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Tailed Beasts Counting Song | Naruto Shippuden Episode #330

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𝕂𝕚𝕤𝕒𝕞𝕖

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Sasuke Uchiha + Assorted Text Posts (Part 14)

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I genuinely wonder what was going through Nagato’s head when he recruited the Akatsuki. Because all of the members are literally so diverse and odd that I’m completely convinced he just saw S-Rank on the bingo book and let them in.

Konan: Ok, we have a literal shark that swings a sword about.

Nagato: Amazing, he’s in.

Konan: He needs a partner, what about this family murdering 13 year old that may or may not be suicidal?

Nagato: Didn’t that Madara guy give him a recommendation? Let him in.

Konan: A money obsessed freak who may or may not commit tax evasion.

Nagato: That’s exactly what we need. Let him in.

Konan: An insane cultist who…sacrifices people to his God? Ok, I don’t think we should let this one in.

Nagato: We encourage religious differences here, let him in.

Konan: Your funeral I guess. What about this really insane guy who has puppets of his dead parents?

Nagato: I don’t know why but this sounds familiar…eh, let him join.

Konan: A terrorist who—

Nagato: I’ve heard enough. He’s in.

Konan: …ok then. And finally, a venus flytrap.

Nagato: lmao that’s hilarious. Let whatever that is in here.

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Interesting Kisame Notes:

Some of these I think are common knowledge in the fandom at this point, but in case they haven’t reached some ears yet I’ll list them anyway.

His characterization is totally different in Japanese vs English dub, partly because his English VA typically voices utter meat-heads and given that Kisame looks like he would be, I guess it fits…buuuuuut it really doesn’t lol. In English, Kisame is very blunt and sounds pretty aggressive; but in Japanese he’s almost the total opposite:

The dialect of Japanese that Kisame speaks is called Keigo, which is a very old dialect spoken predominantly in Kyoto. It’s extremely formal — the nearest English equivalent dialect I can think of would be an amalgam of 1860’s Victorian High London English. Which is about the right time period, actually, that keigo sorta “belongs” to. (Meiji Era). I could go on trying to explain it, but the gyst is that Kisame is very formal and sometimes a little rude — there is, in fact, a register in Keigo that allows you to be both simultaneously— but he’s also meek. He’s non-committal and generally soft-spoken, even though he’s got an impressive and commanding presence. He doesn’t exactly minimise himself in a physical space or manner, but he definitely comes across like he’s trying not to “be the big baddie”, contrary to his English VA. He also refers to Itachi as -san even though by all rights he ought to use -kun, given that Itachi is 11 years his junior, which is a much loftier raise in respectful position than it would seem (all the moreso because Itachi is a little shit to him at first lol).

Kisame likes to fight, BUT he likes to fight fair. I have many disagreements with the Wiki, but this is probably my biggest gripe about Kisame on there. He’s demonstrably an honorable person, when he can afford to be. Kisame does taunt his opponents occasionally, but it’s never really anything more, and it’s clearly more for fun than for goading. He never mocks them, though, not even when they’re very clearly outmatched, and he is curiously fond of complimenting his opponents, again even when outmatched. He’s also quite patient, albeit not as much as Itachi, but that I think comes down to their fighting styles more than anything. Itachi prefers a defensive approach, aiming to disarm, whereas Kisame has a much more smash-n-grab approach, wearing his opponent down in a contest of stamina and brute force. (Truly, these two are terrifying when you consider what they’re capable of when coordinating together.) either way, Kisame reminds me of an old Samurai in some ways, in that he follows a code, although maybe it’s one only he knows, and he sticks to it.

Kisame is very probably based on a Youkai called either the Koujin or more often Samebito. Or at the very least the Hoshigaki clan is likely inspired by the myth. Samebito are shark merfolk, essentially, and look pretty terrifying, but they’re actually quite benevolent to benign towards humans. In their mythology they specialize in making textiles of a special silk that’s entirely waterproof and very tough. They’re also, being water Youkai, very sensitive and often emotional creatures, which like some other youkai, cry tears that can crystallize into precious stones. (Water is the element of emotion). There’s a particularly famous story about one, which I won’t get into here — but the ways in which the myth reflects the man are such: Samebito are incredibly loyal to people that help them, and will literally hurt themselves or even kill themselves to help a friend or ally. They also have an honor system, one which prioritizes hospitality and fairness. They may not necessarily go out of their way to help a random human, but they’ll save people from drowning and if you do right by them, they’ll be sure to return the favor.

Kisame and Jiraiya are almost the same height. (Kisame 195cm or 6’4 3/4”, usually rounded up to 6’5” in the data books, Jiraiya is 191cm, about 6’3”) . They both are the tallest characters in manga canon, followed by Gai at 184cm, 6’0”.

Something that frequently goes unmentioned is that being one of the 7 swordsmen is more than just a title in Kiri, it awards you a special government role. What exactly that role is, is a bit up in the air, but we know that the swordsmen commanded units, and could command ANBU if they saw fit to. It’s also implied that there’s desk work and other managerial responsibilities associated with the position, which makes sense if we’re going the military commander route. Now obviously some of them were total whack jobs, but the fact nobody except arguably Mangetsu really liked Kisame, (we don’t know about Zabuza, but Kisame’s reaction implies they minded their own business when it came to the other) it’s interesting to think about how exactly that came to be. Cause Mr. Lightning Boy (I do not remember his name) that turns up in part 1 anime is not the sort I envision doing diligent paperwork or anything like proper commanding lol. I know I’m solidly in HC territory here, but I can envision Kisame actually trying to do his job as it says on the tin and every other swordsman looking at him like he’s nuts for sticking to his principles instead of buying into the corruption lol.

In other HC territory that is sort of canon-ish but I guess got retconned for plot or something: Kisame has a PHENOMENAL sense of smell. He’s a very good tracking nin. He’s a sensing type, with added sharky benefits. (Sharks can sense electrical activity in the muscles of prey, so I imagine Kisame is Extra perceptive.) Ergo, it has not ever once made sense to me that he’d of been genuinely surprised by the Tobi/Madara reveal. Unfortunately the tone he uses in Japanese is extremely neutral, so it’s (possibly deliberately) hard to read into. Is he being sarcastic? I’d like to think so, given what canon presents us with, but this is Kishimoto we are talking about lol. In case it’s not clear, I find it Highly doubtful that Obito could have completely changed his scent AND chakra signature beyond recognition, and the fact Itachi knows he’s playing pretend sort of leans into Kisame being aware of it, because I doubt Itachi could really keep his own skepticism under that tight of lock and key. Not around Kisame.

Alrighty, it’s 5am and I need to sleep 🤣 so take this as ye will for now

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Naruto: Now that I'm the hokage I can access the archived personnel records and see Kakashi sensei's face!

*opens the file*

*the photo is cut in half and the lower part is missing*

Naruto: You've gotta be kidding me-

10 years prior

Kakashi: Now that I'm the hokage-

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Obito or Itachi, i'll let you decide the silly shenanigans

elsewhere, sasuke breaking out into a cold sweat from rumors that itachi leveled up to four eyes

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Really stupid au where when they were younger, Kakashi and Obito shared an accidental kiss a lot like Sasuke and Naruto. (Kakashi commits to his mask shortly after but will never not insist it's unrelated)

Years later and Kakashi, trying to cheer up Naruto and Sasuke ab their own embaressing accidental first kiss, shares his own story

Then, years later when Obito reveals himself on the battlefield, instead of going "woah, another Uchiha!?" when he hears his name, Naruto can't help but point and shout OH MY GOD UR THE GUY WHO KISSED SENSEI!!!!!!!!

Instant dead silence. (Obito wants to die)

Sakura, who never heard the story ab how it was a one time accidental kiss: "omg... sensei's childhood boyfriend went evil on him... this is so fucked up"

Obito is VIOLENTLY thrown off by this turn of events (and also hasn't actually thought ab it in years oh my god that did happen didn't it)

Kakashi, seeing how badly it threw him off, and also the kind of person who plays hard into throwing people off and generally fucking w them to gain an edge, seeing Sakura mumbling ab lovers to enemies and just kinda goes "Yeah Obito I can't believe you'd do this to me I thought we had smthn special."

"Yeah a rivalry????"

"So I was only ever a way for u to get stronger,, figures u were using me,,,"

[Confused Obito car crash noises]

Sakura yells smthn ab him being a deadbeat and how Kakashi can do so much better and Naruto is instantly shouting in agreement as Sasuke stands there like "hn." Which is basically the same thing for him

Kakashi just starts straight up lying actually

"What about all those picnics we went on... watching the sun set over konoha..."

"Are you talking about when Minato said we weren't allowed to come back inside till we stopped arguing and ate on opposite ends of the roof bc we couldn't even look at eachother without yelling???"

"It was so romantic."

Obito, starting to actually doubt himself, "was that a date????"

(It was not.)

"You died in my arms..."

"I died under a rock"

"We literally got eye married" (not a thing, he just made this up 3 seconds ago)

"We got WHAT" (no one can prove him wrong tho bc no surviving Uchiha knows that much ab their clans marriage traditions)

"Oh my god sensei's husband is a deadbeat" - sakura, horrified (and maybe a little delighted)

"Figures." -Sasuke, who's been in proximity w Obito for some time now and absoloutley believes every word ab this topic Kakashi is saying

"Woah. This is almost as bad as the fact he murdered my parents when I was a baby dattebayo" - Naruto who's priorities are NOT what they should be

"Ok. I wouldn't go that far." - Sasuke, who's priorities are also fucked but not THAT fucked, oh my god Naruto

"No, no he's right. We should kill him even harder for this" - Sakura, who doesn't actually agree but wants an excuse for more juicy sensei love drama (and also wants to see Obito beaten to death anyways)

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// ` ~ ✨️ Hidan doesn't know how to ride a regular bike, but he has a license for his motorbike, though it is suspended. He drives it anyway.

// ` ~ ✨️ Deidara doesn't have a licence. He has failed a few times and cops rides from buddies.

// ` ~ ✨️ Itachi is considered legally blind now so doesn't drive, but he does have a licence. He insisted as soon as he turned 17 so he could help his mum and drive Sasuke around.

// ` ~ ✨️ Nagato doesn't have a licence. Being behind the wheel scares him. He's more of a train guy.

// ` ~ ✨️ Konan is an excellent driver who doesn't have a legal Japanese licence.

// ` ~ ✨️Kakuzu's licence had expired, but he renewed it immediately to avoid the fine. He's never had to pay a ticket cause he usually drives well or fights it to avoid charges. Hidan scratched his car once. Hidan hid for three weeks.

// ` ~ ✨️ Kisame plans to fill his whole card. He wants to be able to drive every motor vehicle. Just for fun, there's no real reason other than the satisfaction. Plus, he likes learning new things. He's a great driver and thinks trucks are really cool and fixing them up.

// ` ~ ✨️ Sasori can't drive. Doesn't care, doesn't want to. Has a personal driver.

// ` ~ ✨️Obito has been driving since he was 14. Loves street racing and old cars and is one of those cool guys that is genuinely cool about cars.

// ` ~ ✨️Zetsu is legally not allowed to be behind the wheel of a motor vehicle. nobody knows why. He won't say anything about it.

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Zabukaka + Assorted Text Posts

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Assorted Naruto Characters + Assorted Text Posts (Part 3)

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a group of madness

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Naruto in Stuido Ghibli style

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Gaara is truly the Character of All Time

-Introduced as main antagonist in a tournament arc, the terrifying bloodthirsty ninja from a strange desert village who kills without remorse and has survived every mission without getting a scratch on him

-He's 12

-Character design 10/10 he has bright fucking brick red hair, literal raccoon eyes, a face tattoo that says "Love" and carries that weird ass gourd; between the fun elements and the interesting tie-ins to Tanuki Lore, I have never seen a more charming design in my life tbqh

-Immediately more emo and chuuni than Noted Emo Heartthrob Sasuke Uchiha by virtue of reciting weird poetry after killing a guy in cold blood

-We get his tragic backstory and by fucking GOD is it sad. I cry just thinking about it. Literally everything about it is just horrible and devastating.

-Talk No Jutsu at end of the tournament arc, Gaara realizes that he should, in fact, go to therapy and immediately decides to turn his life around

-The first thing he decides to do is apologize to his siblings <3

-Shows up a handful of arcs later with a cool new outfit and becomes friends with the kid he literally tried to murder and nearly permanently crippled in one of the best fights of the entire series

-Liam O Brian's English dub of Gaara is Stellar ya know what. The raspiness of the original appearance morphing into the Deepest Voice That Any Kid Has Ever Had Ever was a genuinely hilarious choice

-Has the only good filler arcs in the old show; he's such a good character that the entire show molds itself and rises to meet him

-Post timeskip he is Desert Ninja President at the ripe old age of 15 and is extremely good at it because he's the weirdest little nerd with no social skills (on account of his tragic backstory) and diligently applies himself to doing paperwork and going to meetings

-Has a fanclub in the village mostly of girls his own age that he never seems to talk to?? Or realize have crushes on him?? Oblivious king we love him.

-Dies in one of the most genuinely moving scenes. Comes back like 20 episodes of fighting later because where would we be without him honestly?

-Becomes Super General Ninja President of the Grand Army of whatever where he accomplishes such feats as forgiving his asshole father and emotionally healing from his childhood trauma, stopping a meteor, and nearly dying a second time.

-Collects cacti as a hobby

-Has the only good sequel series arc where it's revealed that in addition to continuing to serve as Desert Ninja President, he's decided to adopt a couple of orphan ninja kids so that he can break the cycle of parental neglect and stupidity that created his tragic backstory in the first place.

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Being on the nostalgia train this week really helped stretching my artistic legs again. So here, have some old things and some new! For now I'm done with this.