madsawyer

[madsawyer]

✉ TEXT ➝ Madi 👑

Rissa: Guess you're right -- Finally showing your true colors, aren't you?

Rissa: Are you that desperate, Madison? That you have to go after someone else's husband?

Rissa: That is none of your damn business -- That's between Cillian and I.

Madi: Just don't.

Madi: When you realize we committed the same crime and want to punish us the same you message me.

Madi: But until then have a good night. I have work in the morning.

[madsawyer]

✉ TEXT ➝ Madi 👑

Rissa: You're unbelievable.

Rissa: You're telling me to be careful? Really?

Rissa: You get that this is it, right? There are no more chances. I need you to do better than just trying, Madison because in the end, you were the one that came looking for me and a second chance. Not the other way around.

Rissa: The survival of our friendship...that's on you. So just pick. Pick what really matters more to you.

Madi: You wanted me to be honest with you. This is me being honest.

Madi: Yes I know. I don't need any reminders of that night believe me.

Madi: Just tell me this did you yell at him too? Did you ask him those same questions?

[madsawyer]

✉ TEXT ➝ Madi 👑

Rissa: You're right. You don't.

Rissa: Neither one of you do. You don't.

Rissa: But running away didn't help so maybe this will.

Rissa: Just...whatever you feel...whatever you two have... you need to let it go.

Rissa: You're both here and that's...incredibly hard. So no secrets. No more lies.

Madi: I'm trying.

Madi: That's all I can do is try.

Madi: I don't ever want to hurt you again.

Madi: and I never want to let him either.

Madi: Please just be careful.

[madsawyer]

✉ TEXT ➝ Madi 👑

Rissa: I want to give you a chance.

Rissa: I'm not promising anything. I haven't forgiven you. I'm still mad at you and I do not trust you...but I'm willing to try to give you chance.

Rissa: You were my best friend for a lot longer than he's been my husband.

Madi: I don't know if I deserve it Rissa

Madi: I don't know if he does either

Madi: But if it's what you want I'll support you.

[madsawyer]

✉ TEXT ➝ Madi 👑

Rissa: You're a brat. And you deserved it.

Rissa: I'm still so incredibly furious with you, Madison.

Rissa: But if I'm giving Cillian a chance... then I should give you one too.

Rissa: It's a lot of years, isn't it?

Madi: I know I did.

Madi: I'm sorry.

Madi: Wait, what?!

[madsawyer]

✉ TEXT ➝ Madi 👑

Rissa [1205 AM]: I don't know if you're awake.

Rissa [1205 AM]: Do you have a moment to talk?

Madi: Maybe

Madi: Are you texting to yell at me some more?

[madsawyer]

cilliangallagher‌:

From the way she was acting Cillian guessed that Clarissa knowing she was in town wasn’t a good thing. Or that Madison was just unhappy to see him, he couldn’t really blame her if that was the case. “You spoke to her then?” He asked, taking another drink. He had been ready to face his wife, it’s what he came here for but Madison, she was another story.

“I came here for Clarissa.” Stating the answer they both already knew, why else would he be in a town like this? Why would either of them be here. “I don’t know if we’re going to get back together. We’re trying - I’m trying.” Another mouthful of scotch. “There is no pretending we didn’t happen. That’s not something I can deny or forget, Madison. But I need to try and fix my marriage.” What happened between them wasn’t something he wanted to forget. 

Her confession caught him off-guard, stilling for a second as he listened to her. “Madison” he said softly, staring at the women. He rarely saw the woman this vulnerable, and it hurt. Instinctively his hand reached out towards her, to comfort her, pausing when he realized what he was doing, letting his hand drop and resting it on the table near her. “You left.” He understood her reason for leaving, the guilt was getting to the both of them but she had been the one to end it and now this?

“Spoke. Yelled. Cried.” It wasn’t a happy thing to recall, nor did she want to talk about it, in fact she was here to forget it all even if just momentarily. “Actually, if it’s all the same to you I don’t want to talk about my meeting with Clarissa. I’d rather pretend it didn’t happen.” The truth was Madison wasn’t sure there would ever be a friendship with Clarissa again. Despite what she had thought there was no going back after all of this, and tonight she was finally starting to see that. Even if they could salvage something it would never be the same. 

His answers hurt. More than she had thought they would and more than she would ever admit. It almost made her bitter that they would get their happy ending and she would end up on the outside looking in. Again. But could she really stand in their way? Did she really have it in her to prevent the two people she cared about most in the world from being happy? No. At least not the second time around. She couldn’t watch this happen a second time around. “Okay.” was all she could say for a while. 

Moments of silence passed. Moments of her not being able to meet his gaze for fear that the tears she was fighting back and the emotions she was suppressing would come spilling out like a waterfall. She noticed his hand reaching out, a flicker of hope fluttered inside her only to be crushed again. Tonight she could be vulnerable but tomorrow it was over. She would put her walls back up and act like none of this ever happened. Swallowing around what felt like a giant lump in her throat she finally gained the composure she needed to continue their conversation. “If I had stayed would things be different?” 

[madsawyer]

harlowdavenport‌:

“Oh you can tell, it’s very different” smiling at the piece, before wrapping her arms around back, hands together. “I did in college, art major” looking at the other, “what about you, you seem very familiar with this place” she had been here a couple times since being back, but this was the first time she had seen her here. “I come here a couple days a week, when I’m not working. I’d like a place like this myself, but more of a studio” offering her a smile. “Because I would like to actually buy pieces like this myself” 

“Yeah, I work here actually.” Madison saw some of herself in the girl. She couldn’t but much younger than Madison herself, but she reminded her of a time when this was just a dream and she had her whole life in front of her. Now at just twenty-nine years old she already felt stuck - like it was too late to accomplish everything she had wanted in life. But, hey, at least she had her dream job. “That’s a good goal.” Madi nodded. An expensive one, too, but she didn’t want to be discouraging. “I’d love to see it if it all works out.” 

[madsawyer]

clarissa-evans‌:

The marriage between Clarissa and Cillian had lack warmth and compassion, and affection. It had lacked the passionate love that the two of them had once shared. It was mostly her part that it had all disappeared. Throughout the years, Clarissa had pulled away and she wasn’t even quite sure why. Cillian had never really changed. If she really thought about it. he had gotten busy. They had gotten comfortable. They had gotten lazy. And Clarissa had started to feel more trapped in the life and obligations that came with McLean. 

Cillian had tried to approach her various times through the years to try and work out the rift growing between them but she had pushed him away. She didn’t know how to deal with it. Deal with her own problems, so she made it their problems. Clarissa became bitter, nitpicking everything that Cillian wasn’t doing or was doing.  He had stopped romancing her and Clarissa had just stopped. She closed herself off to him emotionally, and eventually physically. But that didn’t mean she didn’t care. Love… she wasn’t sure. It wasn’t the fire within her, uncontrollable, that it once was but there was something there. When she had walked into the room that fateful night, it had been a knife to her gut. Seeing Cillian, bare and on top of someone else, making love, it had been excruciating. 

She ran because she had been hurt. She thought she had stopped caring but she hadn’t. Not entirely. Cillian was still her husband, her partner, her constant and her rock. The betrayal had been the worst pain she had ever felt so she ran to get away from the town and people that brought her so much ache. But she had been wrong – it wasn’t the worst pain. Madison’s words rang in her ears and they hurt more than that dreadful image she couldn’t erase from her mind. There was something. It was slap of reality that Clarissa didn’t want because it meant that her marriage was probably very much over. She inhaled sharply at that realization. Was she ready to give it up? To let him go for real? 

No.

Clarissa wrung her hands together but paused, toying with her left ring finger. Bare of jewelry but even a year later, she still had the faint tan lines of where her rings had once been. “He’s still my husband, Madison.” It was the first time she had claimed him in a long time. She wanted to see him. She wanted to hear him. She wanted to know what they were doing now. Why hadn’t he asked for a divorce yet? Did he want Madison? Clarissa had ignored him for a year but now, she ready to make the half day journey back to McLean for him. “So until there are signed divorce papers, he’s still mine.” Her voice cracked over the words, her lips trembling as she let out a shaky sigh. Wiping at the tears that fell from her eyes, Clarissa kept her eyes focused on Madison. “When was the last time you saw him? Are you still… “She paused, because she didn’t really want to hear the answer. “…are you still seeing each other? Does he know you’re here?”

After so long not wanting him and pushing him away Clarissa chose now to change her mind? Now that Madi had shown interest? It felt like they were two young siblings fighting over a toy, it was ridiculous, and yet Madison couldn’t stop herself. She had yearned all of her life to be wanted and she didn’t know Cillian’s true feelings but in the moments with him it sure felt like something. In those moments she felt like - no she knew - he had wanted her as much as she wanted him, but here Clarissa was making excuses for him as if it was somehow different. As if his betrayal was somehow any better. It felt like her best friend was choosing a man over her, and not just that but she knew he would probably choose her right back. It was devastating.

That part of her brain that had somehow convinced her this was all okay, that adultery was the answer to her loneliness, screamed at her to not give up without a fight, and maybe she would have listened had it been any other woman before her, but it wasn’t. This was Clarissa and her confessions had already done enough damage. She would make no promise to stay away, or to release her hold on Cillian, but she also wouldn’t continue to break an already broken woman. “Okay.” was all she said, knowing somewhere deep down inside everything she was saying was true. She was his wife, and while the ring may not have been on her finger at the moment it had been. A sign of a bond that was supposed to last forever. Something Madi had never had.

Watching the tears fall from her eyes Madi could no longer hold back her own. This was not what she had envisioned when she was a little girl hoping for an epic romance like her parents, in fact it was the complete opposite. What would her mother say if she knew what kind of woman her daughter had become?

“No.” Madi shook her head at the next question. The truth was that she had seen him for a short time after Clarissa had left, but after realizing that she was the reason Clarissa had skipped town they had put a stop to it. “we stopped shortly after you left.” It had been hard to stop seeing him and she had thought many times of caving and running back to him, especially during late nights when she couldn’t sleep, but she had refrained, the selfless part of her knowing it was wrong. “believe it or not after you left I felt guilty. I couldn’t keep it up knowing I was hurting you.” 

[madsawyer]

a--stevens‌:

Amber was probably one of the few people who regularly visited the local museum but she had always found some where that so beautiful. She could get lost in the hallways full of gorgeous paintings, astounding statues and priceless artifacts. Not only did she appreciate everything inside the walls of a museum , but it also gave her some of her best shots. Amber had more than one portfolio of candid and still she had taken of people in museums, getting lost in the beauty of it all. And a few from events and openings she had been hired to shoot. Both here in her hometown and back in New York. Amber was about to lift her camera when the voice of the person next to her spoke. She was familiar, one of the museum staff if she wasn’t mistaken and fairly new. She’s seen her maybe once. “It’s one of my favorites. The technique and attention to the smallest of details takes your breath away. There was a rush of emotion with every stroke. He was intentional.” Amber admired, her eyes on the painting once more. “New to town, right?” 

“Mine too.” Madi mused, turning to face the other woman. Photography was just another form of art, one that had piqued Madison’s interest but that she had never gotten into herself. Looking at this woman now, camera in hand, that curiosity was awakened. “Most people come to the museum to look at other people’s creations, not to make creations of their own.” She wasn’t judging, just merely making an observation. “yeah, I moved in last week. Do you come here often?” The face looked vaguely familiar, but with handfuls of new people visiting the museum every day it was hard to tell if she had seen her before. 

[madsawyer]

harlowdavenport‌:

“You almost can’t” leaning onto the soles of her feet, as she looked at the painting. She had spent literally twenty minutes herself on every painting along the walls. It was something she did, quite a lot. She spent a lot of time here since moving back into town. Only because she wanted a place like this, not a museum exactly. But a building, a small one. With walls lined with art pieces Pieces that artists would pay her to line her walls with. . “But you can tell by the stokes on this piece, if you look very close – you can see how timeless it actually is”  if you looked really hard, you could tell just how old it was.  But it took a good eye, and maybe an art major too. “What about that one” pointing to the art piece next to the one they where looking at. 

A lot of the people who came through didn’t know what they were talking about, let alone show any interest, but this girl was different. Madison was impressed to say the least. At the others request she moved on to the next piece, although admittedly she didn’t need to focus on it for long before knowing exactly what she was going to say. She may have only been here a week but in that short time she had probably spent more time here than at home, already familiar with the place. “This one?” she asked, indicating it with her finger. “Circa 1865, and unlike the last piece you can definitely tell this was from a different time period. It’s beautiful all the same, though.” Madi could talk about this stuff all day if allowed. “Did you study art or is this just a hobby of yours?”

[madsawyer]

@clarissa-evans

[madsawyer]

Something about the museum had always called to Madi ever since a school field trip as a little girl. Something about the pieces that were from all different times, all different places, transported her into a world other than her own. This was her space, and even though it was her day off she had needed it desperately right now. Dark eyes wandered over one of her favorite pieces, one that somehow drew her in again and again, but today it appeared she wasn’t the only one drawn in by its beauty. “Looking at it you almost can’t tell how old it is.” She mused, thoughts getting lost in the painting. “It’s like it’s truly timeless.” 

[madsawyer]

clarissa-evans‌:

Clarissa shook her head, almost as if rejecting each word that Madison spoke. This back and forth was frustrating and she hated that this conversation was going this way. Clarissa had imagined that if they ever were to talk again, it would have gone differently. But then Madison had made some of the most callous comments and Clarissa didn’t understand how some she had loved so dearly could care so little about her and the damage she had inflicted. “I know what he did! But I pushed him away!” It sounded hypocritical and twisted, but she had wronged Cllian for years. Pushing him away, not giving him much physical affection or emotional support. It was a shock that this happened. He would have eventually cheated or she would have asked for a divorce. But Madison? She had never wrong Madison. Never given her a reason to hurt her like this. “What he did is inexcusable and unforgivable but I basically drove him to do it, but you? What the hell did I ever do to you, Madison? To deserve this?”

With a defeated sigh, Clarissa sat down in the chair behind her desk. Her elbows rested against the mahogany, her hands running through her dark locks. Clarissa had pushed Madison to answer her question, and she should have know what hearing the answer would do to her. In retrospect, she had assumed their affair had been more than a singular occurrence, but she hadn’t imagined there had been months. Months. Months that Madison would come over and spend with her and go see her husband afters. Months where Cillian would climb into bed late at night, supposedly from work, but probably after having taken her best friend to bed. Months of lies. Months of stolen glances and secret touches. Months. 

“He was with you for months?” The question came out broken, her voice no longer as raised at it had been. The deep ache the words brought was unexpected because she had been certain she had stopped caring for Cillian a long time ago. But to think that and to have it thrown in her face that she had truly lost her husband, it was different kind of wound. The wind had been knocked out of her lungs and they burned as she tried to find it within herself to breath again. In that singular second, she wanted to see him. To talk to him. In the almost year they had been apart, Clarissa never really thought about seeing Cillian, but right now, she wanted to. Was her marriage really over then? Was seven years of history and sharing completely done? 

“Were you guys involved romantically or was it just sex?” The answer could shatter her world completely and she wasn’t sure the answer was something she wanted to hear. The truth needed to be out in the open. Clarissa couldn’t live wondering. For a year, she had been able to pretend and forget but there was no running now. If Madison wanted any chance of reconciliation, she had to answer the tough questions of what she had done. “Did you fall in love with my husband, Madison?”

Madison was never perfect, and she damn well knew that but looking at the scene before them now she had no idea how she could have messed up this badly. It wasn’t that she didn’t care it was that she didn’t know better. She was bad with words, and knowing the full weight of them, and she’d never had to be good at those things when there was always someone around to bail her out of any bad situation, a lot of times that person being Clarissa herself. She flinched at Clarissa’s words. This had to be some sort of joke that Clarissa would blame herself for his side of things and Madi would take the fall alone. “I don’t have a lot of room to talk right now, but at the risk of you hitting me again I think you’re better than to blame yourself for his actions.” There was no judgment or blame in her voice, it was just the truth plain and simple. “This was our fault. Me and Cillian. We chose to do what we did.” 

Afraid to make herself comfortable as there was no telling what her former friend would do next Madison stayed standing, albeit awkwardly, in front of the other. Clarissa’s reaction pained her, and although she had been pushed into answering she still felt wrong about it. It was like the words coming out of her mouth were toxic and she was infecting the only real friend she had ever had, making it almost impossible to get the words to come out. Although Madi didn’t know what it must have felt like she, too, was hurting over it, and that felt somehow selfish - something she had never felt before despite having many good reasons to. 

She refused to repeat the answer, afraid it would hurt just as bad a second time. Instead she nodded her head, confirming her statement. All the memories of sneaking away with Cillian ran through her head, memories that although had made her feel guilty had also somehow been good were now tainted with the pain she was witnessing from Clarissa. She wondered for a moment if he would feel the same way after inevitably reuniting with his wife, the idea that he might regret what they had like salt being poured onto her already gaping wound. 

Madi didn’t quite know the answer to the next question herself. She had never thought about it much, the action had just occurred so naturally, but she supposed she had always felt some sort of pang in her chest when she saw them together. That couldn’t be nothing, could it? The realization that once she answered there would be no turning back hit her like a ton of bricks, but she had to. As badly as Clarissa needed to know Madi needed to share it, to get it off her chest. She hesitated for a moment, words struggling to force their way out. “I don’t know if it was love, Clarissa, but I’d be lying to you if I said there wasn’t something.” 

[madsawyer]

TEXT ► MADISON

Private Number: I haven’t been the a museum in forever. I didn’t realize they were still a thing, let alone that being a curator for one was an actual job

Private Number: sounds like it packs a pretty pay cheque at the end of the day

Private Number: your ever think of how different your life could’ve been if your parent’s had written a cheque themselves?

Madison: What is this, Gossip girl?

Madison: I really don't have time for your drama, I'm sorry.

[madsawyer]

@clarissa-evans

[madsawyer]

clarissa-evans‌:

“So that would make it okay?! Are you fucking kidding me, Madison?! Seriously?!” The bookstore owner failed to comprehend how she thought her lack of warmth for her husband would make it in anyway okay. It was twisted and demented. “Don’t you get it? It’s not about him! It’s about you! It’s about what you did! It’s about the trust you demolished!” Clarissa shouted at her friend, rattled by the magnitude of her own voice. They had never had a fight this bad but then again, their problems had never been quite so grave. “You think I don’t know that?! He is just as guilty here but you did this intentionally! I expected more from you!” And it was the truth. That’s why it hurt so much more. Madison was supposed to be there forever, an unbreakable bond, but she had shattered it so heinously. 

The moment it first happened. It was easy to overlook the comment, but Clarissa was an expert as seeing what was hidden. She was an English major. She read more books that she could possibly ever count. She was an expert in reading between the lines and Madison had just revealed more than she thought she had. She had her suspicions but having them confirmed burned worse than the initial blaze. “At least, i wouldn’t have walked in on you. And here’s a thought, maybe you should have stopped after the first time. Your guilt means shit when you go back for more.”

Clarissa’s dark brown eyes analyzed her former and and she scoffed at the easiness in which Madison gave her answers without even trying to. But it wasn’t enough. Clarissa needed to know and Madison had to own up to what she had done. Clarissa wanted her to admit the depth of her betrayal. How long she had hurt her friend and didn’t give a damn about the damage she was causing. “How long were you sleeping with my husband, Madison. Answer the damn question.” She seethed, her arms crossing over her chest to act as a shield against the pain she knew was about to be come. “If you had the gall to have an affair with Cillian, at least be woman enough to confess how long you did it for. Answer the damn question!”

The more Clarissa yelled the more Madi’s composure started to crack. She had danced around the questions trying to spare Clarissa’s feelings but she couldn’t stand by and be attacked anymore while he got off the hook. “What do you mean this isn’t about him? This is about all of us, Clarissa, he did the same thing I did except I’m not the one who broke any vows!” She ran her hands through her hair, trying to push whatever sanity she had to the front before she opened her mouth and said something she would regret, but Clarissa just kept going and going, there wasn’t even time to think. “You expected more from me, but maybe you shouldn’t have. Maybe him and I are the same.” 

It took her a moment to realize her mistake. Of course Clarissa had seen right through it, she had always been able to read her like an open book, but once the words were out it was too late to call them back. “You’re right.” She threw her hands up in a sort of surrender, for the first time since she could remember admitting defeat. Clarissa was mad at her, her family was hours away, there was no one coming to bail her out of this one. She was completely and utterly alone. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” 

“Fine Clarissa. Fine.” All of the fight she had in her was expiring and her voice was laced with defeat. “You ask what you want to know and I’ll tell you.” She didn’t want to answer the questions, and quite frankly she still wasn’t sure the other woman wanted to hear the answers, but if this was what she thought she needed she would give them to her. “Months, maybe. I don’t have the timeline you’re looking for, but you’re right it wasn’t just once. It wasn’t like we planned it or anything we tried to stop, it just kept on happening.” She knew how that sounded. Irresponsible, like she had no control over her actions, but that was how it had felt in the moment. Or rather moments. It was hard to say it, but if Clarissa wanted the full disclosure that’s what she was going to get.