mammaglamma-blog

[mammaglamma-blog]

I don't blog much, but the effect long covid has had on my life has been devastating. I've just had to walk away from a job I love because I'm not coping with everything long covid and being a parent to a child with special needs brings. The child that was always my sanity is suffering mentally and I need to prioritise.

I wake up with chronic pain and feel exhausted, constantly. I have a constant pain in the base of my skull which when I don't pace and rest, builds up to a throbbing sensation resulting in tinnitus, dizziness, nausea and fainting episodes. The support out there is zilch. I have completed the yourcovid recovery programme, an app which tells me to do everything I've been doing. I feel like I am failing at everything including being a parent.

#longcovid #covid #recovery #pain #chronicillness #Job #career #specialneeds #autism #adhd #wellness #illness #disability #support

[mammaglamma-blog]

This blog is about long covid. I first got covid symptoms in Feb 2021 and tested positive. My covid symptoms were fairly mild, but I did spend the first week in bed. By the 2nd week, I was able to do some light duties with rest periods in between. My symptoms were mainly the infamous "covid head" which caused tinnitus and dizziness/light headed/close to fainting, a temperature, exhaustion and muscle/joint pain in my back, shoulders, neck, base of head. I then started to get neurological symptoms such as shooting pain in my neck up to the base of my head, "covid brain fog", can't speak properly ie get my words out, memory loss etc. I had an extra couple of weeks off work and excitedly returned this week. Sadly, my long covid symptoms have increased dramatically. I also now struggle to concentrate, all of my symptoms are excaberated by stress and I'm now breathless after going up/down stairs or lifting things. I'm even more exhausted than I was and to make matters more complicated, I now have insomnia. I'm taking vitamin D but that hasn't helped. I'm fearful of my future as I am worried that I won't return to where I was.

#Covid19UK #covid #longcovid #health #symptoms #relax #listentoyourbody #healthnotwealth #illness

[mammaglamma-blog]

I've found lockdown challenging. Communication has not been easy as I have 3 children at home, each with varying needs and have had to work from home. I have found some of the things on sm to be full of hate which upsets me deeply. Whether it be blm, brexit, lockdown, lgbt, send, the world is full of hate. What has happened to our humanity? Our compassion? Our understanding? Our empathy? I have chosen to stay silent and avoid challenging the ignorant because in doing so stirs up more hatred. I'd rather be kind and a positive role model and all of the other things I advocate. We all have different perspectives. It doesn't mean we are wrong. You can choose who you have in your life. I've "unfriended" a few lately. Instead of arguing and fuelling hatred, try the alternative. It's very empowering.

Writing helps me. It's a form of therapy. I've woken up early today with things on my mind. When I worry the first thing that impacts me is my sleep. I'm a very sensitive creature. I'm a mum of 4. I'm happily married and confident. I have a story. We all do. Some feel inspired by my story, some feel threatened or intimidated. I have found those who feel the latter want to try to destroy me and its this part of human behaviour, the hatred for no apparent reason that repulses me and never fails to shock. How can you hate someone so much that you wish to cause them harm at whatever cost?

I do not need to know the reasons for their motivation, because that in some way justifies their behaviour. What I do know is if you feel such illogical hatred, get help. Don't seek to destroy, look at yourselves and why you feel the need to put people down. What makes you that unhappy that my life is of such interest to you? I doubt somehow that level of emotional intelligence is going on but you get my point.

My child was bullied at school and it was never dealt with. What sort of role model am I if I don't stand up to bullying and call out those that seek to undermine and intimidate? It takes more courage than you think. The internal dialogue... Am I being too sensitive? Will my concerns be taken seriously? What will be dragged up? What could be twisted to suit an evil agenda? Do I want this hassle? Why am I causing trouble for myself?

This my child is for you and for anyone else out there who wants to speak out.

#bully #bullying #hatred #hate #rolemodel #anxiety #mentalhealth #wellbeing #love #speakup #speakout #specialneeds #autism

[mammaglamma-blog]

A few weeks ago, I posted how a former friend of mine had turned to heroin and how upon learning of my dad's death he provided me with some words of comfort. I have learned of my former friend's passing and it has upset me deeply. He was my age and had been an addict for many years. His life had been complicated over the years and he too had the weight of bereavement to carry of those he loved due to addiction. I commented "and yet you still carry on..." he said he would never give up heroin, that his life was ruined but that heroin gave him a reason to wake up in the mornings. He did some terrible things but he was a son, father and grandfather. His mother's grief is heartbreaking. Some might find it hard to feel sorry for someone who had such little regard for their own life they took such risks but that doesn't change how you feel when someone shows you kindness, loyalty and respect as he did. I hadn't seen him for over 15 years but his door was open for a cuppa and chat like it always was. I will never forget how he was able to show kindness at my time of need. This is the human side of addiction. #addiction #humanity #kindness

[mammaglamma-blog]

First Blog

This is a blog about my life and loves. I will update as and when there is something I feel is worth sharing. Today I bumped into an old friend who is honest about his heroin addiction. I told him my dad had died recently and he said I should take comfort from the fact I was there with him and was able to spend every last moment with him, that my dad did not die alone. Those words from a heroin addict really helped today. We judge others, yet lives are complex when human emotions are involved. I thanked him for his kind words and told him he really helped. He was genuinely moved. It might be another 14 years or I might never see him again, but I really believe that although my former friend has done some terrible things, I was meant to see him today and speak to him and I'm so glad I did. You are never too old to learn and should never be choosy about who you learn from. Thank you to my former friend who I will continue to think about.