madamblogattempts - Tumblr blog

[madamblogattempts]

Okay… so I weighed my self

And 🧍🏻‍♀️ Ummmm lolllllllll 👀 ima start up again. That YouTube channel I said I would start up is on its way. Im trying to figure out how to edit. Also not happy with my results. But oh well it’s something I gotta work on starting this week

[madamblogattempts]

“ure so quiet” mf i’m planning how to starve

[madamblogattempts]

🎇HAPPY NEW YEARS 🎇

I need to be more consistent with my content but other wise I'm working and recovering from 2021, that head was ...... traumatizing AF. So this year. I'm ganna start a YouTube channel, still not showing my face. But It'll be more of a, calming healing vlog type of thing.

[madamblogattempts]

I’m doing this “diet” because I know I can’t restrict too low, otherwise I’ll end up binging. Also having a strict plan keeps me motivated. Lets lose the weight mah dudes

[madamblogattempts]

i’m like craving everything, but at the same time craving nothing I DONT KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT. like i want to eat everything but at the same time i don’t want to eat anything i’m so confused rn :(

[madamblogattempts]

Hey cuties

It’s October 21 of 2021. last year around this time I was 150lb, I now currently weight 140! let's see if I can lose wight and make it go down to 130lb, this by the end if this year. My diet was basically don't eat breakfast don't eat lunch,

 only one meal a day of what ever I wanted with rooter. and since my job at the time made walk so much and stay on my feet I lost 10lb which is crazy. my new goal is 130. 

[madamblogattempts]

sometimes i'm not sure if i'm enjoying thinspo bc i wanna look like that or bc i'm .... GAY

[madamblogattempts]

tiredmaid / instagram 

[madamblogattempts]

All I want

[madamblogattempts]

Ya know...

starting over on my dieting kind of sucks ass, because i have to get use to not eating again, and just eating freaking veggies and water.........my family has no control on the fast foods they consume and other stuff like that. So I’m left with this urge to eat and have to resolve to just stuffing my face with a bag of spinach......and I hate spinach 

Tea’s great, i love the cinnamon one because all i have to do is add honey and it taste amazing, Why am i ganna lie and say 

“this diet I’m on is so easy, starving yourself is amazing!’ \

When I’m wishing i could eat like an elephant with out gaining a pound and just look like a dainty fairy..........although boobs are out of the question. 

  Let me look like Momo........i really really want to be skinny just once in my life so that i can wear Everything and look Amazing.........I’ll say it again. The only reason i want to starve my self is so that i can fit into the clothing i want to wear and look good. Not for some stupid boy who’s probably ganna leave me as soon as they get what they want from me. Defiantly not for anyone else, it’s all for meeeeeee 

[madamblogattempts]

Okieee so after getting my appendix removed back in August.✨

I was scared that my body would give out if I didn’t eat, or that I wouldn’t recover properly, from the surgery. And after spending a long ass time in recovery just eating and laying in a bed. Yeah I gained weight, to the point where my cheeks are chubbier and it’s very noticeable.........my pants don’t fit.........

So now that’s it’s spooky session

And since it’s October and it’s been.....a month. I think I’ll start slow and restricting again on food. Im still to scared to do any exercise. I just gotta plan out my meals, I love eatting but my body dysmorphia is getting worse. I don’t know if I should go out walking or not, or if I should wait another two months😐

Lol

Spooky session isn’t what’s scaring me, my scale is.....I neeeed NEEED MY PANTS(trousers)TO FIT.

[madamblogattempts]

Has anyone here got to a point where not even tumblr thinspo is triggering you and you feel lost cause you are only gaining weight and can't focus on weightloss anymore??? Pls help. I don't know what to do anymore, I am just gaining and dont fit in my jeans or winter clothes. I don't wanna be fat for Christmas!!!

[madamblogattempts]

[madamblogattempts]

[madamblogattempts]

I cut my hair today. And it looks pretty good.

I did it because I’ve been that girl who has cut herself. Hurt her skin to try and heal her mind.

I’m not thinking about the after fact. In that moment I’m there sitting on the bathroom floor crying and bloody. I can’t think when I feel so much.

Rage

Self loathe

Despair

Heartbreak

People never tell you that when some people get depression they don’t want to be fixed. They don’t want anyone to spend the time and effort fixing them because they have found comfort in their chaos.

Why go to the doctors and get medication to fix yourself, just to have waisted the money and probably flush them down the toilet because your anxiety tells you you will gain weight if you take them.

No one tells you a haircut is like depression. But I’m going to tell you that it’s the exact same experience minus the feelings above and just add a little embarrassment. If you have a hair cut, some people may notice. If you’re sad some people may notice. If you cut your own hair and fuck up people will probably notice and suggest you go to a professional hair dresser. If you cut your skin people are going to tell you to go get some professional help for your head. They will tell you what you did wrong. They will tell you how to fix it. Give you a script for medication. Recommend a new shampoo. You will be on your way and in a few weeks you will either try cutting yourself or your hair again. Or you will go back for more treatment because you realise you need help.

It’s easier to cut your hair then it is to cut your skin. It’s easier to get away with. It hurts less and is easier to fix. Plus hair grows out and after a while you won’t even notice a bad hair cut. Skin heals but leaves scars.

Cut your hair

Not your skin

Or just get a professional to help

But if you’re a loser like me

Try soemthing new.

You may even be proud of your new look

Like me

[madamblogattempts]

sometimes i'm not sure if i'm enjoying thinspo bc i wanna look like that or bc i'm .... GAY

[madamblogattempts]

10 min Run and you get cat called