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[marlowinc]

With the long winter over and summer weather finally arriving, local man Bill Klocek told reporters Thursday that he was glad to finally get out of the house, walk around a bit, and discover entirely new ways to sweat. “This time of year, there are so many street fairs, farmers markets, and music festivals that offer great opportunities to just drench myself in my own sweat,” said Klocek, who added that he especially looks forward to perspiring heavily at restaurants with outdoor seating, on road trips, at baseball games, and at his parents’ cabin in Lake Geneva, WI.

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Oh, hey! There I am!

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Joe Flaherty as Salvador Dali

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Getting a print version of the Onion is a decision I'll never regret

Every one of the 12 "ads" in this version is insulting Musk

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(via More English Fairy Tales: The Hobyahs)

ONCE there was an old man and woman and a little girl, and they all lived in a house made of hempstalks. Now the old man had a little dog named Turpie and one night the Hobyahs came and said, ‘Hobyah! Hobyah! Hobyah! Tear down the hempstalks, eat up the old man and woman, and carry off the little girl!’ But little dog Turpie barked so that the Hobyahs ran off; and the old man said, ‘Little dog Turpie barks so that I cannot sleep nor slumber, and if I live till  morning I will cut off his tail.’ So in the morning the old man cut off little dog Turpie’s tail….

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hobyahs

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Screaming in terror as he rushed through the raging flames consuming his promised tech utopia, billionaire Elon Musk reportedly pushed aside a 9-year-old child Friday on his way to the escape pods as Starbase collapsed behind him. “Out of my fucking way, short stuff—geniuses first!” the entrepreneur said as he coughed in the smoke engulfing his crumbling city, kicked the stunned child for good measure, and asked a crowd of dying residents if they knew they were endangering the life of the most important man on the planet.

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For the next funeral Dozy Donny will wear his blue onesie.

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Veep killed Pope?

So... The Catholic God's mortal representative on Earth dies 🪦😇 after meeting, on Easter Sunday 🐇🌷, with the junior partner 🤡 of the closest thing we have to an Antichrist. 👿🍊💩 OK. I'm not religious, but that's some Nostradamus/Biblical/End-Times shit right there. 😬

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Hilarious rant about "The Incel Illuminati."

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The suspense in palpable.

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I just want to draw, but Im always so exausted by functioning in daily life and also the curse

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Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, and Mark Hamill recreating the Star Wars poster