marcellaisnotme

[marcellaisnotme]

to everyone.

to all the amazing people that light up my 2019, let's continue our journey to 2020. 2019 has been pretty amazing to me than last year and i'm rather excited for what's going to come on 2020. its a bit frightening but at the same time i'm ready to face it.

i'm dedicating each of you who got this page a personal message <3

let me start it with my loving Ren ♡ we met not that long ago but long enough for me to call you a special friend. i love hanging out with you, i love ranting everything to you cause you're a really good listener, advisor and most importantly a really great sidekick. okno. you know what to say to make me feel better and i admire that you can think of so much in a short amount of time. the way you handle everything is very responsible and careful, i look up to you alot. let's be more closer and share more stupid shitposts (RED VELVET PLSSS). i love you!!

Jason ♡ we known each other for a very long time but we always been pretty close to each other, but sometimes we don't talk and we argue that one time. and you went missing too but when you came back i was really excited. you were really funny and entertaining. just what i need, just what i wanted. we have a love hate relationship and we never get tired of each other and buuuu-ing each other everytime. okno. you are special to me and i cant find another jason to replace. thanks for being such a great friend. i love you!!

Juan ♡ my favorite movie partner and cuddle buddy <3 the one that would always tell stupid jokes which myself find it really funny even when it's pretty dumb. the one who never get tired of me punching you in the arm. okno. i wanna spend more time watching movies with you cause i personally hate watching movies cause i'm a book person. but when i watch it with you and hear you explaining to me everything made me love movies. pstt. only when i watch it with you <3 HAHAHA let's do more movie dates next time juan, because movies are not watch worthy without you. okno. i love you!!!

bwi ♡ as much as i find you pretty annoying and such a coward but i really know how it takes courage to do something. i know how does it feel when you feel like doing something. but it's find. i dont judge you for it ok? i was just messing around with you cause your reaction is always funny i dont wanna miss it. OKNO. if you havent moved on completely, it's fine. it takes time to heal and takes time to grow. i hope you have a better life and be happy in 2020. i love you!!

Belle ♡ SINCE YOU'RE A GIRL NOW IMMA CALL YOU BELLE. okno you were a guy when we first met and first dated. okno. i can't believe we made it till today even when we dont talk that much these days. i just want you to know even when i'm very very very annoying and stoopid but i am really thankful that you were always there listening to my probs and teas :(( i'm so dramatic. wipes non existent tears. okno. be less busy so that i can kacau you more :(( i love you!!

Kitty Kou ♡ my wife :(( my husband soulmate boyfriend girlfriend my everything :(( screams i miss you so much we're not talking much this days are you THAT busy gimme attention bich :(( okno. i'm glad that you are fine now (i can see and feel it) also i dont want you to be sad no more cause you dont deserve to be :(( i'll karate anyone that tries to mess with you i swear >:( i love you soooo much you're my fav bestie ever you listen to me and play along with me cause thats what soulmates do :(( dont ever leave my side or i'm gonna tie u to me so that you wont escape HAH take that :(( i love you bb♡

Qhal ♡ you stick up to me since day-1 and thats what i love about you. you grew into a better person, you were so much braver and bolder plus happier these days and i've never been so proud of you. i hope your happiness last till next year and the following and forever. every day is a new day. you dont have to close old books and open new ones. you dont have to be someone you're not and importantly, you dont have to do things for anyone else. yourself is your top priority and always remember that you're just as important. seeing you happy makes me happy. we've been friends for god knows how long and you never left my side, ever. you're always a special friend to me. you're always in my heart. i love you!!

Irwin ♡ not gonna deny you're always there for me when i'm in an existential crisis. okno. you're such a fun and funny person to talk with. i always enjoyed talking to you because you could make and awkward situation lively with your randomness. you radiate great and positive energy that anyone around you feel better. you make me feel better when i'm sad. i hope you and jade last looooooooooong enough just like how long we've known each other. i love you!!

Tian ♡ i love talking to you and randomly being stupid with you and jason. i love how we click with each other that much it's like we're siblings. rough things happened but let's all forget about it. i hope for you happiness as you were always sad about a certain someone. it's fine to think about it. it's fine to hold onto it. cause the longer you hold on, the easier it will go away when it gets old. you should really reveal your cute daughter to everyone. cause i miss her and everyone needs to see her <3 she's amazing just like you. i love you!!

Cosmo ♡ as long as we known each other, you were the brightest person and the easiest to get along with. you always know what to do and put your heart in everything you do. i dont like seeing you being sad or depressed anymore because you weren't like that when we first met. always surround yourself with happy stuff >> me. and do things you wanna do that makes you happy. you will always be my cosmo, and i'll always be your wanda♡. i love you!!

Junguan ♡ hi bestie how u doin. okno. i am glad that you're always happy, always problem free. thanks for listening to my problems, thanks for being a great friend. i have a great laugh and a great time with you always. your reaction to my stupidness and sarcasm was always funny i'm not gonna lie. you're always the one that i believe would keep everything i tell you a secret. you're such an awesome person and a great friend. i love you !!

Xie/ Axel ♡ you're a really interesting person to talk to. aside from our past relationship. you're a really strong and a great person. you're someone that doesn't give up on anything you do and i really adore you for that. you make everything seem so funny to me idk why oKNO. but except for our snapstreak, we dont really talk mUCH. did you moveD or are you just busY cause u krik krik im thinking twice about softblocking you. okno. talk to me bitch. i love you!!

marcell/shaq ♡ you change your name to match mine cause you like me eh?? buuu. okno. you were always someone i trusted because you're responsible of doing your job and you're someone nice to talk to i mean not nice nice because you're mean but nice by i can have a conversation with you and talk about random stuff without letting it die because i'm funny and you're lame okno. let other judge your outer and let yourself know your inner. jangan jadi noob for 2020. okno. i love you!!

Eric ♡ my stupid bun. my ride or die. ew. these two years 18/19 has been pretty rough for the both of us and i think it's just a step and a lesson to grow into a better person. you helped me alot through this year and i'm never less thankful for that. the loving things you do for me, the things you would let it slide when it comes to me. your soft spot for me never goes away huh HAH and i'm taking advantage of that. okno i'm kidding. you are a big help for me and for what i went through. you never said no. you always agree on everything and i really appreciate it. when we broke up last year, you still insisted to talk to me. which i find out really annoying. just kidding. i'll let everything slide since you do that to me too. you're a really great person, amazing let me tell you. thanks for being a great friend to me. thanks for helping me out with almost everything. i owe you big time. i love you!!

harry ♡ first of all,  thank you for being a great bestie, we would always talk to each other everyday but you got busy these days :(( but yey, its almost a decade since ive known you, kyak. we met when we were in kbb. you were d__, kyak, smpipol 💕 i feel so giddy giddy all of a sudden lololol. and then we started exchanging contacts, you were first harry, on fl.  and then we had this, nOOt squad gTG. im nunmul-ing.  why is this suddenly a throwback session.  and and and then theres trisha gosh i love trisha and you too. i adore you for being such an honest person, when it comes to telling your problems to us, which is something i cant really do. if you have problems, dont hesitate to tell us, though i dont really help much eheh. but sometimes there are things that arent meant to be said. its okay, theres nothing wrong feeling sad, feeling all those negative feelings. we are human too, we have feelings. it is okay to sometimes not be okay, it is okay. but other than that, be happy with those you are surrounded with. youre someone that worth a big hug.  i hope you spent your day with those you love 💕 i hope youre having a good day. youre an amazingly talented person. i hope youd achieve your dream soon, i pray for your health, and for you to surrounded by lovely people. you're such a talented person and gosh, your drawings for the fashion week, cries. chef kisses momma!!! you should update me on your life more because i wanna know what you do and support you on everything you do. don't forget me anyways :(( because you're the only realest annoying brutally honest bitch i love :(( i love you!! 

thanks for an amazing 2019, lets get closer in 2020. i love you guys. ♡

[marcellaisnotme]

“Some truths are fire And some truths are ice”

— Sleeping At Last, South (via music-and-quotes)

[marcellaisnotme]

[marcellaisnotme]

𝓵𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓪 : 𝓭𝓸𝓭𝓲𝓬𝓲

it has every emotion i want to say but i couldnt. but i just hate you. that’s the only thing i’ve got to say for the whole 8 years of knowing each other. 

[marcellaisnotme]

𝓵𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓪 : 𝓾𝓷𝓭𝓲𝓬𝓲

blue roses means purity and charming. i’ve been bestfriends with you for two years now and you’re dumb and a big crackhead like me. we have a four person group and our daily routine is talking shit and gossiping. heck it was actually amusing and funny. we also had something we shared privately just the two of us but nothing worse though. thank you for listening to my shit and shitting on the people who shit me. okno. i love you so much my namjachingu guccigenk gengs that has like 83987987 group chats. <3

[marcellaisnotme]

𝓵𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓪 : 𝓭𝓲𝓮𝓬𝓲

you get white roses, because it’s my favorite rose color. we’ve known each other for such a long time. it’s actually has been 5 years. if you dont remember then it’s alright. our relationship started of more like a playful one. your nickname was forever a noob. because you just are one. when we met, you’re dating my friend. when we’re close, you’re dating my other friend. you know it was unintentional. i didnt like you that way because all i see you as just a friend. besides, you dated my friend. couldn’t do that to my friend either. when i started liking you, it started from the fake relationship. not from the start of it, from the half way of it. but all i think that it shouldnt be like that. so i avoided you (lmao) so that the crush would go away. but you appeared on instagram too when i was in another place. i avoided you there too because i want to drop the goddamn crush. and then from nowhere you appeared on twitter. i might have told myself, fuck it. do you remember the first thing you mentioned me when you came back on twitter? that made me feel things. i dont want this to be long. but thank you for everything. thank you for accepting me the way i am. for how much i’m lacking or didnt made you happy that much. that’s probably just the boring old me. i made a different blog for you but i guess it’s useless to have it shown to you now. but thanks, for being there for me. 

[marcellaisnotme]

𝓵𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓪 : 𝓷𝓸𝓿𝓮

come to think, ive never written you any letter yet. snsbsb. anyways the flower i’m giving means soft and humble. how we met i forgotten about it,, but how we stayed until today is because of r***** kbrvvjb i’ve always listened to you and see you rant about it because i can relate so much. but when you dmed me it was like ok what so you knew that i knew too and we became close because of that kdjkhs it was stupid. we’re not not talking that much because heck i’m so busy and you’re so busy too. but when we’re both not, let’s talk and tell stories again. missed you <3

[marcellaisnotme]

𝓵𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓪 : 𝓸𝓽𝓽𝓸

green roses means a rejuvenation of spirit and cheerfulness. we met not too long ago and you are now one of my closest friends. i appreciate you so much because you listen to my stupid shits most of the time. and i listen to your shits too. we’re both crackhead so when we talk to each other, it’s like chaos. we talk in a daily basis and you would always spam me with puking emojis, which is why i always reply with the same emoji too. uwu. you make me happy because of your bright personality. you make me happy because you’re funny. thank you for always being by my side. 

[marcellaisnotme]

𝓵𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓪 : 𝓼𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮

burgundy roses that means for unconscious beauty. we were always the opposite. you hate having that many people to talk. you hate stupid jokes. you hate emojis. you were so quite. you dont talk much. you dont care about any single word of people who talk about you. it’s so different from what i am. you never liked me at first, because i wasnt like you. but you did eventually? as we started dating because you confessed first you gave a different feeling. your actions were so different from when i started to know you. you were such a loving person. you cared for me so much. it’s really the thing they called “im such a fool for you”. not trying to be cringy here tho (pmsl) we argued a bit of our last breakup but you know i still adore you as another person. thank you for giving me memories worth of remembering. the thing i love most about you is that you write letters. you write weekly letters that makes me feel even more loved. thank you for everything that you gave, i will never forget. 

[marcellaisnotme]

𝓵𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓪 : 𝓼𝓮𝓲

if it comes to appreciation, these roses are for you. 9 years, it’s so long. it’s so overwhelming to met you 9 years ago and still be talking to you 9 years later. this friendship, is all about trust. all about believing and supporting each other. you were always so honest with me. you were always cautious of not having to hurt or despise anyone. you’re a great person. to me. your humor isnt that great but your personality and the way you act around people, it’s so admiring. i love having you around, i love talking about many many things with you. i love seeking your advice or consent. your choices were the best. the amount of comfort and love i’ve received from you was overwhelming. i love you with all my heart, because you know i love you too bestchingu uwu 

[marcellaisnotme]

𝓵𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓪 : 𝓬𝓲𝓷𝓺𝓾𝓮

these are called salmon roses. it stands for excitement. we met like soooo long i think 2014? we’re not that close before but eventually we got closer somewhere because hELL (i got a crush on you) ** and we dated for a not so long time. i didnt even remembered how we broke up but it was crinGEY ((maybe)) i’m just kidding. you were a great listener, you treated me so well and we never got into a fight with each other even though we broke up. also!! sometimes you’re funny and sometimes we cheered each other with positivity. because that’s what friends are supposed to do. thank you for staying until today, wakanDA,, FOREVER!! okno

[marcellaisnotme]

𝓵𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓪 : 𝓺𝓾𝓪𝓽𝓽𝓻𝓸

you’ve always been someone so special to me. we met in november 2015 and it has been a goodamn 4 years knowing you. we have so much up and downs that sometimes thinking about them is what have made us now. to all the bickering, faulting, pointing fingers at each other. i believe every meeting has a beautiful ending, even if you lost someone. and now i still believed that our ways are what we are now. you know i love you so much. we used to watch stupid videos together, used to spend the night with kkt music calls and letter dedications (i still have the blog) when i said that i love you, i really do. you know i was such a possessive person. i get jealous easily, i doubt you too much. instead of bringing up our past, i just want to reminisce our memories together. that’s all. you are my everything. thank you for staying <3

[marcellaisnotme]

𝓵𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓪 : 𝓽𝓻𝓮

for someone who is always happy and bright, yellow roses defines you better. i love how you’re always happy about everything. you hide your sadness really well. you look like it’s so easy to be happy and sad and the same time. you always said that you didnt want to show sadness because it would worry everyone and why should you be sad when you have other things that make you happy. guess what? you make me happy. you always comforted me when i’m sad and i’m glad that i feel relieved everytime you do. you’re a very special person, to me absolutely. 

[marcellaisnotme]

𝓵𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓪 : 𝓭𝓾𝓮

orange peach roses means passion. you were always so passionate about something. you were always focused on doing something. you gave me administration advices and you like to help me out on coding, layouts, photoshop. that’s not what actually i wanted to say. i love having you around, i love listening to your jokes. i love making stupid lame jokes because you would always give a satisfying response to it. your laughs are contagious. your happiness is also my happiness. i hate it when you’re emo and you give sad replies (because you’re not that type) i hope 2019 is going to be your year. love you <3

[marcellaisnotme]

𝓵𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓪 : 𝓾𝓷𝓸

pink roses symbolizes bright and colorful. the light ones show gentleness and admiration. for you, i admire you so much because you’ve always been a positive thinker. from how much i’ve learned from you is too much and so overwhelming that i get to improve myself thinking wise and be more mature about making decisions. you’ve been with me for not a long time but we sure acted like we’ve known each other since kids. you are a great listener and a great advice giver. thank you for everything <3

[marcellaisnotme]

𝒖𝒍𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒂 𝒗𝒐𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂

    Visto l'articolo 605 del codice di procedura penale, la corte assolve l'imputato Seungwan Son dal reato ad egli attribuito ai capi ‘a’, ‘b’, ‘c’ e ‘d’ per non aver commesso il fatto, e  al reato al capo ‘e’ perchè il fatto non sussiste. Pertanto ordina l'immediata liberazione di Seungwan Son. Hai il diritto di non parlare. Qualsiasi cosa dirai potrà essere usata contro di te, in tribunale. 

Come ci sono arrivato, a questo punto? Bella domanda. Non ci ho capito molto, onestamente. Anche perché non avrei mai pensato che tentare di aiutare qualcuno si potesse trasformare in un’accusa di omicidio. Eppure, così è stato. E prima che qualcuno possa sputare sentenze a sproposito, cercherò di spiegare in breve ciò che è successo ormai quattro mesi fa. 

Non sono mai stato un tipo sentimentale. Le circostanze non me lo hanno mai permesso, e a me è sempre andato bene. Insomma, sfido chiunque a dirmi che preferirebbe provare dolore pur avendo l’alternativa di non farlo. E non starò qui a spiegare la mia storia. Troppo complicata, troppo lunga e, soprattutto, troppo passata.

I sentimenti sono distruttivi. Ti logorano dall’interno, senza pietà e senza tregua, senza concedere respiro alcuno. La prova l’ho avuta quella sera. Sì, sembra passata un’eternità. Eppure, il ricordo è vivo e brucia dentro di me come se fosse successo ieri. Dopo essere stato annientato e completamente annullato da quegli stessi sentimenti che avevo sempre ripudiato ma che, ahimè, si erano prepotentemente imposti dentro il mio cuore e la mia anima, ho cercato qualcosa - qualunque cosa - che mi desse la prova della mia effettiva vita ed esistenza. Ho fatto qualcosa della quale non vado fiero, ma che non rinnegherò. Per la prima volta nella mia vita ho provato quella piccola e finissima polverina bianca e cristallina, che dovrebbe regalare viaggi interiori e quasi extracorporei di una piacevolezza unica. 

Ebbene, nulla. Niente di niente. Nessun viaggio, nessuna emozione, nessun piacere. Solo, nulla. Neanche l’alcool mi ha smosso. Dio, com’è possibile? Devo ammettere di aver pensato, in quell’occasione, di essere una persona non umana. Ma un bel colpo allo spigolo del tavolo con il ginocchio, e le varie parole poco carine che ne sono susseguite, mi ha riportato alla realtà. Sì, sono decisamente un essere umano.

 Dopo aver tentato di tutto, dopo aver ingoiato l’ennesimo fallimento, ho deciso di uscire. Avevo bisogno di aria, avevo bisogno di distrarmi, avevo bisogno di qualcosa. Qualsiasi cosa. Ho camminato per un tempo che non so proprio specificare. Credo di aver preso svolte, di aver attraversato strade e di aver schivato persone solo per forza di inerzia, senza l’effettiva consapevolezza di ciò che stavo facendo. 

All’ennesima svolta, mi sono ritrovato in un vicolo cieco. Grandioso, no? C’erano due persone, e una grata attaccata al muro in fondo al vicolo. Non ho subito capito ciò che stavano facendo, ma mi fu ben chiaro solo dopo qualche istante. Avevo appena assistito ad un omicidio. Ho visto l’assassino in faccia. Ha accoltellato la sua vittima come fosse carne da macello, poi è scappato attraverso la grata. 

Non ho ragionato. Non ho riflettuto. Non ne ho avuto il tempo, perché le mie gambe avevano iniziato già a muoversi verso quel corpo inerme steso a terra. Ho cercato di aiutare quella persona, ho estratto il coltello e ho cercato di tamponare le ferite come meglio potevo. Ma, ovviamente, nulla va mai come previsto. La polizia è arrivata sul posto circa dieci minuti dopo il fatto. Hanno trovato me, con le mani pregne del sangue della vittima. Le mie impronte erano sul suo corpo e sul coltello. Hanno fatto due più due. Del resto, a loro interessava solo prendere il colpevole. Solo questo. Se poi la persona che stavano portando via era innocente, a loro cosa poteva interessare? 

Devo dire che ho ricevuto davvero un caloroso benvenuto, in riformatorio. Gli altri detenuti si divertivano con l’ultimo arrivato, e le guardie si divertivano ancora più di loro. Carino, no? E non mi dilungherò su questo punto. Lasciate pure libero sfogo all’immaginazione, perché vi garantisco che non potreste mai immaginare nulla che non mi abbiano già fatto.

Sinceramente, non credevo che sarei sopravvissuto. E se sia un bene o un male che io ora sia qui, a raccontarla, beh...ancora lo devo decidere. Sono stati quattro mesi di inferno. Ma, contro ogni aspettativa, qualcuno di intelligente al mondo ancora c’è.

Visto l'articolo 605 del codice di procedura penale, la corte assolve l'imputato Seungwan Son dal reato ad egli attribuito ai capi ‘a’, ‘b’, ‘c’ e ‘d’ per non aver commesso il fatto, e dal reato al capo ‘e’ perchè il fatto non sussiste. Pertanto ordina l'immediata liberazione di Seungwan Son.

Il punto è che sono libero, adesso. Vi sono mancato?

[marcellaisnotme]

𝒃𝒖𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒐𝒓𝒏𝒐 𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒂

　 　　 　　　 　　 　𝚙𝚊𝚜𝚝 ❪ 𝟷𝟼년 𝟷𝟶월 𝟹𝟷일 : 𝟷𝟷.𝟷𝟷 ❫ ▸  　 　　 　　　 　　 　𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 ❪ 𝟷𝟽년 𝟶𝟹월 𝟶𝟿일 : 𝟷𝟷.𝟷𝟷 ❫ 

ricordo come tutto improvvisamente cambió, da quell'istante in poi, in cui la vita sembrava essere pura e semplice magia. adoravo il modo in cui lui mi guardava, quando mi rivolgeva uno dei suoi sorrisi meravigliosi. ne ero quasi geloso. volevo fossero solo per me. will possedeva diversi sorrisi, ma quelli che donava a me erano ben diversi, ed io lo sapevo. lo stesso erano i miei occhi mentre guardavano la sua figura. ciò che peró rimase di noi fu una vecchia fotografia scattata di sfuggita, dopo un bacio rubato, il giorno del mio compleanno. chi avrebbe mai detto che sarebbe stato anche l'ultimo. non amavo particolarmente quel giorno che, di consuetudine, andava a ripetersi anno dopo anno con la stessa frequenza ed io con la medesima non voglia di ricordare quanto più vecchio di un anno sarei stato, diventato. ma will no. a lui importava davvero di quel giorno. a lui importava di me. mi ripeteva sempre che tanto tempo fa, di quello stesso giorno, era nata una piccola stella divenuta per lui tanto speciale. queste erano le parole che, puntualmente, alle prime ore dell'alba, lui mi rivolgeva.　 　　 　　　 　

　 　　 « 𝒃𝒖𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒐𝒓𝒏𝒐 𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒂. » 　 　　 　　　 　　 　　 　　 　　　 　　 　　 a me piaceva sentirmi così. mi piaceva sapere di essere speciale per qualcuno, seppur non erano state mai le parole a parlare per noi. io e will non eravamo soliti esternare i nostri sentimenti. ciò che peró ci teneva ancora vicini erano gli sguardi complici di chi sapeva e ricambiava.tra me e will era da sempre così: io anche troppo silenzioso e lui sempre troppo comprensivo. ma bastava un suo sorriso a farmi sciogliere il cuore.  　　　 　　 　　　 　　 　𝐞 𝐭𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐫𝐚 𝐝𝐢 𝐧𝐮𝐨𝐯𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐚.  　 　　 　　　 　　 　 　𝐞 𝐭𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐫𝐚 𝐝𝐢 𝐧𝐮𝐨𝐯𝐨 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐞.