mamarhaea

[mamarhaea]

Thank you, to all friends I've ever had. Friends who stayed by my side through years and I can still count on them. And the ones who left.

Some of you just faded away, we were slowly drifting apart and one day just woke up as strangers.

Some of you are still here but it's just not the same anymore, we used to have more.

And some of you hate me now, but what we had was real tho and I'll never forget you as my friend

[mamarhaea]

[mamarhaea]

(via GIPHY)

[mamarhaea]

(via GIPHY)

[mamarhaea]

I can be affectionate, but when I’m over it. This is me right here! My exes have tried this many times, my feelings are shown all over this dogs face lololol

[mamarhaea]

You know it’s bad when....

So fucking funny, I feel this quote on the stupidest level. AS soon as i start telling myself how it is and how it’s gonna be, I know i’m over it. And i’m the type who will completely put my all into it and then GHOST as soon as I’m actually DONE 

[mamarhaea]

Appreciate it.

Dear Youknowwhoyouare,

Thank you for showing me for a few weeks what a “ Good morning” everyday could feel like. We could’ve been something you know, I would’ve put my heart out there again for you, just to risk it and see if it was worth the fall. I wish I hadn’t fell for it that easy. I guess I had already forgotten what it was like to hurt because you missed someone. Or want to cry because you put faith into a connection that could never truly be.  To think you made me feel like it was okay to be pregnant and sexy; To even feel vulnerable for a while. Boy do I feel stupid now. After you stopped one day, midday, as if it never meant anything at all. What a good play my friend. You sure had me fooled. I wish I could tell you how rude that was. And how wrong it feels now to look back and realize... that I can’t take any of it back. And the small heartbreak I feel, is nothing compared to what I’ve been through. Although the shame and embarrassment, probably hurts just as much. If only I can rewind, would I have changed the moment you came out of nowhere? And left the same way? I don’t know. For now, you’re just a tear stained t shirt by my bedside and the memory of someone I had hope to see something with. Never again will I open up so quickly, or assume I could even have a friend that I can truly open up to. Welp, back to my old ways. Back to being a ghost. 

[mamarhaea]

Singing this song at the top of my lungs on the way home from work

[mamarhaea]

Today’s thoughts

I’m a gemini, Which means, there are two sides to me. One side is much different than the other, and one side rarely gets to meet anybody. In person, I’m the agreeable type, the one who doesn’t want to make waves , the one who tries to keep the peace. Here, I don’t want to be that person. I want to be the one who is crying out inside asking to be heard. And hopefully, this can be the place to do it.  

Writing seems to help me, and can be my therapy in many ways. Over the years i’ve had quite the library of journals. And honestly, it’s the only place I can feel free to speak my true thoughts. Where during the day, If i’m talking to family or friends. It’s like I feel I have to make up this person, who is okay, and thinks everything is fine. That life works in mysterious ways. And half the time I just want to say NO I’M NOT FUCKING OKAY. ARE MY HINTS NOT ENOUGH?

I’m not sure how to even begin my thoughts, or  where I’m hoping this will go. I just know. I want to open up more. And hopefully, by some miracle, I won’t be judged and maybe someone will be interested in hearing some stories of some struggles, and laughs. And who knows.

[mamarhaea]

The online journal of a single mother of twins pregnant again 😲 thoughts, feelings , bitch fits, anything that comes outta my mind...

Trying to make a life...

If this is too much for you. I'd suggest going elsewhere