lure-of-writing

[lure-of-writing]

Priority

Word count: 4.2k

Warnings: none

Summary: Bodhi is in love with you. Hopelessly in love. Unfortunately for him he can't say anything about it.

If you asked Bodhi when he first met you two things were certain. One, he would tilt his head to the side and raise an eyebrow in question. Two, he would give a small shrug of his shoulder before saying “Uh I don’t know?”. His statement always sounded more like a question. In his defence why would he know the answer to that question. There is no point in time where Bodhi can pinpoint the moment you entered his life. Unfortunately or fortunately depending on who you asked, you have always been there. Always a constant in his life and he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

“Oh come on Bo don’t be like this.” You tilt your head slightly, your lashes batting so strongly he swears that there is a draft in here. Bodhi doesn’t budge, he keeps his arms crossed over his chest with a slight twitch in his clenched jaw. “You know I didn’t mean it right?” The teasing in your voice softens, just a little, just enough to know you really didn’t mean anything by your comment.  “As cool as Xaden is, I could never replace you with him.” You pause for a moment before adding “His ego is too big for me.” Bodhi glances down at where you were sitting on the ground next to the chair he was sitting in. Bodhi wanted to say something sarcastic right back at you, but he couldn’t, the jealousy burning in his throat wouldn’t allow him to. Even if he could say anything he wouldn’t be able to; the way you were looking up at him, like you needed him to know you were only joking. Like what he thought truly mattered to you, it rendered him speechless. 

 Your friends- Liam, Garrick, Xaden and himself were spread out in Xadens room talking about nothing and everything all at once. Garrick being the instigator he is just had to ask you who you would pick to be stranded with and of course you being you said his cousin. He knew you were just trying to mess with him. To get under his skin. And it worked, of course it did. Bodhi would never admit it to anybody but he felt like he was always walking in Xadens shadow. Always second best, never good enough to be picked first. Your lighthearted teasing didn't make him feel any better, not when the jealousy hit harder than it ever had before. 

Bodhi said nothing as you stared up at him. He stared down at you as you looked up at him, a frown was starting to replace your teasing smile. He hated that look, despised it really. If there was one thing he couldn’t stand, it was seeing you sad. “Are you really going to give me that look?” he muttered, and you didn’t miss the annoyance painting his voice. But the moment he finally looked at you again you knew he truly didn’t mean it. With your eyes locked onto his nothing else in the room existed besides you. God he could never be mad at you, not when you look at him like that. 

 The glare he sent Garrick wasn’t missed by you but you couldn’t help yourself when you leaned your body to rest fully against his leg. Placing your head against his thigh. Bodhi would never reject your touch, not when it was so familiar. He craved the feeling of your body against his, more often then he would care to admit.  With Bodhi ignoring you, Liam picked up the conversation, you were trying to listen but all of your attention was on Bodhi. Truly you felt bad about hurting his feelings. While he would never admit that you did, you could see it in the way his jaw set, hands flexing against his arms and his eyes flickering away from yours to hide his hurt. Bodhi could feel the guilt coming off of you in waves. Without even thinking about it he gently brushes his fingers through your hair. He may be talking to Garrick but you knew his attention was on you. This was his way of letting you know that he accepted your apology. The words “i’m sorry” never tumbled out of your lips but the way you leaned further into him and periodically glanced up at him in worry was an apology to him. Words weren’t needed, they never have been, at least not between the two of you. 

“Bo?” The light nudge against his legs pulls his eyes away from Garrick and back to you. “Yeah?” His response was equally as quiet as yours was. His voice felt thick with an emotion he refused to acknowledge. He didn’t stop his ministrations. Instead he found that spot behind your ear and rubbed gentle circles on it before resting his hand on the base of your neck. His fingers still tangled in your hair. “Ya’ know I would never replace you right?” The guilt mixed with an undercurrent of pleading broke his heart.  “I know sweetheart.” His whispered words sound a little rough even to him. But he meant what he said. Gently he squeezes the back of your neck in an unspoken promise. He wasn’t going anywhere, no matter what you were to follow. 

“You couldn’t get rid of me even if you tried.” His words were an afterthought but he meant them. Bodhi bent forward slightly to reach eye level with you. His other hand that wasn’t tangled in your hair cupped your cheek softly turning your face to look at him. The limited space between you forces a sharp inhale of air into your lungs. Bodhi didn’t miss your near silent gasp or the way your eyes flickered over his face before looking at his lips and then back to his eyes. “Sweetheart I’m gonna need you to stop worrying in that pretty little head of yours, ok?” His voice was quiet but you felt them as if they had been screamed at you. That nickname he gave you never failed to make your heart skip a beat. He watched as you took in a shaky breath before lightly nodding your head. “Ok.” Glancing between your eyes he waited until he saw the guilt slip away and he swore love replaced it.

He needed to pull away, put some space between the two of you before he did something he would regret. Leaning forward just a bit more he angled your head up just slightly so he could place a kiss against your hairline. His lips lingered for a moment before pulling away. His eyes found yours again and you saw the small smirk forming on his lips. Maybe he should have kissed you on the lips he thinks to himself, especially with the way a flush of red makes its way to your cheeks. He wonders what would happen if he kissed you.  After a light tap against your cheek he removes his hand and sits back in his chair, refocused on the conversation you hadn’t been aware of. His hand never leaves your hair though. With Bodhi’s focus back on whatever conversation was happening you lay your head back down onto his leg. The gentle kiss you place against his leg is enough for his brain to short circuit. The glide of his hand in your hair stops mid stroke. Bodhi feels his breath hitch in his throat while he was frozen for a second. Without thinking he hand tightens its hold on your hair before releasing once more. 

Bodhi has never been more grateful to not have your eyes on him. The way his jaw tightens. The way his chest rises and falls just a little bit quicker than it should for sitting in a chair. He had to close his eyes for a moment to collect himself. Bodhi knew he was protective of you, maybe even a little obsessed with you but god damn if he wasn’t in love with you. Bodhi's heart sang from the feeling of your lips against his body. And he hates to admit it but for a second he thought about what your lips would feel like against his leg without pants blocking your way. After taking the moment to collect himself he clears his throat pulling your attention back to him. 

The way you bat your eyes at him in anticipation causes him to clear his throat yet again. “I know you were joking but just don’t do that again ok baby?” He chuckles softly at the way your eyes widen and cheeks flush even brighter while casting your eyes downward in hopes to hide the shock you are feeling. There is nothing Bodhi loves more than seeing that shy bashful smile grace your lips all because of him.

“Where the hell is she?” Cuirs talons curled into the wet stone as Bodhi's voice rang out across the flight field. The grey clouds unleashed gallons of freezing droplets of rain upon every rider. Constricting leathers tightened with their newfound water weight. Across the blurred Bodhi could make out the red and brown dragon that was a part of your group but the emerald green scorpion tail dragon he was so used to seeing was nowhere to be found. Everyone from the training exercise had returned. Everyone but you. Time seemed to slow to a screeching halt as Bodhi took in the field before him. Short quick breaths pounded against his ribcage. Panic raised with bail in the back of his throat. “No..no” A panicked gasp of air cut off his train of thoughts. He was the only person who hadn’t dismounted. “Xaden! Garrick!” Bodhi could hear the raw desperation in his voice, he knew that other riders had heard it too, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Not when everyone had returned but you. He would follow you to the end of the world without you ever having to ask him. It was no surprise to his two closest friends that he was willing to bring the wrath of the professors upon himself by defying orders and heading back out. He would do anything to find you. And if he found you- no he wouldn’t let himself think about that. 

The terror gripping his voice propelled his friends back to their own dragons. Both men had done a quick scan of the field and knew what was wrong. They would have known without even having to look. Bodhi never lost control of himself no matter what. Unless it involved you, then all bets were off. Bodhi couldn’t control his protective instincts even when he tried. So he stopped trying. 

Just as Garrick and Xaden were about to remount the powerful distinct sound of dragon wings could be heard approaching from a distance. Only one thing could be possible. You were returning with Aella. Once again time seemed to slow down. Minutes felt like hours. Every second that passed felt like a lifetime. The fall of rain seemed to double within seconds blurring his vision even more than it already was. Howling wind whipped the rain in all directions forcing other riders to lower their heads or raise their arms to at least protect their faces. Bodhi did neither. He wouldn’t not when the sound of wind being beaten into submission by powerful and strong wings could be heard from mere miles away. You were coming. He could feel it in his bones. It had to be you- there was no other possibility for Bodhi. Finally there was a shadow of a dragon and the vice grip his ribs had on his lungs loosened allowing him to take a deeper breath just by a fraction. Green. He saw green. It was a muted green but it was green nonetheless. 

Dark grey heavy clouds limited his visibility but he knew what he saw. Rain was being pelted down towards the earth with the force of Aellas wings. Bodhi was a part of those that were in Aellas path but he could not care less. Not if that meant you were safe. He would stand under the frozen dagger feeling rain for his whole life if that meant you were safe. Gracefully Aella landed in the middle of the flight field where most of the other dragons had previously occupied it. He was moving before he even knew he was. He was on Cuir one moment and the next he was sliding down his own green dragon without an ounce of grace. “Y’n!” The waiver in his voice didn’t stop, no, it traveled throughout his whole body. The waiver transformed into different things. Trembling hands, burning eyes from unshed tears and lungs that were on fire from how quickly he was running towards you. 

Something was wrong. If anyone possed elegance and grace even in the world of dragon riding it was you. The clumsy tumble down Aellas leg combined with the way you landed with a thud forcing you to roll onto your shoulder to prevent yourself from breaking a bone was anything but normal for you. Sharp painful breaths pumped his legs faster. He had to be faster. He couldn’t get to you soon enough. After what couldn’t have been more than two minutes Bodhi was finally in front of your bent over body. You were tipped over at the hips facing the ground. Both of your elbows rested upon your legs while you cradled your head in your heads. Something was wrong. Without thinking Bodhi unraveled your body forcefully crashing your body into his chest. “Thank god you are ok. I thought…. I thought you were.” Bodhi couldn't bring himself to say the words, not when his eyes burned and his lungs ached and he couldn’t stop the way his hands were shaking. “Are you ok?” He pulled your body away from his slightly to scan your body for injuries. Subconsciously his hands moved to cup your cheeks. “What's wrong baby? I need to know so I can help. But you gotta tell be baby.” Whispered words tumbled from his lips causing your eyes to meet his. Wordlessly you gripped his hands and pulled them away from his face. Silently he watched as you unzipped your flight jacket and pulled the side of your shirt up exposing a large bleeding gash decorating your skin.

“Who did this to you?” It wasn’t a question. It was a demand. Nobody touched you. Nobody dug their dragger along your skin and didn’t pay for it. Bodhi was going to kill whoever did this to you. That was a promise. Bodhi was unable to pull his eyes away from your side as he spoke. “Sweetheart we need to get you to the healers, ok?” Your silence forced his eyes back towards yours. Water was pooling on your waterline and your lips where shaking in pain. Tenderly he pulled you back into his chest. One of his hands found purchase in your sopping wet hair while the other rested upon your neck. “It’s ok I’ve got you baby. I’ve got you. I won’t let anything like this happen to you again I promise.” 

Bodhi hadn’t moved from the chair in his room. He couldn’t bring himself to, not when you were laying in his bed. Sleep had pulled you away from him. Not that he could blame you of course. He would never blame you. “Bo?” Your quiet voice pulled his attention away from his plot for revenge and onto you. “Yeah sweet girl?” He matched his voice to yours not wanting to destroy the peaceful environment that your presence had created. Outside his window it was pitch black but inside of his room warm flickers of light bounced around the room casting you in a beautiful light. Granted you were always beautiful in his eyes but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t enjoy what was before him. Wordlessly you watched as he made his way over to his bed. He perched himself on the edge of the bed right by your hip.  Your watchful eyes traced his movement until you couldn’t. His hands where once again in your hair. Carefully he moved his hand down until it rested on your neck. He couldn’t help himself from touching your cheek. Lightly his thumb ran back and forth against your cheek.

“Will you lay with me?” His room was not warm by any means but suddenly it felt like a hundred degrees warmer and he felt the blood rise to his face. He was sure that there was a flush to his face. He had laid in bed with you a thousand of times before so he wasn’t sure why he was suddenly nervous. Deep down he knew why. Some part of your relationship with him had changed and he wasn’t sure what that meant. He wasn’t sure if he had to prepare to mourn all the ways he wished he could of had you. Swallowing the lump in his throat he glances out the window and follows the path of a raindrop along the window until he couldn’t follow it anymore. Turning back to your he finds your sharp eyes already resting upon him. Forcefully he cleared his throat once more before answering. “Of course, you never have to ask me that.” His voice wasn’t a whisper but it wasn’t normal speaking volume either.

Gently he pulls back the blanket helping you scooch over in the bed making more space for him before he climbed in. With a wince you pull yourself up and pat the pillow behind your head. Expectantly you look at him. A laugh falls from his lips “You could of just said you wanted to use my arm as a pillow you know that right?” The shake of his head does nothing to move his smile. “Why would I do that? You should know this by now.” Your words floated into the space above him. “You’re right I should know better.” This time it's a huff of air that leaves you instead. Bodhi missed the sound of your laugh but he knew it would be too painful for you to laugh at the moment so he enjoyed what he had. “Obviously I’m always right.” Your words were cut off with a wince. Bodhi went to push himself up so he could help you move but you shook your head and placed your palm on his chest. 

Following your silent command he lays back down to his previous position, A soft grunt and a heavy sigh of relief later you were pressed against his side. One of your legs crossed against his chest and the other rested against his leg. Your head rested on his chest right above his heart. He waited until you were comfortable to move. Softly he moves to rest one hand below the cut on your side while the other finds its way to your bare leg. Absentmindedly his thumb begins to rub patterns along your leg. A few minutes of silence had passed before your voice filled the room. “Bo?” Slowly he opens his eyes to find yours are already looking at him. “Yeah?’ His eyes traced over your face while you fought to find the right words. He always knew you were stunning but here in his room with the gentle light dancing upon your face, your beauty took his breath away. “What happened out there Bodhi? The use of his first name caught his attention before the rest of your words did. You only used his first name when you were serious. “Huh?” 

 The words tumbled out of his lips before he could even stop them. Internally he cringes at his answer. “What happened out there with you? I’ve never seen you like that before. You were so- so panicked. You never panic.” Bodhi knew in this moment that it was now or never. He had been so close to telling you out on the flight field but he couldn’t not when you desperately needed to be seen by the healers. Bodhi sucked in a deep breath in hopes of calming his nerves. It did not. “I panicked because it was you. You hadn’t come back. Everyone was back but you and just the thought alone of something having happened to you worried me sick. But then you finally showed up, right as I was about to go searching you for and at first all I felt was relief. Until I watched you dismount from Aella and then the fear took over all over again. I could tell something was wrong but I didn’t know what it was and all I could think about was something finally taking you from me. And I… I can’t stand that thought. It makes me sick.” Bodhi's words came to a stop but still you said nothing. You could tell that there was more he wanted to say, more he needed to say, but he needed the space to find the right words. Without realizing it you had begun to rub soothing circles on bodhi's chest. Bodhi felt the warmth of your hand against his chest. The gentle comforting touch of your hand upon him was more than he could ask for. 

“I am so in love with you. I have been for years. I could never bring myself to tell you. I worried about what it would do to our relationship but after seeing you like that. I can’t hold it in anymore.” Bodhi's hand encased yours pulling it to rest on his cheek but he didn’t remove his hand. If this is the last time he gets to have you like this he was going to take every  moment presented to him. “I love you. And I understand if you don't feel the same. But I can;t keep it in anymore. I am so incredibly in love with you.” A beat of silence passed while your eyes bounce between his lips and eyes. Finally after what felt like forever a laugh rang out into the once silent room. Out of all the reactions Bodhi was expecting this was definitely not one of them. His raised eyebrow did all the talking for him. 

“Oh Bo.” A sigh mixed with a breathless laugh tumbled from your lips. “We are such idiots. I am in love with you too. I have been since I met you but I never said anything because I was worried about it not working out.” A laugh of disbelief rumbled in his chest. He removed his hand from your wrist to rub his eyes for a long moment before laughing again. He pulled his hand down his face before placing it back on your thigh. “I can’t believe this. I have been on the verge of losing my mind for a year and a half because I was worried just for this to happen.” Bodhi shakes his head in disbelief once more. Even though he wished he had known this information earlier he didn’t mind. Not if it meant what he hoped it did. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?” Giggling, you lightly shook your head. Even though the movement was gentle it was enough to push a few hairs into your face. Without thinking he pulled his hand away from your leg and brought it out from the blanket to push your hair behind your ear. God he could never get used to the sight in front of him. 

A bashful smile painted your face along with a deep blush. “I was way too nervous to tell you first.” Your answer pulled a laugh from the two of you. After a few seconds both of your laughter had died down leaving silence to fill its space instead. “So I should have grown a pair and done it first a long time ago is what you're saying.” The slight shrug of your shoulders didn’t match the coy smile you were sporting. “You said it not me.” Once again you shrugged not before laughing again. This time it was against the pec of his chest. “So I should always make the first move, is what I’m hearing?” Quickly you glanced up to find his eyes already upon you. Shifting you move to hide more of your face in his chest but he doesn’t let you get far. “I mean if that's how you feel that it then sure.” Bodhi knew when you got shy you tried to hide from prying eyes but fortunately for him he wasn’t subject to the same rules as everybody else. Softly his hand finds its rightful place against your cheek and neck. The gentle guide of his hands pulls your face up to his. You watch as his eyes drop to your lips before coming back up. “Well if that's the case then you won’t have any problem with this.” Bodhi lifted himself while bringing your face closer to his. With one last look at your eyes wide in surprise he closes his own eyes when he felt the softness of your lips against his own. Slowly your lips found a rhythm against Bodhis and he swore there was no better feeling in the world than this. 

Finally when both of you ran out of air did you pull away from each other. Bodhi was watching you when your eyelids finally peeled apart from each other. “I think you should do that again just so I can make sure there is no problem.” The laugh that tumbled out of Bodhi was loud and full of joy. He could feel the smirk on his face but he made no move to stop it. Not when you were looking at him like that. Right before your lips met his .That laugh that he loved graced the room once again. He would hate to cut off the laugh that he loves so much but the feel of your lips against his takes priority.

[lure-of-writing]

Hi lovely, I am so sorry this has taken me so long, At first I had covid for like two weeks and then life was lifeing but finally I am in the process of writing this! it will be posted later tonight or tomorrow at the latest!!

perhaps a bodhi durran x reader fic where they’ve been besties for the resties for a while and they’re both head over heels for each other and one day they’re just talking about some stupid and silly and bodhi let’s it slip, his feelings and stuff goes down!! okie, thanks 🥺

Hi hon! I love this idea so much! As much as I love Xaden, Bodhi is just as adorable. I will get on this asap and I will tag you when it's done.

[lure-of-writing]

Beyond the tread of fate

Summary: The "war games" were anything but games. It was a ploy to kill off more riders without having to get blood on their hands.

Word count: 2.8k

Authors note: Hi everyone, I think I'm going to make this into a series but as always I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions! And if you have any requests or ideas on what I should do next please let me know! and ways happy reading!!

“We have never seen a signet as strong as hers.” The breathy voice a few yards away shook Bodhi to his core. “There has never been a signet like this to begin with.” Another voice counters. 

Never did you think your signet would be something so strong and powerful. The ability to not only see parts of the future but to alter it, to put it simply, is insane. You knew that having a powerful signet was good in more ways than one but that also meant it put an even bigger target on your back. If other riders in the quadrant didn’t want to kill you before for having the markings of the rebellion relic, they definitely do now. 

But unfortunately for them you did not come this far, survive for this long, to only come this far. Each day after threshing posed a threat to your survival. Leadership now had a keen eye on you unlike before where they would simply spare you a glance before moving onto something they thought to be more interesting, not that you minded. Now it seemed that almost everyone in the leadership positions took a new liking to breathing down your back at all times of the day. There was no doubt in your mind that they were trying to find a way for you to cement yourself as a tool used for destruction at their hands, little did they know that you would die before pledging even more loyalty to them then you already have. 

Your acts of slight rebellion were starting to catch up with you, having drawn the attention of not only general Melgren but also general Sorrengail. And you swore that if the soul of Malek wasn’t reincarnated into this death trap of a college, wasn’t trying to kill you, then the generals most definitely would take it upon themselves. And something told you that Malek would be more merciful. 

As a third year it wasn’t uncommon to be called to the midland posts and with your signet there was no doubt that those so called leaders would let you venture more they deemed necessary. Needless to say you weren’t surprised when it was announced that the so called attack was simply “Was games.” Nothing in this horrendous college was simply a game. It was a way of killing off people without having to do any of the work. 

Dain was attempting to get you to go with him and violet as a guise of keeping Violet safe while Xaden wasn’t with her. Except you would rather be roasted by a dragon then go anywhere with the overgrown toddler of a squad leader. Xaden wouldn’t allow it and neither would Bodhi. That's how you found yourself in the air formation of Xadens personal picks heading outside of the wards. Even without your powers you knew that something was off, you could feel it, and so could everyone else. But without the ability to talk with Xaden or Bodhi while in the air, you keep your thoughts to yourself and focus on making a game plan with what little information you had.

It was no surprise to land at the outpost and see that it was completely empty. Not only was leadership testing Xadens loyalty but they were testing everyone else who was with him. You didn’t need your signet to see that one coming. Having been the child of parents who were in the rebellion you knew all those creatures in the stories told to young children weren’t simply a story, but instead the truth. And they were coming right at the town of the outpost. “Well that’s definitely not good.” you mumble under your breath while turning back to the group of riders that were looking towards Xaden. “What's not good?” Bodhi asked with concern, effectively halting all conversation. Without answering you motioned over your shoulder and moved to the side allowing others to see what you saw mere seconds ago. A beat of silence passes before a murmur of a colorful string of cuss words rang out from all directions. “Are those what I think they are?” a marked second year asks, voice quivering in fear. This wasn’t the first time you’ve seen those horrid creatures, Venin without a doubt would not be winning any beauty awards. The freakishly bright eyes and dark crawling veins marking their face mix with the ability to draw power and energy from not only the earth itself but from living things was terrifying enough without their looks. 

Not everyone wanted to be a dragon rider but a deal was a deal. Be allowed to live as a dragon rider or die trying. You couldn’t blame the paleing second year; those creatures were not the most appealing thing to look at. Without answering the scared girl, you, Bodhi, Xaden and Garrick share a look coming to the same decision. You would not let all of those innocent people die.As the older children of the rebellion the knowledge you had about venin and wyverns allowed you to know the immense damage they were capable of inflicting upon those in the village down the hill from the outpost. Before Xaden could get a word out the same second year cut him off. “There's no way we are going down there right?” She rubs her palms against the leathers on her legs looking like she just might pass out. That's not a good sign. 

With a sigh you look out to the impending doom before turning back around. “Judge if you want, we’re all going to die at some point anyways.  And I don’t know about you but I intend to deserve it.” At your words Bodhi rolls his neck while a very long and tired sigh slips past his lips. You were going to be the death of him. “Will you please stop saying things like that?” Your boyfriend pleads. Laughing you beckon for Xaden to start giving orders while moving to stand by Bodhi's side. Under normal circumstances you would never dare to show so much affection towards Bodhi for fear of the harm others might seek out to bring you harm through hurting him. But these were all marked children, people who knew what was on the line. That this was the only true family left remaining, and while some may be scared to put there skill to use and fight they wouldn’t dare dream of betraying those who take care of them, 

Silently you wrap your arm around Bodhi's waist tucking yourself into him while listening to your wingleader. Bodhi draps an arm around your shoulders taking in what he is sure is going to be the last few moments of calmness before things inevitably go south. Xaden finishes giving out commands sending people scurrying back to their dragons. The cousins share a glance and Xaden gives a slight nod, understanding the two of you need a moment alone. 

“Bo you know I will do everything in my power to come back to you, right?” You see flashes of fear darting around his eyes and you want nothing more than to soothe his worrying. “I know my love but-” He pauses looking out into the distance. “We both know that there is no guarantee that we survive this. I’m more than ok going out protecting those who can’t protect themselves. And I know that you would be strong enough to survive my death but me? There is nothing in this world that would stop me from following you to Malek.” He finishes by wrapping his other arm around you and pulling you flush against him. For a second nothing is said while both of you take in every detail of the person before you, as this could very well be the last time you ever see each other. 

“You know that I don’t make promises Bo, especially ones that I can’t keep. But hear me when I say this.” The gentle feeling of your hands against his cheeks is a feeling he memorizes just in case “There is nothing, and I mean nothing, that can keep me from you ok? I promise no matter what I will come back to you even if it's the last thing I do.” You hold out your pinky finger in a silent promise. You watch as he glances down to your outstretched hand before looking back up at you. “You come back to me.” That wasn’t a statement that was an order. “Yes sir!” The sharp salute at odd with your intertwined pinkies brings a smile to his face. Even while on the verge of possibly dying you still manage to keep a positive attitude. And that was something he truly admired about you. 

Your slight step back causes Bodhi to tighten his grip on you. “uh -uh, you’re not leaving without giving me a kiss.” Bodhi watches as your face lights up in joy. Leaning forward your lips hover right above his but you make no move to follow through with your action. Gently you drape your arms over his shoulders, lightly running your hands though that curly hair of his that you love so much. Bodhi was getting tired of waiting for you to kiss him and from the sly smile gracing your lips he knew exactly what you were doing. Removing one hand from your waist he brings it up to cup your cheek. His fingers tickle where they rest on the back of your neck. His other hand tightens on your waist and for a moment he does nothing but stroke your cheek lovingly. Tilting your head up slightly you look into those eyes that never fail to capture all of your attention. “I love you.” Pulling him in slightly you stop leaving your lips ghosting over his. “I love you too.” The kiss that ensued was gentle yet passionate. Full of hope and promise to survive. Pulling away your eyes dart between his. “You come back to me ok?” The words fight to get out over the lump forming in your throat. “Yes ma'am!” Bodhi returns the salute you gave him earlier. With one last kiss to your forehead he pulls away, not daring to move until you walk back to where Eden, your dragon, was waiting for you. 

The slight bite you have on your lips is the only indication that you were nervous, but Bodhi watched as you took a deep breath and swallowed the fear in your throat. Within seconds fear washed away and in its wake confidence returned. The roll of your shoulders and tilt of your head set in certainty assured him that you would be just fine. Or at least he hoped. 

The swift turn of your heel in the broken pieces of cement propelled you forward and away from him. Not once did you look back. You couldn’t let him see the fear in your eyes. Bodhi watched as you mounted the back of Eden and took off to the skies. “Malek I swear if you try to take her from me, I will kill you myself.” He promises in a whisper under his breath “She can handle herself.” Cuir says firmly “especially with that signet of hers.” 

Power was gaining strength beneath your skin, traveling in all directions until it encompassed every inch of your body. The warm buzzing sensation dancing under your skin brought you to life in ways you can’t explain. The cold crisp air from the high altitude should litter the exposed parts of your body in goosebumps but instead warmth radiates outwards before mixing with the cool air and disappearing as Eden flies towards the Venin. 

“Lets kick some ass shall we?” Chuffing sounds from Eden in approval “I thought you would never ask considering you had yourself entangled with Cuirs rider.” The dragon beneath you doesn’t need to look to see that you're rolling your eyes at her remark. “I’m going to choose to ignore that statement considering we have more important things to focus on.” Vibrations of what could only be assumed as dragon laughter rumbles underneath your body before Eden plummets down to the village in need of help.

Being able to see and alter the future was both a blessing and a curse. It took countless hours grounding and learning how to control the gift Eden bestowed upon you. Thankfully though all the learning curves you uncovered more than the ability to gain insight on how to change the future when eventually happens. You learned to alter the present, also allowing you to change the future. “They want something in that tower.” Eden's voice rings out in your head causing you to look down. “Do we know what's in there?”  For a moment she doesn’t respond until you see two riders dismount from their dragons and make their way to the tower. “We are about to find out.”

Venin were already wreaking havoc on the village and they had just gotten started. While in the air you could see buildings as they were being blown up and paths of fire being created. For now you would keep your power building beneath the surface and help where needed. As much as you had learned to not let this immense power overwhelm you, the ability to control the toll it took on your body was something you had yet to master. You would only unleash the power when absolutely necessary. 

The swift turn of Violet and Tairn pulled your attention away from the ground and back on the skyline. “You’ve got to be shitting me!”  The sight of two wyvern appearing in the sky redirected Eden's attention to where Tairn was being closely followed. Just as one of the wyvern was going in to bite Tairn tail Eden slid beneath dragging her daggertail through its stomach. The pull of Eden's wings being tucked in tight to her body sent you spiraling back down to the earth only leveling out a few hundred feet above the town. An angry roar of pain sounded behind you and without having to look you knew the wretched creature was following. “Well if it wasn’t mad before it is now.” Glancing over your shoulder you see the deformed version of a dragon snap its teeth in hopes of taking a chunk of Eden with it. Instead Eden spins upside down before correcting herself to be upright again. No matter how many times she did that you swore it would always make your heart stop and hands sweat. You’ve seen countless riders die from that maneuver. You didn’t want to be added to the count. “Stop fretting, I would have caught you.” Her distaste for your worrying should have left no room for argument but that didn’t stop you. “Aren’t you the one who said if the rider can’t stay on their dragon then they deserve to fall?” 

“I never said anything about that applying to my rider.” She was a hypocrite if you ever did meet one. “I heard that, you know? Would you rather I let you fall to your death?” Your answer never made it out of your mouth as you watch Liam fall from his dragon. Without thinking you let your power free from its confines. Gold yet iridescent string indicating the countless versions of the future spread out before you. Pulling on the string where Liam and Deigh were able to avoid the wyvern, catapults Liam back to his dragon flying past the wyvern avoiding the strike you had no doubt would have killed your friend. Liam and Deigh glanced at you knowing you redirected history. Winking you smiled at the pair letting them know you had their backs.  The alteration sends ripples of shifting light speckled with iridescent gold flying out in all directions in the air. “It seems we have caught someone's attention.” The slight tilt Eden makes provides a clear line of sight to the Verin below. It stood in one spot looking up and directly at you. For a second they stood unmoving until it raised the staff and launched enough energy to crumple a building. “Shit! Eden, turn right, turn right!” Your voice wavers in fear of the destructive energy hitting your dragon. Listening to your words Eden stops with a harsh beat of her wings pitching herself completely vertical narrowly avoiding the blast. The sudden change in angle with no warning spends you flying down her scaley back. “Eden!” you scream pierces her ears as you officially fly off of her back. Time seems to stand still as you dive straight to the ground. There would be no way Eden could save you in time. With the angle of your fall and how she is positioned, if she were to move her tail would likely collide with your falling body effectively killing you. There was nothing Eden could do. She couldn’t save her rider. 

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perhaps a bodhi durran x reader fic where they’ve been besties for the resties for a while and they’re both head over heels for each other and one day they’re just talking about some stupid and silly and bodhi let’s it slip, his feelings and stuff goes down!! okie, thanks 🥺

Hi hon! I love this idea so much! As much as I love Xaden, Bodhi is just as adorable. I will get on this asap and I will tag you when it's done.

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Taking requests

Hi everyone! I am currently taking writing requests for both fourth wing and ACOTAR so please feel free to send your requests my way!!

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Price to Pay

You were his long before she came into the picture. Being the child of parents that were deemed as traitors not many people sought you out in hopes of a friendship, neither did Xaden but nonetheless he took on responsibility of all the marked children in hopes of keeping them alive. It was a freezing wet cold January morning when you met him, purely by accident at that. You were never intended to meet him , at least until you got to the riders quadrant. “There is always a price to be paid my sweet girl, whether or not you know it.” Your mothers voice rang true in your head. In all your life it seems that she was never wrong, not even in death. 

“You are the only person who was being…” The deliberate pause of the man standing before you didn’t go unnoticed, with a slight cough he clears his throat. “Being trained as a healer of some sorts. And seeing as he won’t let anyone else help him you surely understand why I asked for you to be the one who came, right?” The agitated tone of his voice did nothing to soothe the anxiety hurling throughout your body. “I mean after all, I can’t let the boy die.” Ah, there it was. The real reason you were brought here. Never would they allow the leader of the rebellion's son to die before they got a chance to play their death games with him. Pretending to play gods. Something tells you Malek wouldn’t be too happy with their doings. With a heavy sign you give in “Where is he?” After all your mother was just as involved with the revolution as his father was, which means you are not only responsible for the others, mostly out of guilt that your mothers actions caused them to lose their own families, but you also know that your mother would want you to look after the boy like she looked after his father. Shame and guilt have an interesting way of making people do things that they wouldn’t normally do. Such as willing to walk into what could be considered a death wish of a house. 

Xaden was exactly where they said he would be. The room was basically empty besides the bare necessities and random things he must of deemed worth collecting along the way. Hues of tan, white and gold engulf the room in what you could only imagine to be an attempt at not only showing a wealth of money but also a failed attempt at being inviting. If anything it only made the raised, wilted and barely healed wounds lining his back to be even more glaringly obvious, if that were even possible. While observing the marred flesh you noted that you didn’t see his back rise and fall. That was a bad sign, a very bad sign. Quiet but hurried steps made their way over to where he laid in bed. His head was facing you but his eyes were closed. Naturally you stuck your finger under his nose to see if he was even breathing.  “Is it normal for you to stick your fingers under the nose of people you don’t know?” The sudden noise has you pulling back and quickly placing a hand over your heart. “My god, why would you scare me like that? I thought you were dead, you dumbass.” you grumble “In what world would I just be sticking my hands in the faces of strangers?” You swear you heard an attempt at laughter out of him but it could also be a groan of pain. Your second guess was probably much more likely. “What hurts the most?” you stop assessing his back for a moment when you see him peek open his eye “Everything?” His tone drips in disbelief, not that you blame him. It was kind of a stupid question. Sighing you pull over his chair from his desk and take a seat. Another sigh tumbles out while rubbing your face and all you can think is that you definitely have your work cut out for you in more ways than one. 

The path of your relationship had for the most part always been a rocky one. Xaden never wanted to accept not only your help but the role you played keeping the other marked children alive. While he might be the son of the leader that doesn’t make you invisible. Day in a day out you would teach those around you the knowledge you possessed of plants and herbs and remedies in hopes that they would never need to use them. Teaching, training, building children into young adults who understood what they were going to be up against was something you took pride in, even if Xaden frowned upon it. 

He would never say it out loud but he thinks you are not capable of teaching them what they need to know, how to survive in a war college that's meant to kill you. In his eyes you are too soft, too kind, too willing to help, to survive Basgiath War College. And if you couldn’t survive then how would the children that you are supposedly teaching?

Unfortunately for him you are your mothers daughter. Not only were you almost as lethal as him in the challenges, you were quick and smart and strong. Stronger than he ever thought you were capable of. And after many fights about letting you help, letting you correct as much wrong as you humanly could, Xaden finally caved. That is where the tab for your price to pay begins collecting. 

Something about him was like a drug. Constantly pulling you in for more but causing a world of pain when you lack access. You never planned on your relationship becoming more than a begrudging and slightly reluctant friendship. But just like with any drug you think you're good at controlling the amount you need in what doses, but then over time you need more and more until it's all consuming and you can’t function without it. Won’t function without it. You always thought you were better than others at controlling your feelings and never allowing yourself to get too close to someone but everything about Xaden goes against what you know. 

Life had been as blissful in a war college that attempts to murder you at every chance they can get, can be. After fighting the obvious mutual attraction for longer then you would like to admit. You and Xaden found a routine in being a couple in a psychopaths dream scenario. In the three years that you had been there alot had changed. Somewhere obvious, some well…some where definitely not. Like Xaden falling out of love with you. He would never admit it. Violet's sudden arrival to the riders quadrant was unexpected to say the least. Xadens request for her to be put into his wing was even less expected. Obviously you weren’t dumb you knew the saying “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer” but looking back your unyielding love kept you from seeing the truth and in turn maybe you were in fact dumb after all. 

At first her presence didn’t worry you at all. Did it slightly irritate you? Sure but you were confident that she would be nothing more than a slight annoyance. Oh how wrong you were. Slowly you felt Xaden pull away from you. It wasn’t anything unusual being a wingleader that he was pulled away at different times for varying amounts of time, as were you. This was nothing outside of your usual. A red flag was suddenly raised when Bodhi and Garrick couldn’t seem to look you in the eyes, constantly covering for where Xaden was at and what he was doing. Or rather who he was doing. As dumb as you were you knew without a doubt that their loyalties lie with your boyfriend but you had also hoped that as your friends they wouldn’t turn a blind eye to his affair. You soon learned hope is a useless thing. Hope gives you the ability to pray for change, to see other possibilities, to turn a blind eye at what is happening in front of your very own eyes. Hope is what kept you in the dark, and later would later kill whatever remained of your heart. 

Years down the line you would learn from Bodhi what exactly happened between Xaden and Violet but it would never help repair what had been broken. You would live in the dark of where things went wrong, what signs did you miss because you were too young and in love to pay attention to your surroundings. It was after threshing when you noticed how he looked at her. How he cradled her cheeks in comfort, just like he did with you. When news of Xaden’s dragon being bonded with Violets finally reached you, all you could do was groan in frustration at how much more complicated your life was about to become. “Is it true?” Xaden didn’t need to know what you were talking about, he already knew. With a slight tilt of his head he beacons you into his room before closing the door. Last thing he needed was somebody eavesdropping on a conversation that didn’t involve them. “Yeah.” he drops into the desk chair while you place yourself on the edge of the bed. “What are we going to do?” Slowly he looks at you with a resigned look. “There’s really not much anyone can do about it.” Scrunching your face you look at him in disbelief “But you know what happens with mated dragons as well as I do. They can barely go like a few hours being separated. What are we going to do? Bring her along like we’re her parents or something?” you watch as he crosses his arms over his chest with a raised eyebrow. “Would you like to talk to Tairn and Sagely about this?” 

“Don’t  be fucking stupid Xay you know they don’t give a shit about how I feel about this situation. But you have to admit this is absolutely ridiculous, this isn’t going to work, we graduate soon and will be sent off to gods knows where and she will still be here.”  you gesture to the four walls of his bedroom “Are you really willing to get yourself killed by coming back to this place every other week?” With a shrug he groans before placing his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. “It's either here or out in the field.” While you have grown to accept his air of nonchalance, its about to drive you up a fucking all. “For fucks sake Xaden why are you not concerned about this? About how it will affect us and everything we are working so hard for.” You're met with a cold hard glare “Don’t you dare question my commitment to what I am trying so hard to protect, to those I am willing to help and willing to die for.” You couldn’t hold back the laugh of disbelief that falls out of your mouth “Are you willing to die for her?”

“Goddamnit (y/n) why can’t you see that this is out of my control? This is normal for me to accept what has happened and figure out how to deal with it. So if you’re done questioning my alliances then I think you should leave.” Never has Xaden talked to you like that and you would be damned if you let it happen now. “Who do you think you’re talking to Xaden? Because I know for sure it isn’t me, so I suggest you fix that attitude of yours and try that again.” There is a long beat of silence while you refuse to break eye contact with your boyfriend. He sighs again before lightly motioning for you to come to him with his hand. Blankly you stare at him, there isn’t any way you are going to go to him after the way he spoke to you, not even Malek himself could drag you over there.

“You’re right, I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. I’m sorry. You know it didn’t mean it. I’m just stressed. I now have to figure out how to keep Violet alive because you know if she dies I die, and if you haven’t noticed she's kinda making it more difficult than it needs to be. I mean you have seen her for yourself, she's behind in basically everything.” You don’t even bat an eye at his so-called apology. That was lackluster at best. “(y/n) baby I’m sorry. My stress isn’t a reason to take it out on you just because you are concerned about me. You know that your opinion matters to me more than anything and just hearing your worries adds a whole other layer of stress to this clusterfuck of a mess. I know you’re concerned and you have every reason to be, if this was the other way around I have no idea what I would do. But I promise you I am going to do everything in my power to not let this affect us and what we have going on outside of here. We’re going to figure it out, just like we always do right?” His question hangs in the air like hope. “Right.” you reluctantly agree before giving into his beckoning and plop yourself into his lap. “There isn’t anything in this world I wouldn’t do for you, you know that right?” his eyes pierce into yours and you swear you saw something else dance in those eyes of his and it wasn’t love “I know.” 

Your life was never the same after that moment. The memory is frozen in time, forever memorializing your heart break. It was the night the war games started. You hadn’t seen Xaden all day having been preoccupied with your own wing to have time and check in on him and his wing. After looking for him everywhere the only place left to look for him was his room. You know for a fact that he hasn’t taken off with Sgaely so that only left one place for him to be. Xaden had warded his door so that no one would be allowed in but in the moment of lust with Violet he had forgotten all about the fact that he had also worded it to allow you into his room at any time. Finally you had reached the end of the hall where his room sat diagonally from yours and pushed the door open.

Violet. Xaden. Violet. Xaden. Your eyes didn’t know where to focus. On him? Or on Her? You didn’t hear as violet shrieked in shock or as Xaden uttered your name. For a moment no one moved. No one even dared to breathe, for all hell was about to break loose. “You lied.” it tumbles out of your lips like a ghost. Xaden barely caught the end of what you said. “You lied! YOU FUCKING LIED!” Your heartbroken cry breaks him out his trace pulling Violet off of him and reaching for his pants. He watches as blue bolts of energy strike randomly around the room sending various objects flying. “Xaden we kinda have a situation a-” Garrick and Bodhi appear behind you. Obviously they were looking for him also. Except they were hoping that they found him before you did. 

“So this is what you’ve been doing? You’ve been fucking some first year behind my back? I thought I meant the world to you huh? That there was no one else in this world who was more important to you than me? You remember that, don't you Xaden?’ Never in his life had he seen so much anger consume someone that he could see it dancing in their eyes but he could see it in yours. The way you went from screaming to clam sent a shiver down his spine, and he was not one to scare. Another bolt of energy went flying and this time it landed right next to Violet who was wrapped in his blanket trying to cover her naked body. Without thinking his shadows built a wall between her and your bolts of energy. You watch as the wall of shadows is formed and dissipates before your very eyes. He was protecting her. Protecting her from you.

A loud scoff of disbelief strikes a nerve in his body sending him into action. “(y/n) look at me, baby. This was an accident, a mistake. You know I only love you.” He could see the particles of energy bumping into each other gaining strength and as he goes to step forward closer to you it strikes, keeping him in his place. “I thought you only loved me?” Violet cries out in heartbreak. Shaking your head you laugh “You are such a fucking liar, but I have to admit you had me fooled Xaden.” Slowly you start to clap while staring the man who once held your heart in his hands keeping it safe from everyone and everything but now it lays shattered on the ground into a million pieces. “You truly had me there for a second, I fell for your tricks. I had a feeling that I was never good enough for you, that you were waiting for someone else who was better to come along and I guess you found better huh? Tell me Xaden just exactly how long you’ve been fucking her behind my back?’ He takes a long deep breath while looking at the ceiling before answering “Since threshing.”

Deep down Xaden knew the second he saw Violet that he was doomed but he had hoped for both yours and his sake that it was just a thought, he knew that one would compare to you, no one would be able to love and understand him on the level you do. And yet here he is doing the one thing he promised to never do. “Fuck you Xaden Riorson.” The look in your eyes is cold, dead even. The only thing keeping them warm is the hatred he knows you keep for him shimmering beneath the surface. And with that you turn swiftly on your heels and shoulder checked both Garrick and Bodhi who were too stunned to move, “Fucking energy wielders” Garrick mumbles 

You now knew just what the price of loving Xaden was. What dues were to be paid. It was your soul, your heart and everything left you had to believe good in the world does exist. Loving Xaden Riorson was your price to pay. The heart of the girl who used to be is no longer there, all that's left is the gaping hole that Xaden caused when he ripped your heart out that night with his own bare hands.

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I want everyone to know that this is me every time someone drops a comment on something I've written:

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i feel like i'm wasting my life away. anyways.

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Done

Summary: you are done with the way Cassian treats you

word count: 2k

There you were yet again. Alone. Cassian had been doing this a lot recently. Avoiding you that is. It never used to be like this. In the past you couldn’t get him to leave you alone, he was obsessed with you. That was until your work took you to the continent for almost a year. Nine months if you were to be exact. Sure being away from the people you loved wasn’t the best situation to be in but yet you didn’t let that stop you. Often after a long day of playing in the world of politics you would return to your room to write each person of the inner circle a letter. Cassians was always the first to be written and sent out. The rest followed soon after. Since you physically could not be the night court you tried to find ways to remind those you loved that you did in fact love and miss them dearly. Oftentimes sending little items that reminded you of them. Hand made emblem for Rhys to stamp his papers with, beautiful paints that weren’t available in the night court for Feyre. So on and so forth. 

At first everything was fine but the more time you spent on the continent the less you heard from Cassian. The first thought that crossed your mind at the lack of communication from Cass was that Rhys put him to work. Giving him something to focus on other than your lack of presence. With a quick letter to the high lord you quickly found out that was not the case. He in fact was not currently tending to anything other than his recurring requirement to his court. This was strange. 

Something you had learned in your time with Cassian was that sometimes you just simply did not have enough energy to deal with another person, let alone have a conversation with them. So you slowed down the letters you were sending but never failing to remind him that you loved him and couldn’t wait to be home once more and if you were able to visit then you would. Sometimes he would acknowledge the letters you sent, sometimes he wouldn’t. If he sent a letter to you he would oftentimes  disregard what you said about missing him, simply brushing past what you said as if it held no significance. This didn’t happen right away of course, no, it was a slow and minute thing that happened over time. When he first stoped sharing your feeling of longing and want to be with the other person you didn’t mind, figuring that he was enjoying some time alone without you but by month six you were concerned, exhausted, sad and overall hurt and frustrated. This lead you to calling him out on his actions in your next letter. “What is going on? We barley talk, when I offer to come visit you say no, when I ask for you to come here instead you say no. Ive tried just about everything to see you but yet you never do the same for me. I find it quite ironic how every time I think I will have enough time to return home you suddenly are very busy, but yet when I ask Rhysand if that is the case it isn’t. You never have enough time in your days for me but you always have more then enough time to spend with your friends. You will pick literally anything and anyone else over me. Why is that? Do you not love me anymore? Am I not good enough? If you don’t feel the same or want to be in this relationship then please let me know because I can’t do this.” 

Cassian obviously talked you down from the ledge of a breakup reassuring you that he did in fact love you; he was just busy with everything happening within the inner circle especially since he was the peacekeeper between Rhysand and Nesta. Bregurgenly you accepted his answer not without reminding him that what he did was not ok and he needed to change his behavior. Immediately he agreed stating that he saw how it was a problem and needed to do better. 

But better never came. Three months had passed since that argument and almost a month more had passed since you returned home. It was mind blowing how even upon your return back to the night court Cassian never came to see you. Not once. Once again something or someone else always needed him more. With a defeated heart and building anger you accepted each of his excuses in hope that he would one day return the effort you were putting in the relationship. That day never came. Rhysand wanted to see you after your long excursion across the ocean and to a foreign land. He also needed a report from you in full but that was neither here or there. Once at the river house Rhys greeted you with a big smile and open arms, inviting you into a very much needed hug. “How are you my friend?” the question was asked as your high lord led you to his office “I’ve been better but you know how that goes.” Rhysand frowns at your answer “Continue on. What do you mean by that?” sighing you deflate in the chair across from him. “It’s Cassian. I asked him when we could see each other and he said he was busy this weekend and last but I know he was just here. I can smell him. If he was just here, why couldn’t he have stayed and finally acknowledged my existence for the first time since I’ve gotten home?” Rhys simply nodded his head in understanding sensing you had more you needed to get off of your chest. He was right about that. “And then when I asked about seeing him this weekend he said he was busy celebrating the new Valkyries. Like seriously? C’mon. You can’t spare five minutes of your day to say hi, how are you?” 

“I see why you have been better.” with another heavy sigh you nod while closing your eyes to stop the burning sensation of oncoming tears from succeeding in their mission. “Not even that but he doesn’t even talk to me anymore. I will try and try and try but it's like he couldn’t be less interested in what I have to say. If I don’t say anything first we would never talk. Gods, we don’t talk. Actually now that I think of it I can’t remember the last time we had a conversation that lasted for more then five minutes. That is when he can pencil me into his very busy schedule.” You felt Rhysands observing eyes take note of your completely exhausted appearance. And the drained feeling radiating off of you. It wasn’t from the trip. He knew that much. “Y/n my dear you need to talk to him about this.” the first sigh of your impending breakdown was your wobbling lip being pressed inbetween your teeth and the deep breath you take to stop yourself from crying. It was not successful as tears freely made their way down your cheeks. Rhysand saw it then. You were not angry, or frustrated you were simply done being treated this way. You knew what you needed to do but your heart hadn’t let you. “I have talked to him about this. All I do is talk and talk and talk.” A broken laugh makes it way out at how completely stupid you feel. “I’m done talking. He has shown me time and time again just how exactly he feels about me. You prioritize the people you love. And I am no longer a priority.” Finally opening your eyes you see those stunning violet eyes staring back. At first it felt like pity but the longer you looked the more you recognized the true emotion displayed. Empathy. Oftentimes you forgot Rhys could look into people's minds but as you felt the gentle nudge in your head asking for permission to see what had been going on you allowed it. A few moments pass as he shuffled through your memories before he finally retreated to his own mind. “Y/n my dear you don’t deserve that. You know this right.” You couldn’t find it in yourself to verbally respond to him so instead you simply nodded your head while trying to hold back the tsunami of tears fighting to be released. “I know.” you whispered 

Getting Cassian to yourself was no easy feat. The first few failed attempts resulted in getting Rhysand involved as much as you hated having to do so. But this conversation was much needed and you knew you would never feel content with your decision unless you were able to talk with the male face to face. There in that exact office where you had cried to your closest friend about your relationship being in shambles is where you now stood in front of Cassian who was silently sitting in the chair in front of you. “We should break up.” That finally got his attention. As soon as Rhysand revealed that the pretend meeting was just a ploy to get him in the same room as you, Cassian had shut down completely. Now he was staring at you with wide eyes and an open mouth. “I have tired and tired to get you to care about me and I am done trying. I am tired.” Cassian tried to speak but with the raise of your hand he was quick to close his mouth. “Everything else in your life has taken more priority in your life than me, and I am not saying that I am the most important person in your life because I am not. But I have been begging for you to give me even an ounce of your attention and you can’t even do that so I am done. I am done begging you to allow me in your life, hell to even want me in your life in the first place. I will not continue to beg and plead for you to show me you care because it is quite obvious that you don’t and that you haven’t for a very long time. This is not how you treat someone you love. I would know because I would never do the same to you.” Cassian stood abruptly closing the distance between the two of you causing you to take an equal about of steps back from him. Seeing the hurt flash in his eyes brought you a sense of disbelief. Only when you are about to walk away does he finally show interest in you again. How ironic. “Please don’t do this. Don’t leave me. I can do better, I can be better.” His whisper of words are overshadowed by the laugh falling from your lips. “That is what you have been saying for months and yet you never change. Sure you do better for like a week and then everything is back to normal. It's time to face the music, Cassian. This relationship is over. It has been for months. I was the only one putting in effort and you honestly can’t believe that I would continue to stick around when you don’t do the same. Relationships are two-sided and you know that but yet I was all alone.” 

Swiftly you move past him and his outstretched arm. Only stopping once you reach the threshold of the doors. You don’t look back as you speak “I hope you are a better partner for Nesta.” Cassian remains silent as you pull open the door. Rolling your shoulders back you stand tall as you make your way down the hallway lined with Rhysand and Azriel. Finally you had set yourself free from the person who valued you the least. Outside of the River house you took in Velaris one last time. Life on the continent was calling and you couldn’t fathom telling it no. Something in your soul had changed walking out of that room. Something no male could ever take away from you again. Happiness. And for the first time in your life you finally understood what it meant to put yourself first.

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Little Sister: I Promise

Summary: After the news of a lifetime is revealed you are left to deal with the consequences

Word count: 3.7k

The pain in your head was pulsing as if it had a life of its own. The thumping could rival the beat of war drums before a fierce battle. Between the raging pain and apparent dehydration, due to excessive amounts of crying, you had failed to notice the males lingering in your room. 

Sleep did not easily grace you with her presence during your many failed attempts at forgetting the very unforgettable night that was generously blessed upon you from the gods themselves apparently. 

The whoosh of the door first caught the attention of your still sleeping mind, followed by the loud bang of your door handle against the wall. The force of which the door was thrown open sends a waft of air barreling towards you. Jolting awake you first recognize your room in the river house. How you got there was still a little foggy but there were more pressing matters at hand apparently. Such as your body pressed against Azriels. Looking up you see him leaning against the headboard of your bed staring at who you could only assume was your brother. Time came to a complete stop as you took in your mate before you. There he was laid out on your bed, wings splayed out in a sign of comfort, a gentle hand against your back and the other resting on his bare chest after leaving your hair upon your arising. His legs encased you in a warm blanket of content and happiness. 

Less than sixty seconds had passed since the door of your room was unexpectedly blown open and you taking in all that Azriel’s appearance had to offer. Your guess of who interrupted your much needed sleep was proven to be correct. “I told you to stay away from her. I’m going to kill you.” you could feel the venom dripping off of his words. With a heavy sigh you glance up to Azriels face and gasp at what you see. Now that you're really looking and have since rubbed the sleep-covered fog out of your eyes, do you realize the condition he is in. His body was littered with dark purple, black and blue bruises, some bigger than the palm of your hand. You felt your heart constrict at the sight of your mate. With an uneasy stomach you dare to look at his face and you swore your heart stopped beating for a few seconds. One of his eyes was surrounded by splotches of red purple and blue from broken skin and veins. His cheek and jaw were also covered in bruises that matched the ones on his abdomen. 

You had so much to say but were so tongue tied. How in the world were you going to fix this extremely unfortunate situation? Mother knows you are going to need all of the help that both she and the gods can spare you. 

“Rhys don’t. You may be mad at him but, Azriel is my mate.” you found the words leaving your mouth before you could stop them. It wasn’t like there were any other words you had formed to say instead. Gently you turn around in between Az’s legs, careful not to knock into him in fear of causing him more unnecessary pain. With your back facing Azriels chest do you finally take in your brother. He was in better shape then your mate but not by much. If you knew anything it was that Azriel was holding back on your brother out of respect for him. You knew Azriel was a far better fighter than your brother. 

“Y/n I love you but move.” Rhysand barely spared you a look before focusing on your mate once again. “No.” This caught your brother's attention “No?” he asked “No” a gentle shake of your head accompanies your firm tone. “I will not ask you again, move.” In all of your life you couldn’t think of a time Rhysand used his power as high lord against you. Never had he allowed the power to rattle your bones, commanding them to bow to him and his superiority. There was always a first for anything. Even with the power radiating off of your brother crashing into you like the ocean crashes into a cliff side you do not waver under the pressure he applies. You would be the clift. Unmoving,unyielding, unforgiving. Straightening your back you raise your head leveling a look at your brother. He may be a high lord but he often forgets your power rivals his own and oftentimes is much more powerful than his. 

Slowly you released the rein you had on your powers allowing them to poke and prod at the feeling of your brother's dark energy engulfing the room. After mere milliseconds they started pushing back against him and the invisible force he possessed. “I am not some low level coward who you can push around as you see fit. I am your sister, a blood wielder and you will respect me as such.”  If Rhysands voice was the commanding tone of a high lord then you would match it. Far too often have you let your brother forget the powers you possess. Today you would remind him that not only could you fight your own battles but in fact you never needed him to fight them for you in the first place. 

You watched as your brother tried to not grimace underneath the push back from your own power and the threat of just what it was exactly that you were capable of. “You may be my brother but he is my mate and as much as you hate him right now this does not concern you. As much as that may be a shocker to you.” 

“You are my baby sister and he hurt you which means this does concern me, actually” Swiftly you move to the edge of the bed letting your feet touch the pulse carpet laid underneath your bed and march to your brother. Only once face to face with him did you come to a stop. “Let me remind you Rhysand that I never once gave my opinion or thoughts on your relationship even while Feyre actively despised you and repeatedly reminded you how much Tamlin was better than you. All I ever did was offer my unwavering love and support even while she broke your heart time and time again. So you should take note and leave me, my relationship and my mate alone!” Never had you yelled at Rhys. Often you yelled for him, about him, but never at him. This left everyone in a state of shock. “If that is how you feel then I suggest you find somewhere else to stay that isn’t one of my houses and leave me out of your life. I do not want to hear you come crying to me when he inevitably breaks your heart.” No longer was this the voice of a high lord but the voice of somebody who didn’t have a single ounce of care to give. Darting back and forth between his eyes you saw nothing but cold indifference. This was the male you saw at Hewn city. Never did you think the look would be directed at you. “I want you gone.” His voice left no room for argument. “Now.” 

Stepping back you scoff at who the male standing before you has become. Without another look you track back to Azriel’s side. Gently you grab his hand giving it a small squeeze before winnowing the two of you away. 

The smell of wind and salt and ocean was the first thing to hit your senses. The strong midday sun was the next. Finally after a few slow blinks you are able to recognize your apartment that resided in the summer court.  “I’m sorry you had to witness that.” you whisper quietly while releasing his hand. “Don’t apologize, please. This is all my fault.” With a tight lipped smile you look up to see Azriel is already looking at you. Once again your eyes dart over his face causing a frown to pull at your lips. Wrapping your hand around his wrist you tug gently, careful to keep your grip loose in fear of hurting him more, “Let's get you cleaned up. You look like you got into a fight with a depressed rainbow.” The sound of your mates laugh rings out against the wall of the hallway and into the bathroom. Softly you pat the edge of the tub in a silent order for him to take place there, which he does. 

While rummaging around the drawers and cabinets you feel the weight of Azriel’s stare against your back causing a shiver to run down your spine. You were used to being under the watchful eyes of Az but this time it was different. This time it was as his mate. “You're staring.” you mumble while struggling to read the weathered label on the bottle you possessed. “I know.” The slightly tired tone of his voice causes goosebumps to rise along your arms. That was definitely something you could get used to. Wordlessly you turn around and walk two steps to be in front of him again and summon a stool to sit on. Sighing once again as you take in the damage your brother inflicted upon your mate. Seeing him like this made you want to cry. Blood, bruises and all things that came with knowing warriors rarely phased you, even seeing your brother beaten up was barely cause for concern unless it was dire. But there had always been something about seeing Azriels body covered in anything other than his tattoos made you feel deeply emotional. Now you guessed you knew why. 

A warm hand gently cupped your cheek while wiping away the tears you hadn’t noticed escape your eyes. “Hey. I’m ok. I’ve been dealt much worse.” The gentle worried sound of his voice causes another tear to slip past your lashes. “How did you know I was worried about you?” You watch as he wipes the other rouge tear while quietly laughing. “Well for as long as I have known you, you have always cried when I get hurt, even if it's something like a paper cut.” he chuckles again. “So there is that but I can feel how worried you are through the bond.” subconsciously you feel your eyebrows raise “Right the bond.” you mutter. Pulling the cork off of one of the many vials you shrug “I’ll try to be as gentle as I can be.” you state before motioning for him to move his arms so you can lather the salve upon most if not all of his abdomen. 

Nothing about this was new to you, often times after missions or just a little too rough of a training session with Cassian, Azriel would seek you out in hope you would help aid him back to health and each time without any complaint, you did. “I guess we are going to have to talk about the obvious huh?” you tried to make it sound like it was no big deal, just like any other conversation you would have with the shadowsinger. “Only when you are ready.” Silence once again followed in the room while you held Az’s jaw in your hand, keenly aware of the pressure you apply “This whole being mates thing is weird isn’t it?” you ask while applying more of the salve on the bruise that covered his whole cheek that connected to his eye. “Why would it be weird?” Shrugging you don’t answer, instead choosing to focus on the task at hand. After a few beats of silence do you answer. “I have always just been Rhysands little sister you had to deal with. You get him, you get me kind of deal. And now we're mates and everything is super awkward and my brother probably is going to try and kill you the next time you step into his sight.”  Azriel nods while you speak but never interrupts. “You have never just been his little sister to me. You have always been your own person, capable of your own choices, capable of living your own life how you see fit. You have always been you. And I would pick you over him any day of the week-” “You're just saying that because we're mates”  You cut him off. With a shake of his head he continues. “While that may be true, the mates part that is. I would always choose you no matter what. Because you are everything I could ever need wrapped into one person. And yes your brother may want to kill me right now, but I am sure that will fade…..eventually. If not then I can handle another round with him.”

“You were holding back on him weren’t you?” Azriel shakes his head back and forth before finally giving up the answer “Yeah I was holding back” his sheepish tone has a laugh falling from your lips. “That's kinda what I figured.” Comfortable silence surrounds the room while the two of you observe each other. Finally Az breaks the silence. “You're right, you know? About how it was wrong of me to hide this from you. I should have said something as soon as I knew. And I will never try to give you  an excuse as to why I did what I did but I will give you a reason. After  we came home after the war and you were standing there I felt the bond in that moment. But all I could think about is what we just came back from and how I never wanted you to go through the fear and pain and worry that Feyre had experienced with Rhys. You of all people know what I do. Who I’ve hurt and those who are waiting to get their revenge. And the thought of you being subjected to that scared me in ways I’ve never felt before. I would do anything to keep you safe, even if that meant keeping you away from me. I promise that I was going to tell you but I was scared of the danger it would put you in or if you would even want to accept the bond and things of that nature.” You didn’t need the bond to tell that Azriel was being sincere, you could see it in his eyes, in the way he was looking at you. The silent pleading for you to believe him. “And I swear I did not plan on your cousin being the person to tell you.” You had stopped picking up the mess you made of vials and tins full of salves and tonics. “I can’t lie and say that the fact you hid this from me doesn’t hurt but I understand where you are coming from, well at least as best as I can. As for Morrigian being the person to tell me…yeah I would agree but hey at least we can say it was more unique than anyone else?” The rise and fall of Azriels chest as he laughed at your confused tone brought you a sense of peace that you didn’t even know you needed. “But,um, you know that I would never reject you right? I would never do that to you or our bond. I want this. As long as you want this.” you taper off at the end suddenly overcome with shyness. 

The smile that spread across the male's face was slow moving at first but within seconds it was in full bloom. “Baby you can’t be serious. You know that I have been waiting for this my whole life and now that I know it's going to be with you makes me want this that much more. I want this, I want you more than I want anything else.” At his confession you felt heat run up your neck and make your cheeks your home. Looking down at the rings on your fingers you begin to fidget with them nervously. At the nervous habit Azriel pulled the stool you were perched on closer to him. Gently he cups both of your cheeks between his hands forcing you to look at him. “I know that you're nervous sweetheart. This is a big change for the both of us, but you know me. I am the same Az that you have always known. You just get to know me in a different way now.” The blush that rested upon your cheeks deepened at the implication of knowing him in a much different way. Once again this caused a laugh to tumble out of your mates lips. Nothing went unnoticed by him. “Can I kiss you?” The thought had been bouncing around in your head for what felt like forever and how that you had asked you swore your heart could give out from how fast it was beating. “It’s cute that you asked. Just for future reference you never need to ask.” You couldn’t get a response out before he pulled your face closer to him and finally let your lips touch his.

This was not the first time you have kissed Azriel but this was unlike anything you have ever experienced. Suddenly it felt like your entire being was on fire but in the best way possible. All the racing thoughts disappeared and all you could think about was the feeling of his lips on yours. You would give up oxygen in return for being able to kiss him without ever needing to pull away for air. Everything in life up until this point was all to learn of your bond with him and you would do it over a thousand times if necessary. “Wow” the word barely made it past your lips before they were smashed by the lips of the spymaster. Finally after the both of you were thoroughly out of breath did you finally pull away. A giggle ruptures from within  you causing Azriel to simply raise an eyebrow in question. “I’ve never seen you look like this.” That was aside from the bruising painting his face, you had also never seen him like that. Pushing the stool away from him you stand and grab his hand pulling him to see himself in the mirror. There you watched as he took in the flush cheeks and swollen lips with dazed eyes. After a few seconds he started to take in your appearance. At first you didn’t even think about how you looked but with those piercing eyes directed at you, you bowed your head in an attempt to hide just how much of an effect kissing Azriel had on you. 

Apparently your mate decided to spare you more embarrassment. After taking in a long look around your apartment and you are sure, he was also given a report on the rest of the unfamiliar place from his shadows. Did he finally speak. “Since when did you get an apartment in the summer court? Also how did none of us find out?” smirking you gesture for him to follow you back to the living room of your home away from home. “You my spymaster are not the only one capable of keeping secrets, as for when? It's almost been two years.”  Stopping before two french doors you pull them open walking out onto the balcony revealing the view of the ocean from your little slice of peace along the shore. “I always wondered where it was you ran off to and now I know.” The sound of your laugh is overshadowed by the sound of the waves crashing against the beach below you. Walking toward your mate you wrap your arms around his waist careful not to cause any more pain and rest your head against his chest right over his heart. The feeling of his arms wrapping around you brought so much peace to your soul. 

It was later in the evening when you spoke up for the first time in almost an hour. You were laying in bed with Azriel resting on top of you. His head on your stomach and your hands in his hair. “Azzie?” The sound of his name pulled him from the realm of sleep. “Yes, my love?” His response is just as quiet as your question was. “Do you think Rhys hates me now?” looking up at the ceiling you pause getting lost in the throws of your argument. “He said to leave him out of my life. He has never said something like that to me before. And the worst part is I think he actually meant it. Do you think I made the right choice by standing up to him?” This isn’t your first time fighting with your brother but never in four hundred years has he said something so harsh to you before. And to go as far as to say he didn’t want you in his life was heartbreaking. You fear this may be the point of no return. Sudden movement on your stomach causes you to look down. The sight you are met with is beautiful. Azriel placed his hand over your abdomen resting his chin upon his hand. Stirking hazel eyes were already looking at you when you pulled your focus from the ceiling to the male in front of you. “I think he needs some time to process everything. I also think he said some things he doesn’t mean. You are the light of his life. Give him some time eventually he will come around.” The tear that fell from your eye was sudden and before you could wipe it away a shadow did the act for you. “I don’t know Az. I don’t think I mean much to him anymore let alone light up his life. What am I going to do?” The more tears that fell were met with an equally compassionate shadow fiercely whipping away stray tears. “I’m not too sure I agree with that but no matter what we will face this together. I promise.” Lifting his head he moves his arm closer to you and offers his pinky for you to wrap your pinky around. Azriel had never broken a pinky promise he made with you.

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[lure-of-writing]

His little Sister: I'm sorry

Summary: The mating bond between you and Azriel has been revealed and he isn't sure if any apology will ever make up for the hurt he has cause you.

Word count: 4k

Warnings: none that I know of

Authors note: Guys I just got my nails done so if there is typos it's because I'm not used to typing with daggers on my hands. But anyways that's not what we're here for. Please enjoy and let me know what you think!

Azriel was screwed. Royally screwed. Even as the spymaster of the night court he had no idea how he was going to get out of this one unscathed. First and foremost there was you. You were the mosting important thing in this giant mess that your cousin just caused and making sure you were ok was his first priority. That is once you inevitably get all of the hurt and betrayal out of your system. He could feel your emotions barrelling down the bond and it damn near made him crumple under the weight of your hurt. Next on the list of casualties was Rhysand. And by the look on the high lord's face it was a mixture of pure unfiltered anger and the need to protect his little sister. Azriel can’t blame him, you look like you could either rip him to shreds and bawl your eyes out while doing so.

Rationally Azriel knew that Rhys would never really do anything to hurt him but the other part knew that Rhysand played dirty when it came to his family and it was some sort of unwritten rule that he would go to the end of the world to make sure you were ok. If Rhysand played dirty before he was about to get filthy now. This would not be the first time he stepped toe to toe against a high lord, specifically against Rhys, but this time would without a doubt be different. This time Rhysand would pocket away all of the years of their friendship and in turn he would fight Azriel like a traitor. He, without trying, had broken your heart and betrayed your trust. To Rhysand this was the ultimate act of betrayal. 

Only being one hundred years younger than your brother means all three males were also relatively young in the grand scheme of things. Rhysand held your tiny body against his. The three males had taken a break forming training in the mountains to visit you in Velaris. It wasn’t often Rhysand was allowed to leave the camps, much less often for Azriel and Cassian. But with the arrival of a new babe they had been permitted to leave. It became a tradition to visit the ever growing babe once a year. Somewhere in the chaos of training for the Blood Rite you had grown into a teenager. Cassian was sprawled out on one of the couches in the cabin and Azirel had taken his place in the chair that was unofficially deemed as his. There in a seat a little bit bigger than his own but yet still smaller than the couch Cassian claimed you were curled up against your older brother, peacefully sleeping.

Rhysand had always disliked the way things were run in the camps, oftentimes they made his blood boil but something changed in him the day you were born. Rhys knew from a young age that he would be a protector. A protector of his friends, his family, his people and his court. But he never knew that the most precious thing he would come to protect was you. He never wanted in the camps, walking amongst those who would take any opportunity to clip your wings or even kill you without a second thought. Unfortunately there was nothing he could do to stop your visit as your father deemed it necessary. 

Silence was light in the room. Occasionally there was a pop or crackle from the fire, the sound of clothes shifting against the couch from Cassian and the light noise of you breathing. With a heavy sigh Rhys rubbed his face causing both males to look at their friend in confusion. “Something on your mind brother?” Cassian's deep voice filled the once quiet room.  For a moment nothing was said as Rhysand just looked deep into the fire before once again sighing and rubbing his face before throwing his head back to rest on the couch. “What if I’m not capable of protecting her?” The two males looked at each other in confusion before turning their attention back on their friend. Everyone knew that the power Rhys possessed was quite frankly, insane, to put it simply. “Rhys, I think you're forgetting you are there, bud.” Once more Cassian's voice takes over the room. This time in a gentle laughter. “It’s not that I’m unaware of what I am capable of.” Rhys stops speaking as he looks down at your resting form laying against him. Gently he moves a piece of hair that had fallen in your face. “I know what I can do. What I am willing to do to keep her safe but I will not always be around to protect her and that is what I fear.”

“Being her brother is the greatest honor I have ever been given but what if I fail? What will it cost her? Just her being here possesses a threat to her life. Those males out there would not hesitate to clip her wings or flat out kill her. What happens when I am needed elsewhere and she is in trouble? Who will save her then? I know my mother is training her to fight but I never want her to be put in that position where she has to. Making sure she is safe, happy and loved is all I want for her. I never want her to experience the world we have endured.” 

Neither males have a sister but they do have the love of siblings for each other and they know the lengths they would go to for the other males. They may not know what it's like to have a sibling but they do know what it's like to love you. Since the day you were born they have done nothing but love and dote on you. If you tripped and fell and scraped your knees Cassian would scoop you up and cradle you until you stopped crying. Only then would he set you somewhere where he could properly clean the cuts littering your body and then take you for a treat to make you feel better. Azriel would help you with any of the boring assignments your mother would hand out. “I don’t even know what this means!” you would groan out in frustration before dramatically letting your head fall face first into the book. Luckly Az knew you very well. Without looking up from what he was doing he placed his hand palm up in the book and waited for the impact of your head against his hand. 

Finally once your head was in his hand, did he finally look up. “You may not understand it right now but eventually you will and you will be grateful your mother made you do this.” Groaning once more you left your head where it was. “Easy for you to say you're like a genius or something.” You grumble while Azriel lifts your head for you. Gently he pats the top of your head. “Maybe if you studied more you could be one too.” A mixture of a frustrated groan and sigh made its way through your lips causing Azriel to chuckle. 

It was safe to say that they understood what a light you are in the world. In their world. And each male would do anything to protect it. “You know we would protect her with our lives, right?” Cassian now sat up on the couch. This conversation was important. “We have known her since the day she was born. We have watched her grow and reach each millstone just like you have Rhys. We would never let anything happen to her. If it were my life or hers, I would happily give up mine. I’m sure Az feels the same way.” And Azriel did. “You don’t have to worry about her by yourself. We can share the worry Rhys. You know you can count on us. If anything ever happens to you, we will protect her just as fiercely as you do. You know that right?”  And Rhysand did in fact know that but there would always be some part of him that thinks only he will ever be able to do a good enough job at keeping you safe. 

Apparently Rhysand was right. Only he would protect you. Azriel had broken his promise and now he would pay. Next on his list of people to deal with was Morrigian. At the moment she was not a priority but eventually would be. First he needed to survive the night. 

If Azriel were to go back in time less than a week ago, he would have been more or less avoiding you. After his talk with Rhysand about the more interesting part of your relationship the shadowsinger thought it would be a good idea to give you some space, not wanting it to seem like he was trying to pursue something with you. Obviously that was the exact opposite of what he wanted but he was also keenly aware of your brother's disapproval of any male you chose to date. Azriel was sure he wouldn’t fare better than the others. On the other side Azriel truly had no idea how you would react to you being his mate and that terrified him. 

He hadn’t seen you much since the training incident with Cassian. As much as it bothered him to not be able to check on your healing himself he had Cassian right there basically giving me second by second updates. Which he did appreciate but since Cassian knew you were his brother's mate he was being a little over the top. Which is why Azriel was not expecting to see you on the rooftop for the daily morning training session. 

Az and his shadows watched from across the room as Cass ushered you back towards the house. That was until you saw him and course corrected to be right in front of him. “You’ve been avoiding me. Why?” The hurt in your voice made him feel like a terrible person but he also couldn’t give you the real answer why. Not right now and definitely not right here. “I haven’t been avoiding you.” He knew he was whispering but he also knew there were more listening ears then just yours, mainly Cassians. Azriel watched as Cassian scooped you up and walked back to where he was herding you, just moments before you veered off on your own. 

As the shadowsinger and spymaster of the night court there wasn’t much, if anything, that made him nervous. The piercing stare of your gaze following his every move was definitely unsettling. But his male ego wouldn’t let him slip into that unflinching state of mind that he would usually find himself in when sparring. Now he was keenly aware of each move he was making while in front of you. His need to impress didn’t go unnoticed by his brother. Thankfully Cassian decided to have mercy on his soul and let him get in a few good punches as his repayment for when Cassian did the same to him while in front of Nesta. 

The daily sparring session was over sooner and also later then he wanted it to be. One part of him wanted to continue to impress you, even if he wasn’t a hundred percent sure that you were even impressed in the first place. The other part of him just really wants to get the awaiting conversation over with. Azriel headed over the bench where his long forgotten shirt and water bottle had been previously placed. He had barely gotten in one drink of water when you appeared in front of him. “Why have you been avoiding me?” It was the same question that you had previously asked him before being dragged away by Cassian. And yet this time it made him even more nervous then the first time you had asked him. The last thing Azriel ever wanted to do was make you feel like he didn’t want to be around you. Even before the bond he wanted to be around you every chance he could get and you knew that. He needed a reason you would believe. A downfall that came with spending all of his spare time with you is that you were able to tell when he was lying better than anyone else in the inner circle. There was only one thing he could tell you that wasn’t the full truth nor a complete lie. Rhys wasn’t a fan of the relationship, or lack thereof, between the two of us and he needed to step back in respect for Rhysand. 

Thankfully the mother was on his side that morning because you believed him. 

Opening up his arms in a form of some peace offering he’s quickly wrapped in your arms. Even though hugging anyone who was sweaty was something that he knew drove you crazy you did it anyways and it warmed his heart. But watching you place your chin on top of his chest just about made his heart melt. He prayed that you wouldn’t be able to feel or hear just how fast his heart is beating, and it is not from the training. 

Oh how Azriel wished he could go back in time to just a few days ago. Hell he would even go back to when he was avoiding you. Truthfully anything would be better than what was currently unraveling in front of him. 

“How long have you known?” Azriel tore his eyes away from Morr to look at you. The look of heartbreak that painted your face was like a suckerpunch to his gut. He took a sharp breath in. You were always stunning in Azriels eyes but looking at you now was like looking like a fallen angel. As much as the poetic beauty was undeniable he also never wanted to see that look on your face again. He would do anything to make you trust him again. 

“I-” Azriel didn’t realize just how dry his throat was until he tried speaking. Actually now that he was focused on his body he was pretty sure he felt like he was going to throw up. Swallowing he takes another deep breath. A quick glance to his right reveals Rhysand with a raised eyebrow and barely contained anger. “I’ve known since the war.” Azriel always imagined this moment would be very different. Just the two of you in private. And it would finally feel like a brick being lifted off of his chest. 

But watching your reaction to his confession felt like the opposite. He watched as you blew out a heavy breath and grabbed the back of Morrigians chair for support. Looking at the look he watches a tear finally free itself and makes its way to the ground. Just as quickly as the first tear had fallen the rest had also followed suit. He watches as you shake your head and look at your brother for the answer of what you are supposed to do. The dining room had never been as quiet as it was in these waking moments and Azriel despised it. Even if he was the cause of it. “You’ve known for almost a year and you never told me?” The spymaster watched as you fought against the lump in your throat only for your voice to crack on the last word. “Were you ever going to tell me? Or were you just going to let me continue to dream about the love I desired. Let me think I was never going to get the love Rhys and Fey have? You’ve known for months!”  Azriel sat unmoving as your betrayal turned to sadness and then anger. You had never raised your voice and yelled at him before but he knew he deserved every ounce of anger you threw at him. “You-you out of all people knew how I felt about mates and yet you held this from me. My mate! I-I-I -oh my god.” Time seemed to slow down in that moment as he watched you grab your chest in pain then collapse to the floor. He felt himself rise. Azriel wasn’t sure why, was it to move to the other side of the table and comfort you? Was it in shock? Fear for your breaking heart? He wasn’t sure. It was like slow motion as Mor swiftly twisted out of her seat and caught your limp body on the way down to the floor. Together the two females sat on the floor. Morrigian had wrapped her arms around your body and held you pressed against her chest as you sobbed. 

“Azriel!” That was the commanding voice of a high lord. The force of which Rhysand said his name and allowed his power to wash over him was the only thing capable of pulling his focus off of your crumpled body. Looking back to his right he notes that Rhysand has pushed the chair he was previously sitting in far behind him. It didn’t go unnoticed how Feyre made her way to you with urgency. The primal anger and need to protect his family also didn’t go unnoticed by the shadowsinger. He was about to get his ass beat. If not altogether killed. Rhysand may have been mad at Cassian for hurting you but he did go easy on him, even if it resulted in a few nasty bruises littering his body. Azriel knew for sure this would be nothing like that time. Rhysand had a look of death in his eyes and Azriel was sure death was waiting to greet him. 

“Uh oh. Yeah you guys may want to get out of here it's about to get ugly.” Cassian also stood from where he was once seated and began stretching. Noting Feyres' worry Cassian continued “Don’t worry I won’t let them hurt each other too much.” He paused, “Well I won’t let them kill each other.” 

Only after everyone except Mor and Cassian had winnowed away his Rhysand lunge at Azriel. 

Ever since learning that you were his mate one of his shadows followed you religiously. He never even told them to do that, it was just something they did naturally. His shadows always were ones to keep an eye on you even if you were completely safe. 

That's how he found himself in front of the river house. His shadows danced around him in warning of the two females sitting in the living room still awake at this hour. Without looking at a clock Azriel would assume it was around three in the morning. Gently he pushes the hard oak door open only closing it after allowing himself inside the quiet house.  Azriel knew he could make his way to your room without either one of the females knowing but he assumed it was better to get everything that could tear him apart over with while he was down. 

“I feel bad for her. I know what it's like when the other person knows they're your mate and you're left in the dark. But this is something else. If Mor hadn’t said anything would he?” He could hear the voice of his concerned high lady. “Do we know if she even still has a mate? Rhysand looked like he was going to kill him.” Nestas' voice that usually dripped in sarcasm was dry as bone. Stepping into the room he made his footsteps louder than he would ever step to announce his presence. A sharp gasp was the only noise that Feyre made as she brought her hands to cover her mouth. “Oh my gods” The scraping of the chair against the wooden floor pulls his gaze from the spot on the floor he found particularly interesting to see Feyre making her way over to him. Over her shoulder he could see Nesta taking inventory of the damage Rhysand caused. “Are you ok?” He shrugs off her question but allows her gentle hands to move his head from side to side.

“How is she?” Everybody knew who he was talking about. Feyre led him to the couch ushering him to sit down as Nesta answered “As well as you can expect.” Feyre had stepped out of the room to grab a pain relieving tonic “She just fell asleep a few minutes before you got here” she pushes the vial into his hands “Drink” she insists. “I never meant for it to go like this. For it to get this far without me telling her. I just was waiting for her to feel it herself but then I just kept waiting and waiting and waiting and the next thing I knew I was sitting at that table listening to Mor tell her. I promise I never meant to hurt her. You know that right? You have to believe me.” The constant throbbing throughout his body finally forced him to drink the tonic in hopes it could even touch the pain he was feeling. “I’m sure you never meant for this to happen az. But why didn’t you just tell her. Anyone with eyes could see that she already had feelings for you.’’

“I wanted it to be her choice. I would never force her to accept the bond. All I want is for her to be happy no matter what.” A heavy sigh fell from both females before the peaceful silence filled the room. Nesta was the first to leave in hopes of getting at least an hour of sleep before she needed to be awake for training. With a gentle squeeze of his arm Feyre stands above him “I Believe you Az. But you need to understand how hurt she is currently feeling.” looking up he sees not his high lady or Rhysands mate but a concerned friend. “I know I can feel it through the bond.” Feyre smiles sadly before stopping in the hallway leading to the bedrooms. “Go be with her Az. You both need it.”

The warmth of the fire was the first thing Azriel noticed upon entering your room. Although fae ran warmer than humans you were the rare exception. Unless absorbing heat from the sun or another person you were on average at least ten degrees colder than anyone else. A small smile found its away to his face to see the fire going. His own personal relationship with fire may be nonexistent but for you he would endure it a hundred times over. The next thing he noticed was your sniffling and quiet sobs. In three large strides he was kneeing besides your bed. “Y/n” you name was like a whisper of a prayer in a silent coven meant for worship. He watched as your eyes opened to meet his and listened as a sob racked your body. “I am so sorry baby” Quickly he raised from where he was previously knelt on the floor and climbed into bed with you. The move to place your body on top of his was easy but listening to the silent cries of your heart breaking wasn’t. “I never meant to hurt you I swear.” 

Eventually the tears raining upon his chest and was replaced with the gentle breathing of your sleeping form. Azriel knew he should sleep but he couldn’t help but admire every part of you just in case this was the last time he  got to hold you like this. That's why he wasn’t startled when Rhysand barged into your room, startling you awake. “I told you to stay away from her. I’m going to kill you.” He promised. Azriel didn’t take his eyes off of your brother as you raised to sit in between his legs. Rhysand could do whatever he wished but Azriel wouldn’t leave without making sure you were ok first. “Rhys don’t. You may be mad at him, but Azriel is my mate.” The bond had never sung in happiness like it did basking in the warmth of your acknowledgement.

Taglist

@kemillyfreitas @lana08 @willowpains @username199945 @tothestarsandwhateverend

@kylaisra @lilah-asteria @nickishadow139 @br0klynbby @blacktreacle22

@amysangel @mp-littlebit @mybestfriendmademe

@olive-main @mariahoedt @tele86 @marina468 @fangirlloza010 @kennedy-brooke

[lure-of-writing]

Little Sister: Are you going to tell her or should I?

Summary: Morrigan forces Azriel to make a choice. Either she is going to tell you or he is

Word count: 2.7k

part one, part two, part three, part four , part five

The rumbling ground beneath his feet was one indicator of what was about to come. The other indicator was the shaking paintings that were hung on the wall. Rhys may be the most powerful high lord to ever exist but your power easily rivaled his own. In anticipation of your arrival the quill pen that had just been in use was placed gently on the desk right next to the piece of paper it was just being used on. The force of the heavy wood doors being blown open almost sends the paper flying into his face, if not for his hand placed on top of it. “It’s always such a-” the words pleasure to see you died in his throat as you cut him off. “Ok what is the deal?” one of his perfectly groomed eyebrows raised slightly in questioning at your tired tone of voice. “Oh please let's not act like you don’t know what I am talking about.” the eyebrow didn’t lower even a centimeter. Marching over to the inviting seat in front of his desk you ungracefully plop yourself into the waiting chair. “Remember when Cassian accidentally knocked me out?” you watch as your brother wordlessly nodding in confusion. “Good.” you huff out letting the room fill with silence leaving your brother in a stronger state of confusion then before you started talking. At least before you came into his office Rhysand could have guessed about a thousand reasons as to what has you so upset but now he genuinely does not know where you are going with any of this. “ Go back like a week or two in time after me and Az returned from the summer court and both you and him were avoiding me. Why?” 

Rhysand knew why he was avoiding you but as for Azriel he's not too sure. Obviously he could take a very educated guess but that was about all he could do without asking. “I was busy.” Now the high lord watched as his little sister copied his earlier action of raising a perfectly shaped eyebrow in questioning. “Busy doing what exactly.” Silence once again engulfed the room as Rhysand weighed the pros and cons of telling you his reasoning for avoiding his own sister. A heavy sigh left his lips as he decided to tell you the nicer reason for his absence in your life. “When I walked in your room and saw Az helping you get dressed, that was obviously not something that I, as your older brother, wanted to see.” the continue on motion of your hand forced him to continue. “And as your older brother I obviously never want you to get hurt. In any version of the word. But as your brother I also realize, very reluctantly, at that might I add, that you deserve to live your own life. That means including having a romantic partner. So I was attempting to convince myself that if you pursued a relationship with Azriel that I would be ok.” 

A pregnant pause fell upon the room before you spoke up “That is why you’ve been avoiding me? Seriously?” The warm tone of your laughter brought a warm sensation  dancing up Rhysands neck and cheeks. Nobody else had the ability to embarrass him like his little sister does. “Rhys you know Azriel one hundred percent does not see me like that right? I mean yeah I like to use him to irritate you but he only does that because I asked him to.” your shoulders moved up and down in a shrugging motion. “While you may think that is true you have to remember for all of your life I have banned both you and those to pea brains of trying anything with each other so I needed some time to process even the mere thought of that happening.” you watched from across the desk as your brother pretended to gag. “I guess I no longer have to worry about Cass now that he has Nesta.” he added as an afterthought more to himself than to you.  “That explains why you have been avoiding me, even if it was because you were having a meltdown over nothing but what about Azriel? Why has he been avoiding me.?”  Moments of Rhysands conversation with Azriel played out in his mind. “I can only guess it's because after you paraded around summer” the sound of you scoffing interrupted his story. “Are you done being offended or can I continue.” Rhys watched as you rolled your eyes, taking that as his sign to continue on. “As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted. After you returned I talked to Az about the different times I have caught the two of you in interesting situations, to say the least, and asked him about your relationship with each other. And since I have always made it clear he was never to see you in any way other than platonically I would assume he took that as a sign to step back from being around you.” 

The quill pen you summoned was quickly thrown across the desk at your brother “You big overprotective bat! How many times do I need to tell you that Azriel does not see me like that.” Rhys easily caught the pen giving a not so hidden sly smile at your turn to be embarrassed. “No wonder why he's avoiding me. You made it awkward. I’m just his friend's little sister and nothing more. Now I’m sure you’ve given him the wrong idea of me.” A big belly laugh erupted from within Rhysand quickly filling in the room. “After almost five hundred years  I think it’s a little late for Az to just now get the wrong idea of you.” the words barely escaped in between the laughter “You are a menace!” Rhys just continued to laugh as you marched your way back out of his office “I love you too!” The echo of his shout follows you down the corridor as you make your way out of his house. 

The very next morning you made your way to the top of the house ready to start training. “Ah ah ah.” Cassian's voice tuts from across the open roof top. Your eyes scan the room until they land on the wiggling finger that matched the owners equally as wiggly head. “You are not to be training until Madja says you can.” scrunching your face you look at Nesta before making eye contact with the general again “And who are you? My mother?” A bellowing laughter swallows up the words that just slipped past your lips. “When it comes to training I sure am.” his larger than most bicep wraps around your shoulders tucking your body into his. Leading you to the entrance that leads back to the lower level of the house. Cassian had almost gotten you to the threshold of the door when you spotted Azriel from the corner of your eye. Quickly you twirl out of your training mothers warmth and strut over to the one and only shadowsinger. “You’ve been avoiding me. Why?” the fact you had to tilt your head slightly upwards had never irritated you like it did in that moment. You watched as his hazel eyes shuffled across the room taking note of every person who showed up to training this morning. “I haven’t been avoiding you.” you could tell he was being extra quiet on purpose “Oh really is that why Rhys told me-” the words died in your throat as strong hands wrapped around your torso and lifted you from the ground. “Now young one I don’t think interrogating someone is something Madja said you were ok to do yet. Plus training starts in two minutes so you can do your questioning at a later time.” Gently Cassian once more places you on the outside of the training area. Glowering you said nothing as Cassian chuckled at your lack of response before making his way back to the center of the area. 

You watched as Azriel gave Cassian an appreciative nod and Cassian just patted him on the back before starting training. Something was definitely going on, you just didn’t know what. For now at least. 

If there was one thing that living this long has given you it was an endless supply of patience. So for almost three hours you stood leaning against the wall watching both warriors show off different techniques following up with critiquing each other's quote unquote weak spots for techniques. Finally after everything was said and done did Cassian allow you to step foot in the official training area. Azriel was stood by himself drinking water when you appeared in front of him. “Why have you been avoiding me?” you could hear how hurt you sounded to your own ears and tried to not wince at the sound of the pathetic tone you displayed. You watched as the male's face fell before you. “I didn’t mean for you to feel like I was avoiding you. It’s just-” you observed as it appeared Azriel was having an internal debate with himself before sighing a reluctant sigh “ you know how Rhys gets when it comes to you. After we got back he asked if anything was going on between the two of us and I said no. I respect both you and Rhys. I never want to betray Rhysands trust so I haven’t been avoiding you per say but you know.” he ended with a hefty shoulder shrug. 

“So what I’m hearing is that you don’t hate me?” the facade of the shadowsinger broke in front of you to reveal a gentle, kind hearted male who would do anything for his family. The chuckle that fell from his lips brought a giggle to your own. “No, I don't hate you. I don't even think that's possible.” Azriel opens his arms as an invite to share a hug. Even though he was covered in sweat from head to toe you wrapped your arms around his torso pressing your cheek against his chest where his heart was beating. “Well that's good to know because I was starting to get concerned.”  Another chuckle made its way out of his throat and the vibrations of his laughter once again caused your own laughter. “So” you drag out the last vowel “Does that mean you will go shopping with me tomorrow?” you propped your chin against his chest and looked up at your closest friend. “If I must.”  His gentle teasing was met with an equally if not gentler kiss on the hairline of your forehead. 

Ever since your confrontation with Azriel things seemed to go back to normal but not completely back to normal. Something was off that you couldn’t put your finger on but it was without a doubt better than it used to be. The flow of the inner circle had almost returned back to completely normal. That would be until a few weeks later when at family dinner everything would change. 

It was very well known that dinners amongst the inner circle were tradition but it was lesser known that having a dinner where each personal either cooked or brought something to contribute to the dinner was also a tradition. 

This time around it was Feyre, Mor, Elain and yourself in the kitchen. Collectively as a good the three of you were trying your best not to destroy the High ladys kitchen. Elain had no such problems as she was often found making the best treats for the family on a daily basis. The oldest and youngest sister along with yourself had managed to make an edible dinner item, even though it was more challenging than the three of you would like to admit. While cooking was a neutral territory for yourself in terms of skills, it was cooking for three grown Illyrian bats and their accompanying companion along with the rest of the family that stretched your cooking abilities thin. It was a miracle the food was even edible on a good day. Let alone a day with nine hungry fae waiting to be fed. 

  After much work in the kitchen everyone had finally settled down around the table, only after much wrangling on both Feyres and yours behalf. Rhys was at the head of the table with your sister-in-law while you were seated in between Morrgian and Elain. Across from you was Amren, Azriel, Cassian and Nesta sitting in that order. 

Dinner was going as well as it normally did. Cass was making stupid jokes poking at Amren. Feyre was playing mediator, just in case they decided they wanted to destroy each other. And in turn destroy her house. Your brother was assisting Feyre in keeping the family under control and also dotting on her the whole time. Nesta and you were talking about books and Mor along with Elain were discussing different clothing options. 

The smell in the room was subtle at first but quickly you realized the brownies you had put in the oven prior to everyone sitting down were finally done. You just hopped they were burnt. With an abrupt “Oh! Crap!” you sent your chair sliding backwards and hurried off towards the hopefully unharmed cooked batter. After a few minutes of cutting and neatly placing the brownies on a platter you re-entered the dining room that was just as chaotic as when you had left. Cooking you may not be the best at but you were a pretty great baker. The Random desserts you make were always a hit amongst your family and you were sure these would be no different. 

“Anyone want a brownie? Of course Cass was the first to raise his hand and thus started your journey around the table handing out freshly baked goods. You had just rounded the corner of the table when you noticed that one person didn’t take a treat. Azriel. “Az? You don’t want a brownie?” you scrunched your brows together as you gently raise the platter you were holding as in an invitation. “No I’m ok” without realizing your face fell. “But you always eat anything I bake. You always say that I make the best desserts and you’ve never turned them down.” Azriel didn’t take his eyes off of you, instead they shifted between the platter of food back to your eyes before they repeated the process a few more times. “It’s-” his stutter catches you off guard causing you to raise an eyebrow in both confusion and questioning. 

“It’s just that I’m full right now and I-” once again you made a confused look and glanced down to his plate “That's only your second plate of food usually you eat three or four so I know you're not full. Why don’t you want one? Do you not like my baking?”  Once again you found yourself feeling extra hurt about a choice Azriel had made. Usually you were never this emotional but lately you couldn’t help it. Maybe it was the hit to the head that was causing you to be so emotional. As it wasn’t fully healed yet. The male was certainly free to do what he wants but this was new and confusing. “Oh help the brother and the mother.” you looked down to Morr where she had propped her elbows on the table and rested her head upon her hands. “What?”  Your confused tone causes a giggle to escape. “Do you really not understand why he won't eat the damn brownie?” Just as your cousin was about to explain, Azriel cut her off. “Morrigan don’t. It’s not your place to tell her.” 

Now this had your attention. What exactly was there to tell? And Why was Azriel being so secretive about it? After what felt like forever of the two of them going back and forth with each other you intervened. “Will somebody please tell me what is going on?” you didn’t shout but your question definitely wasn’t quiet either. You just needed to get their attention and it worked. “Are you going to tell her or should I?” Silence engulfed the room but Morrigan didn’t let it last too long. “The reason he won't accept your food is because you're his mate.” and in that moment everything stopped.

Taglist:

@kemillyfreitas @lana08 @willowpains @username199945 @tothestarsandwhateverend

@kylaisra @lilah-asteria @nickishadow139 @br0klynbby @blacktreacle22

@amysangel @mp-littlebit @mybestfriendmademe

[lure-of-writing]

Will you please do a part two of little sister of rhysand reaction to them kissing

Heyyy friend I am so sorry for not seeing this sooner but I don't know if you know but I have made little sister; all in a days work into a series. If you would like to be tagged in the other parts just let me know!

[lure-of-writing]

For “I’m Sorry” a lot of the time you spell his name Azirel instead of Azriel, just in case it hasn’t been pointed out yet :)

Sorry for the super late response for some reason I don't get notifications for my inbox but thank you for telling me I will go fix that now (Auto correct is my biggest bully 🥲)

[lure-of-writing]

Could you put me on the taglist for the little sister series pretty please. Again absolutely love it!

Hi sweets! of course you can be added to the tallest for the little sister series. It may be a little while for the next part to be posted as I am currently in the process of moving but don't worry there will be an update soon! 🤞🏼

[lure-of-writing]

Azriel Recommendations Here are some of my recs for az 🔥= smut 🌸= Fluff 🌧️=angst By: @gamarancianne In between part 🔥🌧️ By: @marvelsmylife Damned if you do, damned if you don't 🌧️ Can you feel my heart breaking 🌧️ By: @solbaby7 Still your best 1 🌧️🔥 Make you mine 2 🌧️ 🔥 This will do 3 🌧️🔥 Maneater 🔥 By: @angelshadowsinger Scarlet-tipped secrets; peonies, for you 🌧️ By: @prythianpages When I kissed the teacher 🌸 By: @mrs-azriel A pair of spies 🌧️ Never 🌧️ By: @surielstea Touched by Torture 🔥 By: @riddlesb1tch Pretty boy 🌸 By: @heartless-tate Notice me 🌧️🌸 By: @bluetimeombre And I wouldn't marry me either 1 🌧️ And I wouldn't marry me either 2 🌧️ By: @saltnseas Oh baby 🌸 Needs and wants 🌧️ By: @daycourtofficial Empty bed blues 🌸 I'm still bejeweled 🌸 🔥 You're losing me 🌧️ Come back, be here 🌧️ Rejection 🌸 By: @writingcroissant In the sheets 🔥 Hands 🔥 By: @violetsrxse Just how I remember 🌸🌧️ By: @obliviouscxnt His shadows 1 🌧️ his shadows 2 🌧️ By: @redheadspark Lullaby 🌸 By: @azrielsdove The other woman 🌧️ By: @assassinsblade Arrows and ashes 1 🌧️🌸 arrows and ashes 2 🌧️🌸 By: @xreaderbooks Asphyxiated 🌧️ By: @pellucid-constellations Oblivious minds 🌸 By: @court-of-starss Comfort of family 🌸 By: @kayjayjwrites Like bugs in a rug 1 🌸 like bugs in a rug 2 🌸 By: @illyrianbitch An education in Malice 🔥 By: @florencemtrash The shadowsinger and the inkbird 🌧️🌸 By: @bat-boys  Domestic bliss 🌸 By: @thelov3lybookworm  Tolerate it 🌧️ By: @azrielwingspan The choices we make 🌧️

[lure-of-writing]

The real barbie is Y/n.

Y/n’s a doctor, a cop, a scientist, an agent, vet, hero, villain, astronaut, lawyer, spy, criminal, artist, chef, engineer, psychologist, architect, journalist, firefighter, event planner, mechanic, photographer, musician, actor, interior designer, bartender, fashion designer, barista, florist, forensic scientist, flight attendant, profiler, tour guide, translator, etc.