machhapuchchhre

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i swear it is physically impossible for me to read a mary oliver quote without immediately having to hold back tears. "you do not have to be good" and "someone i loved once gave me a box of darkness. it took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift" and "i don't want to end up having simply visited this world" and "to love what is mortal against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go" and "it is a serious thing / just to be alive / on this fresh morning / in this broken world" and oh fuck it's happening again

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the sun sleeps

nev.in.color

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Stripes contest.

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instagram | jannelford

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“It is a serious thing just to be alive on this fresh morning in this broken world.”

—

Mary Oliver

(via sheepyhollows)

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Kyla Jamieson, “Vernal Equinox,” in Body Count

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there’s just something better about sitting on the kitchen counter I can’t explain it

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Every woman I have ever loved is still working out how to love herself. Has a closetful of ghosts and has been to a hundred funerals of the women she used to be. Wonders what wounds her mother carries that she will never know about. Hopes that the weight of the world doesn't eventually crush her, that she is strong enough to handle it all. Wishes a day will come when she can put it all down, give her aching shoulders a rest. Wants someone to truly see her and not make a feast of her kindness and dreams. Is forever hiding a secret hunger for what calls to her in the dark. Holds a universe inside her, but has been told to make herself smaller despite the paradox. Praise be that universes are not in the business of listening to anyone but themselves. Every woman I have loved has thought about it. The art of disappearing. To be here one day, and the next, like smoke, simply gone.

- Nikita Gill, Every Woman I Have Ever Loved

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Yosemite by avdidit

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Life lately.

Bouldering in Italy with N and a good friend. My mountains. Climbing with the girls. Enjoying rainy days with my horse. Reading again.

I'm grateful.

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2023 has just started and I'm selling the family house. It's not as hard as I expected. It's not easy, and it's exhausting to decide what to keep what to give what to get rid of. The new owners seem genuinely happy about this house. I hope they can build a happy life here. We moved in when I was 5 years old, I'll turn 30 in July. It's crazy. So much memories here. And yet, without my Mom, this place just feels empty and silent. I'm glad to sell it. I'm glad to move on.

2022 was a hell of a ride. I'm so proud of myself though. Because in the darkest times, in the most awful, excruciating days, I still found joy beauty and love.

I'm grateful for that. The joy, the beauty and the enormous amount of love in my life. There's nothing more I could ask for really.

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Being with someone who wants to learn about your past history, not to punish or hurt you, but to learn how you need to be loved

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I been choosing peace over people lately.