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Eldest Child

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Stray_cat, Ridofranz, Hraun, Hale, C., Antonio_Diaz, Bodnarchuk, . . . Vector, B. (n.d.). JS translation missing: Stock_photo_title_head. Retrieved December 04, 2020, from https://www.istockphoto.com/photos/depressed-boy-in-school-hallway?phrase=depressed+boy+in+school+hallway

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When I was a kid I received a dreadful phone call that changed the course of my life. It was the kind of phone call where you know bad news is on the other end. It was the kind of phone call that you wait a little bit longer to answer because you don’t want life to change. When I was sixteen I lost my mother and ever since that phone call I have never been the same. As the eldest of three, I had to be strong for my younger brothers and my father. I flinch when I remember the feeling of the cold and unwelcoming hospital that I spent the first few months after her death in, watching my youngest brother fight for his life. The silent roar of the machines keeping him alive still rings clear in my ears when I close my eyes at night. I can barely bring myself to sleep at the thought of not being able to wake up and put on a brave face for my brothers. Even when I do finally fall asleep for a few short moments, I am abruptly awoken by the screeches echoing down the hall from my brother’s room who has been startled by a night terror of that fatal crash. That definitely wasn’t the worst of it. The camping trip was much more difficult. My father decided that it would be a good idea for us to take a camping trip for my mother’s first birthday after she passed. The sound of crackling fire was constant as we sat around it, sharing stories about her. Hearing the stories of my mother only made me feel guilty that I couldn’t recall any happy memories of us together. Whenever I think of her, I think of the moment when I received the phone call delivering the news that my mother was in a car crash. Time stood still as I fell to my knees, barely grasping the phone and watching my classmates move unaffected around me. The walls began closing in, leaving me as isolated and alone as I had ever felt. This overwhelming feeling of sadness and despair engulfs me every time I think of her, inhibiting me from ever reminiscing of a happy memory. I listened as my brothers and father spoke of joyful times with my mother, and I broke down in uncontrollable tears. This was the first time I had truly cried in front of my family since her death, and I couldn’t stop the stream of deep sadness falling from my eyes. I felt all their eyes on me, astonished that I had finally succumbed to my emotions. My father rushed to my side and embraced me in his loving arms. I hated being so out of control of my emotions, but I appreciated the comfort of his gentle touch. At the end of the night, I stumbled back to my tent, eyes still blurry from being filled with tears. I wish I could go back in time and change the events of that day, and maybe things would be different.

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Koa Blog. (n.d.). Ultimate Guide to Building a Campfire: How to Build a Campfire. Retrieved December 04, 2020, from https://koa.com/blog/how-to-build-the-perfect-campfire/

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Middle Child

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Maudit (Director). (2013, December 26). Car Crash He Loves Cars GIF [Video file]. Retrieved from https://media.giphy.com/media/zDfjIhneM7LRC/giphy.gif

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When I was a kid I witnessed the most horrific crash. I was standing on the corner of Fir and Mayfair, watching the cars speed by as I kept glancing down the road trying to spot my mother’s grey minivan. I waved goodbye to my two friends crossing the road and finally saw my mother’s car approaching down the street. I was so excited that she was finally here, I could hardly wait to see her bright blue eyes beam when I tell her that I got 100% on my math test that she helped me study for the night before. My daydreaming was abruptly cut short by the loud and shocking crunch of metal and glass. I looked up to my dismay to see that the jarring sound came from my mother’s minivan. All I could see as I started running towards the car was the remains of the bumper scattered across the road behind a haze of smoke. The sound of my heartbeat penetrated my eardrums as I tried to find my mother amongst the rubble. Tears ran down my face as I spotted my mother’s lifeless eyes that once radiated the most vibrant shade of blue. Everything from here onwards was practically a blur, drowned by the sounds of sirens and the screams and cries of those around me. I was snapped back to reality when the paramedic pulled me into the ambulance and proclaimed that my younger brother survived the crash but was in critical condition. As I pulled out my phone from my pocket to make the phone calls I so desperately didn’t want to make, my eyes continued to stay focused on my brother who was being kept alive by the beeping machines that he was hooked up to. My voice was quivering when I devastated my older brother with the news that our mother had died. He was so strong, as I knew he would be, and was more concerned with how I was feeling than his own emotions. He woke up every day thereafter with a brave face so my younger brother and I knew we could count on him. I know my father appreciated it too. I went on each day working harder than I ever had before, determined to honour my mother’s legacy. I took immense pride in my school work, something she had instilled in me from the very beginning. It brought me closer to her knowing I was accomplishing what she had always dreamed of for me. Even though I had witnessed the most devastating event anyone could ever experience, I still look back fondly on the precious times we shared together. I so deeply enjoyed sharing these memories with my family on the camping trip my dad organized in honour of my mother’s first birthday after she passed. Seeing my brother finally allow himself to express and feel his emotions allowed me to truly appreciate how strong he had been for all of us throughout this dreadful time. I wish I could go back and stand on a different street corner, and maybe things would be different.

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Your Questions Answered Brand (Director). (2017). 1 Hour of Ambulance SIREN [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmB0Nfdo3wg

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Crestline. (n.d.). Commander Ambulance Features. Retrieved December 02, 2020, from https://crestlinecoach.com/vehicles/ambulances/commander/commander-features/default.aspx

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Youngest Child

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Danr13. (2019, August 20). Man Watching Movie In Car, car entertainment JS translation missing: Stock_video 903293534. Retrieved December 04, 2020, from https://www.istockphoto.com/videos/watching-movie-in-car?phrase=watching+movie+in+car

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Maudit (Director). (2013, December 26). Car Crash He Loves Cars GIF [Video file]. Retrieved from https://media.giphy.com/media/zDfjIhneM7LRC/giphy.gif

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When I was a kid I was in a fatal car crash. I was sitting in the back seat fixated on an episode of Modern Family that I was watching on my iPad. We were on the way to pick up my brother from school and my mother couldn’t stop talking about how she wanted to hear about how he did on his math test. The traffic was heavy that afternoon and we were a little bit late to pick him up which always made her anxious, but I was excited because I got a few extra minutes to finish my episode. As the credits started to roll, I looked away from the screen to see if I could spot my brother standing on the corner of Fir and Mayfair. My view was quickly blocked by a white truck speeding to make a left turn on a yellow light that would soon turn red. The last thing I can remember is screaming for my mother as the truck plateaued into the front of our car. My eyes slowly open as if weighted down by the tragedy that had just occurred. My confusion was amplified by the constant beeping noises that filled the cold, beige room. I had no idea where I was. I looked over to see my eldest brother barely awake, slouched over in the chair that was positioned beside my bed. A pulsating pain rushed throughout my entire body and put me into a state of complete angst and fear. Before I could call out to my brother, the doctors rushed in to check on me as this was the first time I had opened my eyes since I had arrived at the hospital. After they had finished telling me that upon completing much rehabilitation I would lead a normal life, I asked about the condition of my mother. At this point, I had remembered the moments leading up to the crash and couldn't bear to think of the state my mother was in. My world was shattered when the doctors solemnly expressed to me that my mother had died at the scene of the accident. At that moment, I truly did not know how I would carry on. For months after I had returned home, I had horrific night terrors that depicted moments of the crash and seeing my mother for what I didn’t know would be the last time. My eldest brother would always rush to comfort me at the first sound of a screech during my terrors, and stay by my side until I was fast asleep again. The strength he showed helped me get through such a difficult time at a young age. I was so devastated to see him break down in uncontrollable tears on the camping trip that we took in memory of my mother’s birthday. His bravery had kept me believing that we would someday be able to overcome this tragedy, and seeing him collapse in my father’s embrace brought me immense sadness as I wasn’t sure of this anymore. I wish I could have seen the car coming sooner, and maybe things would be different.

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Bara, D., & Pearson, D. (n.d.). Support Families Who Have a Terminally Ill Child. Retrieved December 04, 2020, from https://www.globalgiving.org/projects/support-families-who-have-a-terminally-ill-child/reports/?pageNo=5