Well, I don’t know if anyone has kept up with me in this past year, but tldr: my lifelong brain tumor grew, was removed, diagnosed as Grade III/IV, given radiation, and now monthly chemo. Also given the bad news that this is whats going to kill me. I have not been able to work in this time.
My body has been to weak and I have gained new types of seizures in the past month. My biggest thing is that I thought I’d be in work by now… but I am not. I lost 70+ lbs, am constantly fatigued from all the pills that keep me from puking all day long and the ones that keep me sane.
I do not want this to come across as a pity thing, but after losing the weight, I no longer have winter close that fit me. I live in the Midwest and it is already snowing and I was already cold in the summer. I was wondering if anyone could help me out in the slightest. I know it’s a big stretch, but I’m desperate. Right now, the list is out of order: I definitely need clothes more than cat collars, but they’d appreciate it too.
I hate asking for clothes of all things, but my partner does not have the money for it and does not believe in buying clothes anyway. But I love him still he understands me.
If you can help, I would be extremely grateful. Here is my Amazon Wishlist, or just my CashApp $dollyghoul or Venmo ddollfacedd if you’d like to donate to help us with food, cat things, bills. Literally anything helps at this point.
Even if you can’t help, I would deeply appreciated if you could share this post and be forever thankful. I’m starting to live my life to the fullest now. Trying to be happy. Get over the depression I’ve been trying to fight my entire life.
I hope you guys can at least reblog this even if you can’t do anything else. It would really help me out. Thank you and I wish peace, health, and harmony among you all. 💕
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hello lovelies ! tis i , the always disappearing one . i am so sorry life has gotten so hectic . between work and a new ~ interest ~ , i am hardly ever home and do not have time to sit down and do tumblr things . however !!! i want to write so damn badly !!! like !!! it’s killing me !!! please please please know that this is me reaching out for discord plots . like , add me or if we added each other , just open up a damn sever and throw a thread at me . i miss you guys , i miss jess . i miss this stupid ass show that brought us together .
i will be lurking for the rest of the night , yearning to reach out or send memes but scared shitless to do so bc i .. know i suck at keeping in touch and keeping up with this blog . i am sorry . but uh , yeah , if you wanna do the thing , hmu .
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𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐞 : 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒒𝒖𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒔
‘ i’ll find you again , wherever we end up next . ’
‘ the enormity of my desire disgusts me . ’
‘ please , one more kiss in the kitchen before we turn the lights off . ’
‘ i’ve been lost but i’m here now . you’re the only person who has ever been able to find me . ’
‘ almost dead yesterday , maybe dead tomorrow , but alive , gloriously alive , today . ’
‘ you are not broken . ’
‘ you can love and be loved , despite what may feel like the eternally brutal nature of the world . ’
‘ i did violence to my own heart . ’
‘ will i be forgiven for the sins i did not commit , but created ? ’
‘ i would never kiss anyone who doesn’t burn me like the sun . ’
‘ i would rather break the world than lose you . ’
‘ i think you and i have known each other in a few lifetimes . ’
‘ i didn’t know . i had no idea how greedy my heart really was . ’
‘ is that why the idea of losing you torments me so much ? ’
‘ how long have i been without you ? ’
‘ am i foolish for wanting this ? it will end in flames . it always does . ’
‘ sorry about the blood in your mouth . i wish it was mine . ’
‘ if i love you , is that a fact or a weapon ? ’
‘ tell me how all this , and love too , will ruin us . ’
‘ and you realize the one person in the world who loves you isn’t the one you thought it would be . ’
‘ it cannot be a mistake to have cared . it cannot be an error to have tried . it cannot be incorrect to have loved . ’
‘ finally , i plead guilty of adoring you . ’
‘ a child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort . ’
‘ without realizing , i find it in myself that i cannot stop thinking about you . ’
‘ tomorrow , when i wake up , i promise , i will be better . ’
‘ someone has to leave first . this is a very old story . there is no other version of this story . ’
‘ when i imagine myself , i am always leaving . i couldn’t draw my own face if god asked . ’
‘ do we simply stare at what’s horrible and forgive it ? ’
‘ i wanted to let go of the pain even though it was the last thing that felt alive from you . ’
‘ have i endured loneliness with grace ? ’
‘ i’ll be your slaughterhouse , your killing floor , your morgue and final resting , walking around with this bullet inside me ‘cause i couldn’t make you love me and i am tired of pulling your teeth . ’
‘ and then my soul saw you and kind of went , ‘ oh , there you are . i’ve been looking for you . ’ ’
‘ sometimes it feels like someone else is wearing my body . ’
‘ i spent my life arguing how i mattered until it didn’t matter . ��
‘ who knew my haven would be my coffin ? ’
‘ dead is the safest i’ve ever been . ’
‘ i’ve never been so alive . ’
‘ you know what i was gonna tell you before , but didn’t have the nerve ? you got your name written all over me . i got my name written on you , too . ’
‘ you already are something . you always were . and you still have time to be . ’
‘ you know me by heart . it infuriates me that you know me by heart . ’
‘ why am i waiting for you ? hungering and thirsting for you in every cranny of my soul and even in my ribs ? ’
‘ you came with a handful of pain and a smile which broke the ground under my feet as the earthquake does when two people meet . ’
‘ the only good thing is that i’m getting used to suffering . ’
‘ the return to time was not my choice . ’
‘ we are built to live inside each other . this means we are built to ruin . ’
‘ time does not bring relief ; you all have lied . ’
‘ time does not know how to keep our hopes safe . ’
‘ you needed me so much that you had to end me . ’
‘ there are days where i am morbidly in love with you , and this is one of those days . ’
‘ i know no end to desiring you . ’
‘ i fear that i am both too much yet not enough . ’
‘ yes , yes , yes , i do like you . i am afraid to say the stronger word . ’
‘ a heart’s a heavy burden . ’
‘ life , as i see it , is all about farewells rather than reunions . ’
‘ heaven is real and you only had two minutes to prove it to me . ’
‘ it was already love . ’
‘ everyone desires love but also finds it impossible to believe that they deserve it . ’
‘ i’ll love you until i forget how to . ’
‘ i’ll love you until i forget how to and then i’ll fall like my knees aren’t already bruised from doing it and i’ll remember why you’re worth the ache . ’
‘ of course i’ll hurt you . of course you’ll hurt me . of course we’ll hurt each other . but this is the very condition of existence . ’
‘ nothing makes me sadder and nothing makes me happier than you . ’
‘ i love you and i do not want to love you , it is too much and too difficult . ’
‘ grief is just love with no place to go . ’
‘ i felt my life with both my hands to see if it was there . ’
‘ you do this , you do . you take the things you love and you tear them apart . ’
‘ i hope it’s love . i’m trying really hard to make it love . ’
‘ if you touch me again i might burn up in the cold air . ’
‘ i asked you not to leave several times . ’
‘ i’ve only adored you lifetimes ago and here we are . it’s nice to see you again . ’
‘ all time ever does is pass and all i ever do is remember . ’
‘ i feel as though we were never strangers , you and i , not even for a moment . ’
‘ i’d choose you ; in a hundred different lifetimes , in a hundred worlds , in any version of reality , i’d find you and i’d choose you . ’
‘ nothing about this is soft but we pretend . ’
‘ maybe you and i are just a dream . ’
‘ i know you loved me too , you knew me , and it gladdens my heart . ’
‘ i promise i shall never give up and that i’ll die yelling and laughing . ’
‘ i don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision . ’
‘ the world was made so that we could find each other in it . ’
‘ you don’t meet the people you love , you recognize them . ’
‘ i think you and i have known each other a few lifetimes . ’
‘ this body knows fear like a front porch knows welcome – it is always coming home . ’
‘ i miss you more than i remember you . ’
‘ if i could have done it all again , i would have loved you better . but i could not have loved you more . ’
‘ we could have been happy . i know that , and it is perhaps the hardest thing to know . ’
‘ you want a better story . who wouldn’t ? ’
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𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐞 : 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒒𝒖𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒔
‘ i’ll find you again , wherever we end up next . ’
‘ the enormity of my desire disgusts me . ’
‘ please , one more kiss in the kitchen before we turn the lights off . ’
‘ i’ve been lost but i’m here now . you’re the only person who has ever been able to find me . ’
‘ almost dead yesterday , maybe dead tomorrow , but alive , gloriously alive , today . ’
‘ you are not broken . ’
‘ you can love and be loved , despite what may feel like the eternally brutal nature of the world . ’
‘ i did violence to my own heart . ’
‘ will i be forgiven for the sins i did not commit , but created ? ’
‘ i would never kiss anyone who doesn’t burn me like the sun . ’
‘ i would rather break the world than lose you . ’
‘ i think you and i have known each other in a few lifetimes . ’
‘ i didn’t know . i had no idea how greedy my heart really was . ’
‘ is that why the idea of losing you torments me so much ? ’
‘ how long have i been without you ? ’
‘ am i foolish for wanting this ? it will end in flames . it always does . ’
‘ sorry about the blood in your mouth . i wish it was mine . ’
‘ if i love you , is that a fact or a weapon ? ’
‘ tell me how all this , and love too , will ruin us . ’
‘ and you realize the one person in the world who loves you isn’t the one you thought it would be . ’
‘ it cannot be a mistake to have cared . it cannot be an error to have tried . it cannot be incorrect to have loved . ’
‘ finally , i plead guilty of adoring you . ’
‘ a child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort . ’
‘ without realizing , i find it in myself that i cannot stop thinking about you . ’
‘ tomorrow , when i wake up , i promise , i will be better . ’
‘ someone has to leave first . this is a very old story . there is no other version of this story . ’
‘ when i imagine myself , i am always leaving . i couldn’t draw my own face if god asked . ’
‘ do we simply stare at what’s horrible and forgive it ? ’
‘ i wanted to let go of the pain even though it was the last thing that felt alive from you . ’
‘ have i endured loneliness with grace ? ’
‘ i’ll be your slaughterhouse , your killing floor , your morgue and final resting , walking around with this bullet inside me ‘cause i couldn’t make you love me and i am tired of pulling your teeth . ’
‘ and then my soul saw you and kind of went , ‘ oh , there you are . i’ve been looking for you . ’ ’
‘ sometimes it feels like someone else is wearing my body . ’
‘ i spent my life arguing how i mattered until it didn’t matter . ’
‘ who knew my haven would be my coffin ? ’
‘ dead is the safest i’ve ever been . ’
‘ i’ve never been so alive . ’
‘ you know what i was gonna tell you before , but didn’t have the nerve ? you got your name written all over me . i got my name written on you , too . ’
‘ you already are something . you always were . and you still have time to be . ’
‘ you know me by heart . it infuriates me that you know me by heart . ’
‘ why am i waiting for you ? hungering and thirsting for you in every cranny of my soul and even in my ribs ? ’
‘ you came with a handful of pain and a smile which broke the ground under my feet as the earthquake does when two people meet . ’
‘ the only good thing is that i’m getting used to suffering . ’
‘ the return to time was not my choice . ’
‘ we are built to live inside each other . this means we are built to ruin . ’
‘ time does not bring relief ; you all have lied . ’
‘ time does not know how to keep our hopes safe . ’
‘ you needed me so much that you had to end me . ’
‘ there are days where i am morbidly in love with you , and this is one of those days . ’
‘ i know no end to desiring you . ’
‘ i fear that i am both too much yet not enough . ’
‘ yes , yes , yes , i do like you . i am afraid to say the stronger word . ’
‘ a heart’s a heavy burden . ’
‘ life , as i see it , is all about farewells rather than reunions . ’
‘ heaven is real and you only had two minutes to prove it to me . ’
‘ it was already love . ’
‘ everyone desires love but also finds it impossible to believe that they deserve it . ’
‘ i’ll love you until i forget how to . ’
‘ i’ll love you until i forget how to and then i’ll fall like my knees aren’t already bruised from doing it and i’ll remember why you’re worth the ache . ’
‘ of course i’ll hurt you . of course you’ll hurt me . of course we’ll hurt each other . but this is the very condition of existence . ’
‘ nothing makes me sadder and nothing makes me happier than you . ’
‘ i love you and i do not want to love you , it is too much and too difficult . ’
‘ grief is just love with no place to go . ’
‘ i felt my life with both my hands to see if it was there . ’
‘ you do this , you do . you take the things you love and you tear them apart . ’
‘ i hope it’s love . i’m trying really hard to make it love . ’
‘ if you touch me again i might burn up in the cold air . ’
‘ i asked you not to leave several times . ’
‘ i’ve only adored you lifetimes ago and here we are . it’s nice to see you again . ’
‘ all time ever does is pass and all i ever do is remember . ’
‘ i feel as though we were never strangers , you and i , not even for a moment . ’
‘ i’d choose you ; in a hundred different lifetimes , in a hundred worlds , in any version of reality , i’d find you and i’d choose you . ’
‘ nothing about this is soft but we pretend . ’
‘ maybe you and i are just a dream . ’
‘ i know you loved me too , you knew me , and it gladdens my heart . ’
‘ i promise i shall never give up and that i’ll die yelling and laughing . ’
‘ i don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision . ’
‘ the world was made so that we could find each other in it . ’
‘ you don’t meet the people you love , you recognize them . ’
‘ i think you and i have known each other a few lifetimes . ’
‘ this body knows fear like a front porch knows welcome – it is always coming home . ’
‘ i miss you more than i remember you . ’
‘ if i could have done it all again , i would have loved you better . but i could not have loved you more . ’
‘ we could have been happy . i know that , and it is perhaps the hardest thing to know . ’
‘ you want a better story . who wouldn’t ? ’
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hello lovelies ! tis i , the always disappearing one . i am so sorry life has gotten so hectic . between work and a new ~ interest ~ , i am hardly ever home and do not have time to sit down and do tumblr things . however !!! i want to write so damn badly !!! like !!! it’s killing me !!! please please please know that this is me reaching out for discord plots . like , add me or if we added each other , just open up a damn sever and throw a thread at me . i miss you guys , i miss jess . i miss this stupid ass show that brought us together .
i will be lurking for the rest of the night , yearning to reach out or send memes but scared shitless to do so bc i .. know i suck at keeping in touch and keeping up with this blog . i am sorry . but uh , yeah , if you wanna do the thing , hmu .
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hello, it is i, disappearing girl, asking for discord plots. life is different lately and i miss jess and all of you. pls pls pls hmu
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i didn’t realize today was the 24th ......... but happy birthday to my bbs jess and dean ! holy shit i love them sm
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… . .
they put me in the ground
but I’m back from the dead
… . .
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ayo reminder that my discord is always open if you wanna write over there . i’ve been lacking lately because i was working outside of my department last week and super busy , but am now back to my regular bullshit . i will be working overtime all this week ( sunday is my only day off , unless tomorrow’s a snow day which is unknown still ) .
but if you ever wanna write with jess or scully hmu and we’ll catch up and start some threads over there since i am available there 24/7 basically . you might just have to punch me to remind me (’:
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more angst & post angst sentences. since this is the meme i see the most on my own rp dash, have a part two of sentences indicative of trauma and pain, past or present. feel free to edit the sentences to your own needs as you wish.
“ what happened to her? ”
“ is this it? ”
“ duty before love. ”
“ you were gone. ”
“ i keep seeing you. ”
“ please, don’t tell him. ”
“ i need to get you warm. listen, you’re gonna want to go to sleep, but i can’t let you do that, okay? just stay with me, stay with me—! ”
“ she figured it out. ”
“ you were too late. ”
“ i don’t want you apologies, i want my [relation] back! ”
“ i told you! why didn’t you listen?! ”
“ it’s me—wait! …please don’t hang up. ”
“ they gave me a new life. ”
“ and you believed them? ”
“ don’t… don’t touch me. ”
“ could you, for once, think about everyone you’re gonna leave behind if–/when/ you finally get yourself killed? ”
“ it’s nothing personal. ”
“ you’re going to have to kill me yourself. ”
“ it’s always been just you and me. you and me. no one else. ”
“ the worst punishment for a parent is to bury their child. ”
“ lie to me. ”
“ i already have [name] risking their job for me. i can’t risk anyone else. ”
“ you kill me, you’ll never find [name]. ”
“ he has [name]. ”
“ i don’t care what happens to me. do it to save yourself. ”
“ i—-i can’t breath…! ”
“ if /your/ family was being threatened, you’d do anything to save them. ”
“ i needed to learn how to never be afraid again. ”
“ please—just pull the knife out! ”
“ why do you own a gun? ”
“ i don’t know who to trust anymore. ”
“ you’ll fuck me but you won’t [go out with/date/marry] me. ”
“ we need to stop this. it’s too risky… and i can’t lose you. ”
“ i carried your coffin! ”
“ don’t follow me. ”
“ i’m mad at god. ”
“ none of it was real. i was just doing my job. ”
“ why didn’t you tell me you were hurt?! ”
“ i was the only survivor. ”
“ i never met her. ”
“ you choose your family, but it doesn’t change the fact that i’m still 50% him. ”
“ she’ll kill you if you don’t get out. ”
“ not if i kill him first. ”
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morning after starters
“ last night was nice. ”
“ lets do this again some time. ”
“ i’ll leave my number. ”
“ i gotta go, sorry. ”
“ can’t you at least stay for breakfast? ”
“ i’ll make coffee—don’t go anywhere. ”
“ next time, maybe i’ll buy you dinner first. ”
“ if we do this again you better buy me dinner first. ”
“ i don’t think my legs work again yet. ”
“ i don’t wanna get up. ”
“ no don’t move, it’s too cold outside the covers. ”
“ there’s no way i can hide these marks… ”
“ this was probably a mistake. ”
“ this can’t happen again. ”
“ you always say that, and yet we wind up right back here. ”
“ are you watching me sleep? ”
“ you look cute all frazzled like this. ”
“ why are you looking at me like that? ”
“ keep kissing me like that and we’re gonna end up back in bed. ”
“ something wrong? ”
“ i’d stay if i could, i promise. ”
“ so if i put my number in your phone, you actually gonna text me? ”
“ i made breakfast. ”
“ how do you take your coffee? ”
“ fuck! i’m late— ”
“ did you turn the alarm off? ”
“ if you don’t turn that alarm off i’m gonna throw it out the window. ”
“ i can’t find my shirt. ”
“ babe, we slept in. ”
“ i know you’re awake. ”
“ i’ll stay. ”
“ why don’t you stay? ”
“ i like waking up with you. ”
“ i like having you here at night. ”
“ you know, if you moved in we wouldn’t keep having to say goodbye like this. ”
“ so when are we gonna actually go on a real date? ”
“ do i smell bacon? ”
“ you made pancakes? ”
“ come on, come back to bed. ”
“ you weren’t there when i woke up. ”
“ i thought you left. ”
“ do you want me to go? ”
“ just let me sleep for five more minutes. ”
“ you’re really beautiful/handsome. even if you drool. ”
“ you talk in your sleep, ya know. ”
ACTIONS:
1. for one muse to surprise the other with breakfast in bed
2. for our muses to go another round in the morning
3. for your muse to join mine in the shower while getting ready for the day
4. for one muse to stop the other from trying to sneak away
5. for one muse to invite the other to spend the rest of the day with them
6. for one muse to convince the other to stay in bed the rest of the day
7. for our muses to have sex in the kitchen instead of finishing breakfast
8. for our muses to spoon
9. for one muse to wake up with morning wood
10. for one muse to wake the other up with oral
11. for lazy morning sex
12. for one muse to wake the other because they’re having a nightmare
13. for one muse to distract the other from getting ready by kissing/groping them
14. for one muse to kick the other out of their home
15. for our muses to wake with no recollection of the night before
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KISSING MEME PROMPTS:
kiss prompts for starters and/or drabbles. feel free to make changes as you see fit. enjoy ! <3
hand kiss.
cheek kiss.
neck kiss.
back kiss.
forehead kiss.
ear kiss.
nose kiss.
shy kiss.
happy kiss.
surprise kiss.
angry kiss.
crying kiss.
rough kiss
soft kiss.
quick kiss.
platonic kiss.
jealous kiss.
first kiss.
last kiss.
clumsy kiss.
uninterested kiss.
blown kiss.
awkward kiss.
drunk kiss.
bloody kiss.
sensual kiss.
dying kiss.
secret kiss.
teasing kiss.
against the wall kiss.
alleyway kiss.
rain kiss.
before bed kiss.
goodbye kiss.
‘i’m sorry’ kiss.
‘i missed you’ kiss.
‘good morning’ kiss.
‘goodnight’ kiss.
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reminder that christmas with jess would probably include lots of homemade baked goods , mistletoe , as many gifts as she could possibly get her hands on , and lots of drinking . but trying her best to be happy and cheerful because she’d rather try to keep others happy than anything else .
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☃ Christmas Inspired Starters ☃
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got out of work early tonight (second shifter hello) so i can go in and work an early first shift (but 10 hours instead of 8) to make sure that Christmas isn't mandatory because right now it is
but it the department I'll be helping out tomorrow doesn't catch up, I'll be working Christmas and I'm......... ugh I hate everything and everyone
i feel like death
december has been long
january is going to be bad too, for my department and I'm just... not ready
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“I want to. Really- I don’t care about the rest, we’ll figure it out later. Just... let me do this for you. Please-,”
rough on the ears , tugging on the heart . reintroduction ; a somewhat treacherous climb , slips and falls abound , catching them off guard . in brief moments caught playful , ghosts of the past , two college kids with open hearts and daunting futures — just lambs to the slaughter . the next , complete strangers in passing , the blonde always holding her breath . the years had gone by in such aggravating ways and she had missed it in her time spent in heaven , in death , resting peacefully before being snatched away , torn from the safe place and brought back to fend for herself against the things that go bump in the night . and the boy she once loved should have forewarned her . and the man she could grow to love again stands before her , painfully reaching out and trying to help them along . father time had done his damage and the world had set in , the weight of it clearly resting upon sam’s shoulders yet he does this . of all things to hold onto , the woman takes into account the several that’d stood in his place --- that’d stood in hers . trying not to take it to heart , still it’s crushing . arms fold against her body , protecting herself from ... something , unsure of what exactly . baby blue’s avert his gaze , not wanting to continue , but he’s trying to set aside differences for tonight’s sake . jessica taking a moment too long to think about it . trust that once came so naturally was clearly lost , but she tries , lips parting with a sigh . ❛ sam , you don’t have to do anything for me anymore , ❜ she assures him , though it’s not too reassuring . biting lower lip , eyes try to meet his again as if to say why was this so tough ? it shouldn’t be , right ? this was supposed to be easy . she gives in , accepts the help . ❛ but if you really want to ... ❜ / @smmie
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