materialbutbalanced

[materialbutbalanced]

quad stands for quadrangle

The last time I made a blog post was in middle school. It was less of a blog and more of a poorly made website that was periodically updated with information on black sand beaches in Papua New Guinea, but if by title alone it fit the bill. The study of black sand beaches and their many facets was one of the earliest independent study projects (ISPs) that I remember being assigned. My long time teacher, Miss Ray, would allow us to study anything of our choosing once a week during her class period, the topics ranging from nuclear weapons, to honey badgers, and while my subjects of choice were equally esoteric (fairies and magical creatures sticks out as a favorite), I found the end of the year presentations an exciting time that allowed me to showcase my originality. While the 12 year old mind often obsesses over acceptance from peers, it just as often hopes to be singled out as somehow special, different than the rest, albeit in a positive way. Little did I know that nearly a decade later I would be dreading yet another ISP.

Grad school is an endeavor that orbits around the struggle of conceiving an original idea. In a world where everything you have thought has already been thought of by your peers, mulled over by your mentors, and deeply analyzed twenty years ago by a white man who had access to less resources but more privilege than you, how could you possibly think of something novel? Hey now, no one said getting a PhD is easy, besides you have years to figure it out. Time is relative, even more so when your funding is based on a project that has nothing to do with your dissertation, and also may be running out soon. This is not meant to deter you from your academic pursuits, I know all of this and have yet to send in my resignation, but I also will not lie and tell you that a graduate degree is a clear path. It is a dark, dimly lit path that will be at times illuminated by those trying to help you, but at the end of the day you will realize that the path forks into multiple directions, doubles back on itself, and will still only go where you lead it. And my short experience has led me here, back on google docs writing something I’m not entirely sure will be read by ‘the public’. 

I am writing this, in my tiny university funded studio apartment because there is just not enough content on grad school in the sciences out there! Just kidding, there’s a lot, but not enough content that I found useful, and in all honesty this is for me. I feel compelled to document the many ideas and thoughts I have throughout this experience in the hope that by writing it down and preventing it’s escape, it may find utility somewhere in someone else’s mind.