatures know it ain’t worth it to start this kinda war. Exorcists are designed t’be a one man army, after all.” A tired yawn escaped his lips before he bluntly finished his sentence. “…'nd I’m so tired of bein’ trapped.” Would mercy be present, next time?

[lupuslxna]