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📷: Overlooking Big Sur, California, 2018.

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Yama Niyama Transformation #1

M Y  L I F E  W A S  T R A N S F O R M E D during 2017 when I was in my yoga teacher training, due in great part to Bhavani Maki’s commentary ("The Yogi's Roadmap") on the Yama and Niyama from the Patanjali Yoga Sutra, and our class reflection and discussion of them (thank you, Kula!). There’s much to be said about the similarities of the yama and niyama to other foundational teachings in my life, such as the Enneagram and the teachings of Christ. But nothing has ever changed me on the turn of a dime like these “pearls of wisdom.” I went into 2017 one person and came out a different person. And, boy, did I need to change. * I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately and have wanted to revisit those lessons. It’s also a good time for me to reconnect with the teachings of yoga so to avoid overemphasizing the physical asana (poses) in my own practice. So, over the next 10 days, starting tomorrow, I’ll share a bit about each of the five yamas (outward action/conduct) and five niyamas (inward action/conduct) and how they’ve impacted me. I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences along the way if it interests you. * “Within our yoga path we are able to cultivate the path of our own change and transformation.” -from the Dharma House School of Yoga textbook

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📷: Lotus in bloom, Seoul, Korea, 2016.

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Yama Niyama Transformation #2: Do no harm, Ahimsa

“As simple as ahimsa sounds, Patanjali warns us that himsa (violence) can have many disguises. … This extends beyond causing physical harm, to include mental and emotional aggression, such as … being overly critical of others and self, and any attitude which generates further negative feelings of anger, shame or resentment.” - “The Yogi’s Roadmap” by Bhavani Maki * Youch! Some of my most common violences are being mean about someone in order to get a laugh, and going on lengthy internal or verbal rants (sorry, Toby) that cause me to “generate further negative feelings.” We all love to just get it off our chest, but for me there’s a [massive] difference between vulnerable and honest processing and going on an angry tirade, even if it’s just in my head. This yama taught me a lot about the little violences I’m committing to myself and others with my negative thoughts. Just over a year ago, Toby and I had a pretty major revelation and shift in our marriage that in great part came from the fact that, as I was going through these lessons, it came to the forefront that I was very negative with him, and it was taking a toll. A NEGATIVE PERSON?! EXCUSE ME, I’M THE MOST OPTIMISTIC PERSON ANYONE’S EVER MET. Oh, wait. Except I complain and rant and soapbox constantly. I might think I’m being just hilarious or I might think I’m letting off steam, but negativity is negativity, and there’s no love in that. * Also, I needed to be a lot nicer to customer service workers. Check! * I’d love to hear your experiences of observing ahimsa in your own life, whether or not you’ve called it by that name.

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📷: Purple sand, Big Sur, California, 2018.

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Yama Niyama Transformation #3: Cleanliness, Shaucha

When we were assigned to study Shaucha in yoga school, I was like “Blehhhhh, cleanliness? As in, ‘next to godliness’? Gimme a break.” 🙄 But it ended up being one of the things that’s stuck with me most. * Mental cleanliness. And I don’t mean to stop cussing. That’s not gonna happen (i.e. #yogaeverydamnday 😁). What I mean is the mental clutter that comes from procrastination, busyness and reeling. * Like that Amazon package I've needed to return for two weeks, and how it sits there and taunts me every day. And then the disproportionate feeling of relief when I finally drop it off. That relief comes from a clearing of mental space that is now open for something I might actually want to think about. For me, Shaucha is creating those clearings. And yeah, sometimes that means I just need to clean up the layer of fine New Mexican dust all over my house. And sometimes it means something deeper. * Shaucha is giving mental space only to the things that deserve it, whether on your to-do list or in your emotional thought life. The sanskrit vrtii (pronounced vree-tee) refers to the psychological storm of reeling, whirring and obsessing and not being able to stop. Practicing Shaucha can help us reduce vrtti. * “Shaucha is the art of paying attention to the contents of the mind and being cautious that we do not sabotage ourselves, or those around us. … Just as we take care to clean the dust bunnies and debris from our homes, we can also be careful to sweep our hairball thoughts out the door.” - “The Yogi’s Roadmap” by Bhavani Maki * What’s your experience with Shaucha, whether or not you’ve called it by that name?

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📷: Wucculent that I’m actually keeping alive thanks to sunny New Mexico, 2018. 

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Yama Niyama Transformation: Truthfulness, Satya

“Well, I don’t really struggle with being truthful; I’m a pretty honest person, so this one probably won’t resonate with me,” I thought. * Cue Will Ferrell’s SNL Dodge Stratus-loving character: “I wish you weren’t a liar.” * Satya came to me loud and clear when I realized that I’d formed a bad habit of playing dumb. A habit in which, when someone asks me what I consider to me a “stupid question,” I feign ignorance because I think they need to either remember something I told them in the past or figure it out themselves. * At work, colleagues would ask me what conference room a meeting was in (no, I’m not talking about my “colleagues” who go by Lucinda and Toaster 😏) and I'd pretend I didn't know because I felt they should figure it out themselves. Friends or Toby would ask me what time a gathering started and I'd play forgetful. * I finally realized I’d formed a very bad habit of this weird version of untruthfulness. I’d been trying to teach people a lesson (cue Arrested Development scene) by feigning ignorance. Who was that serving? It did nothing but frustrate me. My untruthfulness was also going against one of the yamas, ahimsa, by creating negativity that was harmful to me. * I also need to watch my tendency to exaggerate, and be attentive to other small untruths I may tell myself. * “As we become more honest with ourselves, we are clear about our thoughts, feelings and behavior. We develop our capacity to be open and sensitive, and to learn to think before we speak. We are careful not to deceive ourselves or others, and abstain from pretense or exaggeration.” - “The Yogi’s Roadmap” by Bhavani Maki * How does this idea of truthfulness manifest in your life?

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📷: “Guanyin of the Southern Sea,” a Bodhisattva I keep in my home to remind me of the relaxed, easeful posture with which she faces the world. Found at The Ark, Santa Fe, New Mexico, 2018. (KCers please visit the Guanyin at The Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art)

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Yama Niyama Transformation #5: Contentment, Santosa

This is the one where the scales fell from my eyes. * “Santosa is our ability to be content, to be comfortable, and at ease. When we recognize that our sense of contentment is self-reliant, we take it on as a personal responsibility, and relieve those around us of the encumbrance of our expectations. … When we recognize that our ability to be peaceful is independent of others, we are less apt to impose inappropriate expectations.” - “The Yogi’s Roadmap” by Bhavani Maki * For the first time in my life, I’m learning to find my own peace. My marriage changed massively last year, as I began to beware the “getting my needs met” mentality and trust Toby for who he is, not what I think I should get from him. My relationships changed as I’ve worked on leaning into the love of friends and family regardless of how well we keep in touch or whether they can come to my happy hour. I’ve spent so much of my life consumed with jealousy and anger because I felt others weren’t doing what I needed them to do for me. Then life handed me a lesson on Santosa at just the right moment, and it all became very clear. Not easy, just clear. * So I’ve been working to uncover my feelings of entitlement, expectation and jealousy. Then, I take a deep breath and remind myself: My ability to peaceful is independent of others. Say it with me now! My ability to be peaceful is independent of others! Isn’t that a relief?! * “Through constant training of our awareness and paying attention to our attitudes, we are filled with the inner light of tranquility, and radiate contentment and peace. We become the peaceful warrior, and take wonder at the contagion of our attitudes and thoughts, and how deeply they affect others (Maki).” * Now, how about you?

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📷: Gulf Gateway, Port Aransas, Texas, 2015.

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Yama Niyama Transformation #6: Non-stealing, Asteya

I’ll never forget sharing my thoughts on this to my kula amidst all of their deep and reflective comments. I had to admit that this yama was an easy one for me to connect with because I just straight up steal stuff. I have what I call “light kleptomania.” 🤭 * So yeah, I steal stuff. Stuff that I believe I can’t get in trouble for. I don’t steal from stores where there’s, like, a checkout. I steal drinking glasses from nice hotels or bath towels from the gym (Woodside always had good ones 😏). Harmless! * Have you been to the Grotto at The Elms? Once I took a water cup and filled it with the sugar scrub and smuggled it out because the same amount in the gift shop was like $40. Totally harmless! * I MEAN I “STOLE.” Past tense. Usually. Unless there’s just a really nice high-ball glass. At the Sheraton. Last December. #workinprogress * So this one is pretty black and white for me - STOP DOING THAT, Maureen. Good lord. * 👉🏻 More importantly, though, this yama refers to our inner or invisible stealing - where am I stealing time or energy or attention from someone by being dependent, or talking too much, or having too many expectations (see previous #YamaNiyamaTransformation post on Santosa)? These versions of stealing can be deeply woven into our habits and hard to uncover. * But also, stop stealing wine glasses from bars, Maureen. Good grief.

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📷: Echo Amphitheatre, Abiquiu, New Mexico, 2018.

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Yama Niyama Transformation #7: Sacrifice, Tapas

No, not the kind you eat at a Spanish restaurant. Tapas is about sacrifice, routine and maintaining healthy habits. And I hate this one.😉 * “Tapas is the process of character building through the maintenance of correct habits such as sleep, exercise, diet, work, relaxation and fasting.” - “The Yogi’s Roadmap” by Bhavani Maki.   SAD!

* Tapas is NOT just a list of things we should be doing to be healthier. Rather, it’s the process of feeling the discomfort of sacrifice and not giving up. It’s the moment that I want to break with my routines or commitments, but I’m able to resist that temptation. * Imagine I decide to take a week off drinking (truly imaginative 😏). Tapas isn’t the decision to do it or the result. Rather, it’s the process I go through on day 3 when I feel like my life will not go on without a margarita. But, if I’m able to activate my willpower, not only does my body benefit, but my character strengthens through the process. * So, when I’m constantly telling myself that I need to eat healthier, drink less, look at my phone less, read more, set more of a routine, what I actually need to practice is letting myself feel the discomfort of those disciplines and be cool about it. And to remind myself that there are much, much greater sacrifices people are making in the world, and I need to check myself on placing too much weight on my sad, sad, horrible week without a margarita. (Again, fictional week.) * 👉🏻 Tapas also applies to our relationships. Tapas says that “when we want to get out of [the relationship] is when it begins.” Tapas is the same refining fire that the Bible talks about - that burns away our selfish desires and attachments and leaves us with clarity and truth.👈🏻 * I really need to practice Tapas more. Don’t want to. But I need to focus more on routines for my health and well-being. (Insert @sarahkucera book promo here 😁). I want to approach these sacrifices and refining moments with ease and not so much strain. Help me! What are the ways your bring routine and discipline into your life?

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📷: Incense spirals, Tin Hau Taoist Temple, Hong Kong, 2016.

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Yama Niyama Transformation #8: Moderation, Brahmacharya

“In our life and Yoga practice, the middle path is just the right balance, where we do not make too much of an effort, or not enough.” * Isn’t it nice that Moderation follows the previous niyama about discipline and refining fires and all that? It’s like, be super disciplined and healthy but also go ahead and have some nachos. At least that’s how I interpret it. 😋 I definitely err too far to one side, though. Bhavani Maki says that we must have “moderation in moderation.” We must have self-restraint in order to not overindulge. “How easily we become sidetracked and enmeshed in fulfilling our sensory appetites,” she writes. “But I don’t want to moderate my nacho intake,” I write back. * Moderation needs discipline. Brahmarcharya needs Tapas (see previous post). In order to maintain moderation, I have to have a clear conscious to know where the happy middle-point is. When we over-indulge, “we are likely to throw ourselves out of balance and dull our senses.” Ayurveda teaches this too - our lives and bodies are constantly in a state of balance and imbalance. I struggle with throwing mine out of balance with making unhealthy choices and letting my mind reel itself into a tizzy. * When I attended a workshop with @jason_crandell, he said this: “Balance is continuous response to movement.” Balance isn’t holding perfectly still forever. Rather, it’s making constant adjustments. This applies to what your feet are doing in Tree pose and what your hands are doing in Handstand and what your mind is doing in life. * With Brahmacharya, we continuously return to what we’ve set our mind to. Just because you a make a decision doesn’t mean you don’t second guess yourself time and time again. So embrace those little adjustments, don’t get down on yourself, and allow them to help you find balance, with movement. * What's something in your life that requires a constant balancing act?

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📷: Overlooking Bayo Canyon, Los Alamos, New Mexico, 2017.