madeofpurestarlight

[madeofpurestarlight]

Your voice is the pattern of my memory

Your face hangs in the gallery

Of the golden scarring on my heart.

~ Gates Of Eden, @allieswrites

[madeofpurestarlight]

No doubt, no past

The future is so far

It might as well never come

Light, @allieswrites

[madeofpurestarlight]

A Few Words To Start With

Here’s something I figured out while I was trying to come up with a nice first post.

Despite being somebody who’s never had issues with words, I’ve never enjoyed introductions. Maybe because it’s impersonal? Maybe because it’s not going to tell us anything, after all? As somebody who likes to play with words quite often, I’m not really here for romaticizing myself in a prologue, because that’s no real truth in it, either. And so I’ve come to the conclusion that most of the time, it’s better to just let ourselves speak for ourselves.

After all, today, it is incredibly easy to present the world only what we want to present them, to let them see only what we want them to see. In a way, we all cultivate a certain idea of ourselves. We have all got many versions of ourselves, which we usually reserve for a certain situation and for certain people. We are not the same at home as we are at work, we are not the same when we are with our family as when we are with somebody that we are in love with, we are not the same with aacquaintances at a Christmas party as we are when we are crying in our bathtub for things lost. However, all these versions of us have in common one thing - they all make up the amazing mosaic of who we all, as individuals, are.

Another thing they have in common is that we will never give them justice if we are going to try to describe them to a stranger in a few brief sentences. Our favorite color or the kind of sport we like to watch on TV may be a fragment of our personality, but it’s never going to give anyone the idea of who we really are.

Not everybody deserves to know, however, not everybody is going to be able to genuinely see it.

I’m going to let my words speak for themselves. These are my thoughts and my emotions put into the easiest form of communicating them I know. They will tell you more than any attempt at explaining my superficial qualities.

I hope you like it.

Allie.

[madeofpurestarlight]

I will never learn because I want a love sweet like heaven

and get the best of earthly life served as all that’s on offer.

~ “The Morning After” @alexandrasticwrites

[madeofpurestarlight]

Flowers need rains and winters

in order to bloom

and so do people.

There will be a day

I wake up to the scent of roses;

they will bloom

and so will we.

~ "Bloom" @alliewritesstuff

[madeofpurestarlight]

love me (heaven knows)

Love me, heaven knows I need it, you say, and it’s all you’ve ever wished for on falling satellites and pieces of crumbling mascara. That’s why you keep rushing. And all it takes is a snap of someone’s finger. A ring that you won’t miss, scared that they might never call again.

They ring and you swallow your pride, or what’s left of it, anyway, after handing it out to the world like free advertisement booklets, like it was some extra change weighing down your pockets, as if those would use extra space. You reach out to him, but nothing but empty promises are given into your hands. He wants to give it to you, he says. He would if he knew how. But some people don’t know. Some people know, but they need to receive before they can give, because life is without guarantee, but you can’t put your future into the tin air and leave it hanging there, levitating in the vacuum of reason. Sheltered by imagination… that’s no way to live. You learned that the hard way, carrying someone else’s worlds while your own universe was experiencing an eclipse, epic and all consuming.

They ring, you rise. Sticking around like a bad middle school memory, the image of someone you wish you could somehow make your lover jealous of, but there’s never a reason for it. Painting yourself as wanted to boost your ego and hurt someone you know you can’t keep, the cheapest way out.

They ring, you run, you have to. You can’t risk it, you can’t. Friends you made the day you walked into that rear class when you were thirteen, you became their favorite past time, never making it to a regular on their feeds or in their lives. Today’s problems, you see it all – they said they were busy and they weren’t lying, but don’t care that you’re forced to watch in real time just how replaceable you are. Cheek kisses and missed you!s, and when they ring, you answer. It’s better to cater than having to be with your own open consciousness and having to see what you really want and how much this isn’t it.

They ring, you race to answer for that person you grew up next door to. It scratches off the band aid of trust a bit by bit each time, but you can’t bring yourself to stop this vicious circle. Hey, remember those Wednesday shirt switch days? They were good. Give it time, maybe you could go back if only you tried hard enough, and oh, do you have to try, given you need to try for both of you, and you’ll never be eleven again.

You keep rushing to open the door only to find the knocking was your own heartbeat in the dead silence of the two am reality, not another person’s footsteps on the stairwell leading into your heart, and all that ringing has never been echoing through your walls, only through your skull. There has never been any iron attached to your ankles – at least not any you didn’t want. Not any you didn’t lock, then threw away the key yourself. Not any you didn’t forge with your own hands and with all the best intentions.

At the end of the day, we’re all just prisoners of our idealizations.

Life is strange and unpredictable, but it would take more than just you running to open the door anytime someone remembers. You’re out of breath already, and all this time, you’re just putting yourself through somebody else’s paces, sprinting wall to wall, drinking their poisons, taking their beatings, embracing their chains and loving their flaws, hoping it might make them see you, want you, and you end up in all the wrong places, doing all the wrong things, taking all the wrong turns, running, running, running in circles, hoping someone not only hears, but listens, screaming love me, love me, love me, heaven knows I need it.

____

Feel free to reblog, but please do not repost without credit and don’t share without letting me know first. Thanks!

[madeofpurestarlight]

You can't just rent my heart then evicate yourself from it

like removing yourself from an uncomfortable narrative.

~ @allieswrites

[madeofpurestarlight]

timeless - excerpt

Sometimes I'll wonder

What you'd think about me

If you saw me now

Then sometimes when I'm lonely

I'm gonna wanna take it back

Realizing that's exactly

Why we should leave it like that

I felt so much and

Then nothing at all

I felt sorry for you

But for myself more.

[madeofpurestarlight]

Foggy windows and hazy eyes when feelings unfold

It's written in my memory in orange and gold.

~ Timeless; @allieswrites

[madeofpurestarlight]

I learn slowly

But learn I do

And soon enough

You'll see it too.

~ After Laughter; @allieswrites

[madeofpurestarlight]

silver - excerpt

All I see is everything you are

You are liquid bottled gold

I come alive in your glow

I burn out when you're gone

And if nothing gold can stay

Let's be silver, then.

[madeofpurestarlight]

if you ever fall asleep again - excerpt

What I've learned after all this time

Is that fighting the flow

Inside this black hole

Will not make you free

I hear the rush of my blood

Even in the vacuum

And sometimes knowing

That my heart's still beating

Is enough to hold onto.

[madeofpurestarlight]

It's the modern times and we've come so far

Measure progress by billionare's paychecks

While sirens sing children to sleep somewhere

To the melody of bombs and crumbling houses.

[madeofpurestarlight]

Your voice is the pattern of my memory

Your face hangs in the gallery

Of the golden scarring on my heart.

~ Gates Of Eden, @allieswrites

[madeofpurestarlight]

old friends - excerpt

Silence took the room by storm

The hundredth time's charm's gone

It’s hard to hold onto something

When the other’s already washing

Their hands.

[madeofpurestarlight]

It's been thirty two hours since you've changed your mind

I've cried enough tears in thirty two months for thirty two years

Conclusion, @allieswrites

[madeofpurestarlight]

Pour me a glass of your sentiment;

I want to get drunk on old settlements.

~ “Old Friends” @alexandrasticwrites