mantisunrelatedtothatonerqmantis

[mantisunrelatedtothatonerqmantis]

feeling better. reading about the letting go being a split second moment to allow transition in between spaces and not a contact state. just like generally a lot more relaxed. that's nice

[mantisunrelatedtothatonerqmantis]

if you're autistic and you call your extreme opinion rigidity "a strong sense of justice" and flaunt your "excessive empathy". I don't fucking like you and I don't want to be anywhere near you. it's not a "good" thing to have rigid opinions to that degree and you're not actually better than everyone else for being like that. and often? I see the same sort of flaunting used to justify actually vile behavior and ignoring the actual humanity of the person they're often harassing. sincerely. a paraphile who doesn't fucking care what your "sense of justice" is if it means you ignore the actual fact that I am, psychologically speaking and research backed, not a bad person for an attraction I can't fucking control. I don't care. I I don't fucking care how much "better" you are. you're just like the rest of us and can't change your mind easily. and you're not a good person.

[mantisunrelatedtothatonerqmantis]

Reminder that TransID does not mean "I want to be this"

TransID means "i am this on every level exept for physical and I desperately need to be perceived as this to feel like myself"

[mantisunrelatedtothatonerqmantis]

god please let this be the night I think I have straight yo dysphoria over not having a yandere partner I can't deal with it any more I get sick sometimes listening to ASMR vids it's not fucking FAIR I can't deal anymore. not with this body not with thus loneliness. I could deal with 1 body if it was a body I actually liked id get over not being able to shapeshifter ok and I can deal with waiting for my yan if it meant I knew it was happing I'd even be happy with 1 yan instead of like. a forced family ok I can do that in my head just fine just please. I can't be all alone at home every day any more I need to get out I need to be with my yan I need this body to be what I need it to be

[mantisunrelatedtothatonerqmantis]

i ccan NOT be bothered to do a tagging system I can not be bothered to be organized I WANT TO but I can't get my brain to do it when anything else also happens to be available and maybe more fun to do also I DON'T MATTER THAT MUCH no one is following me for my insights™ ok but.

[mantisunrelatedtothatonerqmantis]

I thought I'd be Randal but um.no pathetic angel boy who wants little boys and a big men equally and talks too fast

[mantisunrelatedtothatonerqmantis]

what do you fucking mean stream started without noo god

[mantisunrelatedtothatonerqmantis]

Edwin is shit William is shit Henry is shit Arnold best character Fiona is cool ig

[mantisunrelatedtothatonerqmantis]

mimic dday going a bit scuffed but that's to be expected

im thriving btw Arnold best protag my sopping wet wage slave of a man

[mantisunrelatedtothatonerqmantis]

do iI actually prefer 14 and 15 or does the guilt of wanting to go younger keeping me from exploring it uhhh

[mantisunrelatedtothatonerqmantis]

I feel bad for. being a fictomap. like worse than I do for any other para. or if I'm an irl map which? if I am it's only 15+ maybe. anyways I feel. viscerally bad about it and. I don't want to feel bad and sometimes when I wear a mask like corrupted diety or even a more pure angel mask I wish I didn't. hold the beliefs I do. and I wish. I could be free ig. I wish I could feel ok being. whatever I am. and I wish I could go to a reality where minors and adults could be together safely without feeling so sick to my stomach at the thought. same for like. going to a world where animals could more easily communicate to humans. but I'd feel so sick and. bad. O feel bad. like I understand deep down that paraphilic feelings, even if you could label them harmful, aren't bad. the aren't bad at all. I feel happier now knowing it's ok to be weird about like. the way it feels like my bed loves me and doesn't want me to leave it. and being in awe and blushing over pigeons. um but the second I imagine a reality where minors can safely be with adults. or animals can actually communicate and consent. like idk maybe pokemon logic and they can sometimes even speak directly in a human language. I feel evil. and not in a. euphoric corrupted diety seeking revenge way. just selfish and bad. how dare I imagine a reality like that that already exists bc that's how infinity works. evil evil selfish boy this is why you're not allowed to be happy.

is transprocontact a thing. I wish that were me but my OCD and paranoia is so bad man

[mantisunrelatedtothatonerqmantis]

part oof me unironically thought about intending for shota!yb to be there. ok O don't call the yandere of ybg by his birth name bc he literally says he doesn't like it don't call him that I just call him yb anyways the aged down art of him. makes me so. he's part of my shotacon awakening. I want him to be pushy and get attached to me at like 13 and I'm too much of a loser push over angel and can coerce me into a relationship innsomehwere like a waiting room or a "dream" bc those outside forces of minors lacking resources and having less overall power wouldn't exist there and it could just be the 2 of us and then. well I feel really bad bc I'm anti c leaning and that is a breach of my beliefs just to get dick from a 13 yo and god I got socially ostracized for doing this as a minor still

um. idk I'll think about it ig it's a waiting room it doesn't have an effect outside of me writing and changing scripts and all so. oh hey I made this blog to dump my thoughts yea

I better wake up in my waiting room that I have not actually properly scripted I just sort of see it in my head any ways I better wake up there the opiates in my system better send me straight to another reality I'm tired of hoping I wake up in the void let me go to a waiting room in my desired body instead pls thank you goodnight east coast America America ya hello hello hello hello

[mantisunrelatedtothatonerqmantis]

theres aalso a mask close to randals or sometimes overlaps that is. little doll boy failure disaster thing and then there's also mantis mask yea I think there's also disaster loser angel who's trying his best mask and I think that's it. oh there's the Sadism mask and theres a mask overlapping the corrupted diety mask that's just. guy who could be a cult leader but decides not to

ok mask sorting right now hm I am not holy rage incarnate rn I am not 60s-70s man with issues I am not?a clown. there's like a corrupted deity mask and a Randal mask and then there's like an in between space that idk what that is and that's me rn I think I keep expecting to be Randal and then like idfk I think im still corrupted diety but idk

[mantisunrelatedtothatonerqmantis]

ok mask sorting right now hm I am not holy rage incarnate rn I am not 60s-70s man with issues I am not?a clown. there's like a corrupted deity mask and a Randal mask and then there's like an in between space that idk what that is and that's me rn I think I keep expecting to be Randal and then like idfk I think im still corrupted diety but idk

[mantisunrelatedtothatonerqmantis]

I better wake up in my waiting room that I have not actually properly scripted I just sort of see it in my head any ways I better wake up there the opiates in my system better send me straight to another reality I'm tired of hoping I wake up in the void let me go to a waiting room in my desired body instead pls thank you goodnight east coast America America ya hello hello hello hello

[mantisunrelatedtothatonerqmantis]

I love completely fumbling through taking care of my own human body despite actively knowing better. yea I should be well aware that my very heat intolerant body would not handle an extra blanket well at all but I still decided yea let's throw one on I'm a bit cold. as if I wouldn't immediately warm up the minute i fell asleep and start sweating out all the water I just put back in my body. I can maybe give myself an out of saying oh well I was pretty tired last night I spur of the moment engaged in some risky behavior and had to clean my bath tub bc of it and I had cold and flu in my system so of course I didn't make a great decision. but I literally at the moment thought hey I'm gonna overheat under here probably I'll just take my shirt off. I KNEW BETTER

[mantisunrelatedtothatonerqmantis]

when I'm completely and utterly terrified of something and then simultaneously find it beautiful or enchanting, there's a good chance I will either be it already or become it later down the line

I am staring at cognitohazards rn. it happened with angels and being a paraphile and being a mantis and probably Gabriel and it'll happen again with. uh. fucking phen 228 and imperium carnis probably