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makeitnotbetrue · 7 years

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mourning becomes america or how i stopped worrying and learned to love the apocalypse?

happy fucking new year!

hey! is everyone still crying? it’s been almost two months now since the election. i meant to get this post up before the election, but you know how it is. life came along and altered my plans. funny how that happens all the time...

have you survived the most divisive election in american history? after that shit show, america needs a vacation! or serious psycho therapy. i’m exhausted, are you?

since chump [or rump if you prefer] was elected, i’m asked the same questions; “how did this happen?”, “what’s wrong with people?”, “do you believe he was actually elected?”, “is he going to get us into a war?”, “will the world end?”. answers: people are stupid, people are really ignorant, yes, yes and no!

before we continue, let’s get something straight. stupidity and ignorance are two different things. stupidity, your brain doesn’t work. for whatever reason, it’s not functioning properly. you’re not developmentally challenged, no one hit you on the head and damaged your brain. you just don’t know how to use your brain for making rational thoughts or decisions.

ignorance, on the other hand [and notice the root word], you choose to ignore the facts. all the information is there, but you either don’t want to know them or don’t care about them because they don’t fit your construct of reality. you are willfully oblivious!

we’ll address the other answers in a moment... the day after the election, nyc looked like a ghost town. the streets were empty. the sky was covered with angry dark smoke and ash gray colored clouds, blocking all light. i sensed an unspeakable foreboding, as if all the life and happiness had been drained out of the world. i kept waiting for the sky to open and a voice to say, “there is no love in this house!” what few people i did see walking around acted like they were zombified, as if they had been given a frontal lobotomy. it’s been almost two month and i still see mystified new yorkers walking around in a daze as if the shock treatment they recently had hasn’t worn off yet. their disbelief that chump is our president elect all a bad dream; and at any moment they will wake up and hillary will miraculously be president. you need another round of shock treatment!!! better yet, let’s perform another lobotomy on your brain so that you can remain in your pseudo-liberal fantasy!

on my food coop shifts, i hear people talk about how stunned they are that chump is president. when they start whining, well, let’s just say that they are lucky that there are gun laws in ny! if i had a gun, there’s no telling what i might do with it. they bitch about chump; what a crook he is, he’s a misogynist, a tax dodger, a draft dodger, he has no redeeming moral values, he’ll send your children to die in a war, blah, blah, blah... but guess what? it’s not going to effect them because they’re middle class and white! i’ll say it again! they’re not going to be effected by any of chump’s policies because they’re middle class and white!!! have you noticed that all the people bitching about chump becoming president are people who are actually going to benefit from he’s policies? so why are they bitching? because they are ignorant in a different way than chump’s supporters! they’re hillary supporters. you know, the social “liberal” elite that think they are too intelligent to support an attention grabbing buffoon like chump. they’re all for social justice as long as it doesn’t come to their neighborhood. help the homeless! but not in my neighborhood! help the junkies get off drugs! but don’t put a rehab center in my neighborhood! help the minorities and underprivileged kids get a better education! just keep them in their neighborhoods! separate but equal!!! and when we gentrify their neighborhood, bus them to a school in another neighborhood with other brown people like themselves. you know, just so they feel comfortable with their own kind...

hillary won new york [and she only won the state because of nyc and westchester, the most densely populated parts of the state - chump won most of the counties, but they had few electoral votes] and most of new england [she and chump split maine - because people in maine are crazy! or are they? mmm... ]. the plain and simple truth is, as new yorkers, we live in a bubble. and it’s a hypocritical bubble at that! for all our so called “progressive” and “liberal” thinking, nyc is one of the most segregated cities in america! i shit you not!!! school system - number 1 in segregation! through gentrification, people of color are being priced out of neighborhoods they’ve lived in for decades. in some cases, over a century! or if they are “financially viable”, the realtors have some bullshit excuse for keeping them out of their own neighborhood; and/or a so called “up and coming” or “good” neighborhood. and it’s become very difficult to prove racial, ethnic and religious discrimination here now. over the last 10 years, we’ve had an increase in hate crimes. probably due to a backlash from obama becoming president than anything else. as soon as he became president, as i predicted, all the racists hiding in the closet came out. and they came out with a fury! but what’s funnier is that it took a biracial black man with a white mother and whose father is from kenya, so there’s no african american slave connection for him to bitch about, to become our first “black” president. in some aspects, our first “black” president is technically white because of his mother. it’s not just jewish law, it used to be the law of the land, you are the race of your mother, until the jim crow laws went into effect and wealthy whites in the south started disowning their daughters for falling in love with former slaves. this was a topic that was discussed it the media when obama was elected. should he really be considered black because his mother was white. white politicians were so pissed off that obama is miscegenated, that the 2010 census was changed to include biracial and multiracial categories for the first time just so that they didn’t have to admit that he is technically white!!! or to quote an archaic expression - he is an issued negro. don’t you love the racism in this country?! land of the free... and just a side note, and i'm not saying any of this is right one way or the other; but that recently freed black male former slave theoretically had more rights than a white female who had allegedly been free all her life. i’m just saying. it’s misogyny at its best! african americans had a problem with obama too! his father’s from kenya. his family didn’t experience american slavery, so they felt that obama couldn’t relate to them. no matter where he turned, he got it from both sides! but honestly, could you get any whiter than obama?! really?!!! if he says “folks” one more time! he’s like a 1950s white sitcom dad! is he channelling ward clever or jim anderson?! so don’t put on the pretense of shock and disbelief that a demagogue like chump is now our president. the only real ethnic diversity white americans want is in their take-out!

before i begin berating our candidates, i want to point out a few of obama’s finer points. the republics and many white americans say that obama is soft on illegal immigration. in fact, obama has deported more or has more illegals in detention centers than any other president. obama actually wanted to have universal health care, but the pussy democrats wouldn’t support him. wonder why? could it be that he beat all his white counter parts during the primary? were the clintons secretly sabotaging his presidency with backdoor deals? who knows?! what we got instead was this watered down bullshit that is the same plan that mitt romney introduced in massachusetts when he was governor. it’s not obama care, it’s romney care! with no support from his own party, obama kissed so much republican ass he became mitt romney. yeah, he got a few things done. he did something w. never did. he got osama! if anything, can you conservative ass wipes give him that?! but let’s point out some of the good things obama has done. he appointed the first latino to the supreme court; and it’s a woman! he’s expanded rights for the lgbt community! same sex marriage! yay?... same sex divorce?... everybody’s got a right to be an asshole, right?..... when it came to commuting jail sentences and giving out presidential pardons, obama actually gave them to people who were really repentant for their crimes and who deserved a second chance, not some white collar hedge fund executive that lost someone’s life saving. obama lifted sanctions and normalized relations with cuba. yes, that’s a good thing! what are you haters holding on to?! chump getting elected killed castro! not your fucking bombs in his beard or your agents wearing poison lipstick. are you serious?! the attempts to kill him were like plots from a bad mike myers movie! and at least obama didn’t get us into any “new” wars. he tried to get us out of old ones, but alas, that didn’t last long because we destabilized those regions so much, we’ll never get out.

as for whether or not chump is going to get us into a war - hell yeah! we are already involved in several wars around the globe; whether we’re providing arms or troops, we’re there. the question is whether chump are going to escalate any war actions we are involved in. it pains me to say, because so many people are suffering in syria and the least we could do is provide them with relief by giving them sanctuary, but obama was right not to send troops into syria and get us deeper into another war that we can’t get out of. w bush and company took out saddam which completely destabilized the entire middle east. iraq and iran kept each other in check, which in turn kept the rest of the middle east in check because saddam was batshit crazy and no one knew what that crazy fucker was going to do! now look at the shit show that’s there! the truth is, no matter who became our president, we will probably going to have to send our forces somewhere. why? because of oil! i’ll say that again. because of oil! it was a matter of who wanted to do it willingly and who would do it reluctantly. hillary and chump would do it willingly for different reasons. hillary wants to prove she’s got a bigger dick and is just as tough as the boys; and there’s oil! chump wants to plaster his shitty hotels and casinos all over the middle east; and there’s oil! if bernie went in, it’s because he couldn’t stand the atrocities of the al-assad government, not so much the oil, but americans will force him to get the oil!

so here’s a novel idea! please follow along because there will be a quiz afterwards! let’s take some of that money we’re putting into the american war machine, oil exploration and gas fracking in our national parks, wild life preserves and off shore waters, and put it into developing affordable solar and other forms of natural energy. stop using your gas guzzling vehicles. stop heating your homes with crude and gas. basically get off the oil tit! then we wouldn’t need to send our troops into the middle east to steal the fucking oil from the arabs and the persians! our troops wouldn’t come back home fucked in the head because they shot a 6 year old they thought was carrying a bomb and then they wouldn’t need the mental health care that you refuse to provide them with through your bureaucratic bullshit and they wouldn’t commit suicide or shoot up supermarkets, mickey dees and shopping malls!!! got all that?! oh, i forgot. none of that is going to happen because politicians like hillary and rich assholes that can buy their way into the presidency like chump have the oil companies’ cocks so deep down their throats, that oil spluge has bypassed their stomachs and is gushing out their asses. what?! i can’t hear your lies! you have a dick jammed in your filthy putrid jizz infested mouth! remember to swipe it before you kiss your children you unrepentant gangrenous demonic cuntmuscle! un-fucking-believable what these assholes are doing to vets!!!

people asked, before and after the election, is this the best we can do? is this the best america has to offer? yes!!! yes it is! why? because this country is and always will be a cesspool!

first, let us look at the major candidates. all the candidates, including bernie. contrary to popular belief, hillary, chump and bernie were not the only people running for president. there were over 100 people running for president. some of them had legitimate platforms like jill stein and gary johnson. while others wanted to mandate policies of seeking out extraterrestrials and expelling them from the planet [that’s taking xenophobia to the extreme] to insuring the rights of sasquatch to the guy who wants to ban animals as food. yes!!! someone wants to ban your rights to eat a juicy burger or steak or that delicious pulled pork sandwich! no more bacon and eggs?! heavens to murgatroyd!!!

let’s start with bernie... a lot of people think that hillary railroaded bernie. and there probably was some tempering and election fraud during the democratic party primaries. why? because the fucking clintons are bullies! they’ve become so powerful, if you’re a member of the democratic party and you want to do something, anything at all, you have to have backing by the clintons. remember that back in 2008 when hillary was running against obama in the primaries, the clintons tried to bribe the delegates to change their votes for obama to her during the democratic convention. the delegates wouldn’t and the most old bug eyes and bubba could get obama to agree to was a cabinet post for her. being a bully can only get you so far. and i’m not saying this is true, i don’t know what’s in her heart, but can you imagine what would have happened to obama if he had picked her as his vice president? would air force one be shot down by “terrorists”? maybe an “accidental” fall down a flight of stairs?

honestly, she didn’t need to bully bernie because he wouldn’t have gotten elected anyway. and it’s not because he’s a so called “radical”. bernie’s not a radical, he’s an old hippy that bought a suit and tie. he’s not a socialist. he’s not a commie. at least not in the way the republicans, or even some of the democrats, would have you believe. socialist! communist! radical! these are words used to scare people because the powers that be are banking on the fact that most of you don’t even know what these words mean. look at the roots of these words! socialist/social - society! communist/commune - community! the republicans use words like democrat and liberal as if they were profane. democrat - democracy! isn’t that what we claim we want in this country?! democracy?! the right to choose who represents our interest in a fair and uncorrupted system of government! liberal - liberty! liberal means free thinking, open minded and liberty means freedom! is the ability to think for yourself a bad thing?! the republics and their rich crony friends would have you think so. do you want your freedom? or do you want to continue with the illusion of freedom that the current government allows you to have? right now, you have the freedom to keep voting for the same repulsive bullshit parties that aren’t going to do a fucking thing for you except screw you out of your hard earned dollars because rich people and corporations don’t pay their fair share of taxes. radical means change or extreme change from the root; synonymous with things like revolutionary, reform, provocative, liberal, progressive, different. and let me ask you this: pro means good, con means bad. they’re opposites. if progress means to move forward, what does congress mean?!

back to bernie... he’s an old school democrat; the kind that used to believe in things like social and civil rights for all citizens, quite unlike the do nothing, lobbyist and corporation ass-kissing pussy centrists that occupy washington now. what’s so radical about wanting to ensure decent and universal health care to all citizens? what’s so radical about wanting someone to earn a real living wage so that you can afford the fundamentals like food, clothing and shelter? what’s so radical about believing that all americans have a right to get a college education if they want one so that they know they aren’t being screwed over by the rich? what’s so radical about believing in real social justice and wanting to end the privatization of prisons? these are not radical ideas! it’s basic human decency!!! wait! my bad! caring about the well being of your fellow human beings?! that is a radical idea!!! what the fuck is he thinking?! i guess he forgot that the 1960s are over and the lend a helping hand to a person in need spirit has died a long time ago. in fact rigor mortis has set in.

bernie is an independent that joined the democratic party because as an independent, he never would have gotten the exposure he needed running for president. however, he was never going to get elected if he had been the democratic candidate for several reasons. first of all, he truly is independent. too independent! he’s not in bed with anybody! but, isn’t that a good thing? yes! good for us, bad for the corporate money machine that really runs the country. bad for bernie because there was no way in hell they were going to let him take office. bernie does not suck dick and he will not bend over and take it up the ass! secondly, bernie is too nice. he’s angry, but he’s nice. he will call you out on your bullshit, but he does it diplomatically. do you see chump being diplomatic? he’s a fucking asshole! and he just makes shit up just to fuck with you!!! and he doesn’t care if you call him out on his bullshit! he just makes up new bullshit. do you think bernie can contend with that?! he let bug eyes and her monkey devils walk over him. third, bernie didn’t have the support he needed to secure the nomination let alone become president. yes, overwhelmingly bernie had the youth vote, but they make up a small portion of the electorate. some of his supporters weren’t even old enough to vote. and who were these youth supporters? a large portion, dare i say the majority, were under 30, well educated and white. yes, many of his supporters were over 30. many were black and latino. he might have even had some asians and native americans in there. there were some people in their 30s and 40s, but still the majority were well educated, under 30 and white. what does this mean in the greater scheme of things. since the majority of voters are in that 40 to 70 demographic and they overwhelmingly supported bug eyes, it means that bernie was fucked from the beginning! it means that this country is so fractured that we may never come out of the abyss.

the only people who seemed to be listening to what sanders was saying were people who he wasn’t particularly addressing. what he had to say about education and colleges was addressed to the youth vote in part because his ideas on the future of education in this country effected them; but it was really addressed more to their suffering parents who have to pay for that shit. all those angry young people screaming and having temper tantrums at rallies; and later when hillary got the nomination, you didn’t pay for shit! your parents did! what the fuck are you angry about?! you just got out of fucking grad school! what’s the matter?! you’re upset because you didn’t get that six figure job you thought you deserved with your bullshit degree in dead languages?! using your law degree for toilet paper because skadden arps is not hiring this year? boo woo!!! despite what your micro managing parents told you, you don’t get what you want just because you want it. you have to work for it! you have to earn it! bernie was not talking to you!!! you haven’t lived long enough to be disappointed or disenfranchised. if your parents are still paying your cell phone bill or you rent or even half your rent, you are not disenfranchised. you are spoiled and you need to grow the fuck up! bernie was talking to the real disenfranchised, not you. he was talking to people who went through social injustice. he was talking to the people that despite working 40 hours a week, they still can’t pay their bills, rent or feed their family. he was talking to the vets that got neglected by the government when they came back from fighting its unjust wars. unfortunately only a few of these people heard bernie cry out about the injustices in this country and how he wanted to change things. the rest were just too beaten down to listen or care. apathy is now the blue plate special along with avarice for dessert.

now i’m going to say something and take it to heart. because if you take away anything from what i’ve said so far, it is that you have a deeper understanding of how truly fucked up this country is and how divided we are as a nation. bernie would not have won the election because of one simple fact; he’s jewish. we have never had a jewish president or even a vice president. “but we never had a black president and then obama got elected!” yeah, right! and just look at how successful he was with congress shutting down anything he tried to do. we won’t have another black president for another 232 years! grow up!!! let’s face some truths; obama was elected because the american people thought the two white guys that he ran against were scarier! if mccain died, we’d have sarah palen. as for mitt, there wasn’t a self respecting woman alive in american that was going to vote for mitt; and if there husband did, they’d lose their balls. we’ve only had one catholic president and his brains were splattered over the streets of dallas.

there have only been 8 jewish supreme court justices, 3 of which are on the bench now. and not one of them has ever been chief justice! only one was consider for chief justice and so much dirt was dug up on him to keep him from getting the nomination that he had to resign to avoid impeachment. did you watch the senate confirmation hearings for kagan when obama nominated her? that redneck lindsey graham asked her what she did on christmas to call to the fact that she was jewish. why didn’t anyone call this prick out on his bullshit?! her response, “like any good jew, i was probably in a chinese restaurant.” then she asked him what was his point. he admitted he had none other than wanting to know what she did for christmas. why didn’t he just scream “she’s a jew” at the top of his lung because that was his point, right?! and this is what that other asshole redneck pat buchanan had to say about kagan: “If Kagan is confirmed, Jews, who represent less than 2 percent of the U.S. population, will have 33 percent of the Supreme Court seats. Is this the Democrats’ idea of diversity? But while leaders in the black community may be upset, the folks who look more like the real targets of liberal bias are white Protestants and Catholics, who still constitute well over half of the U.S. population.” this is an actual quote from a so called educated person! these two clowns are not in a minority! just travel around the country. get out of la, nyc, san fran, seattle austin and see what’s really out side the bubble. see exactly how “tolerate” the rest of the country actually is.

you’re probably asking, if this country is so anti semitic than why do we support israel? because we hate arabs more than we hate jews! why? because they have oil! enough said! our only interest in israel is to use it as a base camp for destabilizing the middle east to steal the oil from the arabs. we don’t really support israel. if the israelis suddenly found oil, we’d be trying to steal it from them too.

if bernie had gotten the nomination, chump would have used bernie’s faith against him. he throw shit up against hillary about her foundation and chump fucking gave her money for it! given the racial, ethnic and political climate in this country, do you think chump would be a gentleman and not use bernie’s faith against him?! he’d call attention to it every chance he got, even though his own daughter married someone jewish and converted. he’s divisive and doesn’t give a shit if it serves his purpose. chump would probably have you believe that bernie would let israel annex the u.s. and that we’d all have to convert to judaism. chump is a demagogue and he will use your most paranoid fears against you, against bernie, hillary, or anyone that gets in his way. he’ll plant that seed; try to equate bernie with everything the rest of the country hates about jews. jew! new york - jew! brooklyn, new york - jew! woody allen - jew! larry david - jew! whiny, kvetch - jew! chump’s been doing a lot of whining and kvetching himself, but it’s okay because his protestant. and white. and male. and rich. and privileged. and he has been able to screw you out of enough of your money and he wants more! so he has every right to complain! and think about this. bernie had relatives that died in the holocaust. i’m not saying this is fact, it’s only a possibility; chump, whose grandfather was an illegal alien and a pimp from germany [and chump still has relatives living in germany today], may have had relatives that put bernie’s relatives to death. again, not saying it’s true, just saying it’s a possibility. chump never talks about the german side of his family or what they did during the war. when it’s put into perspective, however, kind of sick and ironic, isn’t it?

oh, bug eyes! i have a special place in my heart for bug eyes. she does something to me. it’s called agita! when is somebody going to take that power hungry bitch down?! i don’t mean in an election. i mean when are people going to finally say enough is enough?! take a hint! the american people are tired of you and your sexual predator husband. she should have taken a hint when she ran against obama in 2008. people didn’t want you then; and they certainly don’t want you now. the clintons have too much baggage. sex scandals, money scandals, political improprieties. and for all this scandal, they are very, very, very boring! excruciatingly boring! how could you be involved in political, financial and sex scandals and be so fucking boring?! chump has the same thing going on, but he’s batshit crazy and that makes him entertaining!

this was hillary’s election to lose. and dammit, it was an embarrassing defeat. statically she had everything she needed to win; so how do you get your ass whipped by a batshit crazy megalomaniac with hair that looks like he just had eight rounds of electroshock?! can you explain that to me?! i’ll tell you how; by carrying around the excessive garbage that is the clintons! hillary’s biggest problem, besides the fact that she changed her position every time something became topical or someone challenged her, was that she couldn't prove why she was better than chump. if sanders had an idea, bug eyes said, “"great and here’s how i’m going to expand and make it better.” really?! i mean, really?!!!

bug eyes said chump was unfit to be president. she ought to know, she and bubba went to his wedding. the clintons were, and records show that they still are, members of chump’s country/golf club. in fact chump and bubba were regular golf buddies. chump gave money to the clintons’ foundation and vice versa. the debates were like an episode of divorce court flintstone style; with bug eyes as wilma and chump as fred. were they actually about anything other than middle school name calling?! maybe if we had some third party candidates there, there might have been a real discussion about the issues. what’s the problem chump? did bug eyes and bubba give you a blender in the wrong color for a wedding present? was it cuisinart instead of kitchenaid? what’s the matter bug eyes? did chump and his latest mail order bride not send you a thank you note for said blender? or did you catch bubba groping said mail order bride? if you think he’s so unfit, why the hell are you hanging out with him?! when i think my friends are unfit, not worthy of my company, i cut them off! see ya! don’t call me, i’ll call you when the apocalypse begins. i guess i’ll be making a lot of phone calls soon...

i’ve talk to a lot of people about bug eyes, about chump and so many of them were so turned off and repulsed by this election that they didn’t want to vote at all. they thought chump was a joke, completely unqualified to lead the nation, but they also said that they couldn’t tolerate another 4 years of the clintons. it would be another 4 years of gridlock as an all republic congress tried to shutdown a democratic president; and she’s a woman, so all the men in washington wouldn’t think she’s tough enough to make the”hard” decisions like starting another war in the middle east to get more oil. the scandals and what would bubba’s role be a first man or first husband? there were rumors circulating around that she was going to make him u.n. secretary. if the rumors were true; had she been elected, that would have made them the most powerful couple in the world - bigger than queen elizabeth and prince philip! which is more frightening? chump being president or the clintons being the most powerful couple in the world? because you’re not just electing old bug eyes; they’re a package deal, you’re electing bubba too. it’s a round about way of him getting a third term as president.

you say he wasn’t so bad last time. he was kind of nice. yeah! of course he’s nice. he’s a used car salesman! he has something to sell you that you don’t want. he told you flat out that he was full of shit and he didn’t care. “you vote for me, that’s on you.” and people still voted for him. hell, when he was governor of arkansas he nickname was slick willie! if you can’t figure that out, go back to school! i’ll give it to him, though. at least he has charisma. bug eyes... well, she’s like a frigid proctologist. she feels nothing and is ready to stick a cold, stiff probe up your ass. see, for most people, they knew one way or another they were going to get shafted. it was a question of how they were going to get shafted; by a bile talking limp dick with his innocuous concubine or were they going to get double teamed by an icy anal probe and pathological sex addict. the choice is yours! most people went for the limp dick because they thought it would hurt less when they’d have to bent over. not!!!

bug eyes thought she had the white pseudo intellectual and working class [union employees] vote sewn up; and that she only needed to court the minority vote. a gross miscalculation on her part. she had to do a lot of back paddling because bubba passed the crime bill when he was president and minorities weren’t going to let her forget that. he also passed the welfare reform bill which hurt a lot of single mother out there trying to raise their children. women weren’t going to let her forget that! then there’s her ridiculous slogan, “america’s already great.” how many test audiences did her analysts go through before they settled on that one. is that really the best they could do? how are you going to tell people america is already great when their income doesn’t keep up with the cost of living?! how is american great when 75% of your paycheck goes for rent or on your mortgage?! how is america great when someone would rather pay the penalty for not having healthcare because they can’t afford the so called affordable healthcare because they don’t earn enough, but they earn too much to get any kind of aid? how is american great when you’re forced to go to college just to get a minimum wage job and you go into debt doing so?

years ago, when slick was president, bug eyes had a great slogan. she said, “it takes a village to raise a child.” she even wrote a book about it. she actually “borrowed” it from an african proverb, but none the less it’s true! i would hope that buggers would believe that’s true, after all she supposedly wrote it. i can’t say what’s actually in her heart, but i’ve never seen anything, or heard about or read about her taking some kid from the south side of that village up to her estate in chappaqua. have you? so much for the village...

of the major candidates, hill was the only one that was for gun control. you can no better control the guns in this country than you can control what brand of toothpaste or deodorant people use. americans love their guns and they aren’t giving them up. gun legislation is a joke! take a gander at the brady bill. it doesn’t stop people from buying guns, not really. the bill applies to how guns are sold by licensed dealers. once that gun leaves the gun shop, it’s fair game. and it only applies to guns manufactured in a 50 year period; so let’s say there is a working luger from ww2 at a gun or antique shop, it’s over 50 years old and considered a curio. you don’t need to do a background check because it’s a collector’s piece. you can still shoot someone and blow his head off. or someone with a clean background can buy a gun, then turn around and sell the gun to someone or even give it away as a gift because he’s not a licensed gun dealer. there are too many loop holes in the law that can still get guns in the hands of people who shouldn’t have them. the brady bill was passed to give white americans the illusion of safety.

and why are white americans only mildly concerned about about guns when, say, an african american church or an lgbt night club is shot up? “oh, those poor people! it’s a tragedy!” they have no problem with guns and black on black crime. when someone mentions gun control, they have a convulsion because they need their guns to protect themselves from the brown people who are trying to move into their communities. the only time white americans are truly concerned about gun control is when one of their own goes into a school or one of their suburban shopping malls and shoots up the place. their fears about brown people and crime are preposterous! statically most crime is committed within a race. white on white, black on black, latino on latino, native on native, asian on asian. why? because people stupidly trust people in their own race or ethnic background more than they would a so called outsider. the brown people aren’t coming to get you! not yet anyway... gun control is not the issue. the american attitude is! this nation needs to be on lithium and have some serious psycho therapy about anger management. americans are so quick to solve every problem with violence. maybe it’s because this nation was founded by ex-cons and peasants; there seems to be an abusive streak embedded to the soul of this country. hillary you need to address the systemic problems that’s ailing this nation! you can’t put a bandaid on bleeding artery...

now, don’t get me wrong. bug eyes actually did have a platform. she had ideas that could have actually help people. if you had gone to her website, many her ideas and reforms [some of them “borrowed” from other candidates] were posted there. some of them may have actually worked had she been elected and congress cooperated. they would have help all americans; even those blind, close minded whites that so vehemently supported chump. the problem is that hillary didn’t make that clear to them, or all of us, because she thought that those people were a minority. she thought she had all the “intelligent” people in her pocket. she needed to speak out on the issues. she needed to address the problems of this country with all its citizens and make it clear that she was fighting for everyone. she needed to tell everyone that there are no special interests; that the only interest is the state of human dignity and what it is costing americans to have it. I CHALLENGE ANY POLITICIAN THAT IS AGAINST MINIMUM WAGE TO LIVE ON IT FOR ONE YEAR AND SEE IF THEY CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT SACRIFICING SOME PART OF THEIR DIGNITY! instead, hillary chose to make a disgraceful spectacle of herself by playing a malicious game of “yo’ mama” with the chumpster! come on!!! you’ve been in the political game long enough. saying i’m not chump isn’t going to get you anything, especially when you’re carrying around the baggage that you have. you’re chump in a lady’s pantsuit and less entertaining! how many men refer to their ex-wives as ellie mae? you can’t run on a platform of how ludicrous and incompetent your opponent is if you’re not going to outline how and why you are better than him. you can’t run a platform of “i’m not donald.” that doesn’t mean anything! you have to have solutions to real problems! you have to say what the fuck you’re going to do!!! and you didn’t! and that’s why you lost the election...

so now let’s take a look at our president elect. there were a myriad of reasons why chump was elected, foremost, that white americans thought that america or the idea of the “american dream” was no longer theirs. xenophobia has become a viral infection. what white americans forget, is that they are all descendants of immigrants themselves. this land was stolen from the native americans. the only thing that was paid for was parts of nyc and part of the hudson valley by the dutch, which the england stole from them. chump goes off about the mexicans and the anti immigration racist cheer and swoon at his rhetoric as if he were moses delivering the ten commandments. what white americans fail to realize, or maybe they don’t want to realize, is that at one time the majority of the country west of the mississippi river was in fact mexican/spanish territory! look at all the goddamn names! they’re all spanish! or native american in the northern midwest and the north west. people you need to get a clue besides a grip!!!

chump was primarily elected because of one thing; and that thing was the only thing this election was really about - the state of white privilege in america!!! who has it, who thinks they’re losing it and who wants it. nothing more. nothing less. chump is not the problem. he is just a symptom of a greater disease; and if this infection of hatred and bigotry, contempt of the lower classes and the misfortunate are not addressed, we won’t have to worry about invaders or terrorist because we will have another civil war. we will destroy ourselves!

first of all, let me ask you this: would you let a person who’s declared bankruptcy four times be in charge of the finances of this country? in 1995 chump lost $916,000,000 in “investments”. some reports say it was $950,000,000. either way, because of the loss, he probably won’t have to pay taxes again until he croaks. again, would you let a person who loses that kind of money in one year be in charge of this country’s finances?! when i brought up these facts with chump supporters, they either ignored the facts by making excuses for him or they’d bring up some shit about bug eyes; or they say it was the nature of business, which is still ignoring the facts. he’s either a stupid business man to lose so much or he’s a crook. i’m choosing the latter because chump is too devious to be stupid. my question is, what is he going to swindle out of the american people? chump makes slick willie look like a boy scout. i was going to say priest, but given the church’s history with priests and children; then i thought mormon, but again, the mormons with their multiple wives... i went with boy scout. and here’s another fun little piece of trivia: hillary was originally a republic. she was a goldwater girl when she was in college. she switched parties, becoming a democrat in the late 60s, because she thought the republics weren’t doing enough to ease the flight of minorities and women. chump was originally a democrat, even voted for bubba - twice! he changed parties and became a republic for the 2008 presidential election because he thought there were too many democrats running and he’d get more exposure as a republican.

anyway, i don’t think chump believes half the bile that comes out of his mouth. he’s a demagogue, he’s divisive! he will use whatever is in his arsenal to get what he wants. demagogues use people’s fears and prejudices to turn them against one another; and in this country, that’s not very hard to do. 2008 was not the right time for chump. the events of 911 were fading as the country was collapsing financially from the s&l housing scandal and deregulation made the banks untouchable when they unscrupulously swindled the american people out of our money. all of that can be blamed on w. and the republicans and their failed policies. the american people were ready for change, or so they said. they elected a democrat for president [and he was a black man] so he could “fix” the country. however, they reelected the same old cronies that were palling around with bush. where’s the change?! the republicans shutdown congress and we had 8 years of gridlock and nothing was done. then everyone blamed obama for the effects we are still feeling from the bush administration. it takes less than a minute to make a catastrophic mistake that we may or may not recover from. it takes decades to repair that mistake if it can be repair at all. look at the middle east and north africa.

people used to say that reagan was the anti-christ. he had the 666 thing going on with his name. don’t know if it’s true, it can just be hear say, but i heard that’s really the reason hinkley shot him, the jodie foster thing came later because reagan’s handlers were trying to cover up the religious aspect of the shooting. again, just a rumor... i have seen the anti-christ and he has a mouth that’s shaped like an anus for spewing his bile and an atrocious combover and he’s not even bald! chump is the perfect representation of everything american. spoiled, selfish, egotistical, arrogant, ignorant, oblivious, divisive, misogynistic, greedy, and a sense of entitlement.

chump promised he’d bring back jobs to america. why doesn’t he start by having his clothing line manufactured in america! all those “let’s make america great again” hats were made in china and so is his clothing line. the hats should have states, “let’s make america white again” because that’s what his campaign was all about. all those monoliths around the world that he builds for his own self glory and bear his name were build with chinese steel, not american. chump says he’s going to reopen the coal mines in wv and put miners back to work. the mines were closed because everyone was dying from black lung disease, carbon monoxide poisoning, cave ins or explosions. the use of coal was making the air unfit to breathe. why should chump care if these people are dying from working in the mines. he’s not going to live in their area. he’s not putting a casino there. the coal industry was not regulated well and the owners found ways of skirting around those regulations. the workers were the ones that were screwed because they weren’t able to sue their bosses when something went wrong. do we really need to give that back to them? why don’t we invest in other forms of energy? why don’t we educate these people to do some kind of other labor. why do we just educate them period?! oh, because they might understand that they are being fucked over! i am not going to talk about standing rock because it hits too close to home and i may have to get a gun and go to a shopping mall!

look at the people chump is choosing for his cabinet. can we be any more fucked?! ceo of exxon as secretary of state?! how bad do we need oil?! steven mnuchin as secretary of the treasury? really?! the foreclosure king?! goldman sachs banking asshole! hollywood producer! a fast food restaurant executive as secretary of labor?! that’ll put a kick in minimum wage! and let’s not forget betsy devos of amway fame as secretary of education! i don’t know, maybe putting all these business may do something positive. maybe chump is really benign and is as innocuous as his trophy wife, but deep in my heart i think THIS COUNTRY IS TRULY FUCKED!!! so maybe when the infrastructure does collapse, and it will, it will spark the wake up call that america finally needs because it’s been complacent for far too long.

i have my dry goods. a supply of fabric for making clothes, yarn for knitting more clothes and blankets. batteries, flash lights and candles, portable griller for cooking. i’ve even learned the useful skill of canning and i’ve got some mini greenhouses for growing vegetables. i don’t need to eat meat. brushing up on my combat skills. i may have to get that antique luger...

wake up people! this is not really tv! ARE YOU READY FOR THE APOCALYPSE?!!!

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makeitnotbetrue · 7 years

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Here’s the bad news: Donald Trump has nominated an oil company CEO for Secretary of State, who has consistently stood in the way of clean energy and climate action.

Now here’s the good news: YOU can help stop him. Call 1-855-636-8150 or text REX to 877877 and tell the Senate to #RejectRex!

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makeitnotbetrue · 8 years

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who’s clueless now?

greetings girls and boys!

it’s been quite a while, but i’m back. and there’s lots to rant about. we’ll get to the two abominations we call our presidential candidates later. for now, i’m going to take you back to the museum for a little amusement. you’ll soon see why we have the candidates that we do and why this country is totally fucked!

let me ask you this and i’ve asked before. i’m still waiting for an answer... why are people so fucking stupid?! have you ever wondered how some people make it through the doorway in the morning or how they haven’t slipped in the shower and broken the neck that keeps their brainless heads attached to their bodies? have you ever met someone and after speaking with them for five minutes thought to yourself, “does this person really have a masters?” when dealing with other people, do you find yourself asking, “is this person the product of inbreeding or is he really just that obtuse?” if you do, you must have a job where you deal with the masses of idiots we call the public.

as i stated before, i work at a museum. a so called cultural institution. a place, supposedly, of higher learning... don’t make me laugh so hard that i shit myself! cultural institute of higher learning my ass! you would think that museum goers are liberal minded, sophisticated or at least intelligent people; so you probably won’t believe me when i say that they are one step up the evolutionary chain from dragging their knuckles along the floor. at best they are neanderthals, but the majority, homo erectus [the caveman species before neanderthals, not to be confused with homo erection which is a horny gay man with a hard on].

you say, “but i go to museums all the time. surely you don’t include me.” i’m not with you when you’re going to said museum, so i don’t know how you behave! you could be a perfect dick for all i know! don’t ask me to grant you leeway...

i’m going to give you some example of the questions i’ve been asked and the conversations i’ve either had in person or over the telephone. the first question, however, was asked of a good friend who is a guard at the museum. all the rest are questions visitors asked me.

on the fifth floor, an attractive woman in about her mid-thirties walked up to the guard and asked, “i took this elevator to come upstairs. can i take it to go downstairs to the first floor?”

“no, it only comes up. you’ll have to take the stairs if you want to go down” he replied.

“are you sure?”

“yes, i’m positive”

so the woman took the stairs. where’s the logic?! the elevator has to start at the bottom in order to come up, so obviously it has to go down! what get’s me is she wasn’t old so at least she could say i’m senile and losing it. she was just stupid.

my favorite question: “do you know where the bathroom is?” why is this a stupid question? i work here, of course i know where the bathroom is. a better question would be, “could you tell me where the bathroom is” or how about simply, “where’s the restroom/bathroom?”

a woman asked me the restroom question one day; and as we were not busy and i was bored shitless, i decided to have a little fun.

“do you know where the restroom is?” she asked me.

“no, i’m sorry i don’t” i answered her.

“but you work here...” yes you silly cow! i work here, so why ask if i know where something very basic and necessary is?!

“i know”, i replied. “but i haven’t been able to find it”

“what do you do when you have to... go?” she asked with concern.

“i have to go all the way down the street to the library and use theirs.”

“oh, that’s awful! well, if i find the bathroom, i’ll let you know where it is.”

“thank you. that’s very kind of you. i’m tired of having to run down to the library” i said to her in my most sincere voice. yeah, i can be an asshole when the situation amuses me...

she walked away and never returned to tell me where the bathroom was. maybe she figured out i was fucking with her head. maybe she never found it. who knows? and i’m not fucking kidding! that was an actual conversation with a visitor.

here’s another restroom question:

a lady walked up to me and asked, “can i use the bathroom?” now, she’s just given me a field to fuck with her. is she asking my permission to allow her to use the bathroom? is asking me if i know if she knows how to use the bathroom? before i allow her to use the bathroom, i’m going to need some vital information.

“i don’t know. have you ever used a bathroom before?’ i asked her.

“i have, but not the one here” she replied.

“well, most bathrooms are alike. if you’ve used one before, i’m sure you won’t have any problems using ours” i told her.

she stared at me kind of dumbfounded, then she grinned wickedly and said,”ooo, you’re bad!” because she realized what i was doing.

“the bathroom is over there. passed the statue and up the hallway.”

“thank you. see you later, bad girl!” she said to me in a very flirty way. i don’t do visitors!!! move along and find your next abomination! you’re not my type anyway!

here’s another one; and remember this is an actual conversation i had with someone:

“how do i get out of here?” a woman in her early to mid sixties asked me.

at the time our visitor center was in the center of the lobby. the rear entrance/exit was clearly visible, light pouring through the glass doors. the front entrance was and still is wall to wall glass. you could see outside. cars moving along the street. children and dogs playing on the grassy knoll [no kennedys present]. light, like the rear entrance, streaming through the glass, adding a special glow to the outer lobby. so what didn’t she see?!

“i don’t know” i told her.

“you work here and you don’t know how to get out of the building?”

with a very straight face i said,“no. i actually haven’t been out of here since i came in for my interview. i couldn’t find my way out, so they hired me.”

she give me a frustrated look. at first i thought she caught on that i was fucking with her, but then she asked, “well, what do you do at night? i mean when it’s time to go home.”

“they have a cot for me downstairs. they have a cot for all of us. there are showers and a kitchen. they order our clothes for us. most of the employees have to wear uniforms, anyway.”

“oh, good lord! that’s terrible. is that legal?” she asked.

“i don’t know. but i’d like to get out of here sometime.”

“how long have you been here?”

“close to nine years” i said.

“well, somebody ought to do something about that! i’m gonna see if i can find the exit” she announced.

“okay. if you find it, let me know where it is. i haven’t seen my family in years.”

she, like the other lady, didn’t come back to help me. maybe their concern was only superficial. i’ve been going on about the ladies. let’s not leave the gents out because they are just as illogical, if not more so than the ladies.

a man walked up to the desk and asked me in a bold voice:

“how do i get home?”

did i come with you fuckwod?! no! so how the fuck do i know where you live and how to get there?

“how did you get here?” i asked.

“i took the train.” he replied.

“okay, so the train you took to get here is the same train you take back; only in reverse.”

he looked around and thought about what i said to him. “oh!” he shouted. “i didn’t think about that”

no einstein [which actually translate to a stone; and stones don’t think - so it’s ironic that the real einstein was a genius], of course you didn’t! that’s because you’re a fucking nimrod and what little brain you have stopped functioning years ago.

so now that i’ve given you an idea of what our visitors are like, let us go to the absurdity of the day...

we currently have an exhibit on the history of sports photography. why has it become not just an absurdity, but a colossal annoyance as well a castastrophic miscalculation of exhibition interest? for one thing, no one knows who the exhibition is for? who’s the target audience? is it for sports enthusiasts? is it for photo enthusiasts? nobody know!. not even the curators! what the fuck?!!!

then, the exhibition is ticketed. what does that mean? well, if we were a mandatory priced museum, it would mean that if you are buying a ticket for that particular exhibit, it would normally cost more than the standard admission. we’re a suggested price museum, which is already an arduous task to explain how that works to the sea of imbeciles that come in. in the past we’ve had a few special ticketed exhibitions that cost more than the normal admission price [and that price is mandatory]. the geniuses [the exhibition committee] that were responsible for putting this exhibition together decided to charge a mandatory price for the exhibition that is exactly the same as the suggested price, so of course the asinine visitors don’t understand what the difference is between the two. one is suggested the other is not, meaning mandatory. one only allows you to see certain things, the other gets you into everything. what’s the difference between a first class ticket and a coach ticket on an airplane? it’s an upgrade in quality [though i will admit that the sports photography exhibit is... shall we say, a piece of shit and not worth the money]. if you want that free cocktail and real food instead of paying for a warm soda and stale peanuts, then you need to cough up some greenbacks, shirley! the amount of time we spend explaining the difference between a full price ticketed exhibit and suggested admission is ridiculous. i’m not sure who’s worse, the exhibition committee or the visitors!

the exhibition committee doesn’t understand why people have such a hard time understanding that they have to pay the full amount for the exhibition. maybe it’s that no one on the exhibition committee has ever had to actually deal with the public; that they don’t understand the people need everything, and i do mean absolutely everything, spelled out for them! it should be a requirement that all curators, visitor services managers, museum directors, anyone that is in charge, have at least 5 years of customer service experience before they are hired in their positions so that they can make a rational decision about exhibitions. all day long i have to listen to people bitch about having to pay the full admission to see a shitty exhibition. everyone on the exhibition committee should have to spend an hour or two each day at the admissions desk and and go through what we have to go through and then maybe they’d getting an understanding of what the visitors are actually like. they’ve worked in their ivory towers for so long that they are completely isolated from reality. get a grip man! people don’t want to pay for shit! if they can find an angle to get something for free, they’ll use it.

let’s just say this, the museum visitors aren’t the only people lacking a clue!!!

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makeitnotbetrue · 11 years

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zöe’s adventure in black friday wonderland hell

hello friends,

today i'm going to take a departure from the museum and talk about a phenomenon, which in all my years of life, i've experienced for the first time. i'm talking about black friday! yes, it's true. i have never experienced the horrors of black friday until yesterday.

i usually take vacation at this time; not because i want to be with family and loved ones. it's because i don't want to be at work when bored, overwrought shoppers come into the museum with that annoyed condescending attitude because the vibrating dildo and anal plugs they so desperately need that were 75% off at toys in babeland were sold out. hey jerkoff!!! find something else to shove up your ass and move on with your life. it's not that fucking serious!

i normally stay indoors until the madness of this weekend ends; however, my printer ran out of light cyan and light magenta ink and i was forced to enter the arena of bedlam that is black friday. my choices for mayhem were staples, officemax and best buy. staples and officemax never have what you're looking for and they keep all their ink cartridges behind the counter so you're forced to talk to some pimpled face, gum smacking, reefer smoking [that accounts for the ridiculous smile on his face when he's making minimum wage] twit who just got his ged and really doesn't give a shit about you or his job. he's just there to get his mother off his back about lying around her house,eating all her food and running up her cable bill by watching pay-per-view porn.

before i left the house for my adventure in hell, i checked online to see if either staples or officemax had what i needed. as usual, they did not! why are they in business? it looked like i was going to have to bite the bullet and go to best buy. mmm..... they had a tv that i was considering buying for $200 off the regular price. it had sold out online within half an hour. maybe i could order it in the store. mmm..... it was worth a shot since i had to get the ink anyway, but i had to prepare myself mentally before i dove into the madness. a few tips about entering the land of the damned and the unrepentant:

1] take your iPod and listen to a really good, really long playlist! you will need it because you will be on line a really long time.

2] make sure you use noise canceling earphones or headphones! you don't want to hear other people's bullshit conversations.

3] don't talk to anyone! it will only get you in trouble. they may misunderstand what you are saying and someone may get hurt. more than likely someone from the sales staff, but it could be you. just mind your own business and listen to your music.

4] go alone! never take anyone with you. the last thing you need is someone with you who is going to avert you from your mission. they start wandering around the store, looking at other shit and the next thing you know they're trying to convince you to buy shit you don't need, don't want and don't have room for in your tiny apartment. stop!!! i'm not shopping for you! buy your own shit! get some headphones and leave me the fuck alone.

5] be patient and remain calm at all times! it's just a line you're waiting in. that's why you have your iPod. you could even watch a movie on your iPod while you're waiting. isn't that why it was invented? so you won't be bored or, in the case of most impatient people, angry while waiting. it's something pleasant to do while time marches on.

i'm going to be very politically incorrect by saying if you want to know why there are people flying planes into our buildings or trying to blow up our cities because they think we are decadent infidels, you need only to go shopping on black friday. you can see everything that is wrong with america. don't get me wrong; i love america!!! as bad as things may be over here, we still have a better life than so many people in other nations. we have the right to vote. women can go to school without being beaten and tortured. women have freedom of choice [for now]. lgbt are gaining equality. all and all things are looking good for the most part. we just need to get rid of those tea party assholes! with said, we are the most spoiled people on the planet! americans have become the epitome of the reaganesque ideal. you think you deserve it just because you want it. and because you want it, you have to have it now! fuck the fact that you can't afford it. or that you didn't work hard to get it. your attitude is just give it to me and give it to me now! and i'll figure out how to pay for it some other time. that's why the economy is so fucked up!!!

arriving at best buy was like a revelation. everything i thought about the human race was true. humans truly are the lowest species in the animal kingdom. sure we have the ability to speak; but what about rational thought?! how many people do you know that truly have a sense of reason? honestly?!

to say that best buy looked like a war zone would be an understatement. was it a siege? that's putting it mildly! the first thing i noticed was how the staff used the oversized televisions to create barriers and corridors for people to follow; kind of like trenches on a battlefield. the televisions were actually sales stock that the marauding hordes could drag away for consumption. did i say war zone? let me correct myself. it was more akin to being trapped in a world with the infected from 28 days later; surrounded by a pack of rabid, moral less inhumans in a store with no exit. these degenerates were running around best buy practically foaming at the mouth, grabbing anything and everything they could carry and was on sale. i've seen looters that were better behaved than these so called "people".

i was a kid during the nyc blackout in 1977. i went outside at one point because precocious little me was very curious about what was going on out there. there was an electronics store about a block from my house. looters had broken the window and were running in and out with everything they could carry. i remember a woman looking at a 20" television that was in the store front window; a rather large, bulking and heavy item back then. a man passing by saw the television and said to her, "excuse me, miss, are you going to take that television?"

"no, it's too heavy for me," she replied.

"then, do you mind if i take it?" he asked.

"no... you can have it. i wouldn't know where to put something that big anyway."

"thank you!" and he grabbed the television, grunting and groaning from the weight as he walked down the street.

now if looters can be that polite to one another, why can't black friday shoppers have the same amount of civility? is it really that hard to be kind to someone else these days?

while i was in line, i occasionally took one of my earphones out just to hear if there were any pertinent information being spoken over the pa system. i heard the woman in line in front of me tell her daughter, "i'm going to get this."

"what is it?" her daughter asked.

"i don't know, but it's 60% off. let your father figure it out."

what the fuck, man?!!! you don't know, but it's 60% off?! i had to put my earphone back in. rule 2! it will make me angry if i have to listen to this. this woman by the way had two 40" samsung televisions and four television antennas. before i put my earphone back in my ear i heard her daughter ask her why was she buying four antennas when they only had two televisions. the woman said because they were on sale. on sale!!! this woman kept leaving the line and coming back with more junk for her daughter to drag as the line slowly moved forward. finally she had enough and yelled at her mother to stay in line because she wasn't paying for all that shit if she got up to the register and her mother wasn't there. her exact words were, "can you keep your ass in line for five minutes?! i'm not paying for this shit if you're not at the register when i get up there. it's going back 'cause i'm not carrying all this shit by myself! and what's daddy gonna say when you walk in the house with all this shit?"

the mother's response was, "he doesn't have to know. i'll just hide it." hide it ladies and gentlemen! hide it!!! un-fucking-believable! hide it...

what is it about holidays that brings out the worst in human nature?! greed! envy! anger! intolerance! deception! somewhere along the line, we forgot the meaning behind holidays. holidays or holy days, which they were originally called, were taken as an observance to commemorate something sacred in accordance with religious rites or something meaningful; like to honor our fallen soldiers. americans have reduced holy days to just another excuse to party and buy shit they don't need at a reduced price. excuse me if i'm wrong, but i don't think my grandfather went to europe to fight the nazis so i could get khakis for 30% off on memorial day. yeah martin luther king allowed himself to be assassinated because he had a dream that you'd get a toaster at half price on his birthday. we're consumed with consumerism. gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme! america is the laziest, fattest nation on the planet. and god forbid that you have to wait in line for something. standing in line is a form of exercise and your impatient, lazy, out of shape fat ass can't stand that! you can't waste your time waiting in line when honey boo boo is about to throw another temper tantrum. you can't miss a minute of i didn't know i was pregnant or tmz. you've got to get to the drive-thru at mickey d's. they might sell that last mc'rib and you didn't get to shove it into your fat face.

the woman behind me bitched about having to wait in line for the whole time she was there. hey! it's black friday, queen elizabeth! if you didn't want to wait in line, you should have stayed in your fucking castle!!!

"i can't believe the way they run this place!" i heard her shouting to her friend over my music. "all i'm saying is that this is atlantic center. they may have fixed up the neighborhood, but it's still got the same people. just look at the staff. they must come from kfc or taco bell. that's all i'm saying. look at the staff. if the staff looks like that, you know who the manager is. they hire their own kind if you know what i mean. if we was in midtown it would look like this?" her friend kept nodding her head and saying, "yeah girl! uh-huh. you know it!"

"you can't put a nigger in charge of anything! i know my people. and if the manager is white, he hired all of them because he thinks he's a nigger! you got too many white folks out there that think they niggers! they always trying to be black. don't know shit, but they think they black. then when we go to their neighbors, they don't want us there."

"you know it, girl!"

she was another person who had things that she had no idea what they were for, but had them because they were on sale. she and her friend had their arms full of stuff, but when her friend asked her what they were, she said, "i don't know. who cares? it's on sale. i'll find out later. if i don't like it, i'll give it away at christmas." is she high?! does she have money to waste?! obviously she does because she's clueless about what she's buying, but she'll give it away if she doesn't like it when she finds out what it is.hey, einstein! give me your money and i'll buy things i need. i popped out one earphone for a moment only to hear her complain, "why is this line taking so long?! look at them. they're talking to every customer that comes to the register. what the hell do they have to talk about?! are they asking them question?! they need to stop asking them question and keep this line moving!" yeah, lady the cashiers are asking the customers questions! maybe it has something to do with the fact that some of them are dragging 80" televisions to the register and they need a home delivery! maybe it's that some of these nimrods have three or four televisions and they need a home delivery!!! there was a woman that was ahead of the woman that was in front of me that had six, yes six - i shit you not, televisions! she had two 40" samsung televisions, three 55" samsung televisions and a 70" sharp television! she had what looked like her whole family with her dragging these tvs. and they paid in cash!!! what do these people do?! not only that, she kept sending her relatives to find stuff that was on sale in the circular she had while the line was moving forward. and while the woman behind me was bitching to her friend, some odd little man cut into line behind me. her back was turned. i think she was looking at some speakers that was on one of the shelves as we made our way through the make shift trenches. he was with his son and they had three televisions. they just bogarted their way in line when no one was looking and pretended they were with me. he said to his son, "yeah, right here. here we are." like i knew them.

this little shit was in line all of five minutes when he called a sales clerk over that he saw walking the floor. "how long do i have to wait in this line, man?! this is fucking ridiculous! i've been waiting in this line for over an hour. this is outrageous!" i was only in the line for fifteen or twenty minutes tops! you're going to bogart your way into the line because some cow isn't paying attention and then you're going to have the nerve to complain that the line isn't moving fast enough for you?! eat shit you obnoxious little fucker!!!

the woman who was originally behind me was bitching about her daughter-in-law's cooking when she heard him say this to the clerk. "you ain't been waiting that long. you just got here! she's been the one waiting."

i was not going to be a party to this. "i don't know him," i said.

"you don't know him?!" she asked me. she was shocked. did i ever acknowledge this little fuck wad's presence when he got in line? ever speak to him?! no cunt muscle! because i don't know him!!! if you hadn't been too busy bitching that your daughter-in-law was trying to poison you with her cooking, you would have realized that when he bogarted his way in line!

"no."

"he's not with you?!"

"no. i've never seen him before."

"this is not your husband?!"

"no." and with that i put my earphone back in and turned around, but i could still hear her screaming.

"you cut in front of me motherfucker?!"

"i didn't cut in front of you. i was here!"

"oh no you wasn't! your ass better move or um gonna move it!" rule 3! "she don't know you! and our ass wasn't here. you cut in front of me!"

"sir," the clerk said, "i'm gonna have to ask you to go to the end of the line. you can't cut in front of people."

"but i was here! she didn't see me."

"you short, but you ain't that short, chico! don't lie! you better move."

"come on, sir. you're going to have to go to the end of the line." the clerk made him leave. he wandered off somewhere; probably to cut another line.

when i finally got to a cashier, he tried to order the television i wanted for me, but the system won't take the order. it was over sold. i thanked him for trying and he was shocked that i was so pleasant about the whole thing. i said, "what could i do? i hesitated ordering it online and when i went back to try to order it half an hour later, it was sold out. that's life. what can you do?" he was amazed that i was so calm.

"do you want something else?"

"no," i told him. "that's the only tv i wanted. it's out of stock so i'll have to wait."

"okay..." he seemed baffled. "we have plenty of other tvs on sale. isn't there anything that you want?"

"no. it's not about the sale. yeah, it would have been nice to get it at the sale price, but it's out of stock so i'll have to wait. it's the only one i wanted. i don't have to have something just because it's on sale."

"really?" he was in shock. there were other people, i saw them while i was waiting in line, that when they got to the register and they couldn't get the television they wanted, they just grabbed something of the sales floor just to buy something that was on sale. i didn't care about that and it freaked him out. "but you waited in line."

"yeah, but that's the only tv i wanted, so i'll wait. i do have other things i that i had to get anyway. it's not a big deal to wait in line. really. waiting in line is a part of life." i didn't tell him i work with the public too. "i know it's a shock that someone's not grabbing anything just to have because it's on sale, but sometimes miracles do happen. you only have a couple more hours of this insanity. just think of me as a moment of clarity in a sea of chaos."

he waved goodbye as i walked away. "take care! come back soon," he called out to me.

"thanks," i returned to him. "have a happy and safe holiday." the trip wasn't a loss. i got my ink and a new mouse, which i really needed, at 70% off. okay, so i found a bargain! i am an american! but i only bought what i actually needed. if it's on sale, that's nice. if it's not; well, then i have to pay full price and i can live with that.

the very funny thing is that the woman that was in line behind me had reached a cashier just about the same time that i did. she frustrated the cashier to no end. she had taken a sale price sign off the television she wanted to purchase, but it didn't have the model number on it; just the sale amount. she told the cashier to go get the television for her and take it down to her car. when the cashier told her that the staff isn't allowed take merchandise to the customers vehicles, she began screaming at him. he had to call a supervisor. not only that, she couldn't even tell either of them which television she had taken the sale sign from. when the supervisor told her that she can't remove the sale signs from the merchandise, she demanded to speak to a manager. she was going to have someone's job! it was bad enough she had to wait in line. now they were telling her what she can and can't do. and she had the nerve to bitch about the cashiers taking too much time talking to the other customers.

my adventure isn't quite over yet! i had so much fun at best buy, i decided to venture my way into target just to see what was going on there. good lord! i thought best buy was bad. best buy had most of its stock on the floor. smart move. the infected morally deprived zombie hordes could just drag the treasure to the register. target is run by idiots. the staff are idiots. the managers are idiots. no one there can tell you what aisle something is in.there was a long line in the electrics department because there was no stock on the floor and the numbskulls at the registers couldn't tell from the computers whether the items they were ringing up was in inventory or not. how did you get your fucking job?! i assume the you have to be able to read to fill out your application! or is this another nepotism type job? clearly the people working there did not get the job because of their intellectual or organizational skills. and things would run smoother there if there weren't someone walking around with a headset saying, "all floor team members step into the main aisles to show your spirit" very five minutes. why don't you show your spirit by actually knowing where your inventory is and how much you have of it! and actually restocking you shelves when it low on the selling floor; not waiting until the following day to do so. i saw sales staff at target just standing around talking about why the new lady gaga album isn't as good as her last album, why justin timberlake is a dick and that they think justin bieber is gay. who the fuck cares?! i had to leave target. it was very frustrating being there and i wasn't even going to buy anything there. i just wanted to see what black friday looked like in there. the weird thing was that it wasn't as crowded as best buy, but i felt more claustrophobic in target. the lines were at a stand still. the customers that were still shopping were in a hypnotic daze and there was a tension in the air that seemed like it was going to erupt into something violent at any moment. yes, it was time to leave.

and i'm not even going to mention uniqlo...

happy holiday to all. don't let the shopping get you down.

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makeitnotbetrue · 11 years

Text

too many freaks, not enough circuses

before i begin tonight's tale of the inane and the deranged, i want to tell you about a disturbing site i saw on my way home from work. it was around 11:47pm. i was about a block from my building when i saw a line that reached three quarters down the length of the block. what the hell is this i wondered. they can't be waiting for the bus. did some secret club open up? as i passed the line i heard some asshole, as only an asshole could with astute asshole logic, "come on! let us in. it's only thirteen minutes early. who's gonna know?!" some poor girl who was trying to control this line mental defects shouted back, "we open at midnight and not a minute sooner!" someone should have given this girl a taser.

it's november 14th. when the clock strikes twelve it will be midnight and november 15th; the release of the new playstation 4. there were about seventy or so gamer psychotic zombies in line waiting to be the first in the neighborhood to have a playstation 4. granted it's not times square in new york or union square in san francisco where there would be eight or nine hundred people fighting to get the limited quantities of ps4s; but for a little neighborhood gamestop, that was a lot of people waiting to get in. and for what?! a ps4! they were not children! or even teenagers for that matter. children, unlike the adult gaming sycophants, have the good sense to be in bed at midnight; not living in the fantasy that god spoke to them and told them that they must be the first to buy the newest gaming system or he will smite them.

"i need a little help out here!" i heard her shouting to someone in the store. she was the only thing that stood in the way between these game ravenous lunatics and the new ps4. it was like dangling a vile of crack above the head of a crackhead. so close, but just out of reach. the body sweats and shakes as you begin to go through withdrawal. you're nearly at the point of convulsing. then suddenly you have the item in hand. a calmness relaxes your body as you absorb your fix. you can breathe again and all is right in your world. oh give me a fucking break! it's just a game. please try very hard to remember that it's just a goddamn game you fucking fanatical cunt! it's not important in the greater scheme of life. yeah it's the latest technology in gaming. but it's still a fucking game! and other thing is for the games to look good, i mean really good, you need a 4k television for the ps4. the cheapest 4k television is $3500. do you have $3500 to plop down for a tv so that when you play call of duty or assassin's creed it looks realer than real?! and then if you want to get the full immersion gaming experience, then you're going to need the high end receiver or pre/pro system that passes a 4k signal so you can have the game in complete 7.2 or 9.2 surround sound. that's going to cost at least another $1000 to $2000 for a decent system. are you high?! all that just to play a game?!

don't get me wrong. i'm a technology whore!!! but i'm not so desperate to be the first on the block to have the latest toy. i wait until all the bugs have been worked out and the price drops. you will bleed through the ass if you buy new technology when it first comes out. and have you noticed it always comes out at the start of the christmas shopping season? if you're going to buy new technology at christmas time, you should carry a tube of ky at all times.

i heard the idiot that was first on line of this circus of imbeciles that he was standing in line for 3 days. 3 days!!! that was the earliest they were allowed to line up. really?! so what time did he actually get there 3 days ago? 6am? 3am? who knows?! did you call out sick at your job so you could stand in line for 3 days to buy some video games?! do you even have a have or do you live in your parents basement behind locked doors, using a side entrance because they’re too ashamed to look at you? or maybe he’s one of those guys like kramer; doesn't seem to do anything, but always has money. that would explain why he has all day to waste standing in line to buy some video games. if you can afford a $600 gaming system and you have that much free time to stand in line all day to buy one, you don't have the right to bitch about people on food stamps you worthless, shallow, degenerate slag!

when you're standing in line all day, or in some cases for the brain dead numbskulls that wait night and day or even days, do you get a lunch or dinner break? does someone come along and say, "ooo you look hungry. you better get something to eat."? where and when do you go to the bathroom? do you ever check in with your loved ones; let them know you're still alive? how do you explain to your sane friends that your life is so meaningless and superficial that you've been standing or sitting on the street day and night waiting to buy video games? isn't there anything else you could be doing? something mundane like teaching a child to read in a literacy program? what about working for meals on wheels? here's a really novel idea. how about spending some quality time with your significant other? oh yeah, you don't have one because you spend too much fucking time playing video games!!!

all that said, let's get to today's adventure...

i called the next visitor from the line. he was an older african american gentleman. perhaps late fifties to early or mid sixties. in his right hand he held an old rusty rake as if it were a sceptre and he proclaimed, "i'm here to see myself."

"you can't bring that rake in here!" i told him.

"are you denying me from seeing myself?" he asked me holding up his head with a slight air of regality.

"no. i'm not denying you anything, but you have to pay to come into the museum. it's a $10 for adults and $6 for seniors and students, but the price is suggested so you can pay less if you want to."

"but i need to see myself." he said.

"you can see yourself as soon as you pay your admission. where are you?"

"my spirit is here, but my body is in egypt. i must see my body so my soul can be at peace."

"that's fine," i said to him. "once you pay your admission and check that rake in, you can see your body and any other body or spirit that you need to get in touch with. so it's $10 for adults and $6 for seniors and students. you don't have to paid that. our prices are suggested so you can pay whatever you want to come in. you just have to something."

he hung his head down and looked at the floor. he seemed dejected because he thought i wasn't going to let him him. "i don't have $10."

"you don't have to pay that much. you just have to pay something,"i said.

"i could give you a dollar and then i could see myself?"

"yes. you could give me a quarter or a dime and you can see yourself. you just have to check that rake before you go in." his face lit up and he smiled at me. he reached in his pocket and pulled out a crumpled dollar. i gave him his ticket.

"thank you," i said to him. "your ticket should be visible at all times and your body is on the third floor. please check your rake at the desk over there."

he put his ticket on and then checked in his rake. after i watched him get in the elevator to go upstairs, i went to the desk at the main entrance to see who left him in with that rusty rake. it was julian! the laziest guard in america. it there's a job to be done, he's either looking in another direction or he disappears from his post so he doesn't have to be bother with doing his job.

"why did you let that guy in with the rusty rake?" i asked him. he looked at me as if he were a simpleton; as if he didn't understand the question.

"i told him he had to check." i wanted to slap some reality into that thick skull of his.

"do you understand that that rake could be used as a weapon?! he's crazy and he could have attacked any number of people with it walking from here to the admissions desk? do you understand that or is it too much for your brain to comprehend?!"

"well..." he stopped himself and gave me that confused child look. "wait, i don't understand the question." that's because you're a fucking moron! you want to ask just how fucking stupid are you just to see if you get an answer.

"forget it!" i walked away.

"wait, come back. you lost me. i don't understand. he tried to attack somebody? should i call the cops?"

"i said forget it. go back to sleep!"

so tell me; who has the better grasp on reality? the schizo trying to get his body and spirit in sync or the buffoon of a guard with an iq of 30? at least the schizo understands that your body has to be in harmony with your spirit in order for your soul to be at peace. julian's body is probably wandering the lower east side while his spirit, like the robinsons and the jupiter 2, is perpetually lost in space.

after my schizophrenic friend got in touch with his body, he returned to the desk to thank me for allowing him to see his body thus bringing peace to his soul. he blessed me and wished me much joy for the future.

he still comes from time to time to visit his body just to keep his harmony balanced. i will occasionally give him free admission. he always wishes me peace and good tidings and he leaves his sceptre at home.

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