maryamiskanderovaxx

[maryamiskanderovaxx]

Van Gogh

It’s been 128 years since Van Gogh has left us. I have no doubt that you probably have heard his name. I am so thankful that I had the chance to see most of his work when I was in Amsterdam four years ago with my mum. I recommend it to everyone, to see his work and any artists work in real life is something else that I can not express with words. I met Van Gogh and his art in elementary school, I took art classes and our art teacher was totally obsessed with him; she made us watch documentaries about him and she would show us he’s paintings and talk about them. Little did I know that I was going to actually do a presentation about him later on in high school with the same enthusiasm. When I was a kid for me he was a weirdo who did cut his ear because I was not mature enough to understand why he did that. Later on, when I grew older I understood him. Van Gogh had bipolar disorder ( A disorder which did lead him to not have a stability with his emotions), but I do not think that bipolar should define him as the person he is. I see Van Gogh as a man who was the most famous artist during the 19th century ( He was not that famous while he was alive, his fame began after his death.) 

His paintings often had a subtle symbolic meaning, bit because he refused to use the old forms of symbolism his works are often very hard to read. Luckily Vincent van Gogh wrote about them himself, often in letters and they sometimes give remarkable insights into his world. This was his favorite theme in his work. Flowers set against a blue sky, clearly inspired by the Japanese prints he loved. Still, it is a strange setting. We don’t see a landscape or even a horizon, just this branch floating in the air. Shortly before he painted it, his brother Theo wrote him a letter to inform him he had had a son. They were going to call him Vincent. Uncle Vincent was suffering from one of his breakdowns but loved the news. He quickly painted this work as a gift to his young nephew. In his letter to Theo, he wrote that almonds blossom first in spring, so to him they symbolized new life. The younger Vincent kept the painting for most of his life. He was the founder of the museum of his uncle's work, and there you can still see it today. Van Gogh was a man who had a talent that was so rare and I do not think that any artist can compare with him. Moreover, Van Gogh also used to eat yellow paint because he thought it would get the happiness inside him. Many people thought he was mad and stupid for doing so because the paint was toxic, never mind that it was obvious that eating paint couldn’t possibly have any direct correlation to one’s happiness, but I never saw that. If you were so unhappy that even the maddest ideas could possibly work, like painting the walls of your internal organs yellow, then you are going to do it. It’s really no different than falling in love or taking drugs. There is a greater risk of getting your heart broken or overdosing, but people still do it every day because there was always that chance it could make things better. Everyone has their yellow paint. Van Gogh shot himself in the chest on July 26 1890, his brother Theo took care of him for two days and finally Van Gogh died on the 28 of July. There is a letter that most people believe that was his suicide note; 

‘My dear brother,

Thanks for your kind letter and for the 50-fr. note in contained.

There are many things I should like to write you about, but I feel it useless. I hope you have found those worthy gentlemen favorably disposed toward you.

Your reassuring me as to the peacefulness of your household was hardly worth the trouble, I think, having seen the weal and woe of it for myself. And I quite agree with you that rearing a boy on a fourth floor is a hell of a job for you as well as for Jo.

Since the thing that matters most is going well, why should I say more about things of less importance? My word, before we have a chance to talk business more collectedly, we shall probably have a long way to go.

The other painters, whatever they think, instinctively keep themselves at a distance from discussions about the actual trade.

Well, the truth is, we can only make our pictures speak. But yet, my dear brother, there is this that I have always told you, and I repeat it once more with all the earnestness that can be expressed by the effort of a mind diligently fixed on trying to do as well as possible - I tell you again that I shall always consider you to be something more than a simple dealer in Corots, that through my mediation you have your part in the actual production of some canvases, which will retain their calm even in the catastrophe.

For this is what we have got to, and this is all or at least the main thing I can have to tell you at a moment of comparative crisis. At a moment when things are very strained between dealers in pictures of dead artists, and living artists.

Well, my own work, I am risking my life for it and my reason has half foundered because of it--that's all right--but you are not among the dealers in men as far as I know, and you can still choose your side, I think, acting with humanity, but que veux-tu?’ Van Gogh.

If you are interested on why did cut his ear: https://www.vangoghmuseum.nl/en/125-questions/questions-and-answers/question-13-of-125

Love,

Maryam x

[maryamiskanderovaxx]

MY COMMITMENT ISSUES

TRIGGER WARNING: LOSERISH, ADULT POST TO DO WITH MONEY AND COMMITMENT.

I am usually quite nervous when I subscribe to a service. I have to do a lot of research on what I am getting for my money: On who has recommended it, and whether it will benefit me long-term. It's quite ironic really, considering I am the sort of person who spontaneously drains my money on huge online orders (Damn you, Asos!). But for some reason, when I know I am paying for something monthly, I get all jumpy and worried that it's not worth my money -- sounds like I have some strange shopping commitment problem, no? And it's not because I cannot afford it, and it’s not like it's impossible to cancel it at any time either! But the idea of having to actively cancel something does play into it, partly.

I guess it’s a bit like a relationship – once you’re past your three-month free trial, things start to get a bit more serious. You have to make the decision as to whether it is worth your time and money to invest in the full package... and sometimes a girl is a little sceptical, maybe from previous experiences or whatever, you all know what I mean. So, here are the subscriptions I have thought about and thought about and thought about until I decided (After the three-month trial) that it was worth the commitment to – so yes, it’s a big deal.

NETFLIX (NO CHILL)

Netflix is a solid subscription, especially now F.R.I.E.N.D.S. is available 24/7 - and boy, don't I know it, it has become the background music to our house and I couldn't be happier. If you haven't got a Netflix provider, aka, a subscriber to sponge off of, or if the person who pays doesn't want to boost up to a two-screen subscription, then I'd totally recommend that you get it yourself. Movies, TV series like The Peaky Blinders, The OA, The Sinner, all top-notch and readily available.I mean there wasn't much else in the argument past F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Get yourself on it!  

AUDIBLE

I take the tube to the university every day. Although it should be a half an hour journey, it takes me well over an hour to reach my doorstep. I find journeys quite frustrating if I do not have something productive to do. I don't particularly like reading on the tube or looking at my phone because looking down makes me feel motion sickness. So, I subscribed to Audible; A service linked to Amazon that provides thousands of audiobooks, fiction, and non-fiction, for £7.99 a month. With this payment, not only do you have access to the books but you are also given one book credit a month which entitles you to choose any audiobook with no further costs. I think this is perfectly reasonable and I haven't used anything other than the credits I have been given so far as it takes me about one month of listening to get through one book anyway! Not only is it the perfect solution to my frustrating bus journeys, but it has encouraged me to read/listen to more literature, outside of what I am studying on my course. Especially if English is not your own mother language it's essential that you get this app as it will improve your language capability. Audible means you can listen to novels you've wanted to read but haven't had time for! You can actually read for... for... pleasure! Who would have thought it possible? I am currently listening to A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgees (It is pretty weird with the whole another language thing but I'm enjoying it!)  

THE NEW YORKER

I have been searching for a good magazine to get my hands on for a while. I thought about subscribing to Red Magazine but decided that I preferred to pick an issue up in the shops rather than subscribe to it. Throughout this term at university, I've read a lot of the fictional stories in The New Yorker and have been really impressed with the content that they publish. Their sections vary, producing fiction, podcasts, a section on culture, humour, cartoons, and news. I love the design and how artsy the magazine is, they include so much in one copy. It costs $1 (70p) a week at the moment to subscribe and that entitles you to 12 weeks access to their online content. I chose to pay for the physical copy of the magazine as well as the online content which cost me $20 (£14) for twelve weeks worth of content.  I am yet to receive my first copy of the magazine and I am pretty excited because it's illustrated beautifully! 

SPOTIFY

Ah, Spotify, like music to my ears (See what I did there). Spotify is great for everyone, really, but even better when you're a student as you get the student discount: it's £9.99 a month for a standard membership and £4.99 for a student membership.

It's definitely worth paying for the membership as you can listen to all your music in one place, make playlists for all occasions (Gotta have an emergency pre-drink playlist on their for whenever everybody else is too scared to DJ) and you can even use it when you are offline, so on holiday you can download your favourite albums. If you don't have a membership, you can still use the app but it does get irritating when you're listening to five audio adverts every two songs.  

Hope that my adultness didn't bore you and maybe you found some new services that are worth your commitment!

Love,

Maryam x

[maryamiskanderovaxx]

Why my mum is my role model:

Now that I am heading back home on Saturday! I’m bursting with excitement! While I’m looking forward to see my friends, what excites me the most the idea of seeing my mum again and being under the same rooftop with her again even thought it will be for a little time. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends and my brother, but my mum is the wise-cracking and fun-loving friend I love to have. Even thought there is an age gap and definitely a generation gap between us( Which can lead to heavy arguments.) My mum she is just so lovable, but also freakishly perfect,and somehow still nuanced and relatable. We often hear the question who is your role model and mine is my mum. And here is why:

She carved her own path and succeeded.

Ever the rebel, my mum opted not to move to back to Azerbaijan a few years ago ( Different time, different story.)  because it was the “Right thing to do.” She had a not known university diploma from Azerbaijan, and she was a single mother who did not get help from anyone during that time. My mum after all of the hard work she did put during that year is right now a finance manager in a world wide known UK company ( Thanks for the company being British as you already guessed she does visit me frequently during her business trips). We millennial women in particular can relate — even if we weren’t alone in a foreign country with two kids and just got out of a heavy rough divorce— to starting from the bottom and figuring it out as we go and so to see my mum succeed is a nice reminder it can be done (even if it entails truckloads of caffeine).

She’s opinionated and witty.

I’ve never been one to mince my words, but my mum must be afflicted with the same problem Phoebe Buffet ( Hello to friends fans!) had — too many thoughts and not enough time to stop and think before saying something, and thus we’re blessed with lovely and quotable morsels. But seriously, we are the generation that’s been taught to Lean In and not be afraid to say how we really feel so to see my mum tell it like it is makes her one of us. Whether she’s being brutally honest (she always gives her honest opinion on everything to me), voicing her opinion and her openness makes her that much more interesting and a capable conversationalist, to boot.

She’s not perfect.

My mum is a lot of awesome things, but she’s also immature and selfish and despite this we still love her and her perfect imperfections. Her flaws make her a full-fledged character and all the more real to us. She’s made mistakes and she’s bratty with her mother at times, but who hasn’t made mistakes or acted up? As millennial women, we’re not afraid to own up to our flaws and we’re not striving to be unattainable, perfect beings, we also just want our own children to love us — warts and all.  

She’s independent.

My mum is in her forties, single, and couldn’t be happier (as long as she’s had her coffee, natch). I can only guess that she clearly wanted a connection and a stable relationship, but she didn’t waste her time pining for one ( Sorry mum for taking up all of your personal time ). My mums need for coffee exceeded her need for a man in her life.

She’s a cool mom.

Studies have shown that millennial women are waiting to have kids but when they do they’ll do it their way. My mum isn’t perfect but she sure did a good job raising me and my brother. ( I am currently a law and politics student in the UK and my brother just got enrolled to one of the best high schools in turkey.) Not to sound narcissistic but I think most of you would want to have a mother-daughter relationship like ours. She’s 98 percent friend and two percent mum (as she likes to put it), and she easily falls right into mum mode when need be — like when I took a break from university — because ultimately she really does know what’s best.

Mums appeal is twofold: She is me and she’s who I want to be like. She’s everywoman but she’s also doing her own thing, she’s funny but breathlessly witty, a spitfire that we can all hope to keep up with if not emulate. Love you mum, thank you for everything.

Love, Maryam xx

[maryamiskanderovaxx]

ANXIETY

I basically should be writing an essay that is due on Tuesday right now, but I thought I’d write up a quick post about anxiety! I had to give an IELTS speaking test a week ago due to my certificates deadline and my topic was anxiety and mental health! While me and the examiner were talking about it I thought that it will be very useful and supportive to write a blog post about it for the people who are suffering from it! I am putting an exclamation after that because I am feeling anxious right now, yep! And! It! Feels! Like! Everything! Is! Heightened! And! A! Big! Deal! – If anxiety was a piece of punctuation (can you say 'a piece of' punctuation?) it would definitely be an exclamation mark. I have had anxiety since I was in primary school, maybe as young as the age of six or seven. Unlike other people that I know, because I have suffered from anxiety for such a significant proportion of my life, I didn’t realise that it wasn’t normal to feel as though your senses are on fire and your stomach is pancake-flipping randomly. I thought everybody felt the same. However, I did not start experiencing panic attacks (which are pretty much mini breakdowns combined with an asthma attack sort of feeling) until I was about fourteen. Side note: I also suffer from ADHD. God, I have such enviable genes. What have we learnt so far? 1. Maryam is full of mental health problems. 2. Maryam is full of physical problems. 3. I am a walking problem. Because I have dealt with anxiety, unintentionally, for so long, I have managed to strategize and come up with ways to keep anxiety under my belt . Just a little disclaimer: all the things I am about to list are techniques and tips that help ME personally, they may or may not work for you. 1.    BREATHE

Breathing. It is such a simple technique but also one of the most effective ones in controlling anxiety. It sounds stupid really, because, of course, you are breathing. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be alive. However, it is a well-known fact that by breathing slowly and deeply, you both allow your body to get the oxygen it needs but also your heart-rate slows down! You physically RELAX which is what we want our body to be doing when we are feeling like the world is coming at us like a full speed train without brakes. Anxiety IS a physical experience, not just a mental one. By getting our body to slow down, we are also getting our mind to, too. 

2.    GO EASY ON CAFFEINE

Like the breathing, we are trying to get our body to relax and slow down! NOT speed up, which is what caffeine does to us. Caffeine is my worst enemy, I am currently paying the price for forgetting to ask for decaf in a coffee shop. But at least I am drawing on the positives on my mistake by writing this post hey?! My body is particularly receptive to caffeine, I drink decaf tea at home (which does not taste any different to caffeinated tea) and try to ask for decaf when I am out. I would go as far as saying that I am able to recognise caffeinated tea or coffee as one of my ‘triggers’ for anxiety now. So, KEEP CLEAR people! It’s a dangerous drug, especially for those with anxiety.

3.    DISTRACT YOURSELF

This is the strategy that I struggle with the most when I am in an ‘anxiety-episode,’ as I like to call it. It can be difficult to think or talk about something that isn’t your paranoid thoughts and beating heart. However, FORCE YOURSELF TO FIND SOMETHING. I do not say that lightly, the more you focus on how ‘out of control’ you feel, the more you will panic. For me, when I focus intently on my anxiety, I often spiral into a series of panicky thoughts which leads me to have a full-frontal panic attack. It has happened in public many, many times before, which is not ideal. However, if you have your phone on you then maybe look up a funny video (Would I Lie to You? Is my absolute favourite program, and just one clip of Lee Mack and David Mitchell saying something ridiculous will distract me). If you’re in conversation with someone, tell them. Say to them directly “I am very anxious right now, please can we talk about something to distract me.” I know it’s hard and, can be, very embarrassing, but if that person is your friend then they will be able to help you! 4.    TALK TO SOMEONE

If you are finding these tips unhelpful or if you cannot manage your anxiety by yourself, go and speak to someone. I have been to one-to-one counselling – just for one-off sessions when I needed it – and found that it has really helped me. Sometimes when you are feeling highly anxious every day, there may be a reason that isn’t even apparent to yourself until you talk it out with someone. One of the reasons that put me off counselling initially was the idea that you had to commit to ten plus sessions or something! But that’s not true, at all. You can just book yourself in for the odd one, or, if necessary, you can go weekly. 5.    LEAVE THE ROOM

Sometimes, when my thoughts are running around my head at Usain Bolt speed, and I am surrounded by lots of people, voices, noise; leaving the room is the best thing that I can do. Just leave. Say you’re going for a wee if you have to, but leave. When you’re feeling highly charged and out of control internally, it is better to be in a more externally controlled environment. Being in a quiet or less crowded place will encourage you to listen to yourself and what you need. Breathe (refer to tip 1). And try your best to physically calm down. Then you can go back into the room when you are feeling more at ease.

Remember, your mental health is equally as important as your physical health. Would you leave a broken leg broken and just limp around when you could access a wheelchair or crutches at the hospital? You are important. You deserve to put your mental health first. Love, Maryam xx

[maryamiskanderovaxx]

Sen eskiden baya yazı yazdığın blog vardı şiirlerini falan koyuyordun hala duruyor mu ve buraya da koyucak mısın

Silmistim onu ve bilmiyorum bayadir bir sey yazmadim yazarsam koyarim heralde

[maryamiskanderovaxx]

Are you a fan of contour?

 I do contour my cheekbones if I have the time or if I am going out somewhere xx 

[maryamiskanderovaxx]

Do you like England or Turkey more?

I do like England more but I really miss the life I used to have in Turkey.

[maryamiskanderovaxx]

In which city at UK do you live?

I live in Nottingham but I might leave to London or Leeds next year xx

[maryamiskanderovaxx]

Welcome xx

Hello there, my name is Maryam Iskandarova. I am originally from Azerbaijan and I I’ve lived in beautiful Istanbul nearly my whole life and recently moved to England. I have created this blog as a creative outlet to share my fascination  with topics such as makeup, fashion, and art. I have always enjoyed writing and wanted to start a blog for years now. I did attempt to write a blog a year ago, however, I did fail in doing so: I was really busy with law school which I am planning to write another post about it. I decided to finally compose this one because over the months I’ve had received about 20-50 questions daily about pretty much everything ( Mostly skincare and makeup.). Although I try my best to respond to everyone, I think this would be the best way to connect with you all. I guess I’m a real Virgo-Scorpio woman. I am versatile and proficient on anything I set my mind to. Moreover, I also do have a great attention to detail. I first started finding myself two years ago; at the age of 17 and still, I am trying to figure myself out. All I knew was that I was smart, creative and I had vision, I just needed to go out there and do it. Everything I’ve done in the past years was all by myself. I am my own team. At the age of 17 my style has also changed and I have stopped being a tomboy and everything around me become more feminine. I stopped shopping from males section and I also have stopped cutting my hair short. I have always been interested in all things beauty and self-care. I also have started to have a big interest in fashion I guess you can say that I do have a more feminine style. Now that I finally have my own outlet, I’m just happy to share with you all what I love and maybe inspire you a bit.

Thank you for reading.