madegeeky

[madegeeky]

This is in fact a sweet honey of a deal. I think most of us in the audience can understand that. But there is absolutely no way in heaven hell or otherwise that she is going to take this deal. This means NOTHING to her. There is nothing you could give her that matters. That is her power, is she cannot be turned away. She will have to be killed or she will continue on. There is nothing you can do about this. It is her gift and her tragedy, all in one.

Before you comment: Spoiler policy and basic assumptions!

[madegeeky]

"Some problems you simply can't kill."

Mizu: "Sorry, I can't hear suddenly, it sounds like you are suggesting I can do something other than kill my issues."

This actually is smart, but it won't work at all. He does not yet realize that Mizu can't be bought, can't be scared, can't be reasoned with. She is too much of a freight train to let anything like that bother her, and in that way she may actually manage to confound Heiji Shindo.

Before you comment: Spoiler policy and basic assumptions!

[madegeeky]

Do you ever have a feeling and it's a very specific feeling that is really hard to describe because of all the nuances and you know there has to be a word for it but you have no idea how to even begin to look it up?

So, anyway, Mars got her mole cut off last week and it involves 5 stitches on a cut that's a little over an inch long. (It's was a very large mole.)

And I'm in this really weird (not fun) place where I just feel bad about it in a really specific but low key way. Like, I don't feel guilty, I know it's outside of my control, and I don't feel responsible for it. But also my genes are the issue here so while I don't feel guilty I do feel [feeling I can't name] because it is directly linked to me. And it's hard to convey because I feel like this sounds like it's guilt but it's not, it's too.... weak? Spread out? Specifically non-specific? See, I have no idea how to explain it outside of "It feels bad, man."

I dunno, where's the weird German emotion dictionary, I feel if anyone has word for this, it's them.

[madegeeky]

online communities are so strange because people slip away so easily. you can be on here for years, folding people you've never met into the fabric of your daily life, and then they disappear, leaving only ghost posts scattered across tumblr behind. or their blog stays dormant, for weeks, months, years, until you're only still following them because you remember that they love sunflowers or they were kind to you when they didn't have to be or the last thing they posted was sad and raw and you still worry about them sometimes.

and sometimes they come back when you least expect it, years later, even, and there's this sudden rush of relief like there you are, there you are, even though you barely knew each other.

there's a strange kind of love to it. i don't know you and i want to hold your hand across miles and time zones and oceans. i can still see the imprint of you in this community you left. you don't anyone will notice or care when you're gone, but we notice and we care and we wish you well.

i hope you're all okay out there. i hope the sun is shining on your face and you are breathing deeply. i miss you.

[madegeeky]

So, I decided that I'd go through and mark which notes were actual comments and which notes were bibliography before I started reading. This way I don't have to carry a pen around with me and I'm not constantly flipping to the back. (The introduction alone has 71 notes.)

It took ~40 mins. >.<

I just do not understand the point of combining end/footnotes with the bibliography.

Why, for the love of all that is holy and unholy, would you choose to mix your footnotes and your bibliography together in a "Notes" section at the back of your book?!

I don't need to go and read the bibliography unless I find an idea particularly compelling but I would like to read your notes. Put them in the fucking footnotes like a normal person!

I am absolutely making small notations for which notes are actually notes and thus worth turning to the back for and which are just bibliography.

(Example of what I mean behind the cut, in case I did a shit job explaining it.)

This is from Horror in Architecture, for anyone wondering.

[madegeeky]

Why, for the love of all that is holy and unholy, would you choose to mix your footnotes and your bibliography together in a "Notes" section at the back of your book?!

I don't need to go and read the bibliography unless I find an idea particularly compelling but I would like to read your notes. Put them in the fucking footnotes like a normal person!

I am absolutely making small notations for which notes are actually notes and thus worth turning to the back for and which are just bibliography.

(Example of what I mean behind the cut, in case I did a shit job explaining it.)

This is from Horror in Architecture, for anyone wondering.

[madegeeky]

I love Bollywood so much.

Let's make Momento but we're going to stick over an hour of flashback in the middle that is just straight up the most cliche (affectionate) romantic comedy you've ever seen.

At some point we're going to go back to the revenge part of the story and I will weep because this entire romantic comedy flashback is hilarious. Like, Mr. Geeky and I are literally laughing outloud, it is fucking absurd and amazing.

(Ghajini, for those curious)

[madegeeky]

For anyone curious as to why the haircut has to be done right now and why we couldn't wait til later?

The first time Mars went to overnight camp (she was 8) she basically only bathed twice and never combed her hair so now the rule is she has to get her hair cut short for camp.

This is especially important since she's going for two weeks this time. (She did have to show us during her second time at camp that she would actually take care of herself or she wouldn't be allowed to go for 2 weeks. And she did great so, here we are, two week camp coming up.)

[madegeeky]

Mars has strep throat and I threw out my back leaning slightly over my waist-height dresser drawer.

Because I have time for this nonsense.

(Mars did get her haircut and so that's one thing down at least.)

[madegeeky]

Okay, but like, the stuff Helena did at the beginning of season 2, Michiru would absolutely do that. (affectionate)

[madegeeky]

Severence: Here, look at all these interesting characters. The entire point is they're trying to figure out who they are and do right by the people around them.

Me: Okay, sure, they're neat.

Severence: Oh and also here's this secondary character, a rich priveledged woman who is an absolutely awful human being, but don't worry we won't spend a ton of time on her. Anyway, back to the main characters!

Me, banging my silverware in the table: HELENA HELENA HELENA HELENA

(I'm obsessed with her and I need to know everything about her and how much she obviously hates her privileged life and everything she feels about Mark and Helly. This is, in fact, the only reason I care about that relationship at all and so I need to know all her thoughts.)

[madegeeky]

Are you ever typing something that your phone autocapitalizes and you go back and re-type it just to force uncapitalize it. Like no sorry mcdonalds doesn’t deserve that level of respect from me

[madegeeky]

So, I twisted my ankle 2 years ago and it's still fucked so I'm going to an orthopedist next week. (Yay EDS)

I was talking to my PT on the phone today and he went, "When's your apt again?"

"Next week."

"Okay, do you mind if I come?"

And, y'all, I feel really bad because I burst out laughing. Like, huge chuckles.

And just silence on the other end.

So I apologized and made some excuses but, honestly, I have no idea why I found it so funny.

I get why he wants to. My body is a cornucopia of fucked up and he has multiple theories about why my ankle has just hit a roadblock in recovery. So it makes sense that he would come with and be able to talk to the doctor face-to-face to discuss options instead of playing phone tag or me attempting to (no doubt poorly) tell my doctor his thoughts.

I dunno, I still find it really funny and I really hope if he brings it up tomorrow (during my actual apt) I don't laugh in his face because honestly it is a dick move to a really kind gesture.

But, y'all, it's just really funny.

[madegeeky]

The next two months of my life are a fucking mess of "holy shit there is no time". They were already pretty busy but Mars was ~blessed~ with [Maiden name redacted] genes and they have already found an atypical (not bad, just atypical*) mole which they want to take off which is going to require stitches (it's a big mole) and it will be almost directly between her shoulder blades. Which means there's a whole week and a half she's out of commission for a lot of stuff we were planning on doing (I'm imagining trying on clothes so we can get enough for overnight camp** isn't something that would be comfortable to do with stitches between your shoulder blades).

*Atypical has been explained to me as basically it's more likely to turn into cancer but that doesn't mean it definitely will. But obviously it's better to take it off. Also, ironically, atypical moles are actually typical for me. Can't remember the last time I had a mole taken off that was normal.

**You might be asking, "Holy shit, how much clothes does Mars need for camp?!" Well, it's two weeks and I believe they are (correctly) assuming that the kids might have multiple days they have multiple outfits. On top of that, we drop luggage off (at specific locations) several days before the campers even leave so we have to have enough clothes to get her from luggage drop off til leaving. And we also have to have a few days before that because we're traveling and the closest day we can do laundry is several days beforehand so she needs the amount of clothes recommended, plus enough to cover her several days both before and after luggage drop off. I mean, I know she's going to love this camp so it's worth it but holy shit.

[madegeeky]

I LOVE how this is done, you can feel that desperation, and it turns your stomach. You want out of this scene by any means possible. You want to squirm away, but you can't because the show makes you live within the tension of that moment, and it feels so human. Love it. I mean, you definitely do need training to trim trees it is very very dangerous, but I love it.

PLEASE do not spoil me, even if you know things, even if you want me to know things, even if I should know things. Follow the wisdom my grandfather once gave me: When in doubt, shut up. 

But you know who WOULD love to hear every thought you’ve ever had?? The Discord! This is entirely for the purpose of giving you a place to talk about stuff without worrying about spoiling me. 

[madegeeky]

God this is so relatable. There are days where if one more person asks me one more question, I will fucking lose it. I was telling Teddy the other day (and she was like, "babygirl. i know.") that I love being in charge and I fucking hate being in charge. I have the Fareeha Amari problem: I pursue power not because I want it so much as I think everyone else is fucking incompetent and lazy which leaves me totally unable to delegate. (Doc, if you know why you do it, can't you--YOU WOULD SURE THINK SO HUH)

But anyway what I mean is, sometimes even when you are, genuinely, the only one who can answer the question, it just brings out this primal fucking rage in you. And I'm wondering NO ONE TELL ME if part of this isn't kind of what I was joking about earlier, that the crush of living in a big city all the time and never getting a moment's fucking peace is what sparks this kind of thing, This outlet for all the rage a thousand little insults cause.

PLEASE do not spoil me, even if you know things, even if you want me to know things, even if I should know things. Follow the wisdom my grandfather once gave me: When in doubt, shut up. 

But you know who WOULD love to hear every thought you’ve ever had?? The Discord! This is entirely for the purpose of giving you a place to talk about stuff without worrying about spoiling me.

[madegeeky]

Major Beef spoilers below:

I keep thinking about Docholligay's liveblog of Beef and about how much of the characters' relationships are shaped by things that we don't learn about until incredibly late in the show. Things that drastically change your entire understanding of these characters. You watch this show a second time and there are so many new and different layers.

At the end of the second to last episode, you learn that Danny threw all of Paul's college applications in the trash back when Paul was in high school. Paul is the way he is because Danny literally sabatogued his brother future. Suddenly, the way he puts up with Paul's shit makes more sense. It's a complicated mishmash of familial duty and guilt for ruining his future and happiness that Paul is still there and feeling like he deserves all the shit that Paul throws his way because he ruined Paul's future.

There's is nothing simple about these characters and their relationships and I love so much that this show is totally fine with you sitting with these characters, thinking the show has done a great job getting across how complicated relationships can be, only for them to go "Here's some new info! Now rethinking fucking every single interaction they have ever had."

This show is legimately one of the best rewatches I've ever had for anything because when you watch it the second time there's so much more you know about the characters and so it changes so many things.

(I actually played around with the idea of having Doc watch it and then liveblog it because I feel like the first and second watch are that different. But I couldn't stop myself from wanting to see all the WTF reactions she'll have from the show.)