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Week 12 - Development of Faith and Spirituality

I had many thoughts this week while reading the Mayhew, Rockenbach, and Dahl article because it covered a lot of ground and made me reflect on my own upbringing and college experience.

The first thought I had was about the observation that “students who had more interfaith experiences in high school were more likely to develop their self-authored commitments than students with fewer of these pre-college experiences.” I immediately thought of people I know who were raised in the church, went to religious private schools for their K-12 education, and then went to Baylor, a Baptist school, for college. I went to public high school and I do not recall hearing about other peoples’ religious practices much aside from Christianity, so I imagine that in a private, religious, K-12 school, there are few to no students who share openly about their religion if it differs from that of the school. I wonder if these students will ever have interfaith experiences since they would be surrounded by the ideals of the schools for years on end. Perhaps during a mission trip, but then we must discuss the ethicality of those. I am specifically thinking of people I know who grew up in religious schools, attended a religious college, and then returned to their hometown or nearby. What opportunities for faith development are there when all you know is the same? And then how can you be sure enough to commit to your faith when you don’t know anything else? 

That said, my ex-boyfriend (evil) went to a Baptist high school (against his will) and then attended a Methodist university (Methodist is used loosely here) and is now a devout atheist. But, he will not hear anything about others’ religious ideals and is committed to disrespectfully squashing even the belief in afterlife, so while he was able to make a commitment, he obviously has trouble accepting others’ beliefs.

Another thought I had was about the observation that “provocative encounters with worldview diversity … stand as pivotal moments in self-authored worldview development.” Reading this made me glad that I left Texas. Living in New York, I feel like I am experiencing so many things that are foreign to me, whether it is the magnitude of diversity or something as random as professors cussing in class (which was jarring to me at first and I was shocked that no one else felt the same– even some of my Texas friends). I feel like I really have had to reckon with some ideals I’ve held forever and confront some biases that I’ve had because of the people I’ve met here. I share some thoughts with my friends and they’ll tell me “that’s very Texas,” and some of those thoughts I stand by, but others, I didn’t realize I could think otherwise. I feel like in this transition to New York and graduate school, I have made more meaningful commitments to my worldview than maybe ever in my life.

I also noticed that the observation that “where campus racial climates are more hostile, students of color often become more aware of and committed to their racial identities as they navigate the negative environments of which they are a part” is similar to the experiences that LGBTQ+ individuals face. I believe that some of our readings and discussions that I’ve had with friends mentioned that LGBTQ+ people often have to develop faster because they have to learn what it means to defend their identity to others. It is so sad that people with minoritized identities find themselves in these situations because of the shortcomings of straight white people. I am glad that these issues are really being reckoned with in society lately and that people are becoming more accepting so that hopefully in the future, students with minoritized identities won’t be forced to grow up faster. I am so curious as to what the culture of higher education will look like in the next 5-10 years.

Also, I enjoyed the “Beyond the MA” presentation today. I told Dr. Spencer in our advising meeting that I would be interested in helping out/dipping a toe into research but he wasn’t sure if there were any opportunities for that. I know you mentioned you may have some during the presentation, so I would love to help out with that!

[maddicsldthoughts]

Week 11 - Social Class and Disability Identity Development

This week while reading, I felt conflicted about my own socioeconomic status. Before getting a full-time job in 2022, I had always seen myself as someone with a lower socioeconomic status. If a survey asked me to place myself on a ladder from 1-10, with 10 being the best off in society and 1 being the worst, I’d put a 4. My extended family is all extremely wealthy and they get upset when my sister and I say that we are not well-off because we are from Plano, Texas, which is an affluent city, and we lived in a two story house in a nice, safe suburb. What they don’t consider is that my dad was racking up debt while supporting himself, me, and my sister on a $30,000 salary.. Reading the textbook definition of low-income, I felt weird. It mentioned that many low-income students are first-generation students, and I’m not. Both of my parents went to college and obtained master’s degrees. My family just fell into difficult circumstances and my dad has no idea how to manage money, so we have a low family income. Talk about impostor syndrome, feeling like I shouldn’t feel like I’m poor when I went some nights without dinner.

As an adult with the ability to manage my own money, I’m doing fine, and I no longer feel like I am a low-income student, but I reflect on a lot of my college experience through the low-income lens. I read the MacInnis, et al. article about socioeconomic status and friendships, and it was interesting to me that they predicted that cross-group friendships would benefit those with lower socioeconomic statuses. In high school, I compared myself to all of my friends because my dad got me a car that cost $3000 cash while they got fancy new cars. There were luxury cars in my high school parking lot. (I drove a 2002 Pontiac Grand Am, RIP Rusty). Going to a private university, many of my friends could pay out of pocket and received allowances from their parents. They got their first jobs in college for fun; I got my first one as soon as I could drive. Financial comparison was a huge theme throughout my college experience, and I frequently felt impostor syndrome when trying to fit in with my friends. Cross-group friendships are fun because then you can go use your friend’s pool or their parents’ lake house, but the daily toll of comparing yourself to them is incredibly difficult. 

The MacInnis article also talked about how some low-SES students lack knowledge of how to become involved with the university. Even if you have that knowledge, some opportunities are not on the table for people without money. I will never forget having to turn down an event put on by a club I was in because it cost $10 to rent roller skates and I didn’t have $10. My roommate was incredibly confused about how I didn’t have $10, which made me feel ridiculous and like an outsider. I also sent myself into a spiral because I had spent much of the money I’d saved for college on college things, and then got hit with textbooks and other required goods during the first week of class. My choir dress cost $80 and I remember breaking down because I didn’t have $80 to spend on it. I will never forget either of these instances; they’ve stuck with me since 2017. Despite financial aid and loans, the social activities of college are not always accessible for those with lower incomes.

[maddicsldthoughts]

Week 7 - Racial and Ethnic Identity Development

This week I had a lot of thoughts while reading “The Enlightenment Narrative: White Student Leaders’ Preoccupation with Racial Innocence.” On one hand, it was relatable. I totally agree that whiteness allows white people to ignore systemic white supremacy. I have said before that I have thought about race more in one semester at NYU than I ever considered it in 24 years. I mentioned last week that I thought that I was “enlightened” when I lived in Texas because I posted a bunch of Black Lives Matter resources on my Instagram story when really there is so much more to it than that. When I read this article, I thought it was interesting how many opportunities the students surveyed had to discuss matters of race, even saying they had “routine conversations about racial diversity” (p.5). Some of the students called conversations about race a “hallmark of student involvement” (p.6), which I find weird, because I was heavily involved as an undergraduate student. I worked several jobs, was in a sorority, sang in choirs, lived in the dorms for a year, and was a member of clubs, and I never talked about race. That said, I attended a predominantly white institution (PWI) and for the most part was surrounded by other white people. Baylor currently reports that 35% of the Fall 2022 freshman class identify as belonging to a racial minority population. I am curious if the experiences that the students mention in their studies are specifically related to their school or their activities, or if I am lacking in this experience because of the school I went to or the people in my community. The study mentions that it was done at a PWI with people who grew up in racially homogenous communities, which is similar to Baylor, so I’m not sure. I think further research should be done at different schools with different organizations.

I thought the students in the study had a weird attitude. There was a lot of othering in the quotes. “Students [who aren’t involved] ‘do not really like, get a lot of this stuff that we do,’” (p.7) is one of them, but throughout the article I noticed similar sentiments. To me, it came off as morally superior. I am left wondering how white students can grasp race issues if their only opportunities are through high-impact practices and involvement, and some students never get involved.

Then, reading “Home Away From Home: Native American Students’ Sense of Belonging During Their First Year in College,” I was sad because Native Americans and other racial minority groups must feel really out of place on campus, which I am obviously aware of, but the writing made me really feel it. At Baylor, I usually always fit in, but during my first few weeks at NYU, I remember feeling like everything that I said was wrong. I wasn’t used to some of the lingo that is used here and I would go home and replay whatever I said in class over and over trying to figure out what others would think of me. I was so sad and anxious for weeks and dreaded going to class, and I imagine that this is the same feeling that racial minorities may feel at a PWI. I hate that students feel this way just because they are in a predominantly white environment, and I hate that they have to face microaggressions at the hands of white people to make white people feel comfortable. The worst part is that many white people are probably completely unaware of these problems! I think many people think the solution to this in college is to expose white people to these problems, which seems to have worked with the enlightened people from the earlier article, but like they mentioned, not everyone gets involved and is able to have these conversations. In my Impact of College on Student Success class, we talked about how high-impact practices can help solve these issues, but again, I’m not sure that every student gets involved in a high-impact practice throughout college, especially if they attend a community college or an institution that has less opportunities for involvement.

[maddicsldthoughts]

Week 6 - Introduction to Social Identity Development

While reading the Patton this week, I was thinking about my own privileges and how I have grown in considering many of them throughout my life. Coming from Texas, I considered myself very active in politics and advocating for the rights of others, especially during the Black Lives Matter movement in 2020. I would often attend various protests, especially for women’s rights. I rallied my friends to vote and someone even told me I should consider activism as a career. Despite all of this, in my first month at NYU, I remember telling friends from home that I had thought and talked more about privilege than I ever had. Meeting so many people with diverse perspectives has made me realize that despite being one of the most politically-charged/left-leaning people in my circles at home, I still have a ways to go before truly understanding all of the ways that I benefit from privilege. 

While reading, I was contemplating which privileges I am advantaged by and which I am not. For example, as a white woman, I obviously benefit from white and cisgender privilege, but not male privilege. Coming from an affluent town and college, I could fit in with social class privilege even though my family was ultimately poor. I do not have a disability so I benefit from ability privilege, and at my Baptist college, I got really good at fitting in with Christian privilege. My desire to fit in with the privileges I lack (social class, Christian) makes me realize that most people are probably trying to do the same. I learned this year about “code switching,” which I understand to be modifying one’s mannerisms to fit with the culture, and I feel like when people do that, they are working to try to reap the benefits of privilege as well.

At the height of the Black Lives Matter movement, I learned a lot about white privilege and worked hard to confront any of my own biases. When I moved here, I realized that I had biases and opinions that were so normalized in Texas that I didn’t even realize were an issue. For example, last semester in Foundations of Higher Education, one girl mentioned during class discussion that she was bisexual, and I remember telling one of my friends (who coincidentally is a lesbian) that I found that weird because I can’t imagine telling my professor about my sexual orientation. It felt inappropriate to me. She helped me realize that I felt that way because my identity is already assumed as the norm. When people explain their sexual orientation or pronouns, it helps others to understand them better. I can’t really fathom being misunderstood like that because I benefit from so many privileges. During my first few months in New York, I felt a serious dissonance between what would be considered “liberal/activist/woke” thoughts in Texas and what was just the norm here. It was almost as if, despite working to understand stories from BIPOC and members of the LGBTQ+ community for the past few years, I still couldn’t fully wrap my head around the biases and privileges that affected these communities until I moved here and interacted with more people living these realities. Even now, I am worried I will say the wrong thing because I grew up in a culture where privilege is extremely engrained in society. I feel like the experiences I have had here have helped me to gain a much deeper understanding of privilege which in turn will help me to work to dismantle it.

[maddicsldthoughts]

Week 5 - Development of Self-Authorship

While reading this week, I found myself thinking about how interesting it is that some of the theories we have discussed have an ultimate/final level that is rarely ever reached. I feel like these levels help to demonstrate the trajectory of the theories, but it is interesting that such a high standard exists that no one will ever reach. For example, in the textbook section about Kegan’s theory, they note that the fifth order is rarely ever reached. Kohlberg’s stage six is another level that was never empirically demonstrated. It’s interesting that the creators of these theories essentially come up with their idea of the perfect, most developed person, but that person rarely ever exists. It almost makes me question the theories in general, because how can we know what to strive for if it has never been reached?

In the textbook, they mention that many of the demands of modern life require fourth order thinking, but adults in the position to partner off, raise children, and/or work are not fully mentally prepared to succeed at these tasks. And the fourth order isn’t even the final order! It’s strange then, to me, that the fifth order even exists when so few reach it and so many struggle with the fourth. It’s almost as if the fourth order should be what people strive for as a final goal. 

These examples like the fifth order and the sixth Kohlberg stage encourage thinkers to see from many perspectives and abandon selfishness. Last semester, I took the Impact of College on Student Success class, and I learned that many of the high-impact practices that students are encouraged to participate in also encourage these traits. For example, diversity/global learning helps students to gain a different worldview and the ability to step into the shoes of someone with a different background. Collaborative assignments force students to become part of a team and develop skills for working with others. Service learning encourages students to be selfless and solve problems within the community. All of these practices help me to see a real-life example of how theory informs student affairs practice.

When reading the Perez article I had to stop and consider the implications of whiteness being centered in this research. The textbook mentioned that in Baxter Magolda’s study, only a handful of students weren’t white. American white culture is centered in capitalism, competition, and selfishness, while many other cultures have a strong focus on family and community. I wonder if their findings would be different if these studies were initially done with more people from other cultures, and especially in seeing if more people reach the final stages.

[maddicsldthoughts]

Week 4 - Psychosocial Development

I have really enjoyed reading about theories focused on women in the textbook. Last week we read about Belenky et al. and the Women’s Ways of Knowing Theory, and this week we read about Josselson’s Theory of Women’s Development. It is extremely apparent to me that men and women develop at different rates, and even the Foubert et al. article says “women are more developmentally advanced than men [in the interpersonal relationships vector] throughout their college experience.” Therefore, women should be studied differently than men.

When I read about these theories, especially the ones about women, I am tempted to find myself in them. It’s the same thing to me as identifying as a Carrie or a Miranda (I identify as a Carrie if anyone was wondering). In Belenky’s model from last week, I feel like the various perspectives are more like building blocks, so it is easier to see myself at the end of the spectrum, integrating both subjective and objective knowledge. However, with Josselson’s theory, I am less sure where I stand or how I will end up. Maybe, since they studied women from college to their 40s, you can only know once you reach that age. It is interesting that the study focuses on the impact of your psychosocial developmental stage at the end of college and its effects on life beyond college while many of the studies focus on changes during college.

I don’t identify at all with the foreclosures or identity diffusions stages, but I lack some of the characteristics of the moratoriums and identity achievements stages. While writing this blog, I realized that I feel like I fit more into the identity achievements section, though. My thoughts while reading were that I didn’t quite fit into moratorium because I didn’t have an overprotective mother like it said many of the women studied do, but I do have uncertainty about life beyond graduation and high standards for myself. That said, I think it is reasonable to have uncertainty about life beyond graduation because I am newly still in school, and while I have high standards for myself, I believe that I can achieve them; they don’t usually make me feel inadequate. I can see myself fitting into the identity achievements box because I do take risks and form new identities, but I am still working on being motivated by internal pride and things that are good for me rather than outside sources.

The Shalka article was difficult for me to read as someone who has dealt with a significant amount of various traumas before, during, and after college. While this one didn’t necessarily have developmental stages, I still tried to find myself in it. I really identified with the “Living ‘Outside the Realm of Collective Experience’” section. When I was five, I had a very significant death in the family, and I think I have felt like I am living outside of this realm ever since. I also identified with the push-pull of relationships as a behavior that I have. It is interesting to see this research focused on trauma in college-aged students and how it affects them specifically in a context that is so social and dependent on human interaction (roommates, classmates, dorms) since interacting with others can be extremely difficult while facing trauma.

[maddicsldthoughts]

Week 3 - Cognitive-Structural Development

My favorite reading this week was the Waterman & Bazemore-James text about Indigenous Knowledge Systems. I don’t know much about the topic so it was super interesting to be able to get an inside look at the feelings and internal struggles of Indigenous people. I especially was interested in their culture of silence as respect for others and how the Western college system can be overwhelming because it leans toward encouraging individual mindsets and assertiveness, especially in grad school/seminar-style classes. I am shy and typically quiet, so I completely understood what they were saying about finding it hard to participate in class because people jump in rather than allow time for others to raise their hands. That said, I’ve adjusted to this fairly quickly, but if listening and remaining silent to allow for everyone to share was a part of my culture that I had been practicing for 18+ years, I feel like this would be very difficult for me to adjust to. It is small hurdles like these that student affairs practitioners need to be aware of when considering the plight of minoritized students making the transition to college.

Learning that Native American data is often dismissed because it is typically qualitative was interesting considering much of the research in our field is qualitative. They also mentioned that Native American data is often erased because of the small sample size, which seems like a problem that the researchers should solve by sampling wider and more equal populations rather than dismissing an entire population from their research. After learning this, it was easy to understand how important all of the theory criticisms are. It’s shocking how easy it is to overlook an entire population, and then with no research involving this population, student affairs practitioners are unaware of the best ways to help them. Reading the authors’ letters to each other was a fun format.

I found it interesting while reading the textbook that some of the theories we study focus more on adolescence than others. For example, while I was taking notes about Kohlberg’s theory, the earlier stages, like Stage 1, where actions are based on the avoidance of punishment, reminded me more of adolescents. I continued reading and found that Rest’s approach focuses more on teenagers and college students because his schemas focus more on life after 12 years old. I liked learning about the “original” theories and then seeing how other researchers fleshed them out to have more relevance to our field.

I was happy to see theories researched by women and based on women because while reading, I did feel like the original theories were missing something. I was shocked that Kohlberg concluded that women could not reach the same developmental pinnacle as men… LOL. Women are more mature than men from probably age 8. No data to back that up besides working in an elementary school for two years, which is plenty.

[maddicsldthoughts]

Week 2 - Getting Situated in Theory

While reading the first chapter from Patton, et al., I was excited to see some theories I had heard of before. I was a teacher for two years, so I learned about Piaget’s and Erikson’s theories during my undergraduate degree. While Erikson’s research focuses on adolescent identity and Piaget’s is focused on moral development in children, it was interesting to see that several theories build on their ideas with reference to the study of higher education. Going into this class, I was wondering if we would discuss any of the theories focusing on adolescent development, so I’m happy to see these guys mentioned. While the study of development in college students is definitely important, I feel that so much change happens from birth to 18, it is impossible to ignore the importance of these theories. I am hopeful that we will talk more about their impact in our field, and I am excited to learn more about Chickering, Marcia, and Kohlberg’s various theories that build on the work of these two.

It is interesting as well to note that in the second chapter from Patton, et al., they talk about the existence of life-span theories. There is so much research that I am aware of focused on adolescents and college students, but I have little grasp on what research exists beyond those ages. While these theories seem less relevant to our class specifically, I do wonder how often they are used in our field, especially now that the idea of a “typical” college student is changing and there are more students attending college from higher age ranges.

I also have been wondering about Chickering’s theory for a semester or so. I was in “The Impact of College on Student Success” last year, and I was one of the only first year HESA students, so a lot of the class discussion mentioned things I hadn’t heard of, like Chickering’s theory. However, his kept coming up in conversation, so I realize it must be important in the real world as well as in the textbook.

I have also heard through conversations in and outside of class that Chickering’s theory and others like it are “outdated” or “irrelevant” because of their lack of focus on minoritized populations. “Irrelevant” is a strong word that I don’t necessarily agree with, but the first Patton, et al., chapter confirms that while these are important theories, they do fail to account for students of color or women. That said, these theories are important enough that they are the ones that have been built upon in second and third waves of research. I am excited to dig deeper into these theories.

Finally, I enjoyed the Abes reading and contemplating theory from another lens. As a white woman from the suburbs of Dallas, I don’t really face oppression, and I don’t have to think about it if I don’t want to. To become a strong and empathetic student affairs practitioner, though, it is extremely important that I deal with the discomfort of knowing that I am privileged and figure out how I can personally dismantle barriers for the students I work with in my own practice. I enjoyed the quote on the last page, “for the master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house,” (Lorde). It definitely left me with something to think about.