magicfoundmysilence

[magicfoundmysilence]

You deserve to be surrounded by people who bring out the soft side of you, not the survival side of you.

[magicfoundmysilence]

It's been a while... I still think this wont last but more and amore i see changes and sometimes i cant tell if its for the better or the worse. I really do love him though, he is my person. maybe jake was right, right person wrong time. i wish i didn't fuck up in melbourne.. i had one chance to get it right and fucked it so badly. we could of had it all i want to go back in time. i know im self destructing and trying to find ways for this notto work so my anxiety can say "i told you so". We can work it out, i just gotta breath. it will work, i need it too

[magicfoundmysilence]

Imagine not being a priority on your own birthday….i mean it’s never really been a big deal, but jeez it still stuck arse.

[magicfoundmysilence]

My heart and head hurt so much with love I had for him. An astounding amount of emotion that made me so grateful he was mine, and so scared that I would lose him.

[magicfoundmysilence]

[magicfoundmysilence]

To the boy who i'm to be a man

It’s a beautiful sunny day and I’m not smiling. Nor do I feel like smiling. I’m not wearing my ring, and I don’t feel bad about it. I don’t feel as though it’s needed.

I don’t think it will last, the visions of walking down the aisle to you are fading.  The visions of the kids running around and beautiful golden retriever I’ve always wanted are now dull like the afternoon light in a south facing apartment. It’s there but I can’t quite see it.

I thought if I should you, I was willing to drop it all you’d change your mind and maybe start to trust me; You’ve shown me that even if I give trust, I’ll won’t receive it back.

You treat me as though I’m your ex-girlfriends; sometimes I think you treat them better. You used to bring them flowers and buy them random gifts; I have to ask or make bets with you. You have done a lot for me, in the forms of buying me lunches when we went out. But $1000 dollars in lunches doesn’t add up to a $2000 watch.

The videos I send you showing love, the notes I’ve handwritten, the countless I love you’s. Going out of my comfort zone to please you.  That is stuff you can’t put a price on, but you are materialistic; you want things to brag to people about, look what she got me. If I stopped doing the small sentimental things you would know something is wrong, it’s just a matter of if you’d change your mind; I don’t think you will.

A relationship isn’t one sided, but you treat us selfishly. You say “You’re the best girlfriend I’ve ever had” but I don’t think you treat me like it. You treat me as though I’ll do what they did. My own trauma doesn’t come into your mind, your lack of empathy for me and my own experiences makes me weary.

I had a dream last night that you said I was worse than your other girlfriends. So, I left and were crying begging me to stay; I didn’t stay. I’m still trying to work out what it all meant, maybe it was mind telling me to get out. I want this to work; sometimes I think you don’t.

I’m not Maddie, I won’t let you stomp on me and beg for you back. I understand that I messed up by drinking too much. I took that blame and worse it like a think winter coat; it still haunts me. That’s why I haven’t argued back when you told (and tell me) your rules. But you keep adding them and I don’t get anything back.

I’ve gone through all my social platforms and gotten rid of everyone who I don’t talk to, everyone I met in town, all the randoms, everyone. You haven’t, you’ve half arsed it saying things like “I don’t have time” “I didn’t think about it” “I use to add random people to get to 1000 friends” except your not 15 anymore, you do have time I see it.

You’ve crossed my boundary with Lex so many times I’ve lost count. The first time we talked about it we agreed you wouldn’t message her you would be super blunt; you haven’t been. You said you’d tell me when you she messages you, but you haven’t. I found messages on your phone from when you first started in the academy saying, “good luck” “how was your first day” and you went into detail about how it went. You then sent her a message about one of her friends. You promised me you wouldn’t message her, promised me. And brushed it off because it was about “someone from work”.

If I had done this when a guy you would have lost your shit, but I didn’t. I kept my cool through all the failing to delete people, failing to ignore the one girl I’m super worried about. Failing to remove your single status on Facebook because “I don’t use Facebook” I’m not a retard, you just don’t want too. You would have lost your shit and it’s building up to a point where I can’t handle it anymore.

I don’t talk to anyone about our relationship because they would all tell me the same thing “dump him, he’s a dick.” And my parents wouldn’t be happy either. Please, please pull your head out of your arse and try to equalize this, because what was my 100% in has turned into a 60 and I don’t know how much longer I can stay.

Cause the bad is starting to out way the good.

I love you bubby, but please let’s work this out.

[magicfoundmysilence]

I feel like you’re slipping away from me. You aren’t as loving, dont listen, you don’t pay attention as much as you once did.

You flirt with my friends, you’re defensive. I miss you 3 months ago, I miss the feeling of not having to try so hard to feel loved by you.

I’m losing my friends and I’m losing you. You promised you weren’t going anywhere but I believe you will.

You’re changing so fast in front of my eyes I don’t think you believe you could. But I know you, I’m still just a re bound for a girl who treated you poorly.

Even though I could give you everything I still won’t be enough, I’ll give you pieces of me until there’s nothing. But I’ll still lose you.

I hope you find yourself and find who you’re looking for because soon it definitely won’t be me. I’m checking out.

I love you but I can’t not be loved, I’ll drown trying.

[magicfoundmysilence]

Sergio: Why would you give a knife to Max?!

Daniel, shrugging: Max felt unsafe.

Sergio: Now I feel unsafe!

Daniel: I’m sorry…

Daniel: Would you like a knife?

[magicfoundmysilence]

He lied once and now I can’t trust him.

All it took was a lie about a text message and now I can’t trust him. I always feel the need to search his phone, I hate when he goes somewhere and I don’t know who he’s with or where he is.

It’s all in my head because whenever he leaves his phone and goes into a different I’m on it, checking. I know I shouldn’t but I’m so scared he’s going to prove me right. That I don’t deserve love and then I’ll never find that happy ending I’ve been dreaming off as kid. I’m scared he’s going to prove me right, prove that he’s just a dream and that I’m not going to be everything to someone; that they’ll always need more then me.

I don’t know how to stop it, how do I stop this spiral from happening? how do I start trusting him?

[magicfoundmysilence]

my beautiful boy

I think you always knew. Maybe you were just as scared as I was, maybe the reality of it all would hit with so much force you wouldn’t understand what to with it; I was lucky you did.

You said you didn’t believe in soulmates till you found me, I didn’t believe in fate or dreams that came true. Nor did I believe that I’d ever be someone’s forever, just someone who helped those find theirs.  You’re that dream. I had you but I couldn’t work out how to bring it to life.

They say if you tell people your dreams they wont come true, so I didn’t tell anyone about you. Maybe in a stupid attempt to have that dream come true (I think I just got lucky that it did). I didn’t hide it well, well maybe from you just not everyone else.  Invisible isn’t the right word, because you saw me, you just didn’t see me. I don’t know what happened for that curtain to open but it did.

If I’m being honest I had stopped trying, maybe not cold turkey but I was coming to that realisation that dreams are exactly that…dreams.

You always were and always will be my person, and I pray nothing takes you from me. I know I’m slow at the moment, thank you for the patience lord knows I need it. But my heart feels full now, it was never empty but something felt missing.

I would put the world at your feet if you asked me too. I’m not much right now but I’ll get there I promise.

[magicfoundmysilence]

Bathroom goal by @andrea_groot

Get Inspired, visit www.myhouseidea.com

[magicfoundmysilence]

[magicfoundmysilence]

[magicfoundmysilence]

[magicfoundmysilence]

[magicfoundmysilence]

RIHANNA Super Bowl Halftime Show 2023

[magicfoundmysilence]

God those ocean blue eyes, and I fell for my best friend again. Except this time he sweet talks me and tells me he loves me. He tells me he’s not going anywhere, and that I can’t get rid of him.

That he regrets he didn’t see it sooner, he’s family says I have an aura about me. His friends all love me, and I’ve given him the best ride of his life.

He holds my hand, he looks at me differently, like he truly love me. He asks if I’m ok, he’ll hug me tighter when I need it. He makes sure we go to sleep at the same time, he understands that I don’t open up easily.

He’s patient with me, he gets along with my family. he knows me. But I’m still scared.

See this perfect guy will ruin me. He’s my first relationship, I date to marry and he talks about marrying me.

I’m so scared that he’ll hurt me I’m afraid it’s holding me back. But I have a right to be worried there’s much to it, he I think he’s seen that now. And he was so grumpy and sad when I told him, it was like he just opened his eyes for the first time.

I know I’m over anxious cause of everything in my past, but lord help me because I love this one.