madhumoiselle - Tumblr blog

[madhumoiselle]

avril lavigne's "girlfriend" was truly a hater anthem. like your gf's hole is busted and ik you wanna fuck me. maybe i'll let you lmfao

[madhumoiselle]

[madhumoiselle]

you found out today that a phrase you have used before was coined by an abusive man. this felt like getting your teeth taken out. it made you sick and sad and tired, but not surprised.

bad people tell you to be careful when you talk badly of bad men, that it could "ruin" a life. you had your life ruined by a bad man, not that it ever matters to them. your real life having real consequences is not valued as highly as the potential of his future.

this has always been a frustrating little mathematics problem for you. you've missed school and had to call out sick at work and had panic attacks that lasted for weeks. it stole sleep and food and friends from you. you cried in public, fucked your relationships up. and the whole time: your present has never mattered so much as the great what if! of his future. like - one life (your life) is already ruined, should we really ruin two?

so you live with the consequences and he doesn't, and that's just like, something you need therapy for. you once discussed this with one of your friends over coffee. she chewed the wooden stirrer, looked off into the distance. "once i became a victim, everything that happens to me afterward is automatically less interesting in the eyes of the general public. it is always about him. he changed my identity. to survivor. to statistic. meanwhile this whole time - i am a person."

you learned in college that three out of five of your favorite artists and authors were actually abusive assholes. these days, you are no longer surprised. oh, is that what was happening behind closed doors? of course it was, he was a "genius," and she was just a girl. you are talking about him in art history, so obviously his career was absolutely ruined, for eternity. that's what happens, right? they strike your name from the record and refuse to remember you? nobody really knows her name, but hey. that's what you get for being close to celebrity.

you got into an argument about it, which was a bad argument, because it made you cry. he said what, you want us to just ignore all the things this man did because he made a few women uncomfortable? and you'd balled your fists up and choked on it. later, in bed, you agonized over the response you'd been trying to articulate but never found the right moment to deploy: you are ignoring what any person could do if they weren't being fucking abused. maybe her talents far exceeded his and she was just never allowed to fucking use them. maybe we only see genius in white men because they purposefully fucking squash and silence any other people with talent.

but you'd cried about it instead of saying that, because you are the cost. you are the talent and potential that he took. you used to be brave and smart and clever and unafraid. like a lich, he stole years of your life.

quiet on set made you sad and sick and tired, but not surprised. unfortunately, one of the things he said was true: an entire network of people allowed it to continue. this is not news to you, because you have seen entire networks of people make the same fucking excuses when the same thing or-worse happened to you. and your particular story isn't even in hollywood. it was just a guy. it was still difficult getting people to stand up for you.

you and your friend wait in line for your coffee. like a standup joke, one man turns to the other and says "can't wait for every bitch to come crawling out of the woodwork complaining about harassment. it's another metoo." and you think - oh, that's the network. your boss tucks her hair back and whispers that while your skirt is cute, you're giving the boys the wrong idea. that's the network. when you'd told your "friend" about what happened, she'd said oh you must have misunderstood, that would never happen. and that's the network.

you woke up this morning panting, because years later you still have panic attacks. oh, it's not a network, actually, it's a web. and you, little moth: are you still surprised you're caught in it?

[madhumoiselle]

the beauty of this album is that it really fully encapsulates what it’s like going from the devastating loss of a long term relationship, to the rebound you think is gonna fix it all, only to ultimately realize that you were using the latter to process your feelings about the former. the songs are so muddled, and the lyrics are relevant to both muses because her feelings were muddled and she had no idea where to put them or what to do with them. the rebound promised her everything she couldn’t get from the ex-love and she fell for it because she was so desperate to be really seen.

[madhumoiselle]

Taylor Swift watching her ex on a location app because he forgot to turn it off I'm obsessed with you admitting that to the entire world.

[madhumoiselle]

[madhumoiselle]

Using dissociate instead of zoning out. Describing a hobby as a hyperfixation. Saying nonverbal when you want a bit of quiet. Saying intrusive thoughts because that must mean an urge like to buy coffee or hair dye. Do you know feeling off sometimes is a sign of autism? Lying is gaslighting. Everyone I dislike is a narcissist.

[madhumoiselle]

Baby J is actually really brave and necessary show for John Mulaney to make because it’s the only one that is actually about him, and really wraps up this arc about people’s parasocial relationships with him, disillusioning thay image of perfection he’s crafted for himself. He says himself in the special that he wants attention and wants everyone to like him - his previous shows effectively managed to do that by discussing things that were easy to laugh at like ‘hate my wife’ culture or Trump.

In Baby J, he actually talks about his life currently, specifically the bad stuff he never talked about before, allowing people to actually see him for the first time, a flawed human being. It’s a slightly darker show, because of it, while still showcasing his skill and particular flair of comedy. Being a people pleaser, it’s an important lesson that you shouldn’t keep up that image of perfection - you can’t. He’s the perfect example of what happens when you build yourself a pedestal to live on.

And as he finishes the show, he reminds everyone once again, that even the most horrible, shameful, and embarrassing story he told that night, is still only the most horrible, shameful and embarrassing story he was willing to tell us. Reminding us that we only see what he wants us to see, as is the case with all celebrities.

[madhumoiselle]

If anyone tries to tell you that Shakespeare is stuffy or boring or highbrow, just remember that the word “nothing” was used in Elizabethan era slang as a euphemism for “vagina”. 

Shakespeare has a play called “Much Ado About Nothing”, which you could basically read in modern slang as “Freaking Out Over Pussy”. And that’s pretty much exactly what happens in the play. 

[madhumoiselle]

[madhumoiselle]

i will never ever understand why ppl hate canada geese so much... theyre some of the prettiest common birds

[madhumoiselle]

lord the peasants are so loud today

[madhumoiselle]

I'm built different. like incorrectly i think

[madhumoiselle]

the biggest pain of my life is being a business major because i absolutely despise it. they're teaching us Exploitation in the guise of Profit Making and it's just. disgusting.

the universal college experience, no matter your major, is learning how remarkably fucked everything is. except business majors theyre having a great time learning to do basic arithmetic and and staring at that one supply and demand graph where the line goes up

[madhumoiselle]

Unmute !

[madhumoiselle]

obsessed w this. the fact that brennan is quite literally speechless.