mainjane-blog

[mainjane-blog]

Memorables

AHhHH the life of a pandemic quarantine. Especially for someone who tries to be a perfectionist fashionista barbie super mom wife. I am hard on myself. So let’s turn this around shall we. Some of my favorite and memorable moments in my crazy beautiful world. And also shout out to my husband, who randomly asked when is my new blog post, since he likes reading it.

I am constantly wanting to read and learn and grow. I am going back to school, (stay tuned what for.) I am currently taking courses from relationships to parenting, to continue to keep my brain sharp. To use my creative emotional side for good. It’s feeding my soul, and for that I am grateful. I make sure to read and study every day for me.

I made back to back wine dates last week, it was lovely.  Hanging out at Erica’s for a bit after the awesome fire truck parade for Cecelia, the kids all had so much fun, it truly was perfect. Tip: Kids love being chased by a leaf blower! I don’t think I have ever seen Aidan smile so big. 

We got a new fire pit(thanks Amber!! ) I can not tell you, with the beauty of the greens and the woods, adding a fire pit just connects you to nature and your home. 

Date nights with my husband by the fire pit while listening to music on Alexa. I can not tell you how much I love listening to music. It brings your emotions out more, so if you feel happy and at peace, while a perfect song is on, nothing is better. (well kissing and cuddling makes it even better, you feel like you’re in a movie). 

Studying by the fire.

Facetiming with my sister by the fire, while she read my birth chart. And it was spot on, it was kind of weird how spot on it was. I kept thinking I was meant to hear this right now. It wouldn’t have made sense before this quarantine. 

While I was getting this birth chart read to me by my beautiful sister, a skunk appeared right on my deck, which led to me covering my mouth and eyes wide like I saw a zombie trying to kill me. I ran and did not get sprayed, but man that was crazy and funny my sister just saw my reaction. Afterwards looked up skunk spirit animal. Pretty interesting. trustedpsychicmediums.com/spirit-animals/skunk-spirit-animal/

All the times Anthony lifted me up this week. I am taking a course Neuroscience with kids, so gets me to think of my brain as well. I am very tired, and haven’t slept well, so it makes sense why this week I felt burnt out and stressed and AJ as well. So Anthony turned into Mr.T!!! He’s fun, understanding, funny, and really cute. Thanks Mr.T for taking over school this week a bit. It made me a better teacher and AJ a better student. 

Date night at Painted Lemon.(The kids were great, they didn’t really care we were leaving, I was very surprised. To our sitter, we love you) Phase 1, now allows outdoor seating at restaurants with a bunch of rules and changes. This intrigued me and made me a bit nervous heading to the room with our masks. Once we sat down in the empty outdoor tent, we took our masks off. The waitress had a mask and gloves on. Menus were paper and disposable, as well as the cups and utensils. Have you been to the Painted Lemon? The best way to describe it, it’s like going to a family member’s home, so in this scenario, we were in my grandma’s backyard. It was cute and charming. And the food is melt in your mouth good. The chef is from Sicily I believe? We ordered the Fried Calamari, Pizza Amore (ummm I need to eat arugula more, because god damn it’s good), Anthony got a chicken/egg plant dish. He said my dish won, he never ever says that. I WON. Anywho, over a bottle of wine, we laughed, poked fun, acted silly. There was one other couple in room. They knew the chef, so we just heard constant Italian, so we both pretended we were speaking fluent Italian. I’m pretty good! We got a surprise video from AJ saying he misses us and loves us, it made us a bit teary and happy. Afterwards we went into Stop and Shop, I haven’t been in a grocery store in a long time, so I was excited to finally go in, and it felt different but not really since it was late and empty. It was kind of like facing my current fear, I was a bit proud of myself, made me see it’s not that bad. Thank God we live in a small town though. 

AJ lost another tooth! And his hair is now purple! 

Bear mountain hike. The kids were having a blast and running and playing, and they held hands at one point. Like damn, I am lucky. Anthony led the way,( he looks great btw he runs everyday). I just took pictures and held on to the moment. We got down to the water and it was beautiful. We all agreed it was like our moment in North Carolina last summer. Aidan is inspiring  and so great walking up and down the rocks, I heard him saying to himself “You can do this Aidan, you are spiderman.” AJ is very observant of his surroundings and I felt how much fun he was having. Ashton is brave and independent, doesn’t want to hold mine or Anthony’s hand, he doesn’t want our help. I got stuck in the mud, commentated my misery while another couple watched and giggled. This paragraph doesn’t do it justice, how much fun we all had. Perfectioon? (did that on purpose). And I got some exercise, go me. 

When Anthony said concussed and I couldn’t stop laughing. 

Watching the movie Little Missy on Netflix, the new David Spade movie. It was great, the character Missy was hillaaaarious. She is kind of like me. I am weird, starting to share that more. Embrace your weird everyone!! 

I am getting back to me, well a better me, this is my journey and my process. I have my days, where it’s hard. Or I am just crazy. Or the kids run off and say they are going to Florida. Or AJ acting like a teenager. It’s all a part of my world, and as long as I keep learning and growing, switching perspective, hug my kids, date my husband, be a good friend, feel beautiful, it all comes together. It’s hard but yet so simple at the same time. 

Here’s to another week. 

Affirmation: Learn to love and forgive yourself. You are only human. 

[mainjane-blog]

Discovery

New Light-(not only my favorite song from John Mayer)

Looking at things in a new light. It's not necessarily discovering a new destination or new piece of information. It's having something or someone in your life, could be every day, could be for years. And all of a sudden, something happens in your life, a quarantine. A world wide quarantine. We are forced to stay home. We are together everyday now. This was our normal-AJ in school all day, get off the bus at 3:40, sometimes an after school activity. Aidan has part-time morning preschool until about noon 4 days a week. Ashton, you're stuck with me cutie, but story time and play dates and fun activities just him and me. Anthony, travels every other week, sometimes for 2 days. Sometimes 3 to 4. This has been our normal for 2 years now.

New Light. My husband. I respect the hell out of him, his career is a big part of him. I can't tell you in words, but he is one of a kind. Traveling by plane as a commute, public speaking from a small meeting to in front of a crowd in a convention. How he works very hard and goes beyond what's expected, that he was able to reach the top, at corporate level, at 32 years old. He's funny, he is kind, people are drawn to him, and he truly wants people to succeed. I hear about his days here and there, he's so busy and I am busy, so we get snippets of our day, or the bigger moments. More and more this year Anthony is sharing his company's presentations and that gets me a glimpse of him in that world.  So today Anthony shares a webinar/meeting he presented on Zoom, to about 124 people in his company. I watch it with headphones, all 36 minutes of it. It was on Prioritizing at work, I was enthralled, proud, and it gave me a boost to use on prioritizing my life. My favorite line was Actions become Habits, and Habits become Character. It was a great moment to learn more about my husband too, his story telling on how he prioritizes at work, and what keeps him focused. A few moments I heard AJ yelling quickly in the background of the webinar, (probably when it was time for a new subject for "schooling.") Not even a flinch in his speaking. I understand now Anthony, how it could be stressful with that happening upstairs or the kids running in. I enjoyed the webinar highly and respect the hell out of you Terlizz.

My two dearest friends, Jill and Erica came to my backyard today, we were going on a hike y'all! First thing we all say is, how have we never done this together? And with Jill, the outdoor dynamo. But not only that, I can go to the epic view of Candlewood lake right from by backyard, why did I never do that before?? But I said, well we are now. We get lost at first, going along some houses, get back to the right track bc Anthony runs out to regive the directions (he hiked it for the first time last week, so he told me I have to do it, stat) So on to the blue trail! We followed Jill, since she's a pro, even pointing out different plants species. Took a break, in the middle of the forest, sitting on a log. We see what could be a cave, and just uphills and downhills of the woods. A place I have never been before. With 2 of my favorite girlfriends, and Erica is not a big hiker so this was huge she was doing this. Talk a bit, then keep heading out, Jill makes sure to point out always remember your surrounding and she put down sticks as an arrow so we will know how to get back. Good tip and will always remember this now. We finally get up on the rock, with the the epic view of Candlewood Lake, first time for Erica, first time I went here from my backyard, and just all 3 of us doing something different and together. We all had a deep and profound conversation that I will always remember,  the beauty of where we were, us doing this in the first place, and just a real raw moment. I recommend having more conversations like this with people that you just feel safe with. No bullshit. No fakeness. I am truly lucky that I had this wonderful weekend. I even cried a bit, since I just was so happy to have a real raw life moment, that was kind of outside of me. I truly value this ladies, and I look forward to more conversations of a lifetime and new adventures.

Myself. Listen, I don't want to sound all new age and hippy, but I saw the light a bit entering my 30's. My shortcomings, my ego, my emotions, what I need to work on to better myself. Find more things that I enjoy. Get out of my comfort zone. Love my body. Not rely on my husband as much. Human interaction. And to find a creative side. I have been pregnant 5 times. My body has been through a bit, 3 pregnancies every 2 years since 2013, and 2 miscarriages, one before AJ and one after. I gained a little more with each kid, let my body recover and get back to myself, and then pregnant again. My third pregnancy was the hardest on my body, it hurt my hips and my back. It took almost 2 years for me to get back to my old self again physically. I did this after 3 kids, and for that I am proud. It took work, discipline, god damn a lot of patience. But my body returned, and it still treats me well. (Now I just need to make a damn doctor's appointment and find the time to exercise again) I went to Florida in January, went to the outlet mall with my parents, shopped for a whole new wardrobe with smaller sizes. I felt proud, and pretty, and sexy, and confident.  My mind took a bit to catch up, to accept compliments, to see a pretty photo, or to slip on my new size 6 or 8 jeans. I still get hard on myself at times, so getting my hair done, or botox makes me feel good. But, I know this time will go by quickly,(look how fast my 20's went by) so enjoy your body now, Take care of it. Give it a break, and wear clothes that show off your best attributes, and whatever makes you feel beautiful. I told myself, I am not having anymore kids, no reason I shouldn't be where I was at 25.  I will keep trying and improving and discovering new aspects of myself. Mind, body, and soul.  I can read people, I love to listen, I love to give non judgmental advice. I see everyone's perspective, I am an empath. I love real conversation.I love meeting new people that just give off great vibes, people who were in my life, get to know them more. And the ones I am close with, have the real conversations, listen to their advice or their perspective. Every encounter I have brings something to me, even if small. Bad or good. And I hope I can utilize this creatively one day, for my next chapter of my life.

[mainjane-blog]

It’s May You Guys

Ah,the ups and downs of (quarantine) life. Things are getting easier, well not totally, I mean come on I have 3 BOYS. I am telling you the amount of pee, spit, fights, and getting flashed, it’s never a dull day. But, this week was good, and I am not saying it was perfect, but I reveled in all the small wonderful moments I had. 

I want to be my best self. This doesn't mean traveling,the most money, or popularity. It means you are happy with the way your life is going. Am I giving my best to my kids? My family? My husband? My relationships? Self care? When I complain or in a rough spot. I think why me? But where does this entitlement come from? Why do I keep looking to the future, without working hard to achieve it? If I want something, If I want my kids to listen to me. If I want my husband to read my mind. If I want to be filthy rich in my mansion. Will that make me happy?  Was I my best self with my husband? Was I snippy with my kids? Have you reached out? I start my day with these affirmations and thought process, and days become a bit easier. From ok my knee landed on a Lego, this fucking sucks, it happened, move on. AJ running away again, when our schooling starts. Ashton not going to bed till midnight and then 10pm the next two nights. Aidan running off to the street and not listening. 

But what is this? I still had a good day? I'm not getting stuck or angry on the hard parts of the day. It takes a moment. Takes an effort of my brain to switch perspective. 

We currently have one thing on our side during this quarantine, time. Some are starting a new hobby, exercising, or some, which is me, is just trying to improve my mindset and outlook on my life. Taking in the little moments, either from my husband, my kids, my friends, my family, a stranger, a feeling, a great show or movie, your favorite song, the outfit and makeup look that makes you say to yourself how you doin? Have more discussions, letting things slide off my back more, go with the flow, making plans, and to just keep going. Complaining, It makes you feel heard, it's a start, it's how we recognize our unhappiness with something that is happening in our lives. Everything worth having, or to keep what you do have, takes work.

 Here are some great moments I am thankful for from this week:

Aidan puts the hospital monitor toy on me to check my skin. It beeps. He says it’s not good, you are eating too much food. Anthony finding AJ’s Super Mario Odyssey amobi! (Sp?)It was lost for 2 days. His idea to check AJ’s pants pocket in the laundry. Anthony said for me to take the credit. Thank you our Saint Anthony. Slow dancing with Ant in the kitchen. He played St.Augustine by Band of Horses , in honor of finding the amobi. Ashton and Aidan then want to cut in and join. We then put on the theme song to Jurassic park (we sing this song to Aidan when he goes to bed). Aidan laid on my chest and had a deep to his core happiness. And Ash on his dad.  Also the dance hit Roses. For your kitchen twerking needs. My boss and mentor doing a kind act for me. Surprising Anthony more downstairs while working to make his day better. Either by food or me in a robe sans clothing. My custom double cheeseburger from Burger King. And getting home, kids eat their food downstairs to watch Noggin. I get to eat this weirdly delicious upped their game burger. Vegged out to Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I got intrigued by the whole dinner party scene. Especially Denise Richards’ husband, talking about fusion energy, how he couldn’t really talk much about it since big pharma is listening, but what he could say ,diseases aren’t what they seem and mentioned cancer. This fascinated me. My bonding chat with Ash, ( negotiations with a terrorist, to go to sleep. )Finally got in his crib and giving a pep talk that he can do it. He gives me a kiss on the lips and the palm of my hand. Ashton not going down for bed, it was almost 10pm. I come out after putting him down, I walk down the hall. my husband says” wow you’re so beautiful, I don’t deserve you.” Growing and bonding talk with AJ. Him telling me his feelings and I take note on how I can be a better mom to him. He told me on the beach today, he loves our chats. Anthony, AJ, and I watch old home videos. Of when he was little. Felt the speediness of time. Anthony twerking to the rap song playing on the tv. (It was litty) Watching the amazingly done show by Mindy Kaling, Never Have I Ever, Anthony loves it just as much as me. He says watch another one? I check and it’s 11:36pm. Anthony and I discuss our affirmations which was Accountability. I was excited nervous to share mine. ( it’s scary to be vulnerable) We both opened up and I cried because it was so nice. Finally get to check my phone this morning. Group text with Ant and my 2 other favorite people Steve and Audra. They make my day with a morning joke and compliment. They are the funniest and coolest people you will ever meet. Zooming with my in laws( we need to do this more), they make me laugh till I pee. I see why Anthony is so funny. My little brother Michael (in law) and Megan announce their wedding will be in Tennessee next spring.

A lovely wine date with my dear friend Amber on my deck on a beautiful day. 

Ashton falling asleep on the couch with his hand in a huge Cheetos bag.

All the hugs and kisses from the boys I love.

Oh and my husband doing a model photo shoot for me, when I feel and look good. 

Thank you for these great moments life. The days were a bit longer because of the rain but these few moments make me incredibly lucky. Do something kind with each person in your home, And have more great moments with my family. Enjoy the bubble of your world, Jane. My good day starts with me.

[mainjane-blog]

Full House Talks

Did you ever have an emotional talk with with your kids? End in tears or reactions. From you? from your kids? Like Full House Real Life Talk at the end. AJ and I were working on raz kids, Anthony come ups and we all chat. (Btw I love this man, thank you ant for popping up for random and cute conversations to keep my brain fresh).

 So Anthony and I are talking and AJ did something kind. He let Aidan have his precious Mario Amobi? (sp?)for the rest of the day, this precious toy of his, that we just bought from Best Buy! The one that connects to your switch that you can't wait to show your friends on zoom! How the Mario figurine never leaves your hand during school work! So I announced that was VERY KIND, and I am going to fill out that virtual kindness strip right now, But then AJ says no I want the birthday one. I told him well it's not your birthday, and his is in August. And then it hit me, wait, is this whole change of life quarantine and social distancing going to still be around by then? I shuttered the thought, and it legit put tears in my eyes, like had to suck it back in. I told AJ we have to prepare that maybe your birthday will be different this year. It pained and hurt me to say it, and I couldn't imagine being a 6 yr old turning 7 that I Can't see my friends? My family? Why? So AJ said but AJ and Nico had a birthday party?! I told him that was actually truly the last day we could go out. The next day they closed restaurants for service, school was done, large crowds. It was the last day, and it was so nice we had that special day. God I cried a bit telling AJ. AJ was upset and ran in his room. Aidan got upset because AJ was sad and didn't understand why? I hugged Aidan. How this quarantine is bringing up all the real ass beautiful moments, feelings we didn't know we had, and how we have each other, my beautiful family of mine. You ARE MINE.

 To my husband. I love you. I love you, even when I hate you, and only married couples will understand that one.-Crazy,Stupid,Love. I was an asshole this week. I had a wonderful weekend with you.

I am trying to grow closer with my kids, have more fun with them, teach them without getting annoyed or angry, go with the flow, sometimes they need to have longer breaks because they are learning and trying is HARD, hear their feelings and stories, boost their confidence. Check in with each kid. How they are sad sometimes or mad. And they need their self care too. I need to say this to myself. Daily. I will become a better parent after all of this. My kids will hopefully come out more confident and just overall happier because of this great time we are spending together. This starts now. And it will take work, and I am not perfect, and maybe I will have to read this entry more every now and then. This this is the time. So in the long run I will know my kids won't look back that it was bad, but happy for a better future, because they got a better mom. I will try and try and try for you my boys. Love you and Anthony very very much.

Fast forward to next day, AJ wants to talk more birthday ideas. I told him we will make it the greatest,and maybe we will be back to normal by then and he seemed happy. He said I am lucky ya know why? I have two brothers. I love the shit out of you kid, and so proud of you.

Ok fast forward to schooling, today is harder. It’s still ok to not have the perfect day. The perfect mindset, perfect situation , but you handle things a bit better this time. Let’s do this. AJ was testy and rude af today during schooling, I got annoyed he got mad, but I said MY feelings today. What I need from him. I get he’s overwhelmed I get it’s annoying, boring, or looks hard. But I’m here to help you learn, it’s good to just try, even if it is hard. And when you talk to me like an (asshole) meanly it makes me sad and mad. So AJ we have to just keep trying BOTH of us. Left him to have a break and cool off. After a break for both of us, I had a quick veg out moment of an Everybody Loves Raymond rerun while eating flaming hot potato chips (felt so wrong yet so right). We hugged and both said we are sorry and understand each side. 

Aidan just randomly found a birthday candle so I took turns singing happy birthday to the older boys, (Aidan was the excited nervous on the first one like the real day). And then ok say your wishes on the next one. AJ says the games he wants. Aidan says I wish, I love mommy. And hugged me. It melted my heart, stopppp. AJ then said it the same way and hugged me. Hold on to these moments Jane. I don’t have to keep my cool all the damn time but my responding is getting better and leads in a feelings, closeness, resolution and ending for that moment. Have to do the birthday candle thing with Ashton since he’s napping (don’t forget Jane , third child syndrome). 

Speaking of that, here’s your moment Ash, you are starting to climb out of your crib now, stop!! But your strut and smile when you stroll the f out, is beyond amazing and cutieeeee. But you are napping and in your bed today, so bonus points, thank you life for that one!

Liked waking up in your arms this am Ant!

Best moments--AJ's morning work is done, break and lunch for him. So it's Aidan's turn/time for attention. Thanked him (and apologized) for being patient and playing with his brother while I was working with AJ. We eat pizza bagels outside together on our rock wall, and we see the mailman drop off our mail. Aidan checks the mail every day , god bless him even on all the rainy days (multiple times a day, I tell him it only comes once a day, doesn't matter), so he gets the mail and shows me. One is from his teacher Mrs. Rich! We open and it's a photo card in the front, all different pictures of Aidan she took of him in school, even some with his dad and AJ (AJ was happy on that one) and then a sweet message from his teacher and paras on the back. It was so thoughtful and special, Aidan was SO excited and put in on our fridge. Lucky to have such a great teacher and made this moment so special for all of us.

Second fav-moment we were playing in the street, and Aidan lost control of his ride along toy,a car was driving slowly came to a stop, and young guy/teen legit sprinted out of his car and saved it from rolling further down the street which would be hard for me to get along the bend. I yelled not all heroes wear capes. IT was so nice. Thank you young man.

Saw a friendly ups man, kids were happy to talk to him and we all wave. Spoke to some neighbors, waved to other neighbors. Waved to the garbage man. We were outside ALL Afternoon. It's 5pm ish, kids are in bath because I needed a break to go inside.

Crazy and long and fun day. Wish you could have come up more today Ant, we missed you.I know you had a crazy day at work, damn you corona. But thank you for grilling the cheesiet burgers ever, even tho I filled up on popcorn and veggie sticks and feel full. It tasted glorious. 

I am tired now, and done for the day. 

And I remembered to do the birthday candle and song with Ash. Pat on back. 

[mainjane-blog]

First time I entered a building since March, I was a bit nervous to say the least. Took some extra drops of cbd before we ventured off. I took Ashton for his 2 and a half year check up, at pediatric associates with Dr.Cohen. I thought to reschedule but we need to get out of the damn house and have some normalcy. They called last week and before the appointment today and asked a series of questions (have you traveled to ny, had the following symptoms, etc). When Ash and I arrived they had a little table with two nurses with masks, I had my mask on and they gave Ashton a mask (didn’t last long). They asked the same questions again, and I had to sign a paper with the questions as well. They took mine and Ash’s temp and then we went to check in. We had to stay on the yellow line so we weren’t too close. Next we went to the empty healthy waiting room, had signs to try to refrain from sitting and to keep a distance from others waiting. Another couple came with a baby in a carrier, keeping a distance. We had the prime spot near the fish tank. Called in, and followed the nurse in the room. She complimented my mask and I I mentioned how a girl in our town was making them for free, and how kind it was. Ashton was a champ, literally growing right before my eyes. He’s talking more and more, singing, and so damn happy. Dr. Cohen came in, so nice to see a familiar face and feel normal. We spoke about today’s climate on top of how well Ash is doing. His kids are home from college so he’s feeling the urge for things to get back to normal too(lol). Glad I didn’t cancel the appointment, it was scary and weird at first (really shows how CRAZY all this is) all the extra steps but comforting at the same time. It was a nice outing with you Ash. Now back home to my chaotic life.

Last night I watched the movie, Wonder, on hbo. It took my heart. As a parent, as a kid, as a girl. Man I can’t describe the feeling this movie gave me.

I’m a bit of a weirdo, I’m a huge fan of movies, I get lost in them. I can hear any song or movie theme and say what movie it was in or the scene. I relate to them or it gets me to see a way of life that I will never experience. This movie hit a chord. How much I love my kids but once they are off in school, they have their days just like me. Good and bad. Ups and downs. Life isn’t always fair but damn it could be beautiful. It was so beautifully done, showing the life and feeling of each character. Wouldn’t that be nice to see life like that? You think the world revolves around you bc you perceive a person on how they fit in your life. But it’s so much more than that. Everyone has their family life/home life, their true feelings, so if they act a certain way-it’s so much bigger than you. Please watch this movie, I mean you have the time.

[mainjane-blog]

Highs and Lows

Feels like a century now, with being stuck in quarantine. I am trying my best, ya know with the self care, but I’m not really an outdoorsy person unless forced and it’s cold. (Um it snowed?)

 I am watching Little Fires Everywhere, which is good but kind of depressing. Back to self care, with 3 boys it seems harder and harder to do. I keep up with schooling(mostly AJ) , Aidan is doing workbooks I bought and we watch videos, since that seems the most important. They dictate the day mostly, and I just follow their lead. I’m getting a bit more anxious, which is showing in the form of anger. I actively have to try to be patient. Social media posts, news, etc. is all about COVID-19. Each day that goes by, it feels bigger and no end in sight. I am taking it moment by moment, because the days are long. I miss my friends, I miss sitting in a restaurant, I miss date nights and breaks, I miss my family, I miss vacations( I keep thinking you would have been in the Bahamas and Florida this week), I miss outside activities, I miss going to the mall, I miss going to the movies,I miss play dates, and wine nights. I don’t want pity, I don’t want advice, I just want a normal life again. And it’s not going to happen anytime soon. I know this is the time to figure that out, the new normal. But it’s hard for me. And it sometimes feels everyone is SO positive, so it feels isolating. The whole hiking thing and planning fun activities, cute at first, but like come onnn. Vent over. 

First step to better myself, eat better and cleaner. I find there is no time, so I want to eat something quick/junk or not eat. I have to cook a decent meal, no junk, no takeout (unless salad or low carb meal). Get back on track. I find when I eat better my soul and mind feels better. I have been just snacking or no plan on meals, and it is making me feel lousy. I want to feel beautiful inside and out. 

Continue zoom and keeping in touch with family and friends. Doing a netflix party with my siblings tonight and zoom with Jill and Erica tomorrow.

Letting the sun hit my face.

Get off social media. Seems like everyone is perfect and is happy. It’s not real. 

Love my kids, hear them, listen to them. I ask them what I can improve on and what they need. Keep doing that. 

Thanks for reading. We are all different but in the core we are the same. Much love. 

[mainjane-blog]

March Adventures

Anthony and I were supposed to leave for a Royal Carribean Cruise today, off to the Bahamas from Port Canaveral, Florida. The boys would be at my parents house, which would mean byeeee kids. It felt surreal, even submitting for a renewed passport at the post office, that Anthony and I would be getting some time away out of the country, on a paradise island. We chose to do the water park as well, so we would feel like kids again. Hell we were kids when we fell in love, so super fitting for us. We have 3 boys, 6,4,and 2. So these past 6 years, we've been busy, literally. We would travel to Florida, local, and not so local. But I would say for over a year now it has been changing, traveling more and more, since Anthony travels for work, I go on first class, can go anywhere pretty much, and the nicest hotels/suites. And then it finally happened, Anthony surprised us with a cruise in April on our anniversary back in October. I cried and felt SO happy. Fast forward February was a rough month, with stomach viruses back to back, colds, and AJ getting reflux and effecting him in school. I was craving that cruise even more. March came a long, my parents cruise in China and trip to Korea was cancelled due to the Coronavirus. So I thought, hey we have a wedding coming up and I miss my parents dearly, come to Connecticut! We were all elated, I cannot tell you how much help my mom has been and how great seeing my parents was. We all went to dinner sans kids, and it was lovely. Any-who, beginning of March, with my parents watching the kids, Anthony and I went to Long Island for our friend's wedding. We stayed the night before as well. so we got to enjoy the suite upgrade and the executive lounge. Check out the pool and gym. And pick a random restaurant bar in Long Island. We had so much fun I didn't go on my phone once. And I do a lot. I just enjoyed the moment and soaked it in, because when will I be back here again?  We ended up going to a bar, where they were known for their sliders. So we ordered each one and rated our favorites. And got random fatty apps. It was a Thursday so Ant had a work call, so instead of just going on my phone I just started observing people at the bar and chatting to a few people. One guy who was waiting for his food and seemed like a regular, we ended up chatting about restaurants in town(said how I'm visiting from CT) and I mentioned we were going to a wedding at The Inn at Fox Hollow and he raved how good the food is there, which made me even more excited for tomorrow. We head back to the hotel we go into the executive lounge and get some of the delicious Lavazza expresso. This room is the bomb you guys. Ant, I really had a great time with you and this date night. We talked about random things and things that happened during our week that we forgot to mention or random events that happened to us. Spoke about my feelings about life and my perspective on certain things and I how I have a talent of reading people sometimes. It was a pleasure my dear!!

Then we had the wedding the next day. Anthony went earlier, since he was in the wedding. So I had alone time, had room service pizza and nachos while watching Love Is Blind. I seized that moment bro. Then got pretty, I was feeling myself, because I ate really well that week and looked skinny. Headed off to the lobby and enjoyed the quiet and beauty of it, while I waited for the uber. The Inn and Fox Hollow was the destination, what a beautiful venue, it reminded me of a theater and garden at the same time, like a movie set how perfect. Got to see old friends from Staten Island, where I lived in my 20's. So hence I Felt more young. Ant sneaked a kiss and big welcome to me, quickly. Loved seeing him up at the front of the ceremony. Glances and funny faces to each other. Then we ate and laughed and danced with old friends who I Wish I could see more. Then Irish goodbyed right before grabbing a McDonald's cheeseburger in a purse (the bride and groom handed them out, I squealed in glee) Then enjoyed our last night at the hotel. I Was sad to leave, I remember  thinking, this trip and time felt like the bestest vacation. I Feel refreshed and happy, my main goals within myself. I had time with my husband, time alone, and time with old friends, while eating and dancing. What is better? Sounds like a perfect vacation away and not too long, since I miss the kids too much. Well more on that, I distinctly remember thinking the words-- I had the best best best time, and I'm going on a cruise next month too? Not real life. So when Anthony told me the cruise was cancelled, I wasn't that upset. I had a great time away, felt refreshed and had so much help with my mom helping me out. This cruise will happen once this is all over, and I will be there with a tan on. For now, I will ride this wave of life. 

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Random Thoughts

Anyone else feel like they are living a real life Groundhog’s Day movie?

Since this virus and quarantine happened, is there a decrease in crime? I don’t see kidnappings and such so that gives me some relief.

I want to do more zoom calls, if you're up for one let me know, it gives me life!Truly. Loved chatting with my parents, my sister, Audra, and Erica and Jill. AJ with his class again.  Ant zoomed with his old friends, it was like super cute you guys. 

Shout out to neighbor and friend, Amanda, the wine and treats you left on the porch for me and the kids made my day.

And Megan for dropping off toilet paper and paper towels the other day, no questions asked, just hung it on my mailbox. Thank you. Thank you. 

Everyone who texted offering or to reach out if I ever needed anything. So lucky to have this community around me. 

So today Aidan and AJ snuck off to the backyard deck, I walk by the door and see Aidan peeing in the water bottle, I just walked back slowly and continued vacuuming because I have learned, with a house full of boys, sometimes I just have to turn around and walk the other way,and deal with it at a later time. (insert smile). Then I hear AJ scream, Aidan tasted the pee!! And Aidan was spitting it out and like in agony. I was grossed out and dying in laughter in my head. So that happened today. 

Aidan also flushed spaghetti and meatballs down the toilet yesterday, he is becoming obsessed with flushing random things down the toilet, thanks to this one particular you tube video. 

My phone isn’t working, so truly feeling like I am in the olden days of my early 20′s, technology wise. Getting it fixed today, until then it’s been a cleanse!

We played outside yesterday, and it was the perfect moment, I yelled “Ant give me your phone, I have to capture this!” So happy I did. 

And thank you Anthony for letting me sleep in till 10:30am today and giving me a break to take a long hot bath and write a bit. 

Ashton, stop growing and talking please, you are the baby of the family, so stop. It’s been a pleasure to hang with you. Except when you are crying. 

Tiger King on Netflix is BOMB ya’ll. Who knew there is this zoo/animal collecting weird world out there, right under our noses. It’s fascinating. Anyone want to zoom to just talk about this documentary?!?

The kids are a bit crazier this week, it’s like we upped the game with the activites and outside time. we have to do even more! This is getting harder by the week, hope it levels out soon. 

Sweet moments, crazy moments, tired moments. Here goes another week. 

[mainjane-blog]

Last week was a blur, that’s why I like to jot down thoughts while I remember. I don’t want my memories and feelings to fade. We went to the city last week,(Anthony’s Idea)I was tired truthfully, but he kept saying go with the flow. He motivates me to fun things and go to cool places. My phone died so just in the old school moment. Ant snapped a few pics without me noticing. And it shows I don’t give a fuck when I’m eating a NY pizza. No posing, no angles. I go ALL IN. The cheese? The sauce, the bread? I closed my eyes on the first bite. And a few more after that. Speaking on that...Snacking...I have eaten like shit this past week. Like I have never seen a snack in my life. Like a frat boy. Like the kid eating the whole cake in Matilda. So since Friday, I have been making a constant effort, STEP AWAY FROM THE FOOD. I have to keep it tight. We went to Stew's Friday, so picked up some quality ingredients and eating from home. Still planning to get the make your own pizza from Bruno's though..

Favorite moment of last week-Anthony made my anxious ass get out of the car and pick up my Italian sub at a deli in the Bronx. The big mike combo it’s called. I’m terrified of the busyness of New York delis. (How did I live in Staten Island for a few years?) So thought this is the perfect time, no one will be there and I welcome the quiet. Thank you Ant for getting me out of my weird head and knowing me so well you thought of that idea in the first place. A cute old Italian man was so friendly when I walked in. Glad I had this moment!

Anthony-We haven't been around each other for this long in awhile. Let me emphasize, no travel and going into work is currently not allowed and the gym/outside sports are closed(and now the track.) The two places that separate Anthony and I the most. So we are just home or at the park, (that was recently taken away ). We are playing, laughing, wrestling, watching great movies and shows, (Contagion, Invisible Man, The Hunt, Curb your enthusiasm finale) exercising, and cooking. (Take me home tonight, don't let me go till I See the light.)So Worth being tired. We stay up so late man, it's the only time we are not working or with the kids, and the kids are going to bed later too. I Would say Anthony and I go to bed 1am, midnight the earliest. But like I said, one of my favorite parts of the day.

With the kids. Space Jam, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, Richie Rich, and we just watched Sonic. Damn that was a good movie, pretty impressed. AJ,Anthony, and Aidan already watched it, so they were excited to see my reaction. Oh and the series finale of Henry Danger was on Saturday night, it was AJ's favorite show. We all had Stew Leonard’s popcorn and soaked in the last episode ever. AJ was sad when it ended,I hugged him and he cried. I told him I know that pain, I felt a loss and emptiness when Breaking Bad and Game of Thrones ended, or any of my favorite shows that have been on for awhile, and Harry Potter. I Cried afterwards for all. Love that he is like me and has this sweet side to him, we get each other.

The lows-feeling overwhelmed. I’m a mess and snippy at times. Guilt, AJ and I were working on a reading comprehension paper. He was doing Great and we were having fun and talking in between answering the questions , didn’t manage time well so we missed a zoom call with his class. This one had the teacher and some more kids than the last one. I cried because I felt awful and guilty we missed it. I saw a picture of the call, which brought on the tears. I’m fine till I’m not, does that make sense? Feel so badly we missed it. Ughhh. Im Having Trouble keeping in touch with friends and family. Since I’m so focused on this shit show and just being home with my family. I’m semi good on keeping balance, with this situation I am not. I need structure and to fill my schedule to keep my mind active. If I do too much or too little it’s mentally exhausting. I need a middle ground, so all of this is very hard on me. I need outside activities and social contact a bit to keep me healthy. Thank god my husband is home. I have ups and downs like everyone, and just keeping on!

Now what should I eat?

[mainjane-blog]

that one time we had no school due to Covid-19

Shout out to the moms-this has been such a weird and awesome time. It’s conflicting and chaotic, but making so many Goddamn long lasting memories. I thought parenting was hard before all this, this put me in my place real damn quick. Major praise to my kid’s teachers, I relied on you a lot and know now more than ever, you are an asset in all our lives. On top of the normal and not so normal chaos in my life, it’s kind of hard to process all this. But it did finally hit me this is a crazy event. Our generation has dealt with our fair share of crazy events. From 9/11 to this terror of a virus. I watched Contagion last night, do I sound a little freaked? It scared the hell out me.

Shout out to the dads and working moms, it’s a lot of pressure to support a family. And it must be hard to have to worry, with changes in the workplace, not being able to go in, or not getting business. It’s going to be a scary time. Anthony, you’re a dynamo. And to work from home it has been a pleasure and joy having you home. But from your side, the kids constantly coming in the room downstairs interrupting your calls, hearing screams and running, your patience makes you a saint. Not going to lie, jealous you’re still having a semi normal life. I’m drowning a bit over here!

Back to my kids. Spending every waking moment with them, not filling their schedules outside. No play dates, no outside sports, no movies, no mall. Just staying home or exploring nature. Just sitting down and seeing how they are learning in school. How when AJ feels comfortable with me and just excels and is happy. Aidan gettinG his own Lexia account just like his big brother, and AJ assisting him until he gets it, and they both are happy. Ash doing dance time in the kitchen and his older brothers start a mosh pitt just bc. We are all happy. Anthony taking a pause from his non stop work calls downstairs to get all of us McDonald’s. When he came back with that food yummm,we are all happy. Happy and then non stop and then we hit a wall. It’s the evening now, I’m tired af. Anthony made me go downstairs to have a break myself. I am doing just that. Here’s to another day.

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Breaking Bad this Sunday!!

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