luulapants

[luulapants]

Oh, you're obsessed with the character and want to write a treatise? Fantastic. Oh, you actually want to Fuck The Actor? Pencil down, your contributions are fundamentally compromised.

Nothing ruins a person's ability to understand a character like genuine horniness and I think it's high time we all acknowledge this

[luulapants]

Nothing ruins a person's ability to understand a character like genuine horniness and I think it's high time we all acknowledge this

[luulapants]

(Lesbian OP) "women are more attractive than men"

(The replies)

"Hey, I'm a man and this hurt me worse than anything else in the world. My wife left me this morning and this post was my final straw. I'm standing in my bathtub right now with a pistol in my mouth and it's your fault you bitch. You bitch. You cunt bitch"

"Aaaaand this right here is why everyone hates lesbians."

"What about trans men????? You're saying you hate trans men??? You're saying you want all trans men to kill themselves??????????"

"Hey op this is a lil uhhh....yikes! Just a reminder from your friendly neighborhood Cheese Goblin™️ that people of ALL genders and sexual orientations are attractive. MEN ARE VALID. MEN ARE BEAUTIFUL. MEN ARE LOVED. Sexism towards men will NEVER be okay, and if you disagree you can fuck right off *gif from Good Omens*

[luulapants]

[luulapants]

Hey everybody look at what this dumbass said on my post about ancient North America bc I put Canada in quotes but not every single other settler place name! They don’t seem to have noticed that I also didn’t put Ontario or Alberta in quotes, or that I listed US, Canada and Mexico all without quotes at the beginning of the post. But yeah, telling an Indigenous person whose homelands have been colonized by both US and Canadian settler states that they are basically a MAGA deplorable is totally reasonable and also don’t you know my Indigenous husband said Canada is better anyways

[luulapants]

[I notice the person I'm whining to doesn't seem appropriately sympathetic]

"Also, I'm menstruating like I have ebola of the snatch"

[luulapants]

blorbo from my fight or flight reflex

Agelaius blackbird

[luulapants]

MY EX’S BROTHER KILLED HIMSELF THREE WEEKS AGO and saying “my ex’s brother” is kind of shitty of me i think. but i also can’t say “my friend” because we weren’t friends, and i can’t say “my friend’s brother” because now that we’re exes we’re not really friends, and also there’s a difference between “friends” and “grew up in the church together” and that’s a lot to say to someone who doesn’t have the whole picture. but it’s better to include “ex” in there somewhere, because when people hear “ex” they like to assign some bitterness to it, and it’s kind of refreshing to hear “do not meet him for coffee who cares if he’s grieving he’s an ex for a reason” instead of the run-of-the-mill scrambling for something polite and respectful to say. and then when i do meet him for coffee and his hair’s grown out again to where i once told him i like it and he tells me about his next tattoo and that he’s saving up for another motorcycle and apologizes for something he barely did two years ago and tells me that he’s single again, i can joke around with my best friend about how he still wants me if his instagram likes have anything to say about it, and i don’t have to think about how tired he looks or that, like me, he hasn’t said a word about God in six years. i don’t have to sit in the church i haven’t sat in since high school and wonder if this is the funeral—sorry, celebration of life for someone who didn’t even want to be here—my ex’s brother would have wanted. i don’t have to watch the back of my ex’s head and wonder how he can stand any of this because nobody here will shut the fuck up about God. i don’t have to sit in the back of the congregation and selfishly think WHEN I DIE I HOPE NOBODY TALKS ABOUT GOD for three hours. and usually my purse is relatively neat but right now it’s stuffed full with tissues and waterproof mascara and packets of wildflower seeds and i wonder if my ex’s brother really did like planting wildflowers or if they just told us that so we’d spread them.

later that week when i spend the night at my sister’s she tells me the exchange student she brought home for thanksgiving a few years ago was in an accident. i want to apologize because ever since i was a child i’ve felt like death follows me around somehow. his instagram says he was doing what he loved and he’s with God now. i hug my sister while she cries and i think WHEN I DIE I HOPE NOBODY TALKS ABOUT GOD. in a few days i will text her at midnight because i had a dream that i don’t necessarily remember but i do remember wishing she was still alive. and i won’t tell her that but i’ll ask her what she’s wearing to the bridal shower and she’ll say the same thing she wore to the funeral because she doesn’t have anything else, and i’ll do that too since we were asked not to wear black and the blue i wore is much more suited to a happy occasion anyway. the brides will make a toast to loved ones lost while i’m wearing the same dress i wore to celebrate the life of a dead boy and my grandmother will pray to bless the union and i’ll arrange flowers and play little games with the women in my family and all i can think is WHEN I DIE I HOPE NOBODY TALKS ABOUT GOD.

whenever i tell people my cousin drowned they always ask if he’s okay and that always surprises me because i feel like the word drowned has a finality to it; it’s an end result, and if he was okay i would have said almost drowned but i didn’t. and sometimes when i talk about someone in the past tense people will say what do you mean was? is he not your uncle anymore? as if the concept of death is so far-fetched and archaic that it only happens to the elderly and the extremely unlucky and people on tv. these are the same people who keep talking about Heaven and eternal life and how death is just the beginning and nobody’s really gone and i smile politely but i want to grab them by the shoulders and shake them and say fuck you. MY EX’S BROTHER KILLED HIMSELF THREE WEEKS AGO and i am drawing pictures and watching a trashy reality show when one of the contestants announces his early departure because his sister has died.

why do you write so much about death? what is everyone else writing about if not death? a few years ago i found out people think i’m obsessed with the idea of dying. i am not. i didn’t know there were people out there who have not experienced tragedy at all. i say tragedy and people think it just means loss. i am not talking about old men passing peacefully in their sleep. i am talking about a drowned fourteen year old and a fiancé whose heart suddenly gave out and a new grandfather t-boned by a drunk driver. these are too unrealistic for fiction. you write too much about death. i am not afraid of death and i’m not sure if that’s leftover from teenage suicidal tendencies or the result of years of exposure but i am afraid that i will die unexpectedly and nobody will know who to tell and so none of the right people will find out. and then the only people at my funeral will be family members who keep talking about God and Heaven and eternal life and give out packets of wildflower seeds, and i will watch from inside my casket even though i wanted to be cremated and i’ll scream EVERYONE SHUT UP ABOUT GOD until i can almost feel my throat but nobody will hear me because i am dead and no longer have a throat. my friends will keep texting me and wonder if i’m angry with them.

my ex’s brother killed himself three weeks ago. after the funeral i take a day off of work to sit in my kitchen and think WHEN I DIE I HOPE NOBODY TALKS ABOUT GOD.

[luulapants]

Why are we doing big gay dean today. No complaints just wondering

[luulapants]

ppl are like “big gay dean are outside my house”

the big gay dean in question:

[luulapants]

jensen ackles finally coming to begrudging terms that dean is bisexual and only throwing up inside his mouth when he vaguely barely talks about it and that took like 20 years but then more dykes come up to him now and say actually we think he’s gay here’s why [mic to mouth] thoughts ? and he vomits all over the floor

[luulapants]

I don’t think Sam would be surprised to find out deans in love with cas. I DO believe however it would be the equivalent of a spiritual bitchslap to find out that dean genuinely finds cas attractive and is sexually attracted to him physically and not just like. Body and soul stuff.

[luulapants]

[2058]

You: Back in my day the government tracked the weather and warned us when natural disasters were about to happen. Then there was a different government agency that would coordinate rescues and help you after.

A Gen Beta indentured worker stuck on a roof with you in the flooded remains of Massachusetts: If the alligators get any closer, we'll take the cyanide, okay?

[luulapants]

IDK as a queer person whenever I see someone going really in the weeds on some niche infighty queer identity issue, part of me will always be thinking like. Do you eat at chik-fil-a. Do you have any Black friends. Do you know anyone that's been to prison. Do you know the name of any unhoused people in your town. Have you been to even one city council meeting. Do you know any of your neighbors. When's the last time you did something to help another person.

[luulapants]

Jason: Ha, hold on I'm gonna Bruce-roll Tim

Cass: [shakes head vigorously]

Jason: Why not?

Cass: He likes it too much.

I think instead of rickrolling each other the bats would send each other Brucie Wayne's (intentionally leaked) sex tapes

Dick: Ok Babs just sent over the security footage from the truck heist.

[video loads]

Dick: OH GOD MY EYES NOT AGAIN

Steph, haunted: how many times must I see Bruce's balls