lycanxlovergirl - Tumblr blog

[lycanxlovergirl]

damn i miss him so much i can feel physical pain as if my heart was breaking

its terrifying im so lost

[lycanxlovergirl]

I think I figured out the key to my life for now. Everyone talks about being gentle with urself and have a nice happy life loving yourself. Like?? This shit aint taking me anywhere. If you dream big and want to achieve it you have to get your ass up and work. I think that a true artist is meant to suffer. There is beauty in suffering that is wsy much more exciting and fresh than a gentle life. I tried. Did it work? No, I always ended up being disappointed in myself cause I was lazy asffffff. Ooh yeah love your bodyyy. Okay I learned that I like my body how it is I accept it but I still get treated like I'm a worthless poece of shit just because of my weight??? People be fucked up. I gotta change myself my guy I have to. We need a revolution. Brb gonna eat a plum and go to sleep yippeee.

[lycanxlovergirl]

their ego be cryinnn hehhehehe

[lycanxlovergirl]

I never had an intentional E disorder. It was always because Im a picky eater and I forget. But now I think I'm developing one. Everyone looks down at me because Im not in canon. Im worse than a mid in their eyes. But I like myself tho. I really likee chubby girls. I guess Im weird now and no one finds me cute. As a person with border having no one giving me love or attention in a romantic way is like slowly dying on a dessert from dehydration. What was I sayin... ummmm yeah im kind of fasting? but i dont know when i will end this.

[lycanxlovergirl]

i was studying for 8 hours sttaight yesterday almost got beaten up. Didnt sleep and starve myself. No one cares about me. Im always the one that has to say sorry cause no one else will. I hate humans. I had/have a crush on a girl from my class and today she didnt say hi to me back and she didnt want to sit with me. Am I really that bad? I was crotecheting a cute banner for her birthday... Took me about 5 hours already. And for what? To be hated? I literally dont understand. When we last saw each other we were literally flirting and dancing and hugging and all but now? Nothing.... I'm fucking sad... And no one talks to me at school. No one. If they do its only because they want something. I want to run away into the wild. I would be so happy living with animals by myself. The only person that truly cares for me and checks on me everyday having therapy session is my bestfriend. I love her. I see her once a month. Its tough. Im on a school break now guess what they left me all alone again. My "friends" and my old "friends" that i cut off they didnt even try getting me back and are having fun without me. You know how bad it feels?? I cried and no one noticed. I mean thats a good thing cause i would have to explain it but also kind of sad that no one even cares. My parents dont. Only that 1 friend. I only have 2 comforting people in my life. Its my bestfriend and chan. I wish I could talk yo him someday.

[lycanxlovergirl]

um hehe heehhee my suicidal thoughts kicked in heheh again great and here i thought i dont have daddy issues well i guess im a part of the gang noww wassup....cringe. Well I want to move out so bad but guess whos broke.. THIS BITCH IS👆... Life um lifeee whatever something I just took my meds so I'll be alright in 30 minutes so ig we good. Thanks chan for existing yk and my bestie J too. Thanks guys. I would be already dead if it wasnt for you. Dont worry Im gonna make it someday. My life aint that bad right now tbh I remember when I was younger. I want to thank myself. Thank you.

[lycanxlovergirl]

I blacked out

[lycanxlovergirl]

Also Leo skepi said something like. People will feel relief after you disappear from their life. And it's sooo true. If they were not your real friends from the start that will happen. Some might mask it so they don't how to show that they are sad that's another thing.

[lycanxlovergirl]

I forgot I had a tumblr... I think I'm doing okay now I'm stable because of meds. My memories from 7 years ago is back so is XXXTentacion phase. Damn I need to heal this trauma cause I will always have a wound. I need to recall everything now. As a coping mechanism I shut down my memories of middle school. It was horrible. I dont even know how did I survive to this day. Also I'm 18 in like 2 months and das crazyyyy. Still no bches but now I'm good on my own. Lack of motivation to keep going I would gladly just rot in my bed think, cry and listen to music. That was my favourite activity after school throughout the elementary school..:). It's coming back because of the eclipse so we back in 2017 yay. Also mercury retrograde are u kidding me.. I literally feel so drained. And I swear to god if it ends on 25th of April I will never doubt the astrology, never again. I made more friends deepening connections and cutting out people that are not meant for me. I feel calm. I dont hate anyone. Peace and love on the planet earth.

[lycanxlovergirl]

I started playing league of legends again and I can't stop 😭😱 still no bitches so Idgaf anymore

[lycanxlovergirl]

um

[lycanxlovergirl]

i need to cut off half of my friends most of them irl. It hurts but I have to. I dont want to but I habe to prioritise myself. They wokt change if their personality is the problem. They drain me with they selfishness. Talking to them will never bring any results cause they wont change. It hurts but I have to let them go. Dont respond to their texts and within some months stop following them. I dont need that in my life. I have like 2 amazing bestfriends and I deserve more than I have right now. We are just not a match and thats it. I used to care a lot about them but now I stopped so they stopped talking to me. Great. Hurts to see that no one fights to keep me in their life. I left two bestfriends. Did they ask why? Said anything? No they just accepted it and started hating me and laughing at me. You call it friends? Why did I let people like this come near me? Never again. Only high quality people. Im sad but its going to be okay. I will survive. No one can hold me back anymore.

[lycanxlovergirl]

Im processing stuff rn. Im pretty sure two people irl have a crush on me and idk what to do about that. They are not making any moves tho. How do I start even TT. Its crazy, one is a 2 years younger girl than me so yeah its not happening cause im 18 soon and its weird. The second one is A GUY my age... damn... AND IRL??? WTH. It happened only once or twice in elementary school literally and by total outcasts that dont lesve their basements... (I was one of them) but know its a man, a beautiful man whos ambitious and hard working... like wth... but we dont talk anymore so its weird between us. Or maybe Im delusional but hes stalking my socials from a fake account at least 2 times a week... I know its him its obvious like fr... so silly. I figured it out already darling. But like is he gonna do a move or shi or we just chillin. I just gotta mind my business cause I aint want no relationship... also not with a man... ew... I mean he is like yk 10/10 and it happens like never. Im really picky. Also it just feels bad that I cant do anything about it and I have a crush on someone for years now. I tried to fill up the void with other people but they never like me back. And the only people that have a crush on me or want me are online so its like no one cause im so much different irl (uglier). Well I guess I just sit and watch. I miss my soulmate tho. Nothing fills the empty feeling. Its sad and frustrating making me wanna give up on everything. I really want to give up on love. I swear to god if he marries someone before meeting me Im staying single forever. Like I wont love anyone else ever. It hurts cause I think that we'll never meet. And even if we did we wont click. Literally without him I dont have a purpose. Its like the highest purpose. So if I lose him to someone my whole life will be ruined and Im not sure I will be able to stand up from this. For now I still have a chance but Im so lost. So many questions but no answers. No one knows how to help me. What do I do. Why do I have to fall for someone that doesn't know I exist. Why? And why its not passing? I thought I will find someone in real life and forget. But I dont want anyone. Im sad and feelin defeated. I need rest. I will work hard on it. I hope we meet. Just once. Or maybe more.

[lycanxlovergirl]

Finally I'm going monk mode again after 2 years. I wanted to go back so much but it was too hard due to my brain chemistry... BUT IM BACK AND ITS OVER FOR YOU BCHES. I'm not shaving my head tho... I wish I could tho...

[lycanxlovergirl]

I need reinvent myself. I am boring af. Who am I? What do I want to be or do? I have no idea. I'm just existing. What my favourite artist said that if you don't create you don't evolve which means you are literally just existing not living. What can I create?? I feel like im dead. No name person that will never achieve anything. Maybe?

[lycanxlovergirl]

WHAT IS GOING ON OMG I TOOK THE MEDICINE FOR THE FIRST TIME AND ITS LIKE I FEEL LIKE IM ALIVE AND I CAN DO THINGS MY BRAIN WANTS AND I WASNT LAZY AT ALL AND MY MIND WILL IS SO MUCH STRONGE4 THAN I THOUGHT AND WTFFFF

[lycanxlovergirl]

And yeah my doctor have a wife (and its not me).