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To the Boy I Won’t Even Write a Letter

Happy birthday to you! 

December 25, 2015. Robinson’s Place MNL. Maybe the place is special kasi doon tayo nagkita ng personal? Oh. I still remember everything. Everything between you and me na nga yata eh. The more-than-chatting-every-single-moment friendship started. The rest is history dahil sobrang dami na po. HAHAHA.

I really waited for this day to happen. Ever since we became friends at ini-stalk kita ng sandali, August 5 is marked in my calendar as your day. Wala na akong pake kung sino pa magbibirthday dyan. Chos. Binati pa kita noon kahit isang buwan na akong late--kahit di pa tayo close/magka-kilala. 

Dumating ang August 5, 2016. It’s weird kasi inaabangan ko rin mag 12:00 AM nung August 4 pa, but nakatulog ako ng 11:00. Then paggising ko na lang, shocks, kinukulit na ako ng Facebook, birthday mo na raw. Ang bilis ng araw, ang dami na ring nangyari, andami na nating napag-usapan, andami ng feelings. Isang buwan na lang friendship anniversary na natin na ako lang lagi ang nakakakaalala. Wala ka namang pake. Ang bilis ng araw, isang taon na tayo magkakilala. 

I wish you all the best this August 5. Favorite day ko na nga ang August 5. We’ve been through many things and moments. I don’t really know what’s between us. Nagseselos ako sa lahat ng taong sweet sayo. And ayoko naga-add ka ng friend. Joke. So ano na mangyayari satin? May kapwa medical-practitioner-in-the-making kang naiinlove sayo. And ako, I really don’t know. Heteroromantic ka diba. Pero bisexual. Ewan. Hindi ko alam iisipin kahit may pansexual, asexual na mga tao nang nandiyan. But I guess I just really feel so much feelings for you. Alam mo na siguro yon. And sa liit mong yan at dami ng balakubak mo, ba’t ba ako attracted sobra sayo? And maganda muna siguro let’s leave it that way muna. Mas gusto ko nga siguro na friends lang muna tayo kesa something else. We still have to prove something. Chos. Ewan, away na nga tayo ng away. Ilang beses mo na akong nase-seen, at simula ng maging intern ka, bihira na lang tayo mag-usap, wala pa rin yung ultimate challenge. charot. Baka feelings lang lagi, or nami-miss kitang makita kaya ako nago-OA. 

As you celebrate your birthday, which apparently ends when I’m finished writing this Hallmark-styled matipid na greeting letter. I hope you’ll always be happy and remain/stay the same to me. lol. Nauubusan na ako ng sasabihin kasi 70x ko ng pinaulit-ulit sayo mga nafe-feel ko hahaha. And Jollibee. And your games. And everything.

Coming back to Robinson’s, memories flashed back. Sana maging simple na lang ang lahat sa atin. Ang lakas maka-masokista ng ganap ko, HAHAHA. Che. Bahala na sa atin. Diba di natin pag-uusapan ang future, at di tayo maniniwala sa promise ng isa’t isa. SO ANO PANINIWALAAN NATIN hahaha. Sana ang pagiging close friend natin maging...

best friend. Bahala na kung may next o wala. Sa atin nakasalalay. Kasi andami kong natutunan about love. I might feel so much for you pero kulang yon. Bahala na talaga. Atat man ako magka-jowa and anything pero bahala na. Adopt ko na lang belief mo. Me, myself & I, tapos career and family first sakin. GANORN. Birthday greeting naman pala to. Hahahaha. Happy 20th!!! Matandaaaa. Kahit mas mukha kang bata kesa sakin hahaha. Ang weird mo, and awkward ko sayo. At ang weird at awkward ng story natin. Tapos miss na rin kita sobra, para tayong seperated ng solar systems. Pahawak na lang sa tiyan at kamay, kahit sa iba mo na agad ipapahawak yan. Happy birthday ulit hahaha. See you soonest, kasi wala ang clingy ko lang talaga. Ikaw ang chibi seme sa flaming uke ko. (anodaw) HAHAHAHA.

[matandang-dalaga]

Here we go again

— I have experienced the worst two years of my life but I’ve managed to come out strong. It has been a saddening experience. I’m proud to call myself a fighter and a SURVIVOR. It has been so hard. Life was harder back then. What was worse is, I was out of my comfort zone and I lost my challenge. But I’ve learned a lot still. I’ve never felt so alone and empty back then. It taught me that I can hate people as much as I can love them. It taught me to appreciate even the simplest things and see the best in the worst, to shine with light and love amidst the darkness that wraps me. I learned to love myself, even I fought also against myself tooth and nail almost everyday. I hate that it had to happen, and what I hate even more is that I let it happen to me. I was not really sad, I was just angry. It feels falling on the rock bottom. And what I hate is I didn’t fall slowly, it just blew me that I hit that phase. I can't mount my comeback and rise again easily. A cellar-dweller. Everything just fell apart. And now as I’m merely escaping the ghosts of my darkest phases, I’m on the verge of falling into it again. But with the lessons and pain that phase left me, I can’t afford to let it happen to me again. I’m tired. But I’ll not be tired of fighting. Maybe the greatest lesson of these darkest times is that no matter how many people you call a friend, it’s you —you all alone —is the prime reason that can save yourself. 

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Hahahaha

Snapchat: pilosopogyno

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Ang sakit naman po hahahaha

This is goodbye

I can’t believe I wrote all those things. I knew those things would happen, all those things I predicted. I never knew it would end this way but I’m happy that you’re doing well without me. I know that your aunt died. I’m sorry for your loss. I hope you’re doing well and I hope that you’ll pass your course and graduate with flying colors. We barely see each other at school. I think that’s a good thing because you’ll forget me. You have your “inspiration” now and It will lead towards crush then love. I know. I’ve been there. First love sucks so much when it’s unrequited. Anyway, good luck on your midterms. I’m sorry that I blocked you. It will be the last time I’ll be blocking you because I have no intention of unblocking you now. I have to move on with my life. I have to forget you because I’m nothing but a nuisance for you. Bye. forever.

[matandang-dalaga]

when you meet someone cool

when that person thinks you’re cool

when you become cool friends with that person

when you do cool stuff together

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The Souls Of Dolls: Scary Photos Of Abandoned Children Companions

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let’s be honest with ourselves

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truemats

Yung kasabay mo siyang magpuyat dati, tapos ngayon hindi na.

[matandang-dalaga]

When I become a teacher!

The teacher, Kyle Schwartz, started sharing the notes on Twitter using the hashtag #iwishmyteacherknew in order to encourage other teachers to learn more about their students. Tweets and photos came pouring in from around the world.

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Behold: ‘Mukbang’ at its finest.

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People without Tumblr: OMG! Look at this. *shares on other social networking sites*

People with Tumblr: I've seen that a year ago.

[matandang-dalaga]

Life is way too short to spend another day at war with yourself.