maaya123

[maaya123]

I cheated on my husband.

And I came out clean with him after 3 years. And he forgave me.

To the world, our marriage is a perfect story. And to a conservative, south indian, middle class, single income couple aka my parents, they couldn’t be happier and they never miss a chance to mention it to me that they are sleeping in peace every night because of how “settled” their daughter aka I, am.

 I had a pretty blessed childhood. Roof over my head, three meals a day, new clothes for every single occasion in the house and above all loving family. Though the pros outweighed the cons, the cons did exist. Getting molested by my school driver and a neighbor uncle, getting fat shamed by my grand-mom while I was in the midst of eating a slice of my cousin’s engagement cake still taunt me. And not to justify myself but these horrors shaped the mistakes I committed in my life.

I had a pretty blessed college life too. I got to attend one of the most prestigious colleges in India, obviously engineering though. I had friends who were more than family to me, the ones who would skip exams to travel 26 hours to and fro to give my passport which I forgot in the first place. Friends who would race against a train to give my wallet which I forgot. I had people who loved me for my smile. People who would right endless poems to woo me and get me a plant when they asked me for a dance because roses are too cliche. Remember how my parents are very conservative: I politely accepted the dance request but didnt show up because I didnt want to offend my parents and marry a guy outside of my caste no matter how much he loved me. What would happen in one dance you might ask. Well that’s the origin for all the mushy love and heartbreaks which I wanted to avoid. Such a wonderful life you must be thinking. But, there were some hidden devils lurking around. You see all the attention an engineering girl gets in her college life spoils the shit out of her. And I am no exception. 

At 21, I was torn between marrying a guy who loves me vs marrying a guy of my parents choice who might potentially love me equally or more. I went with the latter. This guy whom I am married to is the man every woman deserves. His happiness lies in my happiness. He never mentioned this to me but I can read his eyes and actions. He wants me to be his equal, he wants me to see the world, he wants me to become independent and he makes me cry with his kindness. And how did I return the favor?

I cheated. Left, right and center. With random guys I met at night clubs when my husband was traveling so as to fund my world tours. For an year, I slept with more than 5 guys and multiple times with the same person. And the most horrific part, this cheating didn’t hit me as a mistake. I justified with the saying of my cousin, “ your husband can sleep with anyone, but he should only love you”. Gender equality came into play here for me. 

Fast forward two years, I joined MBA college along with my husband. We both became classmates and I started falling head over heels in love with him once again. Long story short, I realized the grave sin I have committed and couldn’t carry the guilt anymore so shortly after our 5th anniversary, I blurted it out to him. At once he thought I was pranking him and didn’t buy it, it made me cringe even more. But slowly, we are repairing our wounds, and trying to fall in love, again.