make-a-desert-call-it-peace

[make-a-desert-call-it-peace]

[make-a-desert-call-it-peace]

The thing about parrots is that they will fuck with you for fun. On the outside a parrot is a small flying dinosaur with bolt cutters on its face. On the inside a parrot is a toddler with a GED who you might have unwisely trapped in your house. Humans are usually the most entertaining thing in a parrot's environment (aside from other parrots).

My parrot knows all the words for his favorite foods: peanut, berry, carrot, and noodle are the most frequently requested. I often demonstrate how good he is at naming foods when I have guests over by saying, "Ripley, what is this?" And Ripley, seeing a roasted, unsalted peanut in my hand, will answer, "a peanut." He does this for many foods, multiple times a day, knowing that if he answers correctly I'll give him several of whatever he can name.

I also offer my houseguests a chance to participate, holding a treat about a foot away from Ripley and asking him what it is. Ripley is always very gentle when treats are involved. But for the past few months, when someone he doesn't know attempts this trick with him, he deliberately gets the answer wrong.

"What is this?" my friend asks Ripley as she holds out a peanut. He confidently answers, "a berry." We laugh. "No, what is it!" she tries again. "A berry." She laughs.

I hand her dried cranberry. "What's this?" she asks, holding it up. Without hesitation Ripley answers "a peanut." She holds up the peanut again. "What is it!!" "A berry," he answers. Both my friend and my parrot laugh. Apparently this joke is worth more to my bird than getting the treat.

[make-a-desert-call-it-peace]

A 30-piece Matryoshka doll made at “Igrushka” wooden toy factory in Semyonov. Photo by V. Izvolensky (1966).

[make-a-desert-call-it-peace]

[make-a-desert-call-it-peace]

[make-a-desert-call-it-peace]

it must feel good as hell when you’re a horse and you take a big bite out of an apple like ttshoke

[make-a-desert-call-it-peace]

a list of 100+ buildings to put in your fantasy town

academy

adventurer's guild

alchemist

apiary

apothecary

aquarium

armory

art gallery

bakery

bank

barber

barracks

bathhouse

blacksmith

boathouse

book store

bookbinder

botanical garden

brothel

butcher

carpenter

cartographer

casino

castle

cobbler

coffee shop

council chamber

court house

crypt for the noble family

dentist

distillery

docks

dovecot

dyer

embassy

farmer's market

fighting pit

fishmonger

fortune teller

gallows

gatehouse

general store

graveyard

greenhouses

guard post

guildhall

gymnasium

haberdashery

haunted house

hedge maze

herbalist

hospice

hospital

house for sale

inn

jail

jeweller

kindergarten

leatherworker

library

locksmith

mail courier

manor house

market

mayor's house

monastery

morgue

museum

music shop

observatory

orchard

orphanage

outhouse

paper maker

pawnshop

pet shop

potion shop

potter

printmaker

quest board

residence

restricted zone

sawmill

school

scribe

sewer entrance

sheriff's office

shrine

silversmith

spa

speakeasy

spice merchant

sports stadium

stables

street market

tailor

tannery

tavern

tax collector

tea house

temple

textile shop

theatre

thieves guild

thrift store

tinker's workshop

town crier post

town square

townhall

toy store

trinket shop

warehouse

watchtower

water mill

weaver

well

windmill

wishing well

wizard tower

[make-a-desert-call-it-peace]

round one \ round two

[make-a-desert-call-it-peace]

Small clams court. Sand dollar lawsuit. Who gives a fuck

[make-a-desert-call-it-peace]

A Jewish politician gets his house firebombed on Passover by someone who declared they did it for Palestine, despite the fact that said politician is a critic of Israel. Jews get shot at a Jewish event at a Jewish museum by a dude shouting "free Palestine," both victims described as advocates for peace, one of whom did her masters on a program fostering Palestinian-Israeli dialogue. And now we've got people throwing Molotov cocktails at Holocaust survivors (yes, seriously, there was a Holocaust survivor in the demonstration in Boulder) because all Zionists deserve to die. Are you guys catching on yet? How good do you feel about all this? Are you fine with it?

[make-a-desert-call-it-peace]

(me, my parents, my sister, and the baby are sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch)

baby, pointing at the light fixture over the table and signing "on": o.*

my sister: we actually can't turn that light on right now, because the lightbulb inside is burnt out! it needs a new one.

baby: ighbu.

sister: yes, lightbulb! granddaddy said after we eat he's going to climb up there on a ladder and change it, and then the light will come on!

baby: gadada! adda, uuu! ighbu o!

sister: exactly!

baby, signing "on" and pointing at the light and then my dad, with increasing urgency: GADADA ADDA UUUU. O.

my sister: we're going to finish eating first though, ok?

baby: nonono. O. gadada adda uuu.

[a split second goes by]

baby, pointing to himself: ba. adda uuu. ighbu.

me: you're going to climb the ladder and change the lightbulb yourself?

baby: dzyeah. *pointing to the buckle where he is buckled into the high chair* ububu.

me: unbuckle you? so you can change the lightbulb?

baby, highly businesslike: dzyeah.

*pronounced like "on" without the n

[make-a-desert-call-it-peace]

Joy Sullivan, from “Culpable”, Instructions for Traveling West

[make-a-desert-call-it-peace]

[make-a-desert-call-it-peace]

FUCK linkedin i'll look for my next job at a crossroads at midnight

[make-a-desert-call-it-peace]

12.8.18 - sass master

[make-a-desert-call-it-peace]

[make-a-desert-call-it-peace]

My instagram:instagram.com/woshibaii

Nearby 18

Translation: Guandi Wu ( @sarah.guandiwu )

Proofreading: Amir Hampel