mainframesystem

[mainframesystem]

dear systems,

— its okay to have inconsistent amnesia barriers.

- its okay to not recall times when you were fronting.

- its okay to have full amnesia blocks sometimes, and emotional amnesia other times with no identifiable pattern.

- its okay to not have amnesia between switches sometimes.

— its okay to not have gatekeepers.

- its okay to not know if you do or do not have any gatekeepers.

- it is okay to wish you had a gatekeeper.

— its okay to have no control over switches.

- its okay to switch frequently.

- its okay to have a low splitting tolerance.

— its okay to be polyfragmented.

— its okay to have no communication.

— its okay to feel upset that youre a system.

- its okay to feel frustrated that these things are out of your control.

- its okay to not be making any “improvements” in communication or functionality.

- its okay to be angry.

— its okay to be scared.

[mainframesystem]

sys culture is the host (ME.) being frontstuck for so long without hearing from any of our alters and immediately thinking ur faking (what do i do in this situation help)

.

[mainframesystem]

Have you ever thought "I wanna go home" even though you were in your own room, or are you normal

[mainframesystem]

omg why did they make me unlovable out of all the people i could've been why did i have to be unlovable

[mainframesystem]

A comic about how our system (especially our host) feels about our experiences as a P-DID system, and our place in the system community as a P-DID system.

text written out under cut

"I wish we weren't a P-DID system."

"I've been the lone host of this system for 11+ years. The dominant part of it."

"It's been a lot to deal with."

"I wish I wasn't the host of our system."

"I wish I could switch out with someone willingly,"

"Because sometimes it's all too much."

"I know it would probably be just as - if not more- distressing."

"But sometimes I find myself envious of system that can switch and share responsibilities."

"I want to switch, but I'm also scared of the idea of letting go of front. Maybe that comes with being a P-DID system."

"I'm scared of what might happen if someone else fronted, alone."

"I feel guilty for thinking that, because I know of a handful of instances,"

"and all of them were FINE. Nobody even suspected it was Titan or Harby, not me."

"Of course, they only front very rarely. I can count all instances I know on two hands. And only when I physically can't front. Due to sleeping\being unconscioud or something similar."

"I feel bad that the others don't get time to do the things they want to."

"I feel like none of this might be real, because I rarely see people talk abt [about] P-DID experiences."

"I feel like an outsider in the system community."

"I wish there was a bigger P-DID community to share experiences with."

[text in boxes say: "*something about switches* #pdid" "*talk abt switching* #pdid" "*switching meme* #pdid" "*switching* #pdid" "*switches* pdid"] "I feel sad everytime I see post[s] about switching in the PDID tags. They remind me that's not me."

"You can't do that."

"I'm -- we're -- tired of constantly hearing P-DID is just the OSDD-1 of the ICD. We don't think they're the same at all."

"When we hear people with OSDD-1 share their experiences, we can't really relate. Neither subtype reflects our experience as a P-DID system."

"I feel broken and wrong."

"I feel like we don't belong in the system community."

"We don't share a lot of the common system experiences, because we have P-DID."

"But we don't feel like we belong to the singlets, either."

"We feel alone with our struggles."

[mainframesystem]

sure this can go here, i’m not sure of where else because i can’t put this on our main.

tell me why vessel asked me questions while we were in the shower about how to shave our legs? and then asked to try itself and did? and why did he insist on washing our hair because i was going too fast, said that it was supposed to be enjoyable?

and a thing i figured out: it likes to be scratched? especially his neck. while we were washing, he used our nails quite a lot.

[mainframesystem]

it's a vent so be warned

sry it is probably not making much sense, i might delete it later lol 💀

[mainframesystem]

This Just In!

The characters in my head are no longer living there rent free!

They have gained sentience and are now expected to contribute.

[mainframesystem]

In-system relationships can be so intimate.

Waking up together, opening the same eyes, and stretching the same limbs. Yawning in time and saying a good morning that only you who are involved can understand what it's for.

Sharing a meal, not only from the same plate, but with the same hands and the same senses. Deciding what to eat together, something that fits all of your tastes.

Curled in the same bed, in the same blankets, in the same body, drowzily mumbling about nothing and everything to each other. Joking around and feeling their sleepy laugh as if it were your own.

Living life, and inviting them to share yours and your time in it--performing your daily tasks in the unison of cofront. Seeing and hearing and feeling everything together.

Feeling them blush when you flirt or compliment them. Feeling their joy when you get them a gift, or how safe you make them feel simply when you're around them.

Enveloped in the same love, from the same brain, with the same feeling of care for each other palpable between you. Feeling the emotions you feel yourself, coming from the other person. Feeling their love for you, in the rawest, most direct possible way.

[mainframesystem]

thinking about stuff and maybe instead of when others come to front and try to mask as me so we don’t have to explain to people we switched, maybe we should just unapologetically be different people and if someone questions that then that’s on them. we’re a system and that’s well known, so that’s not really our problem, is it? we should be able to be open as our own people without having to explain why we’re different or apologizing for switching, etc.

[mainframesystem]

Saying “oh hey it’s ___ I’m fronting now” when coming into front : Bad. Lame. Boring. Cringe

Saying “hey I’m back and I killed that other guy” when coming into front: Awesome. Hilarious. Based. Literally the funniest thing ever

[mainframesystem]

If he’s Blorbo from your shows why is he in my system

[mainframesystem]

"Having OSDDID is not fun"

BUT you can have fun with it. make silly groups on simply plural, change each other's display names on plural kit as pranks. become friends with each other and talk about the good memories you have with each other. this disorder doesn't have to be doom and gloom 24/7. have some whimsy and joy too.

disclaimer: this post is supposed to be lighthearted, obviously I know not every system is able to do things like this or that my examples fit everyone. these are things my system does :)

[mainframesystem]

I Like Sharing Hands With You

Actually, we did want to make a little something appreciative of our plural identity for disability pride month.

[mainframesystem]

y’know, i always forget that people without this mental illness don’t see everything that’s happening.

for us systems we witness a lot happening both innerworld and irl. and in our case, many of our alters have had to learn how to handle innerworld issues while fronting without letting it affect our daily life.

but someone on the outside doesn’t see a poor 17 year old in the body of a 22 year old of the opposite gender struggling to function normally as a persecutor is whispering horrible things in their ear.

they don’t see the anxiety ridden alter having to hold themselves together while they go and work a customer service job so we can afford to pay for our overpriced groceries and unimaginable rent.

they don’t see the autistic alter being somewhere the body goes almost every day, struggling to function while being overstimulated and not being or having a safe space and/or person with them to help prevent meltdowns.

they don’t see the masc presenting alter staring at themselves in the mirror with horrible body dysmorphia because they’re stuck in a fem presenting body and have no way of changing their appearance to comfort them.

they don’t see the struggle of sharing a body, mind and entire life with 84 other separate beings and having to put on a mask everyday so those we can’t tell don’t question everything.

they don’t see the confused little waking up in a new body and an entirely new environment and having to adapt with little to no help.

they don’t see the non verbal alter trying to communicate and explain themselves to the people around them who clearly don’t understand and won’t try to.

they don’t see the amount of trauma we have gone through to have our mind split it between multiple people so we can function properly.

they don’t see a lot of

yet they continue to talk like they know better than us, who are the ones suffering

[mainframesystem]

"Are you single?"

No actually I'm plural.