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Beware of men whose dxcks or pockets are too big. Their entitlement is insatiable.

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Socialite In Training 🦋

Go out to dinner at least once a week. Try places you’ve never been before. Make an effort to hit up as many places in your city as you can so that you will always have good recommendations for people, reviews on what’s good and what’s bad, and get to know different areas better. Obviously don’t go broke doing this. Just try to dine out as often as financially feasible for you. Be friendly with the staff and make an impression on them and trust me, the special treatment will quickly come once you become a regular.

Always dress tf up. No matter if you’re walking your dog, grocery shopping, getting your nails done, depositing a check at the bank, or making a dentist appointment. Always look cute. This doesn’t mean you need to bust out a ball gown, but make sure your clothes look good, hair is done, accessories are on, and your personal style shines bright. Don’t just put on items. Give the girls a Look.

Take multiple vacations a year. At least one should be by plane to your location of choice but if you don’t have the budget to do several far away trips per year, fill up your calendar with staycations at hotels that offer activities, resorts, spend a few days staying with some friends who are out of state, and any other getaway that appeals to you. A 2 day trip to a city that’s just a few hours drive from your house can absolutely be an amazing vacation. I do it all the time!

Expand your social circle and actually make plans with them. A trip to the nail salon with one, a joint grocery shopping trip with another, lunch at that cool place you’ve been frequenting with the third. Be a social butterfly. Make memories with people, even if they are just casual outings. If you meet someone and hit it off, text them! Make a plan to hang out and do something.

Be the flashiest and most authentic version of you. Buy the things you like and wear them with showstopping confidence. Use the phrases and slang words you like. Don’t be shy to listen to the music that is your guilty pleasure or watch your favorite shows that no one else seems to care about. Embrace every part of you and wear it proudly.

Go to all of the cool events in your area. Restaurant openings, new store openings, promotional events, community gatherings etc etc. Try to always keep fun events on your horizon. Plus it’ll give you more chances to wear those cute outfits you feel too shy to wear on a normal day just bopping around target. Those leather pants and strappy heels aren’t gonna wear themself!

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✨Top 10 Picture Taking Tips for Sugar Babies✨

Hey babes! For those of you who want to start taking sexy pictures but don’t know where to start, or for those who try but just end up with a bunch of deleted photos, I’ve got your back. Here are some self-photography tips I wish I had known when I first got started. This list is friendly to all heights, ages, sizes, and colors, and should still apply when with a partner. As always, if these tips are helpful, please like, repost, and follow to help others! If you wanna give feedback on these tips or if you think I should do a post with more general tips (or tips specific to certain body types, environments, poses, etc.), let me know in the comments! Ily, say it back❤️

In no particular order, my tips are:

🛋The bed is always a nice place to pose, but don’t be afraid to try standing or using couches, chairs, desks, bathtubs, and even the floor. Trying out new places to pose can allow you to try out new poses that are more exciting without having to learn bedroom gymnastics.

🪞Invest in a decent-sized (and preferably moveable) mirror if you don’t already have one. It can enhance the angles, aesthetics, and even lighting based on where you place it in your pictures by huge amounts.

🧹I know it may be hard, but make wherever you’re taking pictures clean and neat. Cluttercore is not exactly the best way to draw in sugar daddies.

💎Try adding some nice-looking jewelry and accessories. It can give you something to play with when you don’t know do with your hands in pics, plus it’s an easy way to a little luxury to your pictures and make you look more expensive.

❤️For my babies with some tummy like me - when posing in a way that has you turning to a camera behind you, put your hand on your hip to hide/minimize lil turning wrinkles and love handles.

👁For my babies who wanna show off their face, less is more with facial expressions. Sex is all in the eyes, not in the eyebrow intensity, pout or nose scrunch.

⏳Most of the people you think have the most snatched waists and stomachs you’ve ever seen are just really good at sucking them in. Practice sucking in your stomach to varying degrees if that’s something you want to try yourself, but if you don’t that’s okay too! It’s all about preference.

☺️Unless you’re specifically a degrader or a dom, play coy/shy/submissive in your pictures. Sugar parents love that shit.

📱You don’t need a fancy camera and tripod or anything to take pictures where you’re not holding the phone. A random blanket/pile of books to prop your phone up on, and the 10-second timer can be your best friend.

💡Take pictures near a mirror or a soft lamp; atmospheric lighting is best whenever possible. Ring lights also work wonders. But in any case, lighting is just as important to a good photo as nice clothes (or a lack thereof) and nice angles.

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💅💅💅💅💅

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[lux-sugar-noir]

Hi Lumen, first off I apologize if this type of question has already been answered or if I am long-winded. How exactly does one go about changing and improving their life when starting from zero? I have had depression and ADHD since I was a kid and it (and, of course, myself) has kept me behind in life. Now that my symptoms are being treated…I’m unsure of how to go forward. I don’t really have any hobbies, skills, or goals. My apartment is a mess, I spend a lot of time on social media, and I have no structure in my day. I do want to change my life and level up if you will, but a lot of tips I see online are for people who already have a general structure or foundation in their life. I was hoping for some tips for those of us with none. How do you go about developing a routine, skills, hobbies, etc from zero? Thank you. 🤍

Hi darling,

First off, let me say how brave you are for being honest with yourself and making the conscious choice to turn things around!

I was in your shoes 2-3 years ago, before I started my glow up journey, so I can completely relate to the feeling of being lost, finding my life a chaos... and the only certainty I had was that I was absolutely determined to create a better life for myself.

For this reason, I curated a masterlist below for all the posts, articles and guides I've written either on tumblr or on my blog. My advice is right now start with tidying up your home, because a clean, organized home will inspire a clean, organized mental & emotional landscape. It starts there.

Then it's time for reading and research! You should focus on leveling up your mindset, for it will always be your foundation for everything else.

I've ordered each list in chronological order for one's glow up process, building in complexity and experience; and also highlighted the ones that will be most useful for someone starting from zero.

Mindset:

My 30-day mindset glow up challenge (tag)

How to develop a growth mindset

11 Keys to a successful mindset

Traits of successful entrepreneurs and CEOs

Prioritize your mental health in your 9-to-5 job with these strategies

Why you keep failing your yearly goals (and how to fix it)

Why you should stop associating productivity with self worth

Truths that have changed my life

Glowing up:

How to get (and keep) Your Life Together 101

Tips to get started on your journey of self development

Things I wish I knew at 21 (a letter to my past self)

What I wish I knew before starting my glow up journey

The healing power of morning rituals

How to be happy (you deserve the gift of happiness)

How to cultivate inner peace: daily practices

How to be a high value woman

Cheatcodes that will elevate your life

Selflove / Selfcare:

Things that encourage self-love in your journey of healing

The stages of living authentically

The art of being your authentic self

What happens when you embody your authentic self...

A manifesto of selflove

What happens when you practice self love daily...

Ways we self-sabotage & how to stop It

My journey of healing: how selflove & selfcare changed my life

It’s time for you to heal: a guided meditation

Essential selfcare habits for entrepreneurs

Finances:

5 secrets to stay on top of your finances

Tips for smart shopping

Fashion:

How to be classy

My guide for classy nails

Tips to always look polished

Relationships:

Toxic vs. healing relationships

Things every woman should know about love

How to get over a break up: a guide for healing

Why the “ride or die” mentality Is self-sabotage

8 dating commandments of the high value woman

Red flags of low value men (LVM)

Green flags of the high value man (HVM)

High value: misconceptions, what it is and what it's not

High value dating: do’s and don’ts

5 things stopping you from high-value dating & how to overcome them

How to know you’ve found the one

As someone who had to learn these things the hard way, I hope sharing my experiences and advice proves as useful to others as it was for me. 💞✨

You can bookmark this list and go over it at your own pace, by your own rules. The point is to just start. Much luck darling! 🥂

-Lumen

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i can’t wait til i’m at the point in my life where i can just blow thousands of dollars on self care, maintenance, & just spoil myself with everything i’ve ever wanted ♡

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I’m so fucking pretty, from my toes to my fucking head. I’m really that bitch.

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I’m so sorry, but I simply couldn’t date a man who couldn’t take care of me. My type are men whose love language is acts of service. Men who mean what they say and say what they mean. Men who take honest and genuine pride in making the lives of those they care about a little easier. Men whose friends are gentlemen. Men of integrity. Men with a bit of an intellectual streak in them. Men who recommend good philosophers to engage with and who have a sense of aesthetics about them. Men who are delicious, erotic and tender. Men 🥵

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reminder to self to put different fruits and small, gummy sweets in sparkling wine just because

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High Maintenance tactic: Dream Girl Energy

The goal is to create an air of desire about you. Seduction (especially in romantic relationships) is impossible if you are not deemed desirable by society or at least in your community. When people are drawn to you and you seem exclusive you will have the power over anyone under your spell. This is why traditionally pageants would always choose the same girls, why we all have the same image of what a “trophy wife” is supposed to be. Unfortunately, those tropes also have racist/ colorist undertones. But do not be discouraged. A thin blonde is born with this trope projected upon her but you as an individual can cultivate that image for yourself. ( you still have to be beautiful and in shape I.e Miss Universe 2020 isn’t the standard but her beauty threatens the standard) Beauty is important even if it doesn’t fit the standard.

A high Self esteem and confidence are imperative For any of this to work.

Create a brand for yourself, and make it exclusive. The campier the better. You want to be extra, you are a dream after all. Appeal to a certain desire. In this case, the trope that should be your inspiration is the ideal lover. (these tactics transcend romance) Be reminiscent of a fictional character. You need a social media presence to do this.

Create mystery. The best way to do this is to not be an open book or common. Add a little campiness to your personality and cliches. Be the girl who effortlessly wears heels to class or to the office everyday. You won’t look like a try hard if it matches your energy.

Never publicly deny or confirm rumors or assumptions about you. Don’t get mad at gossip. In fact, you need people to gossip about you, it will only add to your mystery. Even ignite gossip about yourself. It’s good to have gossips around you, but only let them know what you don’t mind getting out.

The ideal lover is a fetish. This is not pc, but stop being afraid of being a fetish. You don’t think the exotic look is a fetish for pro-athletes? It is! But those women stay winning in said field. In fact, when someone sees you as a fetish, you shouldn’t run away- monetize it! Be the token if it will benefit you. (I’m not encouraging use your position to discriminate against your own or to crab climb. As a bw, I didnt make the game, and I’m not gonna play fair when no one else does.)

People want what others want. Only date men of a high status who display a passionate effort. (Think about Lauren from love is blind) When people see how much he caters to you they will think higher of you. His want for you will make them want you or want to be you. These relationships can be temporary so don’t harp on character. If and when he messes up leave. Never be afraid to leave and maintain your standards at work and in relationships.

Cultivate an inner circle but stay friendly to outsiders. Your circle needs to be desired obviously. Be strategic; the people you keep around you greatly impact your lifestyle, mindset and perceived value. It’s important to have at least one true good friend but don’t harp on how “real” everybody is. You need strong and diverse connections. Have a friend who is crazy supportive of you.

Ultimately be the fantasy that’s missing. It’s fake but that’s what makes this path a road less travel and therefore- less competition. Nowadays everyone wants to be so “real” and “relatable” that they become fake. Celebs have lost their allure. Beyoncé is worshipped because she maintained her allure and mystic but connects enough for us to remember her. Our society is disingenuous, what everyone truly craves is a fantasy and escapism. If you supply that demand ➡️🤑💰💵💕

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3 things wealthy white men look for in an ethnic trophy wife:

I work at a Private Specialty Club and a International Investment Banking Firm and I've worked as a yacht girl and a flight attendant, I think that if anyone is qualified to speak about this, it's me. I've been around men who are Bill Gates level wealthy, I've been around your average 100k guys, and I've been around men who are Middle Eastern royalty and men who have so much money they could buy a title.

I'm not interested in what the men who are making illegal money have to say, I only ask men who are in legitimate occupations questions because I don't want to ever be with a man who's not stable. I also don't bother with men making under $300k yearly, I know I can do better than that and I don't want to waste my time when there are plenty of men for me.

I've always enjoyed asking questions and collecting data for myself, I've always liked being privy to secrets and being told things, and I've always made myself out to be a sympathetic ear or a shoulder to cry on. I've operated with the knowledge that everybody is trying to be somebody BUT some people already are, I constantly ask questions of the men that already are who they want to be so that I can learn what they want, how they became who they are, and how they've stayed successful and what they look for in a potential wife so that one day I can be just that.

Poise and Elegance:

Every man wants poise and elegance, when a white man of status is dating a woman of color, that want for poise and elegance becomes even more pronounced. Bring proper won't just do it, it's an important part and it's an absolute must, acting ghetto or low class will immediately disqualify you from any sort of serious attention but acting the exact opposite and knowing how to carry yourself and carry a conversation is precisely the way to get your foot in the door before you're living in their heads and in their homes rent free for the rest of your life. It's honestly not too hard to bag a wealthy white man, even if you're gold digging, as long as you know how to conceal that and appeal to their white savior instincts and make them think that you need them (and not the other way around) you'll do just fine.

Being beautiful and out together is a must, being the next Iman or Grace Jones isn't a must but you do need to be fit, beautiful, and you need to know who you are. The more wealth, the more of one stereotype men like. Quiet, submissive, tall, thin, beautiful, and foreign and also sort of a bimbo but also always interested and excited to learn with bright eyes. A lot of the extremely wealthy men that I've met have wives from Africa, Sri Lanka, or the Gulf and they're all very beautiful, sweet and absolutely great to be around, and they're all from backgrounds where they've been "saved" by the men that they went on to marry. I've talked to them before and they've always laughed about their backgrounds because they've let their husbands think that they've lifted them out of perdition but, in reality, they would've done just fine in their home countries if they hadn't married well.

A Good Educational Background:

You don't have to have gone through the finest programs at the finest schools but you do have to be educated. It's a million times more interesting if you've educated yourself, men love a woman who can say that she self educated herself and that that's how she knows all she knows, you have to have passion and you have to believe in certain things, you have to be able to speak eloquently and fluently, and you have to make sure that you're worldly. Watching foreign films, learning languages, reading books, learning etiquette through etiquette books, learning how to dance, learning how to make coffee and serve wine, making charcuterie boards, and learning how to sail, golf, play cards, play tennis, host parties, and be able to act the part of the perfect wife and perfect woman will only help further your cause and benefit you.

I listen to NPR, watch broadcasts out of the Met Opera House and the Bolshoi Ballet, go to art museums and research art, I go to masterclasses about history, I paint, I study, and I immerse myself in the life that a high class woman would. Now, even though I come off as delicate, worldly, and well read, I let myself shine through. Niels (main man) has a thing for the war on drugs and the cartels, he loves watching Narcos, and he loves reading about those sort of things. I'm able to be delicate Renata and I'm able to revert back to the Renata that grew up with family appearing at the door in the middle of the night because Colombia and Venezuela had gone to hell.

Appealing to their need to be a white savior:

I'm going to speak to this at length because this is actually extremely important and it's one of the least mentioned but most important things that I've figured out, every man loves saving a damsel in distress and being able to think of himself as her knight, being able to appeal to that and also appeal to their need to be a white savior always gets them going. I've had nights where I'm working and men start asking me about my hometown and my life back in Brazil. I lived in a bad are, yes, but for a reason and that reason was the employment of my parents. Every man wants to be needed, it's a simple fact, men like to feel useful and feel like they are truly needed and desired by the woman they're with, the desire to be a white savior comes out because a lot of white men see women of color and immediately assume that they either belong to the streets or they need to be rescued from the streets.

There's this beautiful young girl from Kenya I know who married this man who she met when she was yachting with me, she's one of the most beautiful women I've ever known and she grew up in a slum called Kibera in Kenya. He dotes on her and I've never seen her without his Reserve or Centurion cards and in an outfit that wasn't customized for her from a major fashion house, anyway, he constantly talks about saving her from the slum where she was from and he...salivates over that. She's got two wedding rings that I don't doubt cost him at least $900k together, she's secure and safe, she doesn't drive, and she came up from absolutely nothing and met him. She secured the bag, he loves that he "saved her" and "rescued her", and they're happy together.

I'll write more tomorrow, these are just my observations and things that I've written down in my diary after years of listening and asking questions and I thought I'd post them to get them off of my mind for a while.

XOXO,

Renata

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Backless by ChanelMckinsie

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My home will be a home with no loud anger, no explosive rage, no slamming doors or breaking glass, no name calling, shaming or blackmail. My home will be gentle, it will be warm. It will keep my loved ones safe. No fear, no hurt and no worries.

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dangerous women

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I like being a spoiled girlfriend and also a bitch who will never be your girlfriend, it’s called multitasking.