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i think the concept of a software install wizard is so cute… developers know the average person isnt comfortable running terminal commands so theyre like here!!! this wizard will do it for you <3 and we’re all like yay :) the wizard

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Villain: “You and I are very much alike, you know.”

Hero: “I realize that.”

Villain: “Doesn’t that trouble you?”

Hero: “Why would it? I share most of my genome with sewer rats.”

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tell me a pretty thing.

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when my little brother was even littler my mom came up with the 小兔子 bunny game to get him to eat

(it took forever for him to finish meals)

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“They’re in.” via @gHeavyIndustry on Twitter.

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bastard’s degree

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hey vampires, demons and other terrors of the night it really isn't necessary to go to all the effort of kidnapping me to your castles and forcing me to be your bride i'll come willingly if you just ask

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I vibe REALLY hard with those unhinged oracle type characters who live in a hole in the ground and spout incomprensible garbage to passing travelers that somehow aids them on a quest

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Invalid D&D Alignments

Lawful Chaotic - loophole abuse. their goal is to carry out as many zany shenanigans as possible in an absolutely nonpunishable manner. Chaotic Lawful - malicious compliance. dredges up obscure laws that haven’t been implemented in decades or centuries and insists on following them. thrives on inscrutable bureaucratic labyrinths. Good Evil - the token evil teammate. a missing stair. an objectively terrible person but charming or useful somehow so people keep making excuses for them. Evil Good - always does the right thing, but, like, in the least comfortable way. call them in for big, big problems, and then spend a year wondering if it was really worth it. their approval fills you with shame.

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i hope this email finds you a broken husk of a man

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A page from the Book of the Sun - VI

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*begs for forgiveness from a god who’s lived inside me all along*

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I asked my kids if they’d prefer a secret garden or a secret library and my son shook his head and was like “I don’t trust the secret gardeners and librarians”

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Play a multi-class Warlock/Cleric and your character's secret motivation is that they're trying to play matchmaker between their Patron and their Deity

Make them a Tiefling and Parent Trap that shit.

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you have become a fine woman, Elizabeth