mahal039

[mahal039]

Injustice

In 5 days will mark a month since I've started to relapse in depression.

Last night,I felt more than hopeless and was playing way too close with fire.Searching the purpose of life,the "why" of all of this;even though I'm a christian and I know my purpose,I sometimes tend to ignore it and my brain is like "this is the part we are going to hide from you even though you might really get hurt".So yeah,not a great night per say.

Then I watched a video from someone one YouTube,someone that I have been following for nearly 5 years.This person is the easy target,mentally he has strong and out of the box opinions,physically he is like a person in the emo/alt universe from 2009.You get it why he is an easy target now?

So he posted a video on which he was opening up about his struggles for 2 years of bullying,harrassment because people were accusing him of doing/having done really bad things,but the thing is he is innocent. There has been huge misunderstandings, things taken out of context and just hypocrisy from a lot of people that literrally want him DEAD. This person has been on the verge to do something irreversible for a bunch of ignorant,trash people not even taking time to hear both sides or even do a 2 second research on you tube. And during all of this 2 years no one contacted him publicly to defend himself, to explain the things so he took matters in his own hands and made a 7hour video and more videos after that,explaining A to Z behind all of these non-sense accusations,he reached out to lawyers and none of them took his case because "it wasn't interresting enough",he was told innocent by the law literally, and after all of this he still gets threat/death messages.He was attacked in his own house!This type of actions were done by middle schoolers/high schoolers in my days.And now we're talking about about 20+ people acting the same.

In the end,what happened was that I gained this rage in me,I experienced the same kind of ignorant people all my life for whatever reason that was trending each year,for haircut,my body,my teeth,my basic modest styles and alt styles,for the fact that I was studying,reading,did not use social media,did not have a phone in middle school.All of these almost killed me a few years ago.Even though I kind of understand the sickness of this world,it was never this physical and this dangerous.

So my brain reacted in a strange way,and I got a lesson out of this injustice.Are you gonna live your life for ignorant,close-minded,people who think they are God and can make in such danger a life of someone?taking revenge on an innocent that happened to be an easy target?nah,not for me anymore.Everytime from now on,someone acts this way towards me,I would've ignored and look away,taking their lack of neurons and emotional intelligence as Gospel to my life,now I will look at them in the eyes and see them as they are,a bunch of useless monsters in my life.

I have red spiky hair,I'm not showing enough skin for them,I look cold,I go out with no friends,I have scars from up to toe.Then what?

I'll never let you in,it's long enough,I take back my life right now,like Bon jovi said "it's my life,it's now or never and I ain't gonna live forever" I know who I am in the eyes of God,my identity is not in who you think I am,I am who He says I am.

By the way,just with the way you act and think toward people and me not understanding why someone would go so low and do such hideous things,show me who has a pure and innocent heart.Face it, who is better between me & you.

Ps:all of this is part of what I think,without any filters because sometimes you have to be crude for people to realise things.

Kill'em with kindness-Selena Gomez

[mahal039]

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise

Today something eye opening happened-at least to me.

I was jamming on a MIW song:Another Life.While listening to it, a family relative was passing through every now and then.Now let me tell you,this song is a masterpiece,it talks about someone who is slowly letting go of a person he loved and lost,& in this song he screams now remember this characteristic.So I told this relative that the band has been playing in the region and she reacted in a way that surprised me.You know,since I was 15-16 I listened to punk,metal,rock and so on-BTW I'm almost 22;which means that she should've get used to that type of music around the house.She said that the music was for a certain kind of people.Well,I'm not gonna lie to you, I got upset,yes it might be vain for some,puerile for others but what you don't know-and what she didn't know as well-was that these types of songs were there for me.

At night when I couldn't quiet my mind,when I would wake up in sweats and burst out in tears.These songs were there.How slowly but surely I gained my voice,I could speak my mind,be who I wanted to be.In short,they played such a huge part in my life than hearing people reacting like that deeply impacted me.

What I learned from this experience which was only a reminder was:

Who you are today,is a PUZZLE of your failures and victories.Who you are matter and who you are today as who you were a decade ago is as much loved and needed here.So whenever you feel like your journey,who you are,your choices are criticized stand up for all the things that made you YOU. Because you deserve it.

I love you very much

Take care,you are a warrior!