lurkingferalidiot

[lurkingferalidiot]

And speaking of Sophia Tolstoy, her diaries are just so depressing. 

“I am to gratify his pleasure and nurse his child, I am a piece of household furniture, I am a woman. I try to suppress all human feelings. When the machine is working properly it heats the milk, knits a blanket, makes little requests and bustles about trying not to think […].“

She wrote this when she was 19, one year into her marriage to Leo and as she was pregnant with the first of his 13 children.

A few years later, when she was 25 or so:

“I am so often alone with my thoughts that the need to write in my diary comes quite naturally … Now I am well again and not pregnant—it terrifies me how often I have been in that condition. He said that for him being young meant “I can achieve anything”. For me […] reason tells me that there is nothing I either want or can do beyond nursing, eating, drinking, sleeping, and loving and caring for my husband and babies, all of which I know is happiness of a kind, but why do I feel so woeful all the time, and weep as I did yesterday? I am writing this now with the pleasantly exciting sense that nobody will ever read it, so I can be quite frank with myself […].“

During her 12th pregnancy she wrote about taking scalding baths and jumping from high pieces of furniture to try and miscarry.  And at one point while reading her husband’s diary (which he told her to read) she found the sentence “There is no such thing as love, only the physical need for intercourse and the practical need for a life companion.” In her own diary she wrote “They ebb and flow like waves, these times when I realise how lonely I am and want only to cry…”

A few years before her husband’s death, she published a cycle of prose poems titled “Groans”, under the pseudonym “A Tired Woman”.

[lurkingferalidiot]

[lurkingferalidiot]

ideal living situation is what i call the 'sitcom special' : having all your closest friends live in the same apartment building or neighborhood where you each have your own space but can wander in and out of eachothers homes at will, seemingly always welcome and never at bad times. and also all of you only have jobs when its important to the plot.

[lurkingferalidiot]

what? oh sweetheart no, you're not weirding me out at all. you're weirding me in. keep talking, freak

[lurkingferalidiot]

so I learned embroidery recently

[lurkingferalidiot]

i like tumblr bc you don’t make friends by being cool you make friends by going RRRARRHGGHGHFHGEFGFHHGGHH (positive) in the tags

[lurkingferalidiot]

being anti ai is making me feel like in going insane. "you asked for thoughts about your characters backstory and i put it into chat gpt for ideas". studies have proven its making people dumber. "i asked ai to generate this meal plan". its causing water shortages where its data centers are built. "ill generate some pictures for the dnd campaign". its spreading misinformation. "meta, generate an image of this guy doing something stupid". its trained off stolen images, writing, video, audio. "i was talking with my snapchat ai-" theres no way to verify what its doing with the information it collects. "youtube is impletmenting ai based age verification". my work has an entire graphics media department and has still put ai generated motivational posters up everywhere. ai playlists. ai facial verification. google ai microsoft ai meta ai snapchat ai. everyone treats it as a novelty. every treats it as a mandatory part of life. am i the only one who sees it? am i paranoid? am i going insane? jesus fucking christ. if i have to hear one more "well at least-" "but it does-" "but you can-" im about to lose it. i shouldnt have to jump through hoops to avoid the evil machine. have you no principles? no goddamn spine? am i the weird one here?

[lurkingferalidiot]

[lurkingferalidiot]

if you wiped every ICE agent off the face of the earth, a hundred million people would become safer overnight. if you wiped every furry off the face of the earth, the entire internet would collapse for good in a matter of hours. i know where my allegiances lie.

[lurkingferalidiot]

how it feels when one of your hyperfixations comes back and stronger than ever

[lurkingferalidiot]

I think all computers should have cd slots and all phones should have headphone ports send tumble

[lurkingferalidiot]

“Go into the arts. I’m not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven’s sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.”

— Kurt Vonnegut (via lazypacific)

[lurkingferalidiot]

Sotr spoilers

Do you think Haymitch knew about the "if it weren't for the baby" ploy?

I just made good use of the copy of CF next to me and yes, it does seem like Haymitch knew before hand, like with peeta's confession in the first book, they had discussed it.

But even though he knew

Do you think there was a moment? A moment where his heart dropped.

Haymitch spent his entire adult life pushing everyone away, even Katniss brings up how as a victor he could have any woman in town and he chooses the bottle instead.

Part of this is that Lenore dove will always be his girl, but we know another part is that he's scared, he knows anyone close to him will be killed.

Haymitch, who held Amperts bones and knew even at 16 that Beete would never recover, that this was his punishment.

Haymitch, how pulled himself out of drink and apathy because his friends daughter might die, because she reminded him of his sweetheart.

Who opened his heart to the children he would never have. Do you think he had a small moment where it felt real, where he was sure that child would be used against him, against Katniss and Peeta and astrid.

What about later, when they actually had children, we know Katniss was horrified at first, but what about haymitch? Did he have a moment where he feared so heavily for this new born. Or did he know that it was safe now. That he got to help raise these kids in a world with no sunrise over the reaping.

Just like he promised his girl twenty five years ago

[lurkingferalidiot]

AI industry groups are urging an appeals court to block what they say is the largest copyright class action ever certified. They’ve warned that a single lawsuit raised by three authors over Anthropic’s AI training now threatens to “financially ruin” the entire AI industry if up to 7 million claimants end up joining the litigation and forcing a settlement.

well…darn

[lurkingferalidiot]

Your friends watching something for the first time and getting to that scene VS you, the knower.

[lurkingferalidiot]

IM SCREAMING FROM THE MOUNTAINSSSSS COWBOY SYLUS FANTASY RETURNS WITH A BURNIN SOUTHERN PASSION ART BY CHIMCHILLA

This makes me want to write!!! Cookin up a cowboy sylus drabble as we speak!!

[lurkingferalidiot]

fahdurhood