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[marchonthesea]

8/13/21

I arrived at the city, but now I’m seized by feelings of loneliness, homesickness and anxiety both. Guess I’m a bit of a bitch baby…. The fact that I will have little time to be alone in those two days is also most likely a reason why.

Conversation with my “absent father” helped.

I would write a longer update if I have more privacy and a comfortable table. I’m typing half lying on my sofa bed.

-Chay

[marchonthesea]

8/12/21

This is the first entry of a hopefully long lasting blog. I will try to update everyday if I could on things big and small, but I don’t think my writing reflects my personal voice and am often paranoid about sharing my thoughts online. Let’s hope this blog normalizes that…. So lets get started.

Today marks the last night at my home before college. Tomorrow I will be on my way to another city, thousands of miles away from my dearest friends in high school.

From what I’ve read, a lot of people consider high school to be the most miserable time of their life. At one point I did too - I couldn’t wait to be done with it. I was stressed, sleep deprived and miserable. I am not sure if nostalgia sweetened my memory of high school but now that I’m looking back I am really appreciative of my teachers and friends.

Biology and physics courses was rigorous and I constantly pushed myself when I was taking those courses. The teachers for those two classes are not only patient and responsible but also cared about me and my friends’ well beings. They gave us guidance on how to work towards our future goals.

As for my friends - I can’t even get started about how amazing and supportive they are. I do think my high school friendships were the most genuine yet - maybe being minorities in a not very diverse school helps. My best friends are hardworking, ambitious and only importantly, they are good people that sees the best qualities in and hopes the best for others. I think that’s a rare trait but it may also be because my family members tend to be cynical.

There were some feels in the last dinner party we’ve shared, but it still hasn’t hit me…until my best friend Rey dropped a small package in front of my door quietly in the evening. The package had a book in it - Edna St. Vincent Millay’s poem collection, a photo of us and a few other friends in the calculus classroom (a larger version of this photo was hang in the physics classroom as a ritual), and a letter that described the friendship journey between her and I. It was packed with memories. Both of us really grow a lot since the four years we’ve met. I had to held on to my tears cause once the floodgate opens it won’t close.

Another one of my friend, N, told me she’s excited for college, as a fresh start. I respect her positive mindset and I hope that I will feel that way too when I move in in a few days. At the moment I still have a lot of attachments, and I am still pretty sad about leaving.

Regardless, I look forward to learning more, pursuing my interests and meeting more interesting, driven people. Here’s to the next chapter in life.

—Chay