marsawaitz-blog

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Hate that gut clenching feeling you get when you care about someone

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Drake / Thank Me Now

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You could have the world and still it wouldnt be enough.

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You ever been able to actually FEEL your heart shatter?

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I dont know what i can and cant do anymore, i dont know if its me or her, or maybe even us.

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“But she’s poetry material, wife material in my eyes and I want our children to know that love is the greatest of all things.”

— j.d

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“Loyalty; it’s a three-syllable word for “Hey, there. I know that you snore and kick me while you’re asleep and you hate me for leaving my clothes everywhere and how I can be a total asshole when my allergy rhinitis is acting up and how neither of us knows what we want for dinner and when we do know it’s you wanting Italian and me wanting Chinese and for fucks sake we’ve watched The Notebook for more than a hundred times already and maybe there are thousands of people out there who are much cleanly and have better tastes in movies but you’re the only person I want to spend the rest of my full moons with.””

— Juansen Dizon, I Am The Architect of My Own Destruction page 65   

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“I’m not afraid of dying. Pieces of me die all the time.”

— Sage Francis (via qvotable)

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Your tears burn crevasses in my soul, but mine, mine pass you like winds too weak to move tumbleweed..

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01/09/19

I want it all to be okay so bad...i wanna believe ill move to Miami and it will all be okay...believe cutting the distance will cut the pain. Id like to believe in person maybe the sparks would light the same. I wanna believe all of this isnt real, that im the only girl you laid hands on like that...that you only craved me...i want to believe all those insecurities u had that i slowly undressed off you were up when you were with her. That i worked so hard to be special, that u didnt give it to her just like that...i want to heal so i can have you again...but i feel so replaceable its eating me inside. I wanted to be special so bad, that now the idea im not tears me apart. I wish we could fix this so i wouldnt have to lose you and myself. I feel myself detiorating, losing all the love i have for myself, its heartbreaking because now every promise feels like just a dream I had. That i was draming that in 6 months we would be married, that we were okay and i believed every word you said. Now i dont even know what to do or where to go..im so torn...how can we fix this i keep askig myself? How can i ensure she picks me next time? How will i know which promises she means? That i love you isnt words it has meaning, that the “i love you” she says now isnt the one she was saying to me while with her... i wish love was enough, i wish i could go back in time and stop u...but more than that i wish that we would be okay...i wish heart break had a cure...why did i have to freaking move, i shouldve known u cant handle distance i knew that from the start but i chose to believe u could learn to. This is all my fucking fault

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Painful it is my Dear. I can graciously give you all the love I cannot give myself.

- Conee Berdera

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01/09/18

In less than 2 months you replaced me completely. You gave whats mine to someone else. You felt enough to do all that and could still tell me you loved me. You still kept saying I love you even while being with someone else. You made me think there was something flaw about us, made me believe it really was to work on you, the whole time you were fooling with someone new. You told me you were different, said youd forever stay, made a billion promises to me. None of them crossed your head while you kissed her? While you spoke her name. And now you feed me partial truth, dont admit to your wrongs fully than whats the point. You made me feel like shit so long for talking to my ex and you at the beginning before we even dated. You ended us at 9 months for a bitch you dont really know. You chose a hoe over ur home. The future we had, and the kids, never crossed ur mind when you did that. The name on ur rib didnt sting ? You manipulated me to make me think I was doing you wrong by just being nice to people, whole time you were projecting your own guilt in your own actions. Will you tell your next what you did to me? To our love? Will you even speak about you and me? Do you even love me? The craziest part of it all is i still love you, my heart still hurts thinking how bad i lost it. Ill always believe i lost my soulmate. And maybe its this distance that made me easier to let go, or maybe im lacking some shit ill never know. She said she would fight and she wanted the best for me, but shes always one step out the door waiting for the cue to leave. Now i sleep with a broken heart, much larger than anyone or anytime ive felt before.

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I dont want to ruin us, i dont wanna watch you walk away. I want to be worth it, i want to be okay, i wish i could wash all this away..

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01/03/18

I lost you once, i wont ever let that happen again.