lyreb1rd

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Janet Elizabeth Aulisio

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they dont tell you this but like half of adulthood is just washing the same FUCKING pan

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this is my first and probably only deltarune fanart please enjoy it

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captcha

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Police detective trying to solve a murder who accidentally stumbles onto the victim's neighbour's secret - he's a vampire. Drinks blood, avoids the sun, the whole shebang. He didn't kill her though. So while that's life changing information and whatever it does not help his case one bit

Vampire didn't even know her that well. He caught her cat once when the thing got out and brought him back after sundown. She gave him a cobbler, which he said was very bad, but not the sort of thing you'd do a murder over. "That's not funny," says the cop. "A woman is dead."

And the vampire is like, "Well, I implied that killing her was wrong."

The cop gives up with the vampire. Finds out a lady this woman worked with is like, a witch, or does magic or some shit. Real magic. Cool. She didn't kill her either though. Jesus Christ.

This cop finding an entire magical society and being utterly humourless and annoyed about the entire thing because it's not even helping his CASE

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Tenner

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congrats on the divorce

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Hey don't cry, okay? We just found Attenborough’s long-beaked echidna, a species thought to be extinct for the past 60 years.

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I’m so fucking tired of this discourse every fucking month. If you exclude/hate ANY queer identity, get the fuck off my account.

Reminder my account is a safe space for all queer identities. Lesboys, turigirls, mspec lesbians/gays, multigender people, intersex people. You’re welcome here and I’m sorry there are so many spaces where fellow queer people outcast you. You deserve love, please stay safe.

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ultimately the truth about frankenstein is that we are all grotesque amalgamations of the best and worst parts of everyone who came before us. and sometimes the people who are supposed to love us because of and in spite of this will not. and we can kill them with hammers for that. and i think that’s beautiful

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I think the most obvious tell in my writing that I'm Australian (aside from the spelling and usage of occasional Australian words) is my tendency in scifi to describe any small alien bug as a spider. Oh, we found something tiny with an exoskeleton and we don't know what it is? Probably some kind of new spider. That's the most likely option.

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A good rule of thumb for AI is "would you trust a trained pigeon to do this?"

"We trained a pigeon to recognise cancerous cell clusters and somehow they're really good at it" okay great, that's something that could plausibly be a thing.

"We trained a pigeon to recognise good CV:s and left it in charge of sorting through all our job applications" uh perhaps consider not doing that.

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hi guys this isn't the only daily ralsei post for today i just wanted to share this meme i made on samsung notes while in the car ride home from the vet hope you like it goodbye. play in stars and time. ok bye

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do you think toby ever got inspiration from his fans

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I really am tempted to write a Doctor Who fanfiction called Janitor What where the main premise is (while being a pretty major plot hole himself) another timelord who was friends with The Doctor and The Master when they were young on Gallifrey. Only, instead of running in fear or being driven completely mad when forced to stare into The Untempered Schism, he is compelled to clean time and is captive to this illusion that time doesn't have to be so wibbly or wobbly at all. He sort of works as the timelord who actually does his job. Only issue is that his two best friends have gone absolutely off their rockers and he spends most of his time cleaning up their messes. In other words, The Janitor is who patches up plotholes. How did Pete Tyler know to catch Rose in Doomsday? The Janitor. What ever happened to The Valeyard? The Janitor. How are there no Reapers before or after Father's Day? You can thank The Janitor because that's his daleks baby. And The Janitor always shows up in this shipping crate that says Fragile on the side and he's got a tool belt of bullshit like an Ultraviolet Spanner, a Gammaray Hammer, or the Sub-o-matic plunger. Of course, the even better gimmick of it all is when he lands and is asked who the hell he is. I mean it is the very last place one expects to have hired a janitor. Which always prompts a mind boggled, "Janitor? What?"

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as a fat person who's always clamoring for more interesting fat characters in media, I honestly think one of my all-time favorite depictions of a fat character is Jumba from the original Lilo and Stitch - both visually and personality wise

from a design perspective, even though he's an alien, he has so many little anatomy quirks that make him a more believable fat character than many fat human designs in other media. I love the realistic sag and layering of the fat on his arms, the lack of neck definition, the rim of chub around his face and upper back, the way his back is rounded. his clothes pull taut and pinch in anatomically accurate places (e.g. shoulders are firmer = smoother outlines, the sides and back are squishier = bumpier outlines).

and he's stylized so well! all these great details boiled down to some simple shapes and pen strokes. IMO the Lilo and Stitch art style is extremely appealing - it's warm and clean and visually pleasing, but every character is super unique. Jumba isn't supposed to be pretty, but even though he's a very large, very fat, bald older guy who spends most of the movie in crop tops, the way he's stylized and staged makes it clear the audience is supposed to find him interesting to look at, and variably intimidating/cool/powerful/capable. he's often funny, but the physical aspect of his comedy is derived from being so hefty the other characters struggle to prevent him from barreling ahead and doing whatever he wants; being fat makes him come off more in control of the funny situations he gets into, not less. also, because the art style is what it is, a lot of his character acting also just makes him look kind of cute ... though that's universal across the cast

I also really like the fact that his size clearly gives him both realistic advantages and realistic disadvantages. along with having a stronger sense of agency in the comedic scenes, his size in combination with his impulsivity also makes him a more intimidating antagonist. you never know what he's going to do, and his size makes it difficult for other characters to stop him when he's made up his mind. at the same time, it seems to take him longer to catch his breath, he sometimes grunts when moving around a lot to imply it takes more effort, and he clearly struggled to find clothes that fit him when putting together his disguise. I think it's awesome that the character's size impacts how he interacts with the world so much, and again, in relatable ways

and personality wise, it is ALWAYS great to see fat characters portrayed as intelligent - not only is Jumba an accomplished scientist, he's also crafty and witty! a few quiet scenes imply a philosophical side, as he ponders on Stitch's existence and feelings as a living weapon. with Stitch explicitly being made in his own image to an extent, I'd argue there's even room to interpret some of the things he says about Stitch being hints to how he sees himself; we never learn much about Jumba's past, but it's clear he's a social misfit and strongly defiant. I don't think it's a stretch to assume some of what he said to Stitch about being a monster who can never belong anywhere was intended to read as projection (which makes it all the more heartwarming when both of them find a place to belong on Earth)

it's also a nice twist that toward the end, Jumba is the one who is unexpectedly compassionate toward Nani, while Pleakley tries to urge him to ignore her. again alluding to a level of emotional depth and intelligence that is often missing from even well-intentioned depictions of fat people. his character isn't even fully explored, and yet he's one of the most dynamic and interesting supporting characters in a movie full of fantastic characters. the audience is expected to find him fascinating and even sort of mysterious, and he is!

the sequels and spinoffs were more merchandise-driven franchise fluff for kids than the artsy direction of the original movie, but even so, I remember Jumba went on to become Lilo's lovable, amoral uncle figure, which I also thought was so fun as a kid. I love that they committed to the fact that he was more caring and compassionate than he seemed. not only was he a cool evil mad scientist character, but he was also eventually ... a friend ...

and he was even gay