mattheldres

[mattheldres]

[mattheldres]

[mattheldres]

here’s a compilation video of Nick Offerman as Ron Swanson smiling, giggling, chuckling and laughing. this is brighter than the brightest star. 

[mattheldres]

when the adhesive on your pad snags ur pubes

[mattheldres]

my biggest insecurity is that i cant cartwheel. what do i do when im full with glee? just fuckin stand there, it haunts me everyday

[mattheldres]

To People that "Don't Get" Asexuality

Think of someone you aren’t attracted to. Now imagine that is how you feel about everyone. The end.

[mattheldres]

i love this scene because Adam Scott delivers this line with such emotion that if you watched it out of context and had no idea what a calzone is then you would probably think this was some mafia movie and this scrawny little guy is about to be killed by the Calzones, a family of mobsters who don’t find accounting puns amusing

[mattheldres]

The Daily Show, June 2, 2015

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[mattheldres]

There is now a measles outbreak in New York. A whole ward of cancer patients currently undergoing chemotherapy have been exposed to it. Imagine fighting cancer for years only to die because some jackass didn’t vaccinate their brat and you caught measles. 

[mattheldres]

Hello! This might come up as super weird and I apologize! But here goes. I'm planning on making a photography blog portfolio, to get my work out there but also to have some things to add to my college applications. And for the URL, I hate how unprofessional my name sounds, but I have two last names that sound nice together, Vera Juárez. I noticed you've saved the url "verajuarez"... I was wondering if you could let me have it? PRETTY PLEASE?

yep sure thing i never even use tumblr anymore if you hadn’t noticed it’s gone it’s yours enjoy

[mattheldres]

“i wish i lived in the country side!”

no u dont. You dont want to have to drive an hour just to get some McDonalds. There is nothing to do here and everyone is racist. My neighbour’s chickens got stolen last week

[mattheldres]

I am so desensitized to crying bc it is just a normal part of life for me, ppl who are like “I haven’t cried since my grandmas funeral five years ago” really blow me away its like dang buddy I cried like 10 times just on the way to get here!

[mattheldres]

Colleen Hoover,  Confess

[mattheldres]

Eminem isn’t violent, Slim Shady is. Get it right.

[mattheldres]

It’s gross as fuck to tell people that no one will love them until they love themselves. Loving yourself is hard. Listen: you are loved, you are worthy of love and respect, and you can be loved even on the days when you see nothing in yourself to love.

[mattheldres]