marechiar

[marechiar]

is it wrong to want for my parents to... idk, be a little more like me? I get passionate about so many fucking things and they're always either annoyed or not interested. they live their life without any kind of special interest, they see their friends (which they then gossip about), they work, they go on boring vacations, they never read or get roped in any kind of entertainment. they are not passionate about politics, or books, or activism, or anything i like really. and i know each person is different and i really cannot complain about it but at the same time I would like not to be met with an eye roll or a bored sigh whenever I talk about the things that I like. idk

[marechiar]

sometimes i feel like i have to constantly have everything that has happened to me tied behind me. i feel like i have to bring it with me, everywhere i go, and look back and being able to look at it like it’s all connected.

but i also feel like maybe it isnt connected at all. maybe thats a job i did, to try and make some sense to the horrible things that happened to me. and i tied strings and knots and held thight, burning my hands and opening wounds over and over again because i felt like i had to carry everything forever.

and maybe i dont have to. i dont know. i still dont know how to let go. to accept things. i live in a constant state of anxiety and floaty dissociation and i feel like this is somehow tied to how i relate to my traumatic memories and my incapacity of letting them go. but i dont know how or why or what should i do.

i read a post of mine from 2017 which described a eerily similar situation to what im going through now. but when i think about late 2017, when the thing was written, i dont remember being anxious or angry or sad. i remember it scaring, but beautiful. so now im asking myself if i can count on my memories or not. what if whatever im carrying is completely wrong? what if what i rememeber happened in a different way? 

why cant i see reality anymore? why does it all feel foggy? where is the problem?

[marechiar]

I never felt happy in this life. That is why I left home. My mother would have married me to someone ordinary and I could never have stood it, Irma. A decent woman has to get on in the world.

Eva Maria (Evita) Duarte de Peron, 1952 – after saying these words to her maid, Eva Peron fell into a coma; she died a few hours later (via historyvalentinalove)

[marechiar]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ‘EVITA’ EVA MARÍA DUARTE DE PERÓN!  May 7th 1919- July 26th 1952

First Lady Eva Perón is probably more well known for the myths and legends surrounding her life than the facts themselves. The woman herself is often far from the woman portrayed. Even if you do not believe in Peronism, it is hard to ignore and not respect her generous heart towards those in need: Raised in poverty herself, she felt a great sympathy for those living in poverty and those being oppressed and suffering. After being snubbed from an oligarchy charity organization, she set out to create her own. She spent her afternoons taking requests for food, clothing, shelter, money, etc. Seeing the people in need herself, greeting, kissing and hugging them. Sometimes even despite contagious illnesses and lice. She would often give people more than what they asked for. She took an outraged attitude towards the existence of poverty. She spoke of her rage against poverty as a wound affecting her. She often worked 22 hours a day, losing complete track of time. Some have even said that her extreme hard work for the poor is what lead to her untimely death at the age of 33 to cancer. Her foundation built hospitals, orphanages, schools, the first affordable housing for low income families so to help them move out of the slums and helped so very many people in need.

“When I watched her for a few days, she said, 'How are you, Oligarcha, are you beginning to understand how people suffer?’… It was hard for me not to love her when I had seen her at work.”

[marechiar]

So here I’ll stay. My home, my people beside me. And when I think of tomorrow, there we are.

[marechiar]

“I only love my bed and my momma, I’m sorry”

— Drake (via neckkiss)

[marechiar]

me @ a 20 years older than me actress: my child

[marechiar]

I have a serious weakness for thigh grabbing and hickeys.

[marechiar]

[marechiar]

[marechiar]

Blue Period - Picasso

[marechiar]

Gillian Wearing as Claude Cahun

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[marechiar]

todo cambio

[marechiar]

y en ese momento todo, todo cambió.